Hi guys.
I am sorry for not adding anything, but my life now is just crazy. I fell in love, the boy doesn't like me. He likes my friend who is not friend anymore, because she lied to me a lot. And my father after four years remembered that he has children. So, I am sorry.
„Can't stop thinking about him?" Caspian looked startled when he turned his attention to Edmund standing above him.
„King Edmund," he bowed his head. Edmund sat down next to him.
„Am I right?" he asked with little and almost sad smile. Caspian looked away.
„About what, my king?" He acted as if he didn't know what was Edmund talking about.
„You can't stop thinking about my brother. I know it. I see it. In your eyes, in the way you look at him, in the way you act around him…" Edmund's voice disappeared. Taller boy blushed.
„Does he know?" he didn't deny it, it wasn't worth of it. He knew that the king knew.
„No, I don't think so. Peter is fully focused on the war…"
„Will Aslan hate me for this?" Caspian shivered a little. What would the Lion do to him if he knew? And he propably knew. Edmund laughed silently.
„No, he won't. You know, Narnians think about love between two men like something natural. But I should warn you," Edmund sounded so seriously that Caspian shivered again.
„What?"
„I warn you. Stop it. Before you get hurt…"
„But…" Caspian started. Edmund just waved his hand to silent the prince.
„I didn't want to tell you like this, but I guess I have no other choice," he sighed. Caspian looked at him confusedly. „Back off. If you tell Peter…it would propably mean nothing for him. He would think you have just kind of a crush on him. He wouldn't take you seriously, you're just a kid for him. How old are you anyway?" Now, Caspian was angry.
„I am sixteen and he is just about one year older," he growled quietly. Edmund smiled.
„Sixteen. Yeah, Peter might look like seventeen. But you're forgetting something. When we came to Narnia, he was sixteen. And we left it at his early forties. It was year ago. So, he is now fourty one. Got it already? He might look like a boy, but he is a man and he has a lot of experience. And the last thing he needs is to get distracted by a boy." Edmund's voice was harsh and slightly rough as he was thinking about hours he spent with Peter in England while the High King of Narnia tried to get used that he is just a child for every one.
Caspian gasped. He had never thought about it this way. True, kings and queens of Narnia had been adults once. He understood now why Peter never took him seriously. He was just a kid for him. Little kid who wanted to reign Peter's land.
Telmarine prince felt tears falling down his cheeks. He hasn't cried since he was really small child. Now he was sixteen and he was desperately sobbing and curling himself into the fetal position. Now he unerstood why he couldn't ever get Peter and it was even worse than before.
„Caspian…now, now…" Edmund patted him on shoulder. „Don't cry, little boy. It'll be good."
„No, it won't. You are right, king Edmund. Peter would never accept me. Not like king, not like a lover…" he hung his head.
„Sorry, boy…" Caspian shook his head. He didn't like being called boy.
And suddenly, Edmund wasn't here. Caspian slowly wiped away his tears and stood up even slowlier.
It was heartbreaking to find out that your life love will never love you back.
He couldn't act normal around High King Peter. He tried to avoid him whenever he could. But it was hard when they were the leaders of army. Right, almost no one regarded Caspian as a leader, but they still acted like he was important.
Only Peter acted like Caspian did not extist or he was just stupid little puppy.
Telmarine princ sat on one of the stones in front of the Aslan's How. He was waiting for army. They left for some little battle and he was forced to stay here. Even now he could recall expression on Peter's face when he was yelling at him, ordering him to stay.
So here he was now and waited.
Then he saw them. Mass of people and Narnians walking back here. He saw Peter riding beautiful horse. He looked so…magnificent. And angry. Caspian frowned and got down from the stone. He wanted to walk to High King.
„What's wrong, my king?" he asked quietly. Peter's face turned into clear anger. His right hand moved slowly to his sword. Then was Caspian shoved away by Edmund, who gripped Peter's hand tightly.
„You don't want to do this!" Peter looked at him furiously and Edmund dragged him few meters away.
Caspian hid behind one stone and listened.
„What has gotten in to you?" Edmund hissed.
„They disobeyed! I ordered them what to do, but they just stood and looked at me! We could win, but when they finally did what I had told them it was too late. We could win!"
„Peter, calm down." He heard Edmund's quiet voice when the king tried to calm his brother.
„But they…they act like I am just a child. They would rather obey THAT kid! I could die so many times for this country. I am so old as they are in many cases, but they act like they are older, more important than me! They obey that kid, like he was…" Anger filled Peter's voice and Caspian shivered in fear.
