Disclaimer: This is yet another fanfic with a number of changes made to the original story that will not be explained until later. This is an ongoing fic that has no definite end planned. The events are simply how I would like to see them, so you can criticize them if you'd like. And suggestions are appreciated, since I'm having trouble isolating each character's persona.

I do not own Evangelion or any of characters in this fic. This is a fan production made in my free time and is not intended to breach the protected rights of Gainax.

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Revelation 1:1

- Original Sin -

By: OmegaGear

Shinji sat in the seat of the entry plug with his head lowered. A low hum was all he could hear, which he had learned to associate with the minimal activity mode of an Eva. Unit-01 was no longer in cryo-stasis, having been removed since it was the only remaining Eva with a capable pilot. If all went well though, Unit-01 would be put back in within a week.

Across the large testing chamber, he could see Unit-02; standing with its arms locked by restraints and power cable plugged in its back. The Eva was completely silent, having not yet been activated. Still… a sense of guilt and dread crept into Shinji's mind as he looked upon the four-eyed beast.

He could start to hear his heart beat over the hum of the entry plug as he remembered the last time Unit-02 was active. The last time it fought in battle. The time of the seventeenth angel's attack. The time when Kaworu Nagisa revealed himself to be Tabris. The former ally had become a fierce opponent. Shinji didn't want to fight his friend's Eva, knowing she would hate him for it, but in the end, he had to defeat it in order to reach Kaworu. He didn't think it possible, but he could've sworn that the red Eva wore an angry look on its face at the time.

"Injecting the entry plug now," a woman's voice could be heard over the cockpit's communications system.

Shinji watched as the thin tube was inserted between Unit-02's shoulders and locked in by the back plate. He watched with emotionless eyes, feeling an emptiness due to the events of the past few days. It all seemed so pointless now. After Kaworu betrayed him, he felt like he had lost everything. All the people he trusted were no longer the same. They all had changed, leaving him behind.

"Filling the LCL fluid now," the same woman, said. Maya watched her monitor as data was displayed, confirming that the entry plug was completely filled with LCL, and the pilot was conscious. "We're ready to proceed, ma'am."

Ritsuko had her glasses hanging low on her nose as usual when doing an activation test. Her hands were resting in the pockets of her lab coat as she looked at the many screens showing the different phases of the activation sequence. "Right… begin charging the LCL."

"Roger," Maya said, typing in a simple string of commands. "LCL is fully charged, ma'am."

"Proceed with the A-10 nerve connections," she ordered. She still had a stone face of concentration, but was genuinely worried inside. This was the hardest part of preliminary activation tests, and usually ended in failure. If they failed to activate Unit-02 with the pilot, they wouldn't have many options if an emergency occurred.

"Nerve connections in groups seven through thirteen complete," Maya said. "Approaching the absolute borderline."

"Acknowledged," doctor Akagi said, already knowing they could move forward before getting the report. "Begin activation sequence."

As the crew of the testing center typed in commands and reported their data readouts, Misato stared as the green eyes of Unit-02 began to light up. This was the second Eva activation test she witnessed, not counting Shinji's emergency activation nearly a year ago. She began to wander off, remembering what she would call a fiasco at best and a nightmare by all means.

Unit-03, possessed by the thirteenth angel, Bardiel, went berserk, leaving a crater where the second testing facility once was. Misato didn't see what happened next, but saw what it did to Shinji. When she tried to contact him after the incident, she immediately realized that Shinji had reached his limit. Shinji would no longer accept what his father did to him.

Shinji also remembered that dark day as he watched Unit-02's activation test proceed. He was horrified when he first saw the target approaching between some hills. It was Evangelion Unit-03. Horror consumed his heart as he was ordered to destroy it, knowing that within the lost Eva was another kid just like him. Trapped against his will and dealt his fate by his heartless father.

The eject signal was submitted, cutting off all nerve connections between the possessed Eva and the pilot trapped inside. Something prevented the plug from ejecting though, leaving it plainly visible with the back plate thrown off during the eject sequence.

Seeing the plug confirmed Shinji's fears, causing him to freeze. Even if it meant his death, the tormented boy refused to kill another human being.

Unsatisfied, the thirteenth angel lifted the motionless Eva and threw it against a nearby hill. The relentless beast proceeded to strangle it and put an end to mankind's hope.

That was enough for Shinji though. He fought valiantly and was able to overpower the mad Eva. Commander Ikari, however, was not satisfied with simply defeating the Angel. When Shinji refused to destroy the dead shell of an Eva, control was transferred to the newly equipped dummy plug system. Unit-01 became an unstoppable machine of destruction.

Shinji had begged for his father to stop, but the Eva continued to strip the black armor from the flesh, and tear it asunder. When Shinji saw his Eva remove the entry plug and grip it in its hand, he tensed his entire body and released his anger in a single cry for his father to stop.

The lights in his entry plug dimmed, and Shinji felt the control arms of the cockpit slacken in his hands. Shinji expelled what little was left of his breath in a sigh of relief. Somehow, he had stopped it. Unit-01 shut down with Unit-03's entry plug held in its hand, completely intact.

After that disaster, NERV and SEELE were unwilling to risk reactivation of Unit-03, despite reports that it was salvageable.

