That last week of senior year where the future seems so near and the present seems like it just has to change. Starts with Quintana (yes, I'm shocked too) and ends with Faberry & Brittana

A/N – What I have learnt about my writing is I only write smut if I am drunk (like really drunk). I write angst best when I am stressed at work and apparently, when I work fourteen hour days for the past few weeks and can't really sleep well, I feel the need to write Quintana, Brittana and Faberry all at the same time. This is just in two parts. And it's for thefrick (Surprise!), since she asked how I write and the answer is I need to get that first sentence out and then it flows from there and I tend not to plan all of it out so sometimes the way the story develops surprises me as well.

I Still Haven't Found

I have kissed honey lips

Felt the healing in her fingertips

It burned like fire

This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels

I have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night

I was cold as a stone

U2

Quinn's gaze follows the brunette as she cuts across from her, hugging her folders to her chest, most likely going to her locker. She sees the hockey team swaggering down the hallway, cups of slushies in their hands and she knows she has to do something to stop this.

The words are on the tip of her tongue even as she takes an involuntary step forward. Only she feels Santana's hand on her arm, stopping her, "You seem to forget that you're not a cheerio any longer. They're not going to listen to you." her words still ringing in her ears as she watches Santana stalk up to those Neanderthals, her hands on her hips as she stands there in the middle of the hallway stopping the team in their tracks.

Her legs are apart and her arms akimbo and Quinn can't help but admire how lean and mean she looks, all sinewy muscle and attitude wrapped up with a 'don't give a fuck stance'. "Boys." Her voice dripping with sarcasm, "Now, I don't have to point out that I run this school." her words razor sharp and confident. Ever since she came back senior year and decided she didn't give a rat's ass about what people thought about her, she had become fearless, staring Sue down and even threatening her when she had tried to stop Brittany from rejoining the squad. The only thing she was still hiding was her sexuality.

After her run in with Sue, even Figgins had backed off and she had free reign over the school. But she didn't revert to her past behavior of hurting other people because she was hurting so much inside. Sure, she still was bitchy and most definitely didn't hold her tongue when Rachel went off on one of her mini rants or Mr. Schue suggested another song by a band that could be old enough to be their grandfathers.

But she wasn't mean and didn't bully, even making Becky co-captain when Sue had given her the captaincy.

"And I think you guys look thirsty." She can see the indecision in their eyes as they look to Rolf for some clue. It gives her just the information she needs as she saunters up to the mullet headed idiot in the front, "Drink." The word not even said in a commanding voice but still, with enough of an edge that he has to comply.

Quinn sees Rachel push herself back against the lockers, the frightened expression on her face morphing to relief as she sees the team all chugging from the cups as Santana looks on, arms now crossed as she taps her foot impatiently.

It's a week before graduation and time is running out in more ways than one for her but Quinn still feels like she's stuck on repeat, life passing her by and all she can do is wait for the sense of regret to settle over her.

"Hey." She sees Santana now standing before her, cutting off her view of Rachel and looking so concerned that she hopes she's not crying again. It's happened before, a few times in Glee practice when she's so caught up with Rachel's performance or too caught in her head about her predicament that a tear escapes.

"Yeah, Umm, thanks." She's not exactly sure what she's thanking Santana for as she lets out a ragged breath only to feel Santana's hand on her forearm, gently pulling her forward. Her feet shuffle beneath her and she avoids Rachel's eyes even as her hand brushes by the brunette skirt as she follows Santana.

She knows Rachel's eyes are following her and wonders if she knows where they are going.

#$#$#$#$

The janitor's closet was never this neat but apparently Santana got the freshmen cheerios to clean it out after they started doing whatever they were doing together. She feels Santana's breath on her cheek even as her hands take off the band holding Santana's hair back such that she's able to hold her locks between her fingers just as Santana's mouth finds hers. They both close their eyes as they kiss, not out of intimacy or romance but mainly because they're both picturing different girls.

It had started the first week of senior year. Quinn had strutted in decked out in black and topped off with pink hair.

Santana had taken one look at her before mouthing off, "Does the rug match the curtains." She didn't expect an answer as her eyes trailed Brittany sitting on Artie's lap as he wheeled them off to first period.

Only Quinn had actually answered back, her voice huskier than she remembered, "Would you like to find out?" bravado lacing her voice even if her eyes showed uncertainty and a bit of fear, before she turned to walk away. Santana was never one to back down from a challenge and Quinn had definitely given her one.

