Disclaimer : Jareth and his goblins belong to Jim Henson, and all else belongs to me.
~~~~~~~~~
It was a normal day in the Underground as far as normal went. Jareth walked through his castle
halls, enjoying the peace for once. Glancing out the window, he stopped cold. "What the hell?"
he muttered angrily. His daughter, Kara, teaching his goblins to sing? "Oh this will not do.
They're all tone deaf!"
Kara waved her hands around in instruction, making sure her earplugs were in place. "Blue da ba
dee da ba da. . . .I'm blue da ba de da ba da," she sang, not caring if they learned it or not. She
didn't have the nickname Brat' for nothing.
"Stop it!" Jareth yelled, appearing right in front of her.
"Hi dad," she replied sweetly. "Would you like to hear them sing-"
"NO!" he shouted, raising a hand to his temple. "I've heard enough. What brings you here, my
dear?"
"Well, I want to ask you a favor," she replied.
"It doesn't have anything to do with that Bowie fellow, does it?" he queried, raising a stern brow.
"Not directly, no."
"I'm not going to like this, am I?" he asked.
Kara laughed softly. "I need you for a day. Just one little day," she remarked, watching his eyes
light up at being needed. Though she was going to have a time of getting him to agree once he
found out what she wanted.
Jareth smiled, pleased that his daughter wanted a bit of his time. "What shall we do that day?" he
asked.
"Um. . ." Kara started, thinking of just how to bend him to her will. "See, there's this concert
that I really want to go to, and I want to take Jade with me," she began.
"And just *where* do I come in?" Jareth replied, crossing his arms across his chest.
"Filling in?" she replied sheepishly.
"WHAT?!" he bellowed.
"Please? All you'd have to do is make sure that the kids didn't kill each other until we got back,"
Kara offered.
"You have got to be joking?" he retorted. "Kara, you know as well as I that kids and I don't mix
well. Why do you suppose I have so many goblins?"
"Collection?" she mused, shrugging her shoulders.
Jareth glared back at her. "I do NOT collect them!" he shouted.
"I know, I know. . . the whole thirteen hours or I'll turn them into a goblin ploy," she uttered in a
bored tone, waving her hand tiredly. "Oh, by the way, Chloe dropped by and wanted to see you,"
she added, looking at her fingernails.
"What did that horrid wench want now?" Jareth shuddered.
"You to go with her. I made the mistake of telling her you had a previous engagement. That was
before you turned me down, of course. I'll just contact her and tell you're free now," she replied,
looking up at him and batting her eyes.
"You wouldn't dare?" he admonished.
"I am *your* daughter. What do you think?" she smiled wickedly.
"Damn," he muttered, cursing the day she'd begun to be like him. "What do I have to do?"
"Just watch her nieces and nephews until we get back," Kara replied.
Growling, Jareth conceded. Compared to Chloe the money hungry, sex crazed, wickedly evil
wench, he decided that a few hours with kids he could tie up would be most pleasurable.
"Thanks!"
"You'll owe me for this," he shot back.
"Then I'll let the listians know about a certain cd that you claim not to have by a certain-"
"Alright!" he interrupted angrily.
"Be there tomorrow," Kara replied, and left him standing with his chorus of goblins who
immediately started singing Blue' again.
"GAH!" Covering his ears, he stormed back inside the sanctuary of his castle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~the next day~
"I'm here, where are the little vermin?" Jareth asked, yawning.
"Good morning to you too, Jareth," Jade replied. "They'll be here by nine-thirty, but Ashley will
be up any time now."
"They? How many are there exactly?" he asked, rubbing his chin.
"Four until Kimmy gets home from school," she answered, grabbing a can of cat food and
opening it up. In an instant, both cats were under her feet.
Jareth stepped back. "Isn't there somewhere we can put him?" he asked, pointing at Tigger.
"Oh good grief, Jareth. Be a man. He's just a cat," she shot back.
"More like a wild beast," he muttered, reliving the torment that only Tigger could cause him.
Now he had to spend the day with wretched kids, and the cat from hell.
"Here, set down their food," she said, holding the dish out to him. "Things you need to know
about today. Jonathan is five, Ashley just turned five, Aaron will be four, and Cody is two. Keep
the bandage on Cody's finger, he just got his stitches out," she rattled off, walking through and
checking everything before she left it all in Jareth's hands. "The two youngest are the sneaky
ones, if they're quiet, find them. Aaron puts everything in his mouth, don't ask, he just does.
Jondear will repeatedly ask you the same question to see if he can crack you. Don't let him.
There is kool-aid in the fridge, and if you run out, make some more. Just read the directions and
you'll be fine. If you make it until nap time, then you'll have it made," she rambled.
Footsteps sounded from the stairway and little blue eyed, blonde haired girl peeked around the
corner.
"Good morning, Dufus, go get dressed," Jade smiled, sending her back up the stairs.
"Dufus? There's another kid?" he asked blankly.
"No, that's Ashley. I'll make sure you know which one is which before I leave," Jade said.
Going over a few other details, she made him swear no magic, which practically killed him.
A red jeep drove in the driveway and within seconds, two of the three boys came tearing in
through the door and stopped immediately.
"NOOOOO!!!" Jonathan screamed, pointing at Jareth and scrunching his face up in terror. "You
promised not to wish us away! I promise to be good! Please don't send us away, Aunt Jade!" he
squealed, clutching onto her for dear life.
"Calm down, Jondear. He's not taking you away, he's going to watch you today," she explained,
putting the boy more at ease.
"Promise?" he asked, glancing at Aaron who stood by the door just staring with his mouth open.
"Of course," she smiled. "Have you had breakfast?"
"No," he answered, then continued, "Can we have poptarts?"
"Go get a pack," she replied, sending him off toward the kitchen. "Hey, Aaronbabe, come on in
and take your coat off. Want to see if Blue's Clues is on PBS?"