Since then, NERV has begun building a new Unit-03 for the 4th child while the 2nd branch in the US restarted construction on Unit-04, despite the disaster they experienced with the S2-Engine activation test. Misato didn't have to wonder why though, because without any major project, the US branch would have been shut down, cutting off a major money source for the Americans.

"Releasing final safety lock!" Maya shouted, rushing Misato back to reality.

As the screen showed the final lock blinking as it was slowly approached, she began to worry. Besides Asuka's activation of Unit02, she had never seen or heard of a successful activation test the first time through. Sure, Shinji was able to do it in Unit-01 the first time, without any training, but Unit-01 was a different story all together. She found herself holding her breath, concluding that this would be another failure. That was the reason for the presence of Unit-01.

Although the testing chamber is built for only one Eva, Unit-01 was included in the now cramped area incase Unit-02 went berserk, which was the case in most activation test failures. With resources of every kind running thin, Commander Ikari no longer wanted to take any risks. And with what's happened in the recent past, no one questioned his orders involving Unit-01.

"Activation confirmed!" Maya yelled, a hint of surprise in her tone.

Unit-02 remained still, its green eyes glowing. No sound came from the giant, making it seem just as dead as before, but it was active. They had succeeded in isolating an alternative to the use of Unit-01, which was deemed "too risky" since it consumed the fourteenth angel and developed an S2 organ.

Everyone in the viewing chamber was just as still as the Eva, not quite believing that the test actually passed. No one knew if the fourth child had successfully synchronized with Unit-03 before the Angel took it over, but with the recent failures at supplying a different pilot for Unit-01 against the 14th Angel, everyone had their doubts. No one expected Unit-02 to accept another pilot, even if the original had problems synchronizing with it.

After a lengthy moment of silence, Maya read her monitor, "All readings are steady. The pilot has synchronized with Unit-02."

Misato made smirked. Huh… Just like that, all fears are washed away and the sleeping beast is finally awake again. "How's the pilot doing?"

Ritsuko leaned over and read the data that was transmitted from the cockpit. "His life signs and brain wave patterns are all reading within the acceptable limits."

"And just what does that mean?" Misato hissed, not wanting the technical boundaries mentioned.

Ritsuko laughed faintly, "It means that the pilot is doing just fine." She hit another button, opening a channel to the pilot, "how do you feel, Toji?"

There was a brief pause before a reply came, "eh… I'm feeling okay… I guess." The words were muffled a bit, as they usually were when received from a pilot within an Eva.

Ritsuko gave no sign of hearing what he said; continuing to type in commands and read data as it was transmitted. Misato was guessing that she probably didn't hear what he said, because she didn't really care. "Any trouble breathing?"

"…No"

"What about Moving?"

"I feel a bit stiff, but I can move," Toji's voice was low and emotionless.

Ever since being chosen as the 4th child his spirited self seemed to disappear. Misato thought about it for a while and found that he had changed to be what Shinji was like a year ago almost. She wondered what was so horrible about being an Eva pilot to Toji that he suddenly became so dark.

"You'll get used to it," Ritsuko said, standing up straight and looking at the motionless Eva. "Synchronization ratio is 27%. Nothing spectacular, but at least it's something."

"Whoa, way to make the pilot feel like he accomplished something," Misato retorted, attacking Ritsuko's "all business" attitude that seemed to make everything that much more depressing.

The doctor didn't dignify her attack with a response and continued with the standard test procedure.

"Alright, this test has been completed. Begin shut down sequence." Her words are lost, however, as an alarm goes off and the main screen went red with alert and error warnings.

- x -

Toji sat in the cockpit seat, staring through the blank screen in front of him. He knew that the vision through the cockpit was really a video feed from the eyes of the Eva, so no image was there while it was inactive. All he could see was the yellow hue of the LCL fluid he was submerged in. He didn't really remember his first activation test, which Shinji tells him is a good thing, so everything seemed new, but with an odd sense of familiarity.

The cockpit suddenly lit up, causing several different patterns to appear one after another, over the viewing monitor. He continued to relax as he was instructed to before the test began, concentrating on as little as possible. That proved difficult, as he soon found himself dwelling on his resentment towards being a pilot. He didn't really think it was a truly horrible thing, but wondered if it was being a pilot that made Shinji, Rei, and the red haired devil, Asuka, so weird. From what he had heard, the pilots all had pretty unique lives before becoming pilots, so maybe it wasn't so bad.

Then there was his sister, who was hurt in the first Eva battle. Toji didn't think about that much. His sister yelled at him for beating up Shinji over her injuries and said she'd be dead if it weren't for the Eva. After some rational thinking, he agreed, feeling guilty to this day for hitting the new kid twice over it and only taking one punch back a few days later.

So why did he deject being a pilot so much? His sister was in a better hospital as part of the deal and he was now getting support money from NERV.

His mind was cleared as he heard Doctor Akagi ask him a question. He thought about the answer for a moment, checking all his senses. "Eh…" he groaned, "I'm feeling okay… I guess." The answer was as accurate as it could be. All his senses were working, but he felt awkward in the LCL. He didn't notice anything when he climbed in during the battle against the 4th angel, but he was more concerned with his impending death than how weird it felt inside the cockpit.

"Any trouble breathing?" the doctor asked.

He took a few breaths, concentrating on how his chest, throat, and mouth felt during the action. It wasn't quite like breathing air, but he was breathing, "…no."

"What about Moving?"