„You mean Caspian?" Edmund asked calmly.
„Yeah. I can't even look at him!" Peter hissed.
„You don't mean it!" Younger one protested.
„Oh, yes, I mean it. I…" Caspian couldn't hear anything else because he ran away, hot tears in eyes.
When Edmund found Caspian this time, prince was angryly throwing small stones in to the small lake. He looked do desperate that Edmund felt his sorrow.
„You heard him, didn't you?" he asked qiuetly.
„Yes."
„What did you hear?"
„Enough to know that he hates me. He can't even look at me! He hates me," Caspian said bitterly.
„Not exactly. It's…"
„I heard him clearly!" Caspian interupted.
„But you didn't hear it all!" Edmund snapped.
„It's not that the end could make it different," Caspian muttered under his breath. Edmund sighed heavily and sat. He motioned Caspian to sit next to him.
„I think I have to tell you a tale. The tale you can never hear from anyone and you can't read in any book. I lied to you. Peter does care about you. That's why he is so…nasty around you. You…" Emund sighed.
„I?"
„You remind ‚him' to Peter. Peter has loved only once. It was in the fourth year of our reign. Peter was nineteen and there were some problems with giants and few evil Narnians, so we had to build an army to defeat them.
That's how ‚he' got there. And in the battle, Peter was almost killed, but ‚he' saved Peter. He sacrified his life for my brother. And then Peter held ‚him' in arms, yelling at Lucy to heal the boy. His name was Arlian and he was only sixteen. I don't know how did he get in to our army, but he saved the High King and Peter was grateful at beginning. But then he fell in love with boy. No one would try to stop him. Their love seemed so fresh and eternal. But when Peter was about twety five, some hateful dwarf poisoned Arlian. It broke him. I could never again see him as happy as with Arlian…" Edmund silenced. Caspian wriggled.
„And then?"
„Then we got home and Peter lost all things he had to remind him Arlian… He was fulled with grief and sorrow. It hurt me to see him like this. But he started to recover. Day after day. But now Aslan called us. I think the Lion is sick. He likes to hurt Peter…uhm, sorry. That problem is, that you remind him to Peter. Because you are in the same age like Arlian was when they met. And you look like him a lot. Dark hair, dark eyes, tanned skin, impulsivity. It hurts him to look at you. And maybe he could love you.
But I'll tell you that only once: Stay away from him. I don't wanna see him to suffer like before. He started to heal, don't hurt him again." Edmund was silent for a moment. „Please," he added quietly.
Caspian didn't say anything. He felt all the sorrow from the tale. His chest clenched in sudden awareness. He caused Peter pain. He hurt him.
„I…I…" he gasped. Edmund touched his shoulder lightly.
„It's okay. It's not your fault. Just don't make it worse."
Dark haired prince sat there long after Edmund had left.
Next time he met Peter, he looked in beautiful blue eyes and behind curtain of ingorance and iciness he saw all King's age and his experience. Those eyes weren't eyes of a boy. Those were eyes of a man.
„It's clear that we don't have enough men to defeat Telmarines, right?" Peter asked when they were sitting around the Stone Table and thinking about new plan. They needed to end this war quickly, because they started to run out of food and they lost many warriors.
„Yes, my king. They army is about six times bigger than ours," Caspian answered quietly but clearly. Peter nodded and that was the greatest sign that Peter knew about Caspian's presence.
„I think that I have no other choice then," High King sighed. Edmund straightened on his chair, his face suddenly blank but deadly pale.
„You can't!" he almost exclaimed. Peter raised his eye browes in silent question: ‚You think?' Caspian didn't unerstand what they were talking about, but he didn't like the idea. Even though he didn't know what it was.
„You can't do what, Peter?" Susan asked suspiciously and then she winked at Caspian. Caspian felt his insides clenched. Why did queen Susan keep acting like she wanted to seduce him? He shivered and looked back at the Magnificent king. He noticed the expression on king's handsome face and he noticed the look in his eyes.
Peter was firmly decided to do whatever he wanted.
„I'll challenge Miraz for single combat," Peter stated and suddenly every one was silent.
„What?" exclaimed Susan and Caspian felt his heart clenching.
„I can't want this from you…it's my war, I started it. It should be me who will fight my uncle…" Caspian said silently. Fury, which appeared in Peter's eyes, scared Telmarine prince very much. There was something else in this eyes, maybe sorrow, but Caspian wasn't sure about it.