Aaron grinned and ran to the couch. "I wanna watch Blue," he said, his whiny voice stretching
his words out.
"Blue?" Jareth whispered.
"You'll see," she replied, turning on the television and setting the remote down on the chair.
Lastly, Cody came strolling in with his dad.
"I'll see you boys later," their dad spoke, waving just before shutting the door.
"Hello there, little fellow," Jareth said, making an effort.
"DOOOON'T!" Cody yelled, anger flashing across his face.
"That's his favorite phrase now, so don't think anything about it," Jade stated, taking the boys'
coats and hanging them up.
"Can I have some juice?" Aaron asked, his big blue eyes shining.
"Get him the Dragon Tales cup in the strainer with the lid. Straws are on top of the fridge," Jade
told Jareth, pulling the kool-aid from the fridge. "Always use this cup for Aaron, he's a spiller. If
they say juice, they mean kool-aid."
"Donatin!" Ashley shouted, running through the hall and into the kitchen.
"She's tongue tied, literally, so you have to listen real close to understand her," Jade whispered.
"This is a war zone," Jareth scoffed, shaking his head.
"And you wore white," Jade giggled. After making sure Jareth knew which kid was which, she
was off. "You guys behave, and I'll see you later," she said, then left Jareth alone.
Aaron and Ashley started singing "Here's the mail," loudly with the television causing Jareth to
finally look at it. As he watched it, he wondered why anyone would want to view it. "That Steve
really isn't too sharp," he muttered, glancing back to the kids who were now all staring back at
him.
"Can we get the toys out, Jareth?" Jonathan asked sweetly, the master of sucking up.
"If it will keep you occupied, fine," Jareth waved him away. Next thing he knew, Jonathan
returned with a huge plastic bag and dumped it at his feet. "Oh, god. . ." Stepping away from the
pile of toys in the center of the living room, Jareth sat down in the nearest chair, thinking it would
be too easy.
Cody picked up a toy and threw it at Jareth, hitting him squarely in the chest.
"DOOOOONNN'TT!" he yelled, pointing his finger at him and waving it like a wild kid.
"Don't what?" Jareth asked, holding the toy out to him.
Cody took it, batted his eyes while smiling sweetly. Jareth turned his back. . . THWAP!
"DOOOONN'TT!!"
Jonathan laughed. "Cody just-"
"I bloody well know what Cody just did, Aaron!" Jareth shouted, rubbing the back of his head.
"I'm Aawanbabe!" Aaron shouted, pointing to his chest.
Jareth hit his head. Already twenty minutes and he felt as though it was a losing battle. A slight
tug on his tights made him look down into a pair of crystal blue eyes. "What?" he asked, not
daring to make the mistake he just made with Aaron.
"Tan I ave some duice?" she asked.
"Where's your cup?" he asked.
"I don't tow," she replied, shrugging her shoulders.
"There's plastic cups in the kitchen," Jonathan added, trying to be the handy little helper as he ran
through the living room and out to the kitchen. A crash later, Jonathan walked back into the
living room with his hands up while shrugging his shoulders. "I didn't mean to!" he said
apologetically.
"What did you do?" Jareth asked, crossing the threshold into the kitchen and stopped. "How
could you do that much damage in just a few seconds?!" he gasped, staring at cups strewn all
over the floor.
"All I did was take the thing off and they just fell out! I tried to catch them, but the cups just
didn't listen," Jonathan tried to explain.
"They're cups, you fool, of course they won't listen," Jareth shook his head.
"HAHA! Jon's a fool!" Aaron laughed, lifting his leg as though he was going to kick him.
"Stop it, Aaron," Jonathan warned.
"You two cut it out," Jareth muttered, sending them back into the other room. "Perhaps I should
have went out with Chloe," he sighed, picking up the cups and tossing them in the garbage. A cry
from the other room set Jareth's nerves on edge. Cody came wandering out, his finger sticking
out in front of him with tears streaming down his face; Jareth didn't know what to do.
"Jonathan, you're his brother. What's wrong with him?" Jareth asked, carrying the two year old
back into the living room.
"His finger's uncovered," Jon answered, going back to playing.
"Uncovered?" Jareth looked down to see the scar across the top of his little pointing finger.
"Where's the bandage?"
Cody just looked at him, holding his hand out for Jareth to fix it.
"Where's the-?"
"There's extra beside the computer," Jon interrupted. "You aren't too smart."
"Why you little. . ." Jareth seethed, breaking off his sentence before saying something he'd
ultimately forget.
After he rewrapped Cody's finger, Jareth looked at the computer sitting there so silently,
wondering what was hidden in the files on the hard drive. His hand reaching toward the button,
he pressed it, but nothing happened.
Jonathan walked in and gasped. "You aren't supposed to mess with that. Only my aunt is
supposed to touch her computer. I'm telling," he threatened.
"I didn't turn it on," Jareth said, then continued, "see?" he finished pointing to the screen.
"Of course not," Jonathan stated. "The power's not on, you dork!" he giggled, running into the
other room.
"Insolent little pest," Jareth muttered.
"I heard that!" Jonathan shouted.
"Damn," Jareth murmured angrily.
"Ummmmmm, you said a bad word," Aaron said, standing beside the desk and peeking over it.
"Is there no escaping you?" Jareth asked, putting his hands on his hips. "What do you want
now?"
"I have to go potty," Aaron said, his whiny words falling easily from his lips as he wandered
slowly into the bathroom.
"Why did I bother asking?" Jareth shook his head, leaving the room to check up on the other
three. "Where's the blonde one?" he asked.
"Huh?" Jonathan inquired, dropping the toy he had a hold of. "You mean Ashley?"
"Yes, that's her name. Where is she?" he asked.
"I don't know," Jonathan replied.
"Oh god, I've lost one already. Wonder if she'd notice?" he mused, before calling out Ashley's
name.
"I updairs, Dairwedt!" she shouted back.
