(A/N: I was listening to the Panic! At The Disco record (Vices & Virtues), and I decided to write a story (multi-chaptered) to the record. I may include the bonus tracks, depending on whether I can get any inspiration from those to write something proper, but this is just the concept for this story.
For this chapter in particular, I'm interpreting the song as conflicting thoughts within a character, who really wants to get out of what he's become and be a better person. It may not be exactly what the song seems to bring out, but I hope you guys like it.)
Lights flicker in the background, and he pushes a hand off his bare chest carelessly, causing the girl next to him to stir noisily. "Oh, why so early?" She murmurs quietly, eyes still shut tight. He pulls on his bathrobe, frowning disapprovingly at the girl who has her limbs splayed out untidily on his sheets. Making a mental note to get the apartment cleaner to change them, he claps his hands twice, no-nonsense style. "Come on, get out of my apartment." His tone is cold and distant, his gaze trained out of the window as he remarks, and she takes his hint without another word. She lets herself out of his apartment, like many girls have done before her, the familiar double twist of the doorknob rings out, few have been able to figure out how to unbolt his door on their first try.
He draws the heavy curtains shut, silently cursing himself for not closing them the night before. He looks at himself in the mirror, a disgusted expression slowly spreading across his face. Gin bottles were strewn all over the floor of his room, he had brought a heavy drinker home the night before, and it was a bad choice. Terrible in bed, clingy in her sleep, she wasn't worth his time. He stared at the photograph lone photo frame on his dresser, one of all of them in Ted's apartment, beaming happily. He looked handsome and his suit was immaculate, as always, but he only had eyes for her. But despite all the flaws he knew she had, he knew he still wasn't good enough for her. He was addicted to sex, got his fix from one-night stands, played any girl he saw in the streets if she caught his eye, toyed with innocent girls' feelings. He was, in the plainest of words, an asshole. Worse than the asshole who dumped his dream girl.
He spends every morning alone, adjusts his tie himself, picks out his own suit. Sometimes, he talks to himself, scolds himself for all his inadequacies, promising to wean off his vices, to be a better a person. He doesn't dare dream to be worthy of her, but he dreams. He remembers every word she says, the expression she wears when she looks back at him, although without the lingering feelings that he carries. He looks at the sun, willing it to be a day when he does good, be less of the jackass that he knows he's stuck in the image of. Hopes for a sign that he wants to believe in.
He trains himself to mask his feelings effectively, practices different expressions in the mirror that convey the right emotions. He doesn't dare to show his affection, he leaves his tone blatantly condescending at times, using his arrogance and nonchalance to hide his vulnerabilities and uncertainties. He's desperate, he tries hard some days, redeems himself some way, but somehow he has the uncanny knack of letting himself slide back into the zone of the jerks.
He goes through the motions of his day job, details of which he keeps from his closest friends. Spins in his swivel chair, letting her words swim through his mind as he glances fleetingly at the motivational posters in his office. Each of those adorned proudly by his self, dressed in a fine tailored suit.
He fears that one day, the walls that he's spent so much time building, will be broken down, and people will see him for the incorrigible asshole that he is. They know he's a player, but they don't know that he's a weak-willed jerk that can't even motivate a little change in himself long enough for others to take notice. They don't know that he doesn't dare to force himself to be good enough for the woman he loves.
Say what you mean / Tell me I'm right / And let the sun rain down on me
Give me a sign / I want to believe
(A/N: I hope it's satisfactory. Give me some tips and comments?)