„Narnia is my land! I am High King, Peter the Magnificent, Aslan made me a king! I led Narnia through the Golden Age – together with my brother and sisters! And you dare to tell me it's not my war?" Peter was standing now and he was looking firmly on Caspian, his piercing blue eyes narrowed in anger.
„I didn't mean it like that," Caspian whispered with bowed head. Edmund stood up and laid his hand on Peter's shoulder. He whispered something in blonde's ear and Peter seemed he was calming down.
How could Edmund do it? He always managed to calm Peter by light touch or quiet whisper.
Peter slowly sat down, but his eyes never left Caspian's dark ones. Caspian turned from Peter to avoid his look.
He desperately wanted to run away, but he knew he needed to act like adult if he wanted them to take him seriously. He inhaled deeply and reigned his feelings.
When Caspian looked up Peter was talking about their plans with Dr. Cornelius. Caspian listened them and tried to figure out how he could help.
„And what should I do?" he asked carefully. „High King Peter," he added quickly.
„You will stay here," Peter ordered firmly.
„No, I will fight!" Caspian stated and regretted immidiately. Peter frowned.
„I said, you'll stay here!" Caspian stood up.
„And I said I am fighting!" he exclaimed and ran away from the How.
Dark haired boy sat in the grass and cursed. He had been punching to the ground and now he was exhausted and his knuckles were aching so much. He laid down.
His eyes started to fill with tears. What did he do to Peter? He knew that he reminded him Arlian, but it wasn't his fault.
What he didn't know was, that Peter was watching him for almost an hour.
„You are so much like him," he whispered, voice full of grief. Caspian sat up and looked at High King.
„Like who, my king?" he asked. Peter sat down next to him.
„You know who I am talking about," the blonde sighed. „I know, Edmund had told you about Arlian. I loved him, you understand?" he said lowly.
„Yes," Caspian hung his head. Peter chuckled darkly.
„I don't think so…you're young." Caspian sobbed.
„H-he w-was in sa-same age a-and he l-loved yo-you," he managed to say. Peter smiled.
„It's not the same. Who do you love when you are so offensive?" he asked. Caspian looked at him, beautiful brown eyes filled with tears.
„…" Peter couldn't hear a word from what was Caspian saying.
„What?" he asked.
„Why do you care? You hate me!" Now Peter could say that the prince was crying.
„It's not true," he breathed confusedly. It wasn't true. He didn't hate Caspian. He just… „I don't hate you…I just…it's really hard for me. You look like him, you act like him…you even fight like him… And I am adult man, but everyone sees just a boy! They think I am just foolish kid! Sorry, I didn't want to tell you this all…" he whispered.
„Don't be. Just let me fight tommorow," Caspian pleased hopefully.
„Fine. But you'll stay with Edmund. He can protect you…"
„But…"
"No buts. Either you'll stay with him or you're not going anywhere!" Peter stated. Caspian nodded.
„I understand, my king. Thank you." All of sudden, he leaned to High King and he kissed him. It was short and rather childlike, he couldn't manage to kiss Peter like adult he was too scared. Peter didn't move he was too startled for it. Then Caspian jumped on his feet and, once again today, he ran away.
He couldn't believe that he did it! He kissed Peter! That will end badly for him, very badly. He could only hope that Peter won't tell Edmund, because Edmund would kill him. Edmund warned him and he disobeyed. But he didn't regret it at all. Now he could die in peace.
Next day Caspian avoided Peter as much as he could. And he did it good, he hadn't seem High King since morning. He stayed with Susan and Lucy. All he did was shooting few glances at Peter. The blonde looked little out of concept. However, Caspian believed that Peter could fight as good as he fought with him.
He hoped so. And he hoped that he could do the best for Narnia…for Peter.
And then…the battle was over. They won! He was so happy.
But then he realized… There were just two choices. Either will the Kings and Queens of old leave and he would miss them – Peter – or they would stay and what would be with him? He wouldn't be needed.
He was walking through the palace when he saw Peter. High King was standing on the palisade and he was looking at the moon. His eyes were sparkling in the light of the stars. There was something in those ocean eyes, Peter was maybe looking at the moon, but he saw something different. Maybe he saw Arlian, his beloved boy.
Caspian stepped closer to blond figure but didn't dare to come all the way. Peter winced as he woke up from his thoughts and then he turned to Caspian.
He smiled and holded his hand to brown haired boy, his eyes shining in the moonlight.
„Arlian, you came to see me?" he asked huskily. Prince retreated several steps.
„I am not Arlian, my king," he said shakily. Peter shook his head and blinked few times.
„Oh, dear Caspian, I am sorry. Sometimes in the night I just have feeling that he is with me."