"What?" he called back. When she said it again, he shook his head. "I don't understand a word
you're saying," he muttered.
"She said. . ." Jonathan started, as though going into a big discussion. "She's up_stairs!" he
bellowed, throwing his arms out in an gesture that screamed unbelievable'. Rolling his eyes, he
picked up a toy staff and held it up. All of a sudden, he made the noises of a lightsaber.
"Dear god, not you too?" he muttered. How could Jade encourage her nephew to adore Jedi
instead of such a handsome Goblin King? That thought was last on his mind as Jonathan swung
his pretend saber at him.
"I'm sorry!" Jonathan shouted, hiding the staff behind him while watching Jareth clutch himself in
pain. "I didn't mean to. I promise!"
After two more hours of torture, screaming fits, beatings, pushing, bashing, scratching, yelling,
kicking, and biting, Jareth was pleased that he seemed to have made progress. In the last ten
minutes, the kids hadn't done anything they shouldn't. Smiling, he pulled the kool-aid pitcher
from the fridge, preparing to make more.
"I want blue!" Aaron shouted, running up beside him.
"No, I want lemonade," Jonathan shot back, then continued. "We just had blue, Aaron."
"I'll make the pink stuff then," Jareth muttered, lifting the container into his hands.
"That's not how our Aunt does it," Jonathan piped up.
"Well, I'm not your Aunt, thank god," he retorted, pouring the kool-aid into the pitcher. Adding
a bit of hot water, he sloshed it around trying to dissolve it in the water. "Where's the little one
with the bad finger?" he asked, but regretted it in the following moments.
Cody walked up to him, toy in his hands, and hit the bottom of the pitcher, knocking it out of
Jareth's hands and into the air. The kids dispersed immediately, but Jareth had no time to react.
The pitcher sent the mixture airborne onto Jareth's neat white shirt. Jareth stood there in all his
royal glory, Pink Lemonade dripping from him and four kids laughing and snickering as they
peeked around the corner.
Jareth just stood there staring at them in disbelief. Why did he ever agree to such a thing? When
Jonathan handed him a towel to dry himself off, all the while trying not to laugh too much to
anger Jareth, the only thing Jareth could think of was how nice the goblins were.
"I'm hungry," Jonathan stated.
"Jareth, I'm hungry," Aaron added.
"Me too. Me ungries," Ashley piped up.
"What about you?" Jareth asked, looking at Cody.
"DOOOOONN'TT!!" Cody bellowed, sticking his finger out and pointing at Jareth with a scowl
on his face.
"You need to broaden your vocabulary, Cody." Jareth turned his back but spun back around as
he witnessed the unthinkable. The two year old was chewing him out. His little face was red and
he wagged his finger at Jareth while yelling what Jareth could only assume was irate words for
such a young babe. Jareth was certain that he could hang with the best sailor and never give an
inch. Without warning, Cody ran at him and head butted Jareth hard, making Jareth scream in
pain.
"Go in the other room!" Jareth shouted, after the moment it took him to catch his breath. All
alone in the kitchen, Jareth regained his composure, looked down at his shirt and growled.
"Rotten little vermin," he muttered, pulling a package of hot dogs from the fridge.
Setting four plates down, side by side, he looked at the hot dogs in confusion. What exactly was
he supposed to do with these? "Jonathan?" he called.
"Yes?" came the reply, a second later the five year old was standing next to him with a smirk on
his young face.
"What do I do with these?" he inquired, noting the package of hot dogs.
"Sandwiches?" Jonathan spouted off, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh. . . I knew that," Jareth shot back, ignoring the little boy at his side until he couldn't figure
out where the bread was stashed. He'd looked everywhere while Jonathan stood there watching
him and leaning against the refrigerator with his arms crossed.
"Lose something?" Jonathan asked, just watching him wander aimlessly around the room.
"Of course not. Don't be an impertinent, child," Jareth retorted quickly.
"I'm a big boy!" Jonathan piped up, flipping open the bread box. "At least I know where the
bread is. At least I know what to do with hot dogs, you dork," Jonathan stated, moving his hands
to show his irritation.
"Go away," Jareth uttered in a tired voice.
"I want Miracle Whip, so does Aaron," Jonathan mentioned, walking back to the living room.
"What about her? And the mouthy one?" Jareth asked.
Jonathan stopped but didn't turn around. "Ask them yourself. You're the adult!" he spouted off,
leaving Jareth standing in the kitchen alone, staring at hot dogs.
"Damn brat," he muttered.
"Am not!" Jonathan yelled back.
Finally setting them down to eat their lunch, Jareth sat down in a nearby chair to keep an eye on
them. Aaron licked all his miracle whip off, ate the hot dog then the bread. Jareth just stared in
awe at how difficult the kids made eating look. Cody picked up his hot dog, shook it and looked
at Jareth. Getting a hand up, Jareth just missed the flying projectile as Cody hit him in the
forehead with his hot dog.
Jareth growled, headed for the bathroom to wash the miracle whip from his face. In the next few
seconds, Ashley screamed and Aaron came running into the bathroom to Jareth.
"I didn't do it," Aaron said, his big blue eyes looking up at Jareth with his lower lip quivering.
"Do what?" Jareth asked sympathetically.
"Spill Ashley's juice," Aaron answered.
"What?!" Jareth bellowed. Walking back out, sure enough, there was kool-aid all over the desk
and floor. Muttering beneath his breath, he reluctantly cleaned it up as four pair of eyes watched
him carefully.
Later, after their desert and acquiring Cody's chocolate pudding in his hair, Jareth was at his wit's
end. Thankfully, now came the precious nap time Jade told him about. Laying them all down,
Jonathan running upstairs to sleep, Jareth relished the peace and quiet. "Why can't they sleep all
day long?" he wondered.
In the brief few hours of quiet bliss he had, Jareth figured out how to turn on the nintendo and
played Super Mario World, cussing up a storm when his man would fall through a hole or get hit
and die. Playing with the digital camera sitting on the computer amused him until he couldn't
figure out where the pictures were going.