Toji went through another series of personal tests, concentrating on each body part as he moved them in every which way. He could move, but everything was sluggish in the strange liquid. "I'm a bit stiff, but I can move," he finally said in a dead tone.

"You'll get used to it," is what the doctor said in response, obviously not really caring that his answer hinted at irregularity.

He listened as the doctor and the others in the observation chamber talked about the successful test. One thing worth noting was when Misato snapped at doctor Akagi for being negative in regards to his sync ratio.

After a while, Toji began to relax, getting used to thinking about nothing. He began to wonder how Asuka broke down, failing to synchronize. She always made it a well known fact that she was the best Eva pilot and even wore her headset all the time to stand as a constant reminder of just that. So what could have possibly caused her to lose all that?

Toji's mind began to fall into deep thought on the subject as the shutdown sequence was ordered to end the test. He didn't hear or see anything, however, as the screens suddenly shut down, and the LCL seemed to choke him. Toji heaved and grabbed his neck, trying in vain to pry the choking hands that weren't there.

He could faintly here Doctor Akagi's voice shouting over the com, asking him to respond. Before he could answer she asked what was happening. He didn't know how to explain it, but answered

"It's... rejecting me…" he croaked weakly.

He wanted to say more, but felt a new pain. A sudden tight pinch on the back of his neck caused him to throw his head back. His entire body began to shake violently as his muscles tightened, fighting the pain. Amid his silent cries through his struggling breath, he heard another's voice.

No, not a voice… it was more like a moaning sound, or grunt. It was so loud it shook the entry plug and echoed through the boy's head. It was low and aggressive, sounding as if it meant to threaten the new pilot as an intruder.

The growling became a low, curious hum, prompting the pain in the back of Toji's neck to suddenly jump in intensity. The increase was so great it pummeled his entire body, nearly tearing him from his seat. His limbs jerked involuntarily while his head began to feel like it was being torn apart. All he could hear was the violent shaking of the cockpit, the static of the instruments trying to reconnect, and the curious hum of what he had concluded, was Unit-02 itself.

As the pain reached its apex, a flash of noise and images rampaged through his head, causing him to mentally and physically scream, unable to take it all in. He couldn't make out anything that the Eva seemed to show him, or draw from him. As the experience overtook him, Toji threw his head back and his arms out and screamed at the top of his lungs. He heard the hum get louder, returning to a roar, and then suddenly stop. The entry plug went dark, turning blue as all the instruments shut down, but a few emergency lights. Toji let his body go limp now that the pain was gone, and fell over in the pilot seat. He was breathing heavily and could barely move. The hum no longer touched his ears.

- x -

"Cut the power!" Ritsuko yelled, trying to stop the problem from getting any worse as quickly as possible. A man confirmed the order and pulled a large switch, removing the umbilical cable form Unit-02's back.

The cable dropped to the ground and Unit-02's internal power began to count down until it ran out. There was a minute and five seconds of power to wait out.

"Abort the test!"Ritsuko yelled.

The young scientist threw out orders as the Eva began to go wild. The neural links were starting to be severed, but not by the NERV personal. Before they could even order anything to happen, the links broke, one by one. The links weren't breaking because of a failure to synchronize with the Eva, however.

Ritsuko and Misato had seen this sort of severing once before. It happened to Rei Ayanami, the first child, when she tried to synchronize with Unit-01 to fight the 14th Angel. In this sort of situation, the pilot's nerves aren't connected with the Eva, but still experiences extreme physical and mental trauma.

"Oh no!" the scientist said, realizing what was happening. "The neural links are being rejected! Submit the eject signal!"

"It's no good!" Maya screamed. "Nothing's being accepted! It's completely out of control!"

"It won't accept anything?" Misato dreaded that it would come to this, and it had. Unit-02 would never synchronize with anyone but Asuka now.

The red giant began to shake under the hold of the locks on its arms. Its head lunged forward, trying to pull its shoulders loose, but the locks maintained their hold.

Misato ordered Shinji accordingly as the head of military and combat operations, "Shinji, move Unit-01 and intercept!"

"Damn!" was all Shinji said as he put Unit-01 into combat mode. The horned beast came between its four eyed brethren and the command chamber, arms ready to intercept it if it ever broke free from its restraints.

It's just like before! Shinji began to tremble inside the entry plug as he remembered his last battle with Unit-02. Asuka, I'm sorry! Shinji raised his head and faced the red demon. Unit-01 hunched lower, preparing to spring to initiate its defensive assault.

The red Eva continued to jerk its head and shoulders, pulling at its restraints. It began to roar as it fought harder, struggling against its imprisonment.

"What's the status of the pilot?" Misato cried, unable to take her eyes from the enraged beast.

"The pilot's brainwaves are fluctuating!" Maya reported. A single graph on her screen showed a yellow line climbing and falling rapidly at random intervals. An un-rhythmic beeping noise trailed the line, marking each pulse of the pilot's mind. "They're going off the scale!"

"What?" Misato couldn't believe what was happening. Everything was going wrong.

"Activate the Bakelite system!" Ritsuko ordered, going to her last resort. "Aim the hoses at Unit-02's legs! We have to secure it!"

Several panels in the walls opened, revealing large hose nozzles. A red liquid was fired from them and onto Unit-02 as it continued to struggle. This was the same liquid used on Unit-00 when it became berserk during a test with Rei. It solidified quickly, forming a strong hold on whatever it was attached to.

