I could not help feeling happy and relaxed as I listened to the velvet voice. As I felt myself drifting off slowly, I tried my hardest to focus on the gentle, soothing melody, the feel of his cool hand sliding slowly up and down my arm, his lips occasionaly brushing against my hair, causing my heart to speed up and my lips to spread into a wide, satisfied smile.
This was it, my happy place - laying under my old quilt, dressed in my comfy sweats and a t shirt, my small cluttered room saturated with the familair sweet smell and filled with the sound of the voice I could not imagine my world without. I opened my eyes to steal a peek at the boy lying next to me but seeing his pale angelic face only inches away from mine, my eyes widened in amazement, as if I was seeing him for the first time. Edward smiled back at me, brushed away the wet hair curling along my neck and kissed me just under my ear. Ignoring the sound of my heart suddenly beating faster, his singing slowed down and got quieter, trying to push me further towards sleep.
'Sleep, love' he whispered in his most persuasive, irresistible voice. 'I'm here. I will keep the bad dreams away'. I shut my eyes and tried to focus again, sighing contentedly, filling my mind with images of Edward's face, his loving golden eyes, the movement of his perfect lips as he sang my lullaby softly, quieter and quieter. The colours began to merge together behind my closed eyelids, the bronze, golden and the red, now slowly swirling around to the rhythm of the lullaby... I was focussing so hard, hoping that tonight, I would manage to cling to my happy place even in my dreams. 'Edward' i sighed and felt him pull me closer as I finally drifted off.
He slid from my waking reality into my dreams so easily. As I dreamt, we were in our meadow, talking about our future, about forever. Listening to Edward talk about his love and desire for me filled me with so much happiness, it was almost impossible to bear. I looked at the ground as I felt my cheeks turn red and the blush spread slowly. I heard Edward chuckle happily and then felt his hand lift my chin slowly until my eyes met his. 'It will be only you and me, Bella', he murmured as the intensity of his gaze pulled me closer. 'Noone else...just you and me'...almost lost in the smoldering gold of his eyes, i still managed to detect some movement in the forrest at the edge of the meadow. It can't be anything dangerous, i thought, Edward would have sensed it long before me...the look in his eyes was drawing me in deeper and deeper. And yet, there was something definitely moving, almost emerging from the dark trees I could see behind Edward. Reluctantly and with great difficulty, I tore my gaze away from his eyes and looked towards the trees. Someone was standing there, looking towards us. I stiffened and held my breath as I reminded myself quickly that Victoria was gone and Edward was here with me, smiling calmly, so there could be no danger. As I strained my eyes to see who was hiding in the shadows of the forest, the person stepped out into the meadow. With a quiet gasp, I realised I was looking into a pair of eyes very much like mine.
'Mum' I breathed and felt my eyes fill with tears immediately. Renee gave me a huge warm smile and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. Suddenly, Charlie stepped out from behind the trees and stood next to Renee, smiling at me just as warmly. Renee held out her hands to me and I felt a sudden urge to jump up and run to them. I looked into Edward's eyes again and couldn't move, completely powerless against the intensity of his loving stare. A small smile was playing around his lips as my heart began to ache. I struggled to look away again and gasped when i saw Renne and Charlie standing at the edge of the meadow along with a tall, familiar figure. The pain in my heart intensified as I looked into Jacob's face and recognised his sunny smile. Jacob waved at me enthusiastically, then beckoned for me to go to them. Renee still had her arms held out to me. I half lifted myself up off the ground, starting to smile at them but my smile froze as in a second everything came rushing back to me in the dream.
My decision had been made and it was made even before Edward and I stepped into this meadow for the first time, such a long time ago. There was no question in my heart about who I would choose. Very slowly, i sank back onto the grass, sitting down opposite Edward again. My eyes found his and stayed fixed there. His face was soft and loving but unmoving - his decision had been made too. I dared not look back at my family and my best friend for fear that my heart would not be able to take the pain that was bound to be reflected on their faces. I realised the tears never stopped rolling down my cheeks and sobs were bubbling up inside my chest. For Edward's sake, I tried to stifle them and reassure him by staying strong, but a loud cry full of hurt fough its way out and the next thing I knew, I was awake, sobbing loudly as Edwards arms pulled me close to him, his soft voice trying to soothe me.
'Shhh, love, it's all right, I'm right here. Look at me, Bella, everything is fine'. I looked into his worried eyes, then burried my face in his cold chest. 'Please tell me about the dreams...please let me help you', he pleaded, unhappily. 'It's nothing', I sobbed, 'just a stupid nightmare. Please just hold me, I'll be fine in a minute'. I knew he was dying to help me somehow but I could never tell him the true nature of my dreams. Edward was the one who wanted me to stay human and I would not let him know my subconsiousness was forcing me to keep thinking about the elements of my human life i would forever miss. I did not doubt for a second my decision to choose Edward and immortality but for the first time in my life, having made a decision did not put my mind at ease completely and I was fearing my dreams every night.