That day after school, she had waited for Quinn, leaning against the red convertible. Quinn didn't say anything as she unlocked the door and the Latina strapped herself into the passenger seat. In fact they didn't talk even as Santana straddled her when she found a secluded place to park.

No words even when she was rocked by her first orgasm, only tears as she realized this was as close she could ever get to what she truly wanted. And it didn't surprise her to see that Santana was crying as well, only the latina didn't acknowledge her tears, just blinking them away as she buttoned her top.

Each subsequent time triggered by an encounter with either Brittany or Rachel, grappling against each other teeth and tongue fighting for dominance and no words exchanged because it would break the spell. All throughout senior year even when Quinn reverted back to her blonde hair and sun dresses and Santana became Queen Bitch of the School.

Even when, Quinn had been asked out by the new kid in school and she had actually said yes or when Brittany had briefly broke up with Artie again. Always coming together because they just couldn't find what they were looking for.

This time, she's surprised when she hears Quinn speak, "I can't do this anymore." The words whispered across the darkness but clear enough to signal finality. They're graduating soon anyway, all of them going their separate ways or maybe not even going anywhere as in Puck's case.

She feels Quinn's heartbeat beneath her palm and shakes her head, trying to clear the rush of euphoria these sessions bring to her before she pushes herself off the blonde. Santana knows that she can help Quinn in other ways but she wanted to be selfish as well, needing to at least feel something because it hurt too much otherwise.

"Fine." She bites the word out and sees Quinn's head jerk up, hazel eyes meeting her own and even in the darkness, she can see regret and something else, an emotion she does not want to acknowledge. "Suit yourself." She makes for the door only to feel Quinn's arms around her, her cheek on her back.

"You saved me, you know." the words spoken even softer than her initial ones because she's revealing something that has the power to break her. "That first day of school, I just wanted it all to go away." She had spent the summer trying to figure out what she wanted only to realized what she wanted was someone she could never have.

She hated Rachel Berry because she knew she could not have her and to suddenly see everything so clearly was heart rendering. So she stayed in her room, listening to the Ramones and the one time her mother had cajoled her into going shopping for back to school supplies, she had picked up a bottle of hair dye.

Thinking that she would never be able to go back and change her insides but maybe changing her outside would help deflect the obvious fact that she would come back different and most of all, she wanted something so very different from what she was brought up to want.

So the first day of school had been the test, walking through the doors and answering Santana back was only the beginning. Her eyes had scanned the crowd, trying to discern Argyle from plaid and finally spotting her.

Quinn had not planned any speeches, hoping to just let Rachel see her, understand that things had really truly changed and maybe start with friendship of some kind. She pushed aside two juniors just in time to see Finn bend over to capture Rachel's lips, her eyes closing as her hands go around his neck.

While she had spent the summer getting to know herself, Finn had obviously spent the summer getting reacquainted with Rachel. She understands that things are never that simple, one big life changing epiphany did not mean that things would work out. And they didn't as the day just got worse, continuing with the hockey team throwing a slushie at her as she walked down the hall with Kurt and Mercedes . And ending with Rachel announcing her big plans for the year, winning Nationals and getting Finn a place in NYU so they could be together in New York.

She had excused herself then, feigning being sick as she locked herself in the bathroom, gathering her thoughts and wondering what she could do to make everything go away. Nothing concrete forming in her mind but knowing she could not come back tomorrow and face the same thing.

"You saved me." She feels the hot imprint of Quinn's lips on the back of her neck.

"Well, you saved me too." Her voice just the barest whisper. Santana had not expected senior year to be easy. So she had steeled herself, coating herself with confidence and ignoring Brittany's plea to be herself. She wanted to be more even as she knew she needed to hide who she truly was.

And when they fought, the fourth week of summer, she thought nothing of it until she walked through the door that first day of school only to see Brittany, her hands around Artie's neck as he wheeled her love away.

She had been dazed by that and by Quinn's challenge such that she didn't even notice when she rammed in to Sue. Her former coach spewing so much hate but all she could think of was she needed to be stronger. So she had shouted back, pushing Sue back against the lockers as she ranted in Spanish herself.

"Well, S. I didn't think you had it in you. But seeing that my first choice just got inducted into the rock and roll hall of losers, how would you like to rejoin the cheerios?" Sue's offer stopping her mid rant.

"Fuck you." The two words enunciated with such precision as she turns to walk away.

"Captain Lopez." The other two words also uttered with precision such that she turns catching Sue's eyes, hating to see the smile on the woman's face but nodding before going for her first class thinking that things were bound to get better.

