Please attempt to picture these deaths in your head.
Ocheeva died of a horrible accident one day.
She was grooming her flowers, when all of a sudden an ogre ran past her, scared to death as he was chased by a mudcrap. The ogre stepped on the mudcrap and it vanished into a puff of pink smoke. The ogre then advanced on Ocheeva, who held up one hand and shouted, "FAG." The ogre was pissed off and kicked Ocheeva in the balls. He kicked her so hard, she doubled over and died 127 hours later.
Armand Christophe died of a horrible accident one day.
His gay elf son came running up with a kitten in his arms, shouting, "Daddy, daddy, look what I found!" Armand ignored his son and went back to sipping his tea and nibbling his crumpet. "DAD!" Armand threw the tea in his son's face and said, "No one loves you!" The elf began crying, and dropped the puppy onto Armand's lap. The puppy was adorable, and licked the thief's face. "Aw," he said, smiling. Later that day, his son came back with an army of puppies, who trampled Armand to death.
Raminus Polus died of a horrible accident one day.
He was brewing some lesbian potions that could turn any female into a lesbian, when a random guard walked in. "Raminus," he said, "I love you!" He kissed the mage on the face and began tugging at his hair. Raminus continued with his potions while the guard molested him. Two hours later, Raminus was alone, until the roof broke off and hundreds of butterflies crowded into the room, picking Raminus off the ground and carrying him away. The butterflies dumped him in Lake Rumare where he was slapped by a Slaughterfish and died.
Antoinetta Marie died of a horrible accident one day.
She was messing around with a dagger that she found in a dead body, when it fell out of her hand and onto Schemer. Schemer flipped off Antoinetta and cried in a corner. Antoinetta rolled her eyes and went outside to find a hobo. When she walked out of the sanctuary, she came face to face with a giant caterpillar. The caterpillar ate Antoinetta, and she died because she hated Tamriel and committed suicide.
Martin Septim died of a horrible accident one day.
He was getting back from the Imperial City where he got a sex change, and was going into Cloud Ruler Temple. Jauffre walked up to him with a plate of cheese in hand. "'Ello sir! How are you today!" he asked, chomping on the cheese and spitting it all over Martin's face. Martin responded by flipping the cheese into the air and going to his rooms. "Don't bother me, I'm having my period!" he shouted. He got into his room and slammed the door shut, but the door didn't like that, so it came to life and attacked Martin. He died.
Dar-Ma died of a horrible accident one day.
She was greeting new people in Chorrol as usual, but one newcomer kidnapped her and tied her to his horse. He carried her off to a cave and locked her inside, where she was eaten alive by an old perverted man with a monocle and top hat.
Lucien Lachance died of a horrible accident one day.
He was going to Hammerfell to get a pair of expensive skinny jeans he loved so much, but he tripped on a ladybug and fell to the ground face first. He then fell in a hole and died because he was allergic to the law.
Vicente Valtieri died of a horrible accident one day.
He was hit by a flying tree.
Bye!