An automated message was brought up and a computerized voice began to speak. "Shut down in 10… 9…"

Ritsuko continued to order her team, "Prepare a rescue team to retrieve the pilot!"

As the red liquid spread over the Eva's body, it roared one final time, throwing its head up and opening its mouths. Four white eyes glowed within dark spaces under the armor. An instant after this happened, the Eva became silent, and the countdown was halted. The eyes dimmed, leaving a blank darkness on the Eva's revealed face.

Everyone stared in awe at what they had witnessed. They had experienced all the developments before, except one. Not once, had they seen a berserk Eva shut itself down while still having power available. They never wanted to stop.

After a minute of complete stillness, Misato spoke, her words betraying her fear, "Wha… what happened?"

Ritsuko was staring at the time that was frozen on the main monitor. The countdown of internal power had ended at 0:03:22.

"The Eva… shut itself down," she said. She looked at all the monitors, reading everything as it came under her vision. "Unit-02… rejected him…"

The blonde scientist began to give out orders and examine the data their instruments displayed before Misato fully regained her wits. When she did, she cut her old friend off by yelling.

"Never mind all that!" she yelled. Misato waited until she had Ritsuko's attention before continuing. "What about the pilot?" she asked, letting her composure return a bit.

Maya answered her, reading the numerous graphs on her screen.

"The pilot's life signs are all normal," she stated, a sigh carried by her words. "However, there was a sudden burst of brainwave activity before the Eva shut down."

Misato had heard that one before. More often than not, the pilots experienced brief moments of extreme mental trauma before the end of a failed Eva activation. With the mental attacks of angels fifteen and sixteen, however, the phrase had lost its effect. It could have meant anything now. At the moment, Misato wasn't in the mood to accept that as an answer, "and what exactly happened with that?"

Ritsuko was still analyzing other graphs when she answered Misato's question.

"It would seem that the Eva tried to make first level contact with the pilot," she said flatly.

"What?" Misato dragged out her aimless question with a wide-eyed stare. "Is that… possible?"

There was a moment where nobody moved as everyone thought about it, all thinking the same thing. Ritsuko broke the silence, saying what everyone wanted to.

"It would seem so," she said. Although, in the back of her mind, Ritsuko knew it wasn't supposed to be possible. At least, not with an Eva that had already had a "successful" contact experiment.

- x -

Toji sat reclined in the pilot chair within the entry plug. He felt extreme anxiety and was breathing heavily as if he had just eluded death. More and more, it was beginning to shape up that piloting an Eva was suicide. He had always admired Shinji for sacrificing so much to do it; to save others, but never imagined it was that horrible. His entire body now ached, muscles strained from flexing during the struggle. But… against what? Toji thought to himself, trying to regain his senses and wits. What was I struggling against?

Toji was still dazed when the LCL was drained from the cockpit. It felt strange to be breathing air again, and he found himself taking deep breaths just to get accustomed to it again. The air felt heavy with humidity, making each breath uncomfortable to take in and a relief to exhale. Once the liquid was completely drained, he noticed that he felt uncomfortable. The stickiness of the LCL lingered on his skin, making his plug-suit feel like a wetsuit drenched in syrup. His nose cringed as he took in the scent as well. It smelled of humid air and warm blood. The type of smell you would only find in the most damned of places. Toji couldn't even think of such a place when the cockpit's hatch was opened.

Artificial white light poured into the entry plug, blinding his already weakened eyes. Toji's instinctual reaction was to raise his arm to shield his eyes, but committing such an act did little to shade his vision while sending a wave of pain through his shoulder and torso.

Two shadows appeared in the blinding cascade of light. As the teen's eyes focused, he made out two people in biohazard suits. One of them looked at the other and nodded. "The pilot is conscious, ma'am. We're removing him from the entry plug now."

"Roger," Doctor Akagi's voice echoed in the massive testing chamber. "Once you've secured him to the stretcher, take him to room 302. I want all of his life signs monitored until ordered otherwise."

The two shouted confirmation of their orders and slowly lifted the pilot form his seat by his arms. Toji groaned as his body felt irritation in sore muscles, but couldn't say anything in the messy blaze that his senses were in. Despite all his pain, he could even feel his body hit the stretcher or the straps being tightened around his limbs. His body felt an indescribable pain within, but was dead to the outside world. After a short amount of thinking, he saw it as a blatantly obvious metaphor for the mental condition of the other Eva pilots. Is this what causes them to be like that? He wondered. Will I… will I become like that too?

The thought of it scared him half to death, losing his sense of personality. He wanted to do something to get his mid off of it, but all he could do was watch the ceiling move as the stretcher was pulled through hall after hall to the NERV medical facility. He thought about the halls he passed through and his final destination, unintentionally forgetting about becoming a living doll. I guess this means I won't be visiting my sister after all.

- x -

Ritsuko sat alone in the viewing section of the testing chamber. Unit-02 was no longer in the chamber, replaced into cryo-stasis in the first cage. Unit-02, however, remained.

With the exception of the entry plug removal, the Eva was untouched after it deactivated itself. The lights were all shut off, leaving only the faint blue emergency lights on. Within the darkness of the testing chamber, the giant stood, arms locked at its sides and to the far wall. Its legs were shoulder length apart and slightly bent, the only sign of movement besides the head. The head is what troubled the young doctor the most. Right before the Eva deactivated itself, it threw its head back, opened its two mouths and let its angry white eyes glow for the briefest of moments. Now that she thought about it, the deactivation was harsh, considering it was the Eva that did it.