Finding a stash of goodies for the kiddos, Jareth finished off the bag of Oreos, and started
working on the m&m's. Picking up a few papers lying beside the computer, Jareth started
reading, but set them aside when he figured out that it was that detestable Skywalker fellow that
was the lead role.
Popping the top on a can of soda, Jareth chugged it down, not caring what it tasted like. His
mouth was so dry from the cookies and the chocolate. Only after he finished it off did he realize
that it was Mountain Dew. "Oh good, at least I'll be awake when the little villains murder me."
Smiling, he set the can down and burped. "That tasted much better going down," he mused, then
started laughing.
A loud rumble from outside caught his attention. Getting up and looking out the window, he saw
a bus stop at the drive and young girl get off, running toward the house. "Dammit, here comes
the one she calls Spawn from Hell'. I wonder if I could tape that one down?" he thought, then
froze when the door opened and shut.
"Who are you? Where's my aunt?" Kimmy asked, her big blue eyes looking back at him.
"Which one are you?" he asked, not bothering to answer her.
"Kim," she replied.
"Well go do whatever it is you do. Just don't wake-" Jareth began, but a yawn fell on his ears.
"Damn," he muttered.
Kimmy just stood there staring back at him.
"Did you want something?" he asked.
Kimmy shook her head no, and continued to stare.
Five minutes of her standing there staring at him was all he could stand. "Go away!" he shouted,
then remembered the sleeping children. Cursing himself, he tried to be friendly when they filed
into the room, one by one.
"Can we go outside and play?" Jonathan asked, pushing Kimmy out of his way.
"Jonathan, don't!" Kimmy shouted, trying to get him in trouble.
"I asked you to move nicely, but you don't listen!" Jonathan shouted back.
"I do so," Kimmy argued.
"Shut up you mongrels," Jareth interjected angrily.
"EWWW!!!" Jonathan shouted, waving a hand in front of his face. "Cody stinks!"
"And?" Jareth asked.
"You need to change him," Jonathan stated.
"Oh, that," Jareth mentioned, waving his hand in boredom. "Easy enough."
Jareth lay the little one down, pulled off his shoes and trousers. Glancing up, she was staring at
him again. "What are you staring at?!" he bellowed.
"Nothing," she muttered, glancing away then returning her stare once again.
Jareth unfastened the plastic tape, certain that he could handle anything. "OH MY GOD!!!" he
screamed, slapping the diaper back over the young boy who was lying there laughing at him.
"How the hell can something so small do that?!" he screamed in horror.
Jonathan laughed.
Aaron ran in from the kitchen with a ziploc. "Here," he said, his little voice showing a trace of
amusement.
"Here's the baby wipes," Jonathan said, sitting down a box of wipes beside him. "They're to wipe
his butt with. In case you didn't know that," he giggled.
"Go outside," he muttered, looking at the little red head smiling back at his torment. "Of course,
you'd smile. You're worse than the bog. Can I call you smelly?" Jareth asked, and for the first
time that day, Cody laughed. Even as amused as that made Jareth, he lost his humor when he
tried wiping the baby poop off his arse. "Quite like putty, isn't it?" he muttered.
When he finally finished the diaper, Jareth put it in the bag and sealed it shut tight. Pulling up
Cody's trousers, he was amazed when Cody smiled sweetly and fell at him. "What a difference a
nap makes," he chuckled, grabbing the little boy and ushering them all outside.
By the time Jade and Kara showed back up, Jareth had learned just why Kim was referred to as
the Spawn from Hell'. Riding their bikes, Jareth was unamused when she purposely ran into the
other kids, knocking them off their bikes. After being caught red handed, she lied point blank to
his face about it. Later that same day, after claiming she had to use the bathroom, he confiscated
Jade's bracelet that the little wretch had taken from off the desk. By that time, Kimmy was
sitting on the porch whining when Jade and Kara appeared there.
"Thanks, Jareth. It was tons of fun, cooler than frostbite!" Jade said, noticing Kimmy on the
steps. "Didn't listen, did you?"
Kimmy shook her head no.
"Get inside, I'll deal with you in a minute," Jade warned, sending a crying Kimmy into the house.
"What did she do?"
"Ran over the smaller kids, lied, stole, you name it that little urchin did it. She was meaner than
all four of the others," he shot back. "I wouldn't wish that one on my worst enemy."
"Come on, brats!" Jade called. "Tell Jareth goodbye, and thank him for taking care of you."
"Thank you, Jareth. Can you sit for us again?" Jonathan asked, a mischievous smile crossing his
lips.
"As tempting as that might be, I'm afraid not," Jareth replied. "See you around, kid. And if she
ever wishes you away, I'll be lenient on you, alright?" he added, sending Jonathan screaming
inside the house.
"Great, now I have to explain that I would never do that," Jade mentioned, shaking her head.
"Bye," Aaron said, running for the house with a grin.
"That one is actually a good boy. Quiet too," Jareth said.
"Um, dad?" Kara laughed.
"What?" he asked.
"You have little muddy hand prints on your. . .um. . ." she couldn't finish it. Laughter took over
as he realized what she was talking about.
"Alright, so now I don't like the kid. The quiet ones are the ones to watch," he growled, then
looked at Cody. Pointing his finger at him, he cried out, "DOOOOONNNN'TTT!!"
Cody laughed and ran into him head first.
"UGH!" Jareth bent over in pain. "I can't believe he did that again," he breathed.
"Again?" Jade and Kara asked.
"Bye Dairwedt!" Ashley smiled, blowing him a kiss and disappearing inside.
"She still puzzles me," he mentioned, shaking his head slightly. "Can I go now?" he asked, ready
to get back to the sanctuary of the Underground. Disappearing instantly, he reappeared in his
throne room and covered his ears. "NOOOOO!!!!!" he screamed.