„I understand, my king," Caspian bowed slightly.
„Why did you come, boy?" Prince shook his head.
„You wouldn't understand," he whispered.
„Come on, you can tell me everything. Just because you kissed me you don't have to be so shy. It was just a hormonal reaction," Peter smiled. Caspian looked at him in dibelief.
„You can't be serious!" he exclaimed and then he pulled Peter to him to kiss him. He gripped Peters shirt and held the King firmly.
„I LOVE YOU!" he yelled before he started to cry. Bitter tears coated his cheeks and fell down to soak in Peter's shirt.
Peter was more than surprised by this reaction. He would never hope that someone would love him again, not after Arlian. And that the one, who would love him, was the one, he loved.
He tried to resist this feeling. He reminded himself thousand times that Caspian is just a child that Caspian has right for normal life with some beautiful woman not with old man in young body. And his best reason against his feelings was pressumption that Caspian would never love him. But now… ‚It's sick,' he tried to convince himself about the bad side of this feeling.
However, it was hard when Caspian was embracing him.
He didn't know if those feelings were true. If he loved Caspian. He maybe just convinced himself that Caspian is the same as Arlian.
„My king…" Caspian breathed. And then Peter realized that they were different. Caspian's voice was lower and softer than Arlian's. Caspian smelled like crushed pine needles, Arlian smelled like honey. And maybe, just maybe…Caspian was taller than Arlian. Just a bit, but it was enough.
„Boy…"
„I am not Arlian, can you see it? I don't wanna be Arlian's replacement, you know?" Caspian sobbed quietly. He acted like a child, he couldn't help it, they were too many feelings for him to handle with. He felt love, grief, desire, anger, fear… And he felt so lost.
„Come to bed, boy," Peter whispered to Caspian's ear.
„As you wish, my king," Caspian nodded weakly and pulled off Peter. Peter reached for him and caressed his cheek. He ran his thumb across brunette's bottom lip and Caspian softly moaned.
„It's Peter for you," Peter said softly when he put his arm around prince's waist. Prince nodded.
„Peter…" he said hesitantly. Peter smiled slightly and led Caspian to his chambers. They curled in his bed and slept peacefully.
Everything had changed. Or it was what Caspian thought. Peter acted so nice to him! He held his hand, he kissed him softly, he whispered beautiful words in his ear and he didn't push him anywhere where Caspian didn't want to be pushed. Peter accepted prince's age and his hesitation and uncertainty.
He understood boy's fears, so he never crossed the line. He just kissed Caspiand and caressed his cheeks, his neck and his chest. He kissed him there. And then he let Caspian to curl in his arms.
Caspian was so happy. And he could tell Peter was happy too. He smiled more often, even just with Caspian. He looked so…golden, as if he was shining. Every one was glad for this Peter's change and no one would dare to forbid it to them. Yes, maybe Telmarines found it disgusting, but in Narnia you could love whoever you wanted, there was just one rule. Both must love. You couldn't force some one in relationship.
Caspian thought that everything will be just great. But day after his coronation he saw Aslan talking to Peter and he noticed the way how High Kings body tensed and then the expression in Peter's face. Suddenly, Peter was yelling at Aslan who had still his kind smile.
He sat on palisade, so he could see them but he didn't hear a word.
„I told you, stay away from him. But you didn't listen," king Edmund said bitterly as he was sitting down next to Caspian. The boy looked at his king.
„I am sorry, my king. But doesn't Peter look happier now?" he asked. Edmund nodded sharply.
„Yes, he is happy with you. But can you see them?" He pointed in direction when Peter and Aslan were standing.
„Yes, my sire," Caspian answered quietly.
„Aslan is telling Peter that we have to leave. We are not needed anymore. And Peter wants to stay here. But in the end he will obey and leave. And it will remain for me to comfort him. To look in his red eyes, to tell him that it will be alright, to hug him and let him cry on my shoulder… And it will be even harder for him to handle it. Because he doesn't know if he comes back. And if he comes back, you can be dead… Caspian, what have you done?" Caspian stiffened.
„You can't leave. I need you! I need your advice, your experience! I need Peter…" he whispered.
„We'll see, boy," Edmund patted him on shoulder and left him alone with his thoughts.
When this evening Peter came to his chambers he embraced his boy so tightly that Caspian thought he would suffocate. But he hugged Peter back.
„What's wrong, my king?" he asked.
„I am not a king for you," Peter smiled.