"It would seem that Unit-02 is becoming aware as well," a man's voice said. The voice was low and monotone, carrying no emotion. The doctor knew it could be only one person. It was Commander Ikari.

"Yes," Doctor Akagi answered her tone also emotionless. "It would seem so…"

That was the only explanation she could come to for the Eva's behavior during the test. An instant before the pilot's brainwaves become unstable, the Eva's own wave patterns changed. She concluded that the Eva was looking for Asuka, and when she was nowhere to be found, it got angry, and shut itself down. Every Eva has a soul… A soul that desires another, and only one other.

"This is an unexpected development," the commander continued. "SEELE is wary about Unit-01 becoming a God. If they were to discover that Unit-02 was also experiencing similar developments…" The commander stopped talking, waiting for Akagi to finish for him, confirming that she understood.

"They'll destroy us," she finally said, disgusted at realizing how much she had lied to herself the past few years.

"Correct," the commander confirmed, letting no trace of fear escape him, if there was any. "In order to preserve their plan; to preserve instrumentality, they would have the Gods man created destroyed as well as their creators."

"What would you have me do?" she asked.

"There is nothing we can do," he said, "not at the moment." Despite his greatest efforts, Doctor Akagi could pick up on a sense of disappointment in his voice. "Just be ready. When the moment comes, I'll need you."

Akagi wanted to feel joy in being needed by Gendo Ikari, but his tone made it all too clear that he meant it strictly business-wise. No, he wouldn't need her, specifically. She just happened to be the best person suited for the job. The thought of submitting to such a despicable man sickened her, but she accepted her disgrace. She accepted it, for she still hung onto a glimmer of hope that, some day, he would love her.

The conversation over, Commander Ikari turned and exited the testing chamber. As the door slid shut, hissing as the air lock sealed, Doctor Akagi turned to look at the number blinking on the main screen. 3 seconds and 22 hundredths… 3:22. It didn't take her too long to find the irony in the number. Genesis 3:22. Then the Lord God said, "See, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever."

The woman grinned, more for irony than any sort of humor she found in the message.

"Like Adam before us," she said to herself in the darkness. "We have committed the original sin. Creating a man like God himself… what blasphemy." She leaned back and gazed at the blank ceiling, "and now… we shall be cast from the Garden of Eden…"

Although religious, the doctor didn't know how to interpret the Bible with modern events, no matter how ominous. She knew that SEELE had written their own Dead Sea Scrolls from interpretations of the originals and the book of Revelations, the final chapter of the Bible. Thus far, they had been right, if not perfectly exact. And if they were right, and God had predestined man's fate, the end was near.

"For man, who has committed sin, can no longer walk with God," she finished, exiting the room and leaving the sleeping Eva.

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Revelation 1:1

- Awaken -

Shinji sat next to Toji's bed in room 302, waiting for him to wake up. Ritsuko had cleared Toji to leave, but wanted him to stay the night, just in case. Since being removed from the entry plug, Toji was put to sleep so that they could perform their tests on a stable mind, free from random thoughts. There were no abnormalities, which relieved the young pilot of Unit-01.

As he watched Toji lie there, resting peacefully, Shinji began to wander. Ever since being selected as a pilot, Toji has known nothing but pain… Shinji sat up and rolled his eyes upward, as if it would help him focus his mind. Maybe it's time I told him to stop piloting. No one else should need to suffer.

His train of thought was broken, as there was movement in the bed before him followed by a quiet groan. Toji turned his head to look at Shinji and smirked, "Shinji… came to check up on me, huh?"

Shinji returned the slight smile, although it was empty of joy and full of worry. "Yeah, how do you feel?"

Toji didn't answer his question at first. "Well… you're no Misato, but thanks for coming. It makes me happy knowing people care," the taller boy said, returning his eyes to looking at the ceiling. "I feel fine."

Shinji leaned forward, almost in protest to his friend's answer. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice sounding distressed. "If you feel uneasy, maybe you should reconsider being a pilot." His words came out before he really thought about what he was saying. He didn't want it to come out like that.

Toji lay still for a long time, the blankest of looks on his face, before finally answering the suggestion. "Shinji," he called out to his friend.

"Yes?" Shinji gave Toji his complete attention.

"I could have said no when they first came to me with the offer," he turned his head as he spoke. "But I didn't, even though I knew it would change my life forever, possibly for the worse."

"Why?" Shinji asked, completely lost for a possible reason for Toji's choice.

"Because as a pilot, I can make a difference," he said, smiling.

Shinji looked at his friend in amazement. He never expected his blunt friend, who thought so quickly and little of every situation to want to make a difference on such a grand scale. "I don't understand… I thought you hated Eva."

Toji laughed in contemplation of his short disliking of the Evas. He had struck down the new kid, Shinji, in frustration for his sister being hurt in the first battle with the Angels. "I did… but not anymore." He finally said.

"Even after the pain you felt in Unit-02?" Shinji continued to press on, searching for a way to convince his friend otherwise. He didn't want to see another kid get hurt, especially his good friend, Toji.

