Author's note: I probably shouldn't have written this considering everytime I write a new story while I'm in the middle of another, I never finish the old one. So I decided to do a one-shot. I don't know if anyone will find this entertaining, because I like to think of this as a written outlook onto what comes next. I feel bad that Julian never finished his documentary, and if Brooke had died in 8x11, this is what he should've done. We don't really follow Julian through his struggle, but I thought some people would still enjoy it. Let me know if you would've liked for me to continue this story. If I do decide to do it, it won't be for a long while. Besides, I think this is better as a one-shot. Anyway, enjoy, and let me know what you think.
"Brooke! Julian!"
Julian could hear those cries from underneath the water. He kept going up for air and wasn't quite sure how he was able to get enough oxygen to keep him and his fiance alive. Everything was happening so fast that it all just flashed by. One second Julian was gasping for air, the next, he found his lips pressed against his lover's He was petrified. He knew he didn' know how to save someone's life, but he had to be the hero. He was the only one who could. He went back up for another sweep of air, but his body went cold when he submerged his head and saw Brooke's wide eyes- open.
He let a scream that was almost so loud that anyone above the water could hear it. At that moment, he felt it was all over. He didn't know if he was in a situation that he could salvage. He was doing everything he could and it just didn't seem like enough. By that time, Julian didn't even bother going back up for air. He clutched tightly onto the crowbar and slammed it down a dozen times. Suddenly, 'SNAP!', her leg was free. Julian took hold of Brooke and swam to the surface as fast as he could. He took her in his arms and walked up the ravine all the way to the bridge.
"Yes, you got her! Is she okay? Julian, is she okay? Julian!"
Julian headed upward, feeling the weight bear down on his muscles. He breathed heavily, trying to get his lungs back on track. He shook and trembled, doing his very best to keep his eyes of of Brooke. He finally got to the bridge and laid Brooke on the ground. Jamie ran up from behind him.
"Julian, is she okay?"
"I need you to go to the end of the bridge and wait for me, Jamie."
"But, Julian!"
"I need you to do that Jamie, now! Go!"
The eight year old complied, but kept a close cautious eye on the couple. Julian turned back to Brooke's cold, lifeless body. He was so terrified. His blood ran cold and his hands shook terribly, but those weren't things he paid any attention to at the time. He clasped his hands together and forced pressure onto Brooke's chest.
"Come on, baby, come back. Come on! Come on Brooke, breathe! Come on, baby! Come on, breathe! Brooke, come on, don't do this to me baby, come back to me! Come on, Brooke! Come on, Brooke, breathe!"
Jamie stood at a distance, with a broken heart. He saw the headlights from behind him and turned around with a blank expression on his face. Haley spotted her son in the middle od the road and stared at him with a confused look on her face.
"Is that Jamie? Stop, stop, stop, stop, Jamie!"
She jumped out of the car, and Nathan followed suit. She ran up to her son, not noticing the scene a few feet away.
"Jamie, what are you doing out here? Sweetheart!"
"Aunt Brooke is dead."
Julian could hear Jamie say that to his mother, but disregarded the rest of the conversation. He just kept on doing what he was doing.
"Come on, baby! Come on, Brooke, breath! Come on, Brooke, fight! Come on Brooke! Come on! Brooke, come back! Come on! Come on! Please! Come back! Brooke, come back!"
Righ then and there, Julian stopped. He placed his hand against his mouth and just lost it. He didn't know why he stopped. He felt he had to keep trying, but he stopped anyway. He took another look at Brooke and curled up his fist. In a moment of anger, he slammed his fist against the pavement twice. Nathan and Haley saw the scene from a distance and were devastated. Nathan approached Julian and put his hand on his shoulder.
"Julian..."
"No!"
Julian shoved Nathan away and laid his head on Brooke's chest. He closed his eyes and cried. He must've stayed there for ten minutes, but it seemed like much longer before the ambulance arrived to bag up Brooke
Storms, huh?
Three weeks since had passed since he lost Brooke, and Julian still couldn't function the way he used to. He slid his key the front door and jiggled it until the door opened. He stepped inside and laid his keys on the end table. He sauntered over to the phone and pressed down on the button that was lighting up.
"You have 8 unheard messages."
He closed his eyes and pressed down on another button.
"Messages deleted."
Julian walked into the kitchen and poured himself an unhealthy amount of wine. He sighed and put the glass to his lips. He went to take a drink but hesitated when he heard the phone ring. He didn't care who it was. He had been alone for three weeks and hadn't seen a single soul. He was so heartbroken after what happened. He didn't even think he deserved to be living in that house anymore. It was Brooke's, not his. He felt so guilty, even though he knew he would've heard Brooke say 'This is your home too, Julian.' He let the phone ring until whoever was calling got to the answering machine. It was Haley. Her somber voice echoed through the speakers.