His goblins were singing again.
~~~~~~~~~
It was a normal day in the Underground as far as normal went. Jareth walked through his castle
halls, enjoying the peace for once. Glancing out the window, he stopped cold. "What the hell?"
he muttered angrily. His daughter, Kara, teaching his goblins to sing? "Oh this will not do.
They're all tone deaf!"
Kara waved her hands around in instruction, making sure her earplugs were in place. "Blue da ba
dee da ba da. . . .I'm blue da ba de da ba da," she sang, not caring if they learned it or not. She
didn't have the nickname Brat' for nothing.
"Stop it!" Jareth yelled, appearing right in front of her.
"Hi dad," she replied sweetly. "Would you like to hear them sing-"
"NO!" he shouted, raising a hand to his temple. "I've heard enough. What brings you here, my
dear?"
"Well, I want to ask you a favor," she replied.
"It doesn't have anything to do with that Bowie fellow, does it?" he queried, raising a stern brow.
"Not directly, no."
"I'm not going to like this, am I?" he asked.
Kara laughed softly. "I need you for a day. Just one little day," she remarked, watching his eyes
light up at being needed. Though she was going to have a time of getting him to agree once he
found out what she wanted.
Jareth smiled, pleased that his daughter wanted a bit of his time. "What shall we do that day?" he
asked.
"Um. . ." Kara started, thinking of just how to bend him to her will. "See, there's this concert
that I really want to go to, and I want to take Jade with me," she began.
"And just *where* do I come in?" Jareth replied, crossing his arms across his chest.
"Filling in?" she replied sheepishly.
"WHAT?!" he bellowed.
"Please? All you'd have to do is make sure that the kids didn't kill each other until we got back,"
Kara offered.
"You have got to be joking?" he retorted. "Kara, you know as well as I that kids and I don't mix
well. Why do you suppose I have so many goblins?"
"Collection?" she mused, shrugging her shoulders.
Jareth glared back at her. "I do NOT collect them!" he shouted.
"I know, I know. . . the whole thirteen hours or I'll turn them into a goblin ploy," she uttered in a
bored tone, waving her hand tiredly. "Oh, by the way, Chloe dropped by and wanted to see you,"
she added, looking at her fingernails.
"What did that horrid wench want now?" Jareth shuddered.
"You to go with her. I made the mistake of telling her you had a previous engagement. That was
before you turned me down, of course. I'll just contact her and tell you're free now," she replied,
looking up at him and batting her eyes.
"You wouldn't dare?" he admonished.
"I am *your* daughter. What do you think?" she smiled wickedly.
"Damn," he muttered, cursing the day she'd begun to be like him. "What do I have to do?"
"Just watch her nieces and nephews until we get back," Kara replied.
Growling, Jareth conceded. Compared to Chloe the money hungry, sex crazed, wickedly evil
wench, he decided that a few hours with kids he could tie up would be most pleasurable.
"Thanks!"
"You'll owe me for this," he shot back.
"Then I'll let the listians know about a certain cd that you claim not to have by a certain-"
"Alright!" he interrupted angrily.
"Be there tomorrow," Kara replied, and left him standing with his chorus of goblins who
immediately started singing Blue' again.
"GAH!" Covering his ears, he stormed back inside the sanctuary of his castle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~the next day~
"I'm here, where are the little vermin?" Jareth asked, yawning.
"Good morning to you too, Jareth," Jade replied. "They'll be here by nine-thirty, but Ashley will
be up any time now."
"They? How many are there exactly?" he asked, rubbing his chin.
"Four until Kimmy gets home from school," she answered, grabbing a can of cat food and
opening it up. In an instant, both cats were under her feet.
Jareth stepped back. "Isn't there somewhere we can put him?" he asked, pointing at Tigger.
"Oh good grief, Jareth. Be a man. He's just a cat," she shot back.
"More like a wild beast," he muttered, reliving the torment that only Tigger could cause him.
Now he had to spend the day with wretched kids, and the cat from hell.
"Here, set down their food," she said, holding the dish out to him. "Things you need to know
about today. Jonathan is five, Ashley just turned five, Aaron will be four, and Cody is two. Keep
the bandage on Cody's finger, he just got his stitches out," she rattled off, walking through and
checking everything before she left it all in Jareth's hands. "The two youngest are the sneaky
ones, if they're quiet, find them. Aaron puts everything in his mouth, don't ask, he just does.
Jondear will repeatedly ask you the same question to see if he can crack you. Don't let him.
There is kool-aid in the fridge, and if you run out, make some more. Just read the directions and
you'll be fine. If you make it until nap time, then you'll have it made," she rambled.
Footsteps sounded from the stairway and little blue eyed, blonde haired girl peeked around the
corner.
"Good morning, Dufus, go get dressed," Jade smiled, sending her back up the stairs.
"Dufus? There's another kid?" he asked blankly.
"No, that's Ashley. I'll make sure you know which one is which before I leave," Jade said.
Going over a few other details, she made him swear no magic, which practically killed him.
A red jeep drove in the driveway and within seconds, two of the three boys came tearing in
through the door and stopped immediately.
"NOOOOO!!!" Jonathan screamed, pointing at Jareth and scrunching his face up in terror. "You
promised not to wish us away! I promise to be good! Please don't send us away, Aunt Jade!" he
squealed, clutching onto her for dear life.
"Calm down, Jondear. He's not taking you away, he's going to watch you today," she explained,
putting the boy more at ease.
"Promise?" he asked, glancing at Aaron who stood by the door just staring with his mouth open.
"Of course," she smiled. "Have you had breakfast?"
"No," he answered, then continued, "Can we have poptarts?"
"Go get a pack," she replied, sending him off toward the kitchen. "Hey, Aaronbabe, come on in
and take your coat off. Want to see if Blue's Clues is on PBS?"
Aaron grinned and ran to the couch. "I wanna watch Blue," he said, his whiny voice stretching
his words out.