But nothing had felt right the whole day. Seeing Quinn and the rest get slushied and then hearing Artie sing to Brittany during Glee. All of it making her want to hit something until she stalked out of school and saw Quinn's car parked at the far corner. Waiting for Quinn felt right, making her come felt better.

"Have you told her where you're going?" She turns around, her arms now cocooning Quinn and she sees the surprised look on her face at the question. They never talk about any of it directly. Like a pact had been made and knowing that if they did talk, all of it would disappear and they would find themselves faced with choices that can't be made.

Only, they've both finally come to the realization that it's over between them not because time has run out but because they were never endgame. So talking about it now was the only thing they could do.

"Have you?" Quinn fires back, her eyes slip shut as she feels Santana's head bend forward and she settles into the hug.

"No." She hears the answer and huffs out her own, "Me neither." The both of them too damn frightened to take the next step or make the next move but still stupid enough to follow their hearts.

"She's going to find out sooner or later." Quinn can feel the smile in Santana's words. Even as she had tried her best to ignore Rachel, everything she had done this year had been influenced by her.

"New York's a big city. We're not even at the same school." It sounds like an excuse even to her own ears and hates when she feels Santana laugh.

"Brittany's going to see you at UT." She had helped Santana write her essay, when the Latina had been on a drunken bender after finding out that Artie had actually cheated on Brittany. In between holding her as she cried and being guilted into joining her for a few shots.

Quinn had then stood by her locker as she waited for Santana to tell Brittany that it was going to be fine and she would take care of it, only realizing that it wasn't when she heard Brittany plead for to Santana to call off the football team from kicking Artie's ass.

Santana catching her eyes and all she could see was pain and frustration and all she could taste that night were her tears as Santana's nails clawed down her back even as her teeth bit down hard enough to leave an imprint but not hard enough to draw blood.

Not that the favor hadn't been returned when they went to Chicago for Nationals two months back. Finn had been offered a full scholarship to OSU and had spent the better part of the past three months convincing Rachel that their music program was just as good as Julliard.

Kurt had been brave enough to pipe in and tell him that it wasn't so and even Mercedes had rolled her eyes the sixth time he had brought it up before expounding on the possibility of a long distance relationship because Rachel could never walk away from Julliard.

But Finn had been persistent and Quinn knew that he had slept with Rachel that night because he had that look about him the next morning; taking long strides into the restaurant as he winked at Rachel before grabbing as much food from the buffet that his hands could carry.

She didn't realize she was crying until Santana had tripped Mr. Shue, sending his tray of food flying into Finn and she felt Santana grab her arm, pulling her towards the exit before she completely broke down.

She didn't think she had that much tears in her but Santana had held her, whispering in Spanish, words she recognized but didn't want to translate, ignoring their ringing phones until an hour before they had to perform.

It had been a surprised they had actually won but Rachel's voice had been pitch perfect although the judges had commented on the passion they had seen from the other members as well especially on the group number where they had paired up, Santana with Brittany and Quinn and Rachel, singing their hearts out, showing the audience what they could not show to each other.

"So we what…just don't tell them and run into them on the street or on our way to class." Santana's voice now comfortable enough to joke a little, "Like some dumb romantic comedy where there's a pop song in the background and we meet cute." And damn if that's exactly what she actually hopes does happen.

Since she found out Artie was going to OSU Lima, she had suddenly developed a sense of hope, something so unlike her that it had taken her two weeks to pinpoint what she was feeling, going as far as to climb through Quinn's bedroom window at three in the morning, just slightly drunk as she tried to explain this feeling she had inside of her.

She bites the bottom of Quinn's lip, tasting honey but wishing it was licorice instead, only to pull back because Judy had already barged in once, surprised to see her there but agreeable to her staying when Quinn had pleaded and highlighted that Santana could not drive home drunk and all three of them were so tired anyway. She wondered if Judy caught her hand down Quinn's top when she came through the door but Judy was probably more drunk than she was at the time.

She had told Quinn about the application to UT that was still in her top drawer and the feeling she would get each time she opened it to see it there.

"You should send it in." Santana's snort in response actually angering her as she shoots up from the bed, pushing the Latina away. "Go to hell'"

"Quinn." Santana rarely uses her full name and definitely even more rarely says it with such tenderness but Quinn does not want to hear it from her, they're not together, they're just coping as best they can. So she deflects as she usually does.

"Send it in. They have a great pre med program and if she can get a cheeleading scholarship, so can you, Captain Lopez." Before she pulls the covers back over her and turns her back to Santana so she won't see her tears.