„You will always be my king, Peter," Caspian whispered and kissed Peter. He climbed to blonde's lap and changed soft kiss in kiss ful of passion. He wanted to feel Peter. Not just next to him. He wanted to feel Peter on him, inside of him!
Peter pulled away from kiss.
„What's with you, Caspian?" he asked softly while he was rubbing boy's back.
„I want to feel you Peter. I want to make love. I want you to take me…" Caspian whispered shakily.
„Are you sure? I won't be able to stop, you know. I would love to say I will, but I won't and I know it."
„I am sure. I love you, my king," Caspian breathed and started kissing Peter's neck. He kissed, nibbled and licked. Peter exhaled deeply and suddenly was dark haired boy lying on his back and Peter was kissing him everywhere.
After few seconds he was all naked and Peter towered above him. He was looking at him with eyes full of love and lust. His blue eyes shone with happiness.
When they lay under the covers, their naked bodies tangled together, with his head on Peter's shoulder, Caspian started crying silently.
Peter woke from his slumber.
„Caspian, what's wrong? Did I hurt you somehow? I am sorry, tell me, where it hurts. Caspian, speak to me!" He was afraid and Caspian just whimpered and sobbed.
„D-don't leave m-me a-lone her-e, Pe-ter, please," Caspian managed to say. Peter sat up and rose brunette's head.
„Why would I leave you?" he asked in low whisper. Boy sobbed and gripped Peter's hand tightly.
„Promise me you won't leave me. I…I would d-die without you, Peter!" he said urgently. He closed his teary eyes and kissed Peter's hand again and again. Peter slowly caressed his cheek and pull him closer.
„I promise." His serious voice convinced Caspian to believe the promise. And after that he could sleep well.
But the very next day Aslan called all Telmarines in the castle to offer them another place to stay.
Of course they didn't believe the lion, so some Narnian was needed to show them it wasn't a trap. Aslan looked at the Pevensies pointedly.
„We'll go," Edmund said evetually. Caspian's eyes widened in clear fear. No! „We're not needed anymore." Aslan nodded. Peter didn't say anything. He looked as if he wasn't here.
„But…" Lucy said she was still girl, Caspian thought that the youngest Queen will never grow up.
„Sorry, Luc, but there is no other choice," Edmund said kindly. Susan nodded.
„Yes, we'll go." Aslan smiled.
„Good…"
„I won't!" Peter announced in low but firm voice. His piercing blue eyes were looking in the golden ones pointedly. „You said I can never come back. So I won't leave!" Caspian smiled happily. Aslan frowned.
„Why don't you want to go back home, High King Peter?" he asked. Peter's jaw clenched.
„Don't ask when you know! England isn't my home anymore! I can't stand people thinking about me as a child. I hate to learn about wars and can't say how bad their strategy was. I hate…I can't handle living there. Narnia is my home. I found love here. I have lost my love once. And I won't let it happen second time. You say we aren't needed here anymore. But Caspian needs me. I need him. I won't abandon him!" There was fury in Peter's eyes, Caspian could see it. But with fury there was something else …desperation. King didn't want to be parted from Caspian. The boy wanted to embrace Peter, but there was something like an invisible wall around the Lion and the High King.
Aslan was looking deep in Peter's eyes, maybe in Peter's soul through the eyes. Whatever he saw, it convinced him. He breathed warm air to Peter.
„You have lost your faith, son of Adam. You haven't lived you have been walking through your life to find your peace in death. It has changed. You found your true love in this boy, Peter. Who would I be to destroy something so beautiful? He is your soul, you can stay." He licked Peter's forehead and turned to other Pevensies. No one could see expression of clear relief in Peters face. No one but Caspian. He felt the same. Peter could stay he was the happiest king in all worlds.
„Your brother found his home, life and love here. He can stay. But your lives are in England." Lucy started crying and she hugged Peter like some teddy bear. Susan joined her and hesitantly, Edmund embraced Peter too.
„Peter…do you have to stay?"
„Yes, I have, Lucy. I have."
„What will I do without my older brother?" Susan asked between her sobs. Peter smiled.
„Edmund can take care of you like he did of me," he said. „I love you."
„I will miss you, brother," Edmund said.
„Me too. I will miss you all. Tell mother that I love her," he asked.
„It's time," Susan said when she dried her eyes. Peter kissed cheeks of all his sibling last time and then the King and Queens of Old left.
Caspian ran to Peter and snuggled into his embrace.
„You didn't leave," he said hapily.
„I promised," Peter said and kissed him on forehead. Caspian purred in delight. „I love you, boy."
„I love you too, my king."
HAPPY END