"Blue?" Jareth whispered.
"You'll see," she replied, turning on the television and setting the remote down on the chair.
Lastly, Cody came strolling in with his dad.
"I'll see you boys later," their dad spoke, waving just before shutting the door.
"Hello there, little fellow," Jareth said, making an effort.
"DOOOON'T!" Cody yelled, anger flashing across his face.
"That's his favorite phrase now, so don't think anything about it," Jade stated, taking the boys'
coats and hanging them up.
"Can I have some juice?" Aaron asked, his big blue eyes shining.
"Get him the Dragon Tales cup in the strainer with the lid. Straws are on top of the fridge," Jade
told Jareth, pulling the kool-aid from the fridge. "Always use this cup for Aaron, he's a spiller. If
they say juice, they mean kool-aid."
"Donatin!" Ashley shouted, running through the hall and into the kitchen.
"She's tongue tied, literally, so you have to listen real close to understand her," Jade whispered.
"This is a war zone," Jareth scoffed, shaking his head.
"And you wore white," Jade giggled. After making sure Jareth knew which kid was which, she
was off. "You guys behave, and I'll see you later," she said, then left Jareth alone.
Aaron and Ashley started singing "Here's the mail," loudly with the television causing Jareth to
finally look at it. As he watched it, he wondered why anyone would want to view it. "That Steve
really isn't too sharp," he muttered, glancing back to the kids who were now all staring back at
him.
"Can we get the toys out, Jareth?" Jonathan asked sweetly, the master of sucking up.
"If it will keep you occupied, fine," Jareth waved him away. Next thing he knew, Jonathan
returned with a huge plastic bag and dumped it at his feet. "Oh, god. . ." Stepping away from the
pile of toys in the center of the living room, Jareth sat down in the nearest chair, thinking it would
be too easy.
Cody picked up a toy and threw it at Jareth, hitting him squarely in the chest.
"DOOOOONNN'TT!" he yelled, pointing his finger at him and waving it like a wild kid.
"Don't what?" Jareth asked, holding the toy out to him.
Cody took it, batted his eyes while smiling sweetly. Jareth turned his back. . . THWAP!
"DOOOONN'TT!!"
Jonathan laughed. "Cody just-"
"I bloody well know what Cody just did, Aaron!" Jareth shouted, rubbing the back of his head.
"I'm Aawanbabe!" Aaron shouted, pointing to his chest.
Jareth hit his head. Already twenty minutes and he felt as though it was a losing battle. A slight
tug on his tights made him look down into a pair of crystal blue eyes. "What?" he asked, not
daring to make the mistake he just made with Aaron.
"Tan I ave some duice?" she asked.
"Where's your cup?" he asked.
"I don't tow," she replied, shrugging her shoulders.
"There's plastic cups in the kitchen," Jonathan added, trying to be the handy little helper as he ran
through the living room and out to the kitchen. A crash later, Jonathan walked back into the
living room with his hands up while shrugging his shoulders. "I didn't mean to!" he said
apologetically.
"What did you do?" Jareth asked, crossing the threshold into the kitchen and stopped. "How
could you do that much damage in just a few seconds?!" he gasped, staring at cups strewn all
over the floor.
"All I did was take the thing off and they just fell out! I tried to catch them, but the cups just
didn't listen," Jonathan tried to explain.
"They're cups, you fool, of course they won't listen," Jareth shook his head.
"HAHA! Jon's a fool!" Aaron laughed, lifting his leg as though he was going to kick him.
"Stop it, Aaron," Jonathan warned.
"You two cut it out," Jareth muttered, sending them back into the other room. "Perhaps I should
have went out with Chloe," he sighed, picking up the cups and tossing them in the garbage. A cry
from the other room set Jareth's nerves on edge. Cody came wandering out, his finger sticking
out in front of him with tears streaming down his face; Jareth didn't know what to do.
"Jonathan, you're his brother. What's wrong with him?" Jareth asked, carrying the two year old
back into the living room.
"His finger's uncovered," Jon answered, going back to playing.
"Uncovered?" Jareth looked down to see the scar across the top of his little pointing finger.
"Where's the bandage?"
Cody just looked at him, holding his hand out for Jareth to fix it.
"Where's the-?"
"There's extra beside the computer," Jon interrupted. "You aren't too smart."
"Why you little. . ." Jareth seethed, breaking off his sentence before saying something he'd
ultimately forget.
After he rewrapped Cody's finger, Jareth looked at the computer sitting there so silently,
wondering what was hidden in the files on the hard drive. His hand reaching toward the button,
he pressed it, but nothing happened.
Jonathan walked in and gasped. "You aren't supposed to mess with that. Only my aunt is
supposed to touch her computer. I'm telling," he threatened.
"I didn't turn it on," Jareth said, then continued, "see?" he finished pointing to the screen.
"Of course not," Jonathan stated. "The power's not on, you dork!" he giggled, running into the
other room.
"Insolent little pest," Jareth muttered.
"I heard that!" Jonathan shouted.
"Damn," Jareth murmured angrily.
"Ummmmmm, you said a bad word," Aaron said, standing beside the desk and peeking over it.
"Is there no escaping you?" Jareth asked, putting his hands on his hips. "What do you want
now?"
"I have to go potty," Aaron said, his whiny words falling easily from his lips as he wandered
slowly into the bathroom.
"Why did I bother asking?" Jareth shook his head, leaving the room to check up on the other
three. "Where's the blonde one?" he asked.
"Huh?" Jonathan inquired, dropping the toy he had a hold of. "You mean Ashley?"
"Yes, that's her name. Where is she?" he asked.
"I don't know," Jonathan replied.
"Oh god, I've lost one already. Wonder if she'd notice?" he mused, before calling out Ashley's
name.
"I updairs, Dairwedt!" she shouted back.
"What?" he called back. When she said it again, he shook his head. "I don't understand a word
you're saying," he muttered.