"Hey, Julian... It's me... Haley... again... Uh, listen... I know that, you-you wanna be alone right now and I-I know that you're hurting... we all are... but, uh, B-Brooke was my friend... and I know you love her because I do too... Anyway... If you need to talk with someone... well, I'm here because... I need someone to talk to also... I was just... hoping we could figure out... you know, what comes next... Anyway... yeah, so... call me, if you need to talk..."
She hung up. She didn't even say goodbye; she hated saying goodbye now. Julian was fixated on what Haley had just said: 'What comes next'. Julian had asked that question almost a hundred times that year, but he never asked himself that question, for the simple reason that he didn't know the answer.
After thinking it over for a few hours, Julian mustered up the courage to answer that question. He stood in front of his camera that was placed atop his tripod. His breath was shaky, but he stood confidently. He approached the camera and pressed the record button. He took two steps back and looked into the camera.
"Hi... my name's Julian Baker and... I'm the director of this documentary. Over the past year, I've been interviewing people that were starting their lives over. You know, maybe... they were figuring out how to get past a break up or... learning to let go of a dream... But there's one thing about starting over that I didn't quite cover... And that's losing someone you love. Sometimes we face great loses in our lives. Today I want to talk about losing someone we care about. Let's face it—people die. They die unexpectantly, they die too young. They die needlessly, because of the acts of another. They die naturally. The people we always thought would be around… then one day it's all just gone. Everything you ever wanted and everything you lived for is gone. And what do you do about it? Death isn't an easy subject to talk about for a lot of people, I know. Hell, I'm not sure I'm comfortable talking about it right now... But sometimes, people need the courage to speak out, even in times of great struggle, to help someone else who needs it. I figured, I might as well speak out for other people, since I'm really starting over now... My... fiance died almost a month ago. We were suppose to get married last week. She was everything to me. I never believed there was a person on this Earth that could understand, and love, and appreciate me as much as she did... And I miss her... God, of course I miss her... I know a lot of people are... afraid of death, but I'm not. I'm not afraid of death. If for some reason I learned tomorrow that I only had a few days left to live, I wouldn't fear it; I might be angry, or sad, or any of a thousand different emotions that I couldn't possibly describe, but I wouldn't be afraid. What I'm afraid of is leaving people behind. Of leaving things unfinished… of starting down a path and finding I can only follow it a certain way. That to me is the scariest possibility of all. People say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I don't believe that. It's certainly better to have experienced than to have experienced nothing, but to have loved and lost is to have left someone behind… perhaps someone who depended on you, and needed you, and suddenly you aren't there. I suppose my one greatest fear in life is that I won't measure up to my own standards. I look at myself and I'm relatively happy with who I am; I won't lie and say that there aren't things I wouldn't change, moments I wouldn't live again, or friends I wish I had stayed in touch with and miss dearly, but I take all that as a part of what makes me who I am. I feel like I'm at a stalemate right now that might last awhile. And if that's true and I don't achieve what I want, will it have been worth it? I don't know. That's the one thing I can't answer and that's not me being negative, it's simply that I do not know. How do you weigh what your mind says is possible against what your heart says it wants to achieve? By what measure do you weigh the soul of a man? By the life he has lived, the sights he has seen, the people he has loved? I would hope it is that, but is it really? So I think that's what I'm afraid of; not of death, but of what death represents, the measure of what you leave behind. Of course in the end there isn't much anyone can do except to live and value each moment, but I don't think a lot of people do. I think a lot of people really are afraid of death, or if not death then of the unknown. They push it back as long as they can; they destroy their bodies in the pursuit of youth, they create conflict, they try to be remembered. We have an unhealthy relationship with death; it's a part of our lives but we try to ignore it or not think about it. And when we are touched by death, we grieve, which is natural – but we don't always remember. We don't see beauty, memory, life. And if we don't do that, I'm not sure we really live... I've asked everyone in this documentary the same question... 'What comes next?'... Now, truth be told... I'm not sure I'll ever know. I don't know if anyone really knows. When you're in a position where you have to re-evaluate your life, it's because you've lost a piece of you... So, I think that... if you're looking for what comes next... you have to find yourself again. Find your strength, and find your character. Because after suffering a big loss... the worst thing you can do is lose yourself in the process. So, I'd like to think that I'll find my path again, the same way I hope others that are struggling find their's... So... if you're watching this, and you're struggling with something... just remember that there are so many people out there that are wondering the same thing as you: What comes next?"
Julian turned off the camera and sighed. He was so glad to get all of that off his chest. He didn't remember a word of it when it was over. All he did was speak the truth and he was glad it was over. He sat on the couch in the living room, still wondering how he would get through all of it. He looked down at his left ring finger- bare. At that moment all he wanted to do was lie in silence and cry, but he didn't. Instead he got up and went back into his work room. He took the video from the camera and put it on his computer to edit. He wanted to finish that video so he could help himself by helping other people.
"I miss you, Brooke." He whispered into the air. There was no response, of course. Not that he was expecting one, but he was hoping she was listening. And she was. Brooke Davis was watching over Julian, smiling wide, and was so proud of Julian in that moment. Even though she was gone, she would never leave Julian. Not while he was struggling and trying to figure out what comes next...