Purpose of this Fic:
Did Quistis really "Not love Squall like that"?
Reflective fic from Quistis' point of view.
Characters:
Quistis
Setting:
Balamb Garden, Quistis' room
He should have been mine.
I see him happy now; dancing around the room with her, walking alone with her under the moonlight to the sounds of the band from the garden, promising to meet her in the field of flowers…
He is throwing himself into the void to catch her, protecting her from the sorceress, fighting with Seifer to save her, defying the government to keep her by his side…
She is gently worming her way into his heart; she has succeeded.
Memories returned; of a past that none of us remembered, a past that revealed for me a way out. Or at least a way to ensure his happiness. So I did it.
I told the lie.
Because down deep in my heart of hearts, I do love him. But to confess my real feelings would destroy the fragile reality that has begun to stabilize for him. It would confuse him, throw his world further into chaos. So I tried to cover it up.
"I had a crush on you. But I really don't love you that way – it's more the love of a big sister."
I nearly choked on that as I gave him my blessing to go for Rinoa. Somehow I managed to keep my composure. He accepted my explanation, though the look in his eyes was somewhat still confused. But he didn't press me; just took my word for it.
Edea saw through it though. I should have known that she would. She was the one to comfort me, be a mother to me through the next few months. When I needed a shoulder to weep on, an confidant to listen to me, she was there.
Cid remained oblivious of course, and the other men. Selphie suspected, though she never mentioned anything outright. Xu just looked at me knowingly, and made sure that I didn't hide in my shell. And Rinoa…
She saw. And hurt for me, her only rival for his affections. Even though I had given him up, I still continued to watch him from a distance.
She visited me, asked me 'why?', "Why did you give him up, when you needed him so much?"
My answer. "Because you needed him so much more. And he needed you."
And it was the truth. Even though she said she wouldn't begrudge me the chance to redeem the relationship I could have had, I refused. She is his light, and he is her pillar. Sorceress and Knight. Fated lovers, destined to walk together through that field of flowers, each supporting the other. That's just the way its supposed to be.
She left not too long ago; I've been here in my room alone since then, thinking. Sometimes I do wonder; but I know that I can never go back. The past remains the past, and we cannot change it. The present is ever with us, and what we do with it remains to be seen. The future is ever in motion and not guaranteed. So I'll just continue to love him and watch him from afar, knowing that at least I am a part of his family.
And for now, that will be enough.