"Look, Shinji," the taller boy said, his voice suddenly becoming irritated. "I know you don't want to see me get hurt, but you have to understand that I know what I'm getting into." Toji once again set his eyes upon the ceiling, looking at nothing but the emptiness of the white tiles and fluorescent lights. "Ever since my sister was hurt, I despised Eva, but what I was really doing was hating myself. I couldn't forgive myself for not being able to protect her." He paused and turned to look Shinji in the eyes, his own burning with life. "This is my chance to do what I couldn't do then. Now I can protect her from further harm."

After Toji was finished, no one spoke. Shinji sat in his chair, a bit shocked by what his friend said, but understood. Although he didn't want to see his friend get hurt, he decided he would have to accept Toji's answer.

"Speaking of which," Shinji finally said, changing the subject as a way of telling Toji he understood. "Your sister misses you, but understands that you're busy these days."

"My sister?" Toji asked, a bit unprepared for her being mentioned. "Did you tell her what happened?"

"No," Shinji said. "I simply told her that you were tired after the test and needed to rest as ordered by Ritsuko."

"Thanks," Toji replied. He let out a breath he had been holding ever since Shinji mentioned his little sister. "I don't want her to worry about me. Thanks a lot, Shinji," he said, smiling at his friend. "You're a good friend."

Shinji returned the smile. He noticed that Toji's smile wasn't the same carefree smile he usually wore when he was happy, such as lunchtime. It was a more mature and sincere smile.

"You're welcome," he said. Shinji let the moment of peace sit briefly before getting to his feet. "I'd better get going," he said. "I have to check up on Asuka."

"Alright," Toji replied, settling into a more relaxed position in the bed. "Good luck."

- x -

Misato sat at her desk, tapping a pen on a pile of papers she had to fill out. She was going over NERV's combative abilities, and it didn't look good. With only Units 01 and 02 available, and Unit-02 rejecting all, but the comatose pilot, their options were very limited. Unit-01 was supposed to be in permanent cryo-stasis, but it was the only available Eva now. And like Unit-02, Unit-01 would only accept one pilot, Shinji Ikari.

"Knowing how Shinji feels about piloting, it looks pretty dim for us," Misato said to herself.

Upon thinking of Shinji, Misato remembered the other documents she had to fill out. As Shinji and Asuka's guardian, she had to fill out reports on their behavior and status regularly. Asuka's was easy these days. Her condition was the same as always, in a light coma. Shinji, however, was different.

Ever since Rei sacrificed herself and Unit-00 to destroy the 16th angel, he became distant from Misato. Shortly after that, Ritsuko showed Shinji the truth behind Rei, and he became distant from Rei. After Kaworu, the 17th angel betrayed him; Shinji had pretty much entered a mental breakdown.

He'll pilot… but there's no telling what could happen. Misato slumped in her chair and sighed. She felt sorry and worried for her youngest roommate. Just when things were starting to look up for him, things fell apart, one after another.

First, the 12th angel's Dirac Sea absorbs him, and he experiences heavy mental trauma. Second, his father forces him to destroy Unit-03 with the pilot, his friend Toji still inside. Toji survived the occurrence unharmed, but the act did more than trouble Shinji. Third, he's absorbed by Unit-01 while fighting the 14th angel and is lost for a month. Fourth, the 15th angel rapes Asuka's mind, shattering her pride and settles her into depression. Shinji is unable to handle the loss of someone he cares about so deeply. After that were the events with Rei and Kaworu.

Misato leaned on her desk and rested her head on her arms. She didn't know what to do. With everything falling apart, she didn't feel like filling out any forms. She just wanted to talk… to be with Shinji and Asuka again. She wanted her family back.

"You look troubled," a woman's voice said, stating the obvious.

Misato spun her chair around to see her old friend, Ritsuko.

"Oh, it's you, Ritsuko," Misato tried to sound happy when she spoke, but couldn't with everything that was going on in her head. She sighed as she leaned in her chair to relax. "Yeah…" she said, looking away. "Asuka's still in a coma and Shinji keeps shutting himself out from me. The only person he seems to want to be with is Asuka."

Misato's scientist friend crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the edge of the doorframe. Her glasses were hanging low on her nose, as usual, and she seemed troubled herself.

"A lot has happened," she admitted. "Shinji sees everyone differently now. I don't know for sure, but I think he's seeking a sense of familiarity through Asuka, the only person who has yet to act differently towards him."

At hearing her friend's words, the other woman sighed and looked at the ground.

"What did I do to make him look at me so differently?" she asked.

- x -

It was the same thing, everyday. Shinji came to visit Asuka in room 303 of NERV's private hospital. He came to see if she had woken up yet, but nothing ever changed. Her life signs remained steady and she continued to sleep without pause. Every day for the past month, Shinji was by her side, desiring her company. But why did he want it? What did he seek from her? She never gave him any sort of comfort with her constant insults, poor treatment, and complaining.

The past month was filled with Shinji coming and telling Asuka about his day and asking how she was doing. She never responded, but he felt comfortable talking to her. He knew she couldn't hear him, but felt that she was the only person he could go to now.

Rei had become unsettling to be with since he learned of her true nature. The revelation that she was one of dozens of clones was very disturbing to Shinji, but that wasn't the only problem. Shinji had decided that he was willing to accept the new Rei, for reasons he couldn't explain. The new Rei, however, made that very difficult.