"What's wrong in believing in romance? " Quinn's voice is wistful as her words ghost over her shoulder and Santana can't help the shiver up her spine.

"Nothing. Not a damn thing." She squeezes tight, feeling Quinn's tears dripping down and adding her own. She cannot let go, at least not yet as she feels Quinn's pulse point beating a rhythm so familiar and she feels slightly warm despite the cold room.

They're not breaking up because they're not really together, not in the way they wanted to be. But it still hurts like it should because they had been there for each other and shared their pain, that bond so difficult to forge except through empathy and hurt.

#$#$#$#

They don't see Rachel hiding around the corner as they exit the room, Quinn wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as Santana adjusts her cheerios skirt. Not saying good bye but sharing one last look before Santana flounces off towards the gym and Quinn sighs as she walks towards her locker.

She sees Brittany talking to Tina and wonders if she can avoid any conversation, her feelings currently so raw that she knows she won't be able to hide them completely. But luck is not on her side as Tina snags her arm as she walks by, "Quinn, have you seen Rachel? She said we need to.." her voice trailing off as she looks into Quinn's face.

"What's wrong?" Quinn shakes her head, eyes wide as she looks frantically for Santana, hoping that she forgot something and would be on her way to her locker, only the only pair of eyes she sees is Rachel's.

"Rach, there you are." Brittany chimes in even as Quinn backs away before turning to run towards the exit.

"Quinn." Rachel calls out half-heartedly. She's very sure that even if she had shouted it at her highest octave level, Quinn wouldn't have stopped anyway. They had had so few interactions over the past year, always just passing each other by. Even at Glee, Quinn would sit in the back, most often next to Santana.

She would see Quinn looking at her, like she wanted to say something and once, she even caught her taking a step in her direction only to be distracted when Finn had held her elbow and when she turned Quinn had left and Santana soon followed.

She's not stupid and knows that there's something going on between the Cheerio Captain and the ex Cheerio Captain. Or at least she was that stupid until Brittany had pointed it out. She had stumbled on Brittany crying in the auditorium months ago.

It had been just before Glee practice but after Brit had found out about Artie cheating on her.

"He said it meant nothing." She holds Brit's hand as she cries, "But, that's how we started so maybe I meant nothing too."

"No." Rachel's denouement is not really convincing, "Boys are stupid." Her second sentence getting a better response as Brittany gives her a watery smile.

"Yeah, at least when Santana broke my heart, it was because she was scared not because she slept with someone else at least not then. But with Quinn now…"

Rachel's eyes go wide as she takes in the whole sentence. Repeating each word in her head, trying to figure out if Brittany's speaking in code but all she can decipher is that Santana and Quinn are sleeping together.

"Quinn's not gay." It's the only words she can get out because she's flabbergasted.

"Neither is Santana according to her."Brittany's sad retort back suddenly making everything appear so crystal clear in her head.

"So they're like together together." Rachel's not sure if she's asking the question right and she's definitely not sure if she wants to hear the answer.

"No" Brittany shakes her head, "Quinn's just lonely and San's trying to figure it out in her head and when she does…I'll be waiting."

Rachel thinks that this is the information she needs to finally get back at Quinn, get her off her back only to realize that Quinn hasn't been tormenting her since end of Junior year. She never bitched when Rachel would insist they practice a song again because Quinn or Lauren was off pitch or even rolled her eyes when Rachel would go into one of her monologues.

In fact, Quinn had gone out of her way to fade into the background. Only to surface for Glee or when school first started. Her pink hair and punk clothes had turned many a head including,if she were being honest, her own.

She had wanted to ask Quinn about the change, maybe offer an olive branch for their senior year but Quinn had left abruptly when she had started talking about her plans and though it hurt, it just proved that things were always going to be the same at McKinley which was why she had to go to New York.

Seeing Santana and Quinn come out of the Janitor's closet wasn't a surprise but seeing Santana's look when she walked away made her think that maybe she was finally ready to be with Brittany. And as for Quinn, she does not know why she wants to know more but it's the last week of senior year and Rachel knows that if she really wants answers, she'll have to get them now. She takes a deep breath before marching towards the exit herself.

"Rach?" Where are you going? I thought you said we needed to talk about what we're going to sing at commencement?" Tina calls after her.

"I…I need to speak to Quinn. I'll call you later and Brit, I think you should go and find Santana." She calls back before pushing the exit door open, hoping to see Quinn's car still parked in the carpark.

End Part 1