"She said. . ." Jonathan started, as though going into a big discussion. "She's up_stairs!" he
bellowed, throwing his arms out in an gesture that screamed unbelievable'. Rolling his eyes, he
picked up a toy staff and held it up. All of a sudden, he made the noises of a lightsaber.
"Dear god, not you too?" he muttered. How could Jade encourage her nephew to adore Jedi
instead of such a handsome Goblin King? That thought was last on his mind as Jonathan swung
his pretend saber at him.
"I'm sorry!" Jonathan shouted, hiding the staff behind him while watching Jareth clutch himself in
pain. "I didn't mean to. I promise!"
After two more hours of torture, screaming fits, beatings, pushing, bashing, scratching, yelling,
kicking, and biting, Jareth was pleased that he seemed to have made progress. In the last ten
minutes, the kids hadn't done anything they shouldn't. Smiling, he pulled the kool-aid pitcher
from the fridge, preparing to make more.
"I want blue!" Aaron shouted, running up beside him.
"No, I want lemonade," Jonathan shot back, then continued. "We just had blue, Aaron."
"I'll make the pink stuff then," Jareth muttered, lifting the container into his hands.
"That's not how our Aunt does it," Jonathan piped up.
"Well, I'm not your Aunt, thank god," he retorted, pouring the kool-aid into the pitcher. Adding
a bit of hot water, he sloshed it around trying to dissolve it in the water. "Where's the little one
with the bad finger?" he asked, but regretted it in the following moments.
Cody walked up to him, toy in his hands, and hit the bottom of the pitcher, knocking it out of
Jareth's hands and into the air. The kids dispersed immediately, but Jareth had no time to react.
The pitcher sent the mixture airborne onto Jareth's neat white shirt. Jareth stood there in all his
royal glory, Pink Lemonade dripping from him and four kids laughing and snickering as they
peeked around the corner.
Jareth just stood there staring at them in disbelief. Why did he ever agree to such a thing? When
Jonathan handed him a towel to dry himself off, all the while trying not to laugh too much to
anger Jareth, the only thing Jareth could think of was how nice the goblins were.
"I'm hungry," Jonathan stated.
"Jareth, I'm hungry," Aaron added.
"Me too. Me ungries," Ashley piped up.
"What about you?" Jareth asked, looking at Cody.
"DOOOOONN'TT!!" Cody bellowed, sticking his finger out and pointing at Jareth with a scowl
on his face.
"You need to broaden your vocabulary, Cody." Jareth turned his back but spun back around as
he witnessed the unthinkable. The two year old was chewing him out. His little face was red and
he wagged his finger at Jareth while yelling what Jareth could only assume was irate words for
such a young babe. Jareth was certain that he could hang with the best sailor and never give an
inch. Without warning, Cody ran at him and head butted Jareth hard, making Jareth scream in
pain.
"Go in the other room!" Jareth shouted, after the moment it took him to catch his breath. All
alone in the kitchen, Jareth regained his composure, looked down at his shirt and growled.
"Rotten little vermin," he muttered, pulling a package of hot dogs from the fridge.
Setting four plates down, side by side, he looked at the hot dogs in confusion. What exactly was
he supposed to do with these? "Jonathan?" he called.
"Yes?" came the reply, a second later the five year old was standing next to him with a smirk on
his young face.
"What do I do with these?" he inquired, noting the package of hot dogs.
"Sandwiches?" Jonathan spouted off, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh. . . I knew that," Jareth shot back, ignoring the little boy at his side until he couldn't figure
out where the bread was stashed. He'd looked everywhere while Jonathan stood there watching
him and leaning against the refrigerator with his arms crossed.
"Lose something?" Jonathan asked, just watching him wander aimlessly around the room.
"Of course not. Don't be an impertinent, child," Jareth retorted quickly.
"I'm a big boy!" Jonathan piped up, flipping open the bread box. "At least I know where the
bread is. At least I know what to do with hot dogs, you dork," Jonathan stated, moving his hands
to show his irritation.
"Go away," Jareth uttered in a tired voice.
"I want Miracle Whip, so does Aaron," Jonathan mentioned, walking back to the living room.
"What about her? And the mouthy one?" Jareth asked.
Jonathan stopped but didn't turn around. "Ask them yourself. You're the adult!" he spouted off,
leaving Jareth standing in the kitchen alone, staring at hot dogs.
"Damn brat," he muttered.
"Am not!" Jonathan yelled back.
Finally setting them down to eat their lunch, Jareth sat down in a nearby chair to keep an eye on
them. Aaron licked all his miracle whip off, ate the hot dog then the bread. Jareth just stared in
awe at how difficult the kids made eating look. Cody picked up his hot dog, shook it and looked
at Jareth. Getting a hand up, Jareth just missed the flying projectile as Cody hit him in the
forehead with his hot dog.
Jareth growled, headed for the bathroom to wash the miracle whip from his face. In the next few
seconds, Ashley screamed and Aaron came running into the bathroom to Jareth.
"I didn't do it," Aaron said, his big blue eyes looking up at Jareth with his lower lip quivering.
"Do what?" Jareth asked sympathetically.
"Spill Ashley's juice," Aaron answered.
"What?!" Jareth bellowed. Walking back out, sure enough, there was kool-aid all over the desk
and floor. Muttering beneath his breath, he reluctantly cleaned it up as four pair of eyes watched
him carefully.
Later, after their desert and acquiring Cody's chocolate pudding in his hair, Jareth was at his wit's
end. Thankfully, now came the precious nap time Jade told him about. Laying them all down,
Jonathan running upstairs to sleep, Jareth relished the peace and quiet. "Why can't they sleep all
day long?" he wondered.
In the brief few hours of quiet bliss he had, Jareth figured out how to turn on the nintendo and
played Super Mario World, cussing up a storm when his man would fall through a hole or get hit
and die. Playing with the digital camera sitting on the computer amused him until he couldn't
figure out where the pictures were going.
