This is the sequel to Dead Inside and What Have You Done? It was my intention to write a novella out of it, but I'm not seeing that happening now. I don't know though, maybe some inspiration will hit me soon.
Iris
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
Dean feels his legs walking but he has no control over the direction they go. He can feel words tumble out of his mouth using his voice, but they aren't his words. He can see Cas standing next to him as they prepare for battle, but Cas isn't seeing him.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
Part of him wishes he hadn't agreed to this, that he hadn't agreed to be Michael's meat suit. Sometimes he asks himself if it's really worth it.
It's only been a few days and already he misses being human. Already he misses his Sammy. He misses the taste of messy hamburgers and the feel of cheap suits. He misses the dump motels and the old TVs. He misses the Impala. He misses the way Cas looked at him.
Because Cas isn't looking at him when he looks at him, he's looking at Michael.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And maybe he's kind of okay with that. Maybe he's kind of okay with the fact that when people look at him, they aren't really seeing him. Because Michael is more than Dean would ever be, and people, random people on the street that he's never seen before, people seem to notice. People look at him different now. They look at him as though he is someone powerful, someone to be respected.
And, perhaps it's true. He is powerful, and he should be respected. Michael, not Dean.
He wonders if people even realize that they look at him like they do, or if they know why.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
When Michael fights, Dean feels every blow, but he isn't sure that Michael does.
It almost makes him nostalgic for hell, because that was a similar pain and sometimes he thinks that maybe hell was better. He almost wishes for Alistair.
Almost.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Cas doesn't look at him anymore. Not unless he has to. They've been fighting side by side for weeks. He's been fighting amongst angels and archangels and some part of him doesn't hate it. Because maybe he's making a difference. Maybe saying yes wasn't wrong.
But Cas won't look at him, and when he does, Dean can't figure out what he's really seeing. Is he seeing Dean, or is he seeing Michael?
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
The angels aren't as bad as he'd thought. Or maybe it's just that he's under Michael influence and he's making him think that things aren't so bad.
Only a few of them remind him of Zachariah, and he is grateful for that. He's grateful that they aren't all crazy and hell bent on the total annihilation of the human race.
Really the only one he has a problem with is Gabriel, but that isn't so much about the present as it is about the past. Maybe he's just had too many run-ins with the trickster to keep an open mind about the Archangel.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
None of the other angels are like Cas though, and maybe that's why Michael chose him as a leader. Because Cas is more human than the others.
That strikes Dean as a little hilarious, that Cas is the more human of the bunch. Because Cas is far from human and Dean knows it.
I just want you to know who I am
Dean looks up at Cas, who is standing next to him as they prepare for battle. Cas looks back at him for the first time in a long while.
I just want you to know who I am
And it's the strangest thing, because when anyone looks at him, he knows they aren't really looking at him, but at Michael.
But Cas is looking at him and he's seeing Dean. Dean and not Michael.
And for a moment they just stand there, Dean staring at Cas and Cas staring at Dean and Michael is completely oblivious.
I just want you to know who I am