Rei's third clone didn't seem to carry any of the calm of the second, coming off more cold than anything else. She also appeared angry whenever someone else was present. Shinji didn't let that chase him away at first, but her behavior persisted no matter what he did, and it eventually pushed him away.

Things only became more complicated when he confronted Ritsuko for more answers, and learned the truth about Rei being a clone of his mother. After that, he couldn't find it in himself to face Rei again.

Shinji also had trouble talking to Misato. Whenever he'd try to, she'd give him advice and correct him as if he were wrong to think the way he did. He knew she was just trying to help, but he didn't need that. What he really needed was someone to listen to him. Maybe that's why he came to Asuka everyday with his problems.

He didn't have anything to tell her today though, yet he still came. He sat in a chair next to her bed, just as he did in Toji's room minutes ago. His legs were pressed together with his hands resting on his thighs. He sat up straight, keeping his eyes on the girl's pale face.

It's the same as yesterday… He thought to himself. He sighed as he was saddened by her unchanged status. She's still in a coma… No change at all in nearly a month. Not even the slightest change in brain activity.

Even though she was in a coma, her face looked sad and troubled. Ritsuko had told Shinji that Asuka's coma is a very rare type, caused by extreme mental conditions. Apparently Asuka had entered a mental loop and slipped into a coma, continually running the loop in her mind. Shinji didn't know for sure, but he suspected that the loop had to do with not being able to synchronize with Unit-02 and whatever the 15th Angel had done to her when it entered her mind.

Asuka… what happened to you? He wondered.

Shinji wanted to help her, but there was nothing that he could do. All he could do was wait and hope for her to wake up. When she did, he would be there, ready to welcome her back. She never did that on the numerous times he was injured, but he felt compelled to be there for her. Shinji suddenly found himself feeling warm as he thought about her. He continued to watch over her as he thought about why he was doing all this. He thought about why he was doing all of this for her.

- x -

She didn't know how long it had been, but it felt like an eternity; the same memories playing in front of her on an invisible screen, time and time again. Her mother lying in bed, talking to a doll like it was her. She was talking to the doll about killing herself and killing her so they could be together. Then it moved on to her mother hanging from the hospital room ceiling. It was the day she was chosen as the second child. Next to her mother's limp body, hung the doll she thought was her. The memories that followed were flashes of her life after declaring that she'd never depend on others ever again; that she'd never cry again. Most of them were of her rejections of Shinji's help and insults to keep him away.

Asuka clenched her fists. She had had enough and wanted it to stop.

"Why are you showing this to me?" she screamed, her voice echoing through the expansiveness of her mind. After she heard no reply, she stomped her right foot and screamed even louder. "Damn it! Answer me! Why am I seeing all this!"

The memories stopped playing, and her surroundings became dark. A light was shining on her, but nothing else could be seen. She stood in the halo of light, wearing her red plug suit. Another light appeared to her right and a little girl appeared in its beam. The girl was about four years old, long hear flowing down to her waist. She appeared pale in color, but it wasn't just her skin. Her eyes, hair, and even her clothes were all faded in color. It was Asuka when she was a child, holding a monkey doll that her step mother gave her.

"It's… you," Asuka said, recognizing her young self, but surprised by its appearance.

The girl gave no response, and stood in the light, holding the doll in her arms like it was her sole possession. Asuka recovered from her surprise and began to demand answers.

"It was you who was showing me all those horrible things! Why did you show me those memories?" she asked.

"I showed them to you, because you need to stop running," the girl said, her voice cold.

"Running?" Asuka asked, more in disbelief than confusion. "I'm not running from anything!" She kept her hands clenched in fists, unable to vent her anger by words alone.

"Yes you are," the girl said, her voice calm, but still cold.

A memory lit up around the two, colors slightly pale as if they were beginning to fade from her mind forever.

"You barely remember that day," the girl said, "but ever since then, you've been running away from the affection of others. You've been running from the truth."

Asuka watched the memory of her discovering her dead mother and grabbed her head while she began to scream.

"No!" she cried. "I don't want to remember that!"

"You see?" the young Asuka said. "Even now, when faced with the facts, you run."

Asuka knew her younger self was right, but refused to concede defeat. She let go of her head and pointed at the memory.

"And just what the hell does this have to do with running away from affection?" Asuka shouted. "She wanted to kill me!"

The girl's gaze remained on Asuka as she gave her answer.

"This is where it all began," she said.

The area around them became dark as the faded memory vanished, much to Asuka's relief. They stood facing each other within their spotlights as the girl continued to speak.

"That was the day you began to run from the affection of others."

"And how would you know?" Asuka insinuated. "You're just a figment of my imagination! You don't know anything!"

"I am more than a figment of your imagination," the girl corrected. "I am you."

"You're me?" Asuka placed her arms on her hips and laughed, "Ha! Like I'd ever be as weak as you!" She pointed at the little girl, anger in her eyes. "Look at you!" she shouted. "Holding that doll like it'll make you feel better! You're pathetic!"

"It is you who is pathetic," her younger self stated. "You are unable to accept the help and opinions of others; the truth. You run away from them."

"I don't need anyone's help!" Asuka repeated. "I don't need Shinji's help!"

Asuka got on her knees and grabbed her head as more memories flashed around her. They showed Shinji saving her in Unit-01 and defeating Angels she could not. They showed him cooking lunch for her everyday and cleaning her room. At the end of every scene, she did nothing but yell at him and make him feel unwanted.