Finding a stash of goodies for the kiddos, Jareth finished off the bag of Oreos, and started
working on the m&m's. Picking up a few papers lying beside the computer, Jareth started
reading, but set them aside when he figured out that it was that detestable Skywalker fellow that
was the lead role.
Popping the top on a can of soda, Jareth chugged it down, not caring what it tasted like. His
mouth was so dry from the cookies and the chocolate. Only after he finished it off did he realize
that it was Mountain Dew. "Oh good, at least I'll be awake when the little villains murder me."
Smiling, he set the can down and burped. "That tasted much better going down," he mused, then
started laughing.
A loud rumble from outside caught his attention. Getting up and looking out the window, he saw
a bus stop at the drive and young girl get off, running toward the house. "Dammit, here comes
the one she calls Spawn from Hell'. I wonder if I could tape that one down?" he thought, then
froze when the door opened and shut.
"Who are you? Where's my aunt?" Kimmy asked, her big blue eyes looking back at him.
"Which one are you?" he asked, not bothering to answer her.
"Kim," she replied.
"Well go do whatever it is you do. Just don't wake-" Jareth began, but a yawn fell on his ears.
"Damn," he muttered.
Kimmy just stood there staring back at him.
"Did you want something?" he asked.
Kimmy shook her head no, and continued to stare.
Five minutes of her standing there staring at him was all he could stand. "Go away!" he shouted,
then remembered the sleeping children. Cursing himself, he tried to be friendly when they filed
into the room, one by one.
"Can we go outside and play?" Jonathan asked, pushing Kimmy out of his way.
"Jonathan, don't!" Kimmy shouted, trying to get him in trouble.
"I asked you to move nicely, but you don't listen!" Jonathan shouted back.
"I do so," Kimmy argued.
"Shut up you mongrels," Jareth interjected angrily.
"EWWW!!!" Jonathan shouted, waving a hand in front of his face. "Cody stinks!"
"And?" Jareth asked.
"You need to change him," Jonathan stated.
"Oh, that," Jareth mentioned, waving his hand in boredom. "Easy enough."
Jareth lay the little one down, pulled off his shoes and trousers. Glancing up, she was staring at
him again. "What are you staring at?!" he bellowed.
"Nothing," she muttered, glancing away then returning her stare once again.
Jareth unfastened the plastic tape, certain that he could handle anything. "OH MY GOD!!!" he
screamed, slapping the diaper back over the young boy who was lying there laughing at him.
"How the hell can something so small do that?!" he screamed in horror.
Jonathan laughed.
Aaron ran in from the kitchen with a ziploc. "Here," he said, his little voice showing a trace of
amusement.
"Here's the baby wipes," Jonathan said, sitting down a box of wipes beside him. "They're to wipe
his butt with. In case you didn't know that," he giggled.
"Go outside," he muttered, looking at the little red head smiling back at his torment. "Of course,
you'd smile. You're worse than the bog. Can I call you smelly?" Jareth asked, and for the first
time that day, Cody laughed. Even as amused as that made Jareth, he lost his humor when he
tried wiping the baby poop off his arse. "Quite like putty, isn't it?" he muttered.
When he finally finished the diaper, Jareth put it in the bag and sealed it shut tight. Pulling up
Cody's trousers, he was amazed when Cody smiled sweetly and fell at him. "What a difference a
nap makes," he chuckled, grabbing the little boy and ushering them all outside.
By the time Jade and Kara showed back up, Jareth had learned just why Kim was referred to as
the Spawn from Hell'. Riding their bikes, Jareth was unamused when she purposely ran into the
other kids, knocking them off their bikes. After being caught red handed, she lied point blank to
his face about it. Later that same day, after claiming she had to use the bathroom, he confiscated
Jade's bracelet that the little wretch had taken from off the desk. By that time, Kimmy was
sitting on the porch whining when Jade and Kara appeared there.
"Thanks, Jareth. It was tons of fun, cooler than frostbite!" Jade said, noticing Kimmy on the
steps. "Didn't listen, did you?"
Kimmy shook her head no.
"Get inside, I'll deal with you in a minute," Jade warned, sending a crying Kimmy into the house.
"What did she do?"
"Ran over the smaller kids, lied, stole, you name it that little urchin did it. She was meaner than
all four of the others," he shot back. "I wouldn't wish that one on my worst enemy."
"Come on, brats!" Jade called. "Tell Jareth goodbye, and thank him for taking care of you."
"Thank you, Jareth. Can you sit for us again?" Jonathan asked, a mischievous smile crossing his
lips.
"As tempting as that might be, I'm afraid not," Jareth replied. "See you around, kid. And if she
ever wishes you away, I'll be lenient on you, alright?" he added, sending Jonathan screaming
inside the house.
"Great, now I have to explain that I would never do that," Jade mentioned, shaking her head.
"Bye," Aaron said, running for the house with a grin.
"That one is actually a good boy. Quiet too," Jareth said.
"Um, dad?" Kara laughed.
"What?" he asked.
"You have little muddy hand prints on your. . .um. . ." she couldn't finish it. Laughter took over
as he realized what she was talking about.
"Alright, so now I don't like the kid. The quiet ones are the ones to watch," he growled, then
looked at Cody. Pointing his finger at him, he cried out, "DOOOOONNNN'TTT!!"
Cody laughed and ran into him head first.
"UGH!" Jareth bent over in pain. "I can't believe he did that again," he breathed.
"Again?" Jade and Kara asked.
"Bye Dairwedt!" Ashley smiled, blowing him a kiss and disappearing inside.
"She still puzzles me," he mentioned, shaking his head slightly. "Can I go now?" he asked, ready
to get back to the sanctuary of the Underground. Disappearing instantly, he reappeared in his
throne room and covered his ears. "NOOOOO!!!!!" he screamed.
His goblins were singing again.