"I said nothing of this Shinji, yet you proceed to talk about him." The girl turned her gaze from Asuka for the first time since she appeared to watch the memories play. They were more vibrant than the one of her mother dying. "What is he to you?'

Asuka sprang to her feet at having heard the question. Out of instinct and a developed reflex she shouted, "Shinji is nothing to me! That idiot is a spineless excuse for a human being! I hate him!"

"You are still running from the truth," the girl said. "You cannot hide from the truth here, within your subconscious."

More memories came into focus around them as the girl spoke, magnifying her words like an orchestra of vision and sound. The memories all had one thing in common. They all involved the third child, Shinji Ikari.

"You don't know anything!" Asuka Shouted. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to hide from seeing the memories. As they became louder, overlapping each other, she covered her ears and screamed. "Shinji is nothing to me! I hate him!"

As her words echoed, the memories flew apart and vanished, replaced by a single memory that solidified around them. Unlike the other memories, which had appeared like images on a screen, this one drew them into the environment, making it seem like they were part of it. To their left they could see Shinji sitting with his knees bent, listening to his SDAT player. Asuka was leaning over the dining table, tapping her finger, obviously thinking about something.

Asuka in the memory spoke, "Hey, Shinji, you wanna kiss me?"

Shinji looked up in confusion and removed his earphones, "huh?" He hadn't hear her clearly.

Asuka lifted her head from her arms and addressed him more directly, "You know, kiss me. Ever kiss a girl before?"

Shinji shook his head, "uh uh," he had uttered.

"Well, then let's do it," she said, giving him a mischievous smile.

Shinji jumped back and had a scared look on his face.

"What? Why?" he asked.

"There's nothing else to do" Asuka said. She continued to speak in her un-serious tone.

Shinji looked away. "That's a stupid reason."

"Aww… what's the matter," Asuka began to speak in a mocking tone, teasing the boy she lived with. "Can't kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mother's death?"

Shinji dropped his head and shut his eyes slightly at hearing her mention the event that made the day important to him.

"That's not it…" he said softly.

"Then maybe you're scared," she teased, knowing this would send him over the edge.

Shinji got to his feet. "I'm not afraid! Pucker up!"

Asuka also got to her feet, "Right! Did you brush your teeth?"

Shinji nodded and Asuka began to walk towards him, "Then here I come!"

Asuka watched as she stopped mere inches from Shinji and looked him in the eyes. She could feel her heart beat harder and started to feel slightly flushed as she began to remember what she was watching. She listened as she told Shinji to stop breathing and watched as she plugged his nose and touched lips with him. She gasped, remembering how it felt. She'd never admit it to anyone, especially Shinji, but it was her first kiss.

The younger girl watched with empty eyes, looking as if she were watching it for the first time.

"What is this, then?" she asked. She continued to watch as she waited for Asuka's answer.

"That?" Asuka said, a bit uneasy. She was still feeling a flush in her face from remembering the event, and was having trouble coming back under control. When she finally recovered, she clenched her fists and shut her eyes in protest. "That's nothing!" she shouted.

"It looks like you're kissing him," the young Asuka said. She continued to watch, her eyes no longer empty. They seemed to fill with a yearning. They looked sad and deprived as the kiss continued and Shinji began to turn red. The little girl hugged her doll tighter, desiring comfort in a kiss such as that.

That is what Asuka's past self was; a young girl that desired the love of others. This part of her life was abandoned after her mother committed suicide. After that, she never allowed herself to get close to others, for she feared that they would betray her. She was afraid they would hurt her. Asuka had shut out this aspect of herself for so long, she didn't recognize it and forgotten why she kept herself distanced from other people.

"So?" Asuka yelled, irritated at the girl's comments. "Just because I kissed him doesn't mean anything! I only did it to kill time."

"You did not do this to kill time." The younger Asuka watched as the kiss broke. Shinji jumped back, taking in a large breath of air. His face was nearly blue when he was freed and it took a while for its normal color to return.

"Sure I did," Asuka said matter-of-factly. The memory showed Asuka break for the bathroom and wash out her mouth. "See?"

"I speak not of your cowardly retreat," the former Asuka said, cold as ever.

"Excuse me?" Asuka was beginning to get angry again "Retreat from what?"

The girl hugged her doll tightly as she spoke. "From your feelings for him."

"Feelings?" Asuka's eye twitched in disbelief of what she heard her past self say. "For Shinji?" She looked over at the boy who stood there, staring at the bathroom door as Asuka whined about making a mistake. "Get real! I told you the kiss was just to kill time!"

"Why do you lie to yourself this way?" The girl asked, almost whining.

"Lie?" Asuka again found herself surprised by what her past self said to her. She quickly recovered and went about her usual way of avoiding the truth, "I don't need to lie to myself like that pathetic Shinji!"

The girl's voice was no longer whining or cold, but curious. "You say he is pathetic, yet you would have your first kiss with him?" she asked.

Asuka held her head down. She was beginning to lower her defenses, or they were crumbling. She repeated, "It was just to kill time." Her voice was sad and asked for the girl to stop asking about this scene in her life. "What does it matter that it was my first kiss? It meant nothing to me!"

"Then what is this?" The memory replayed, except it was a shorter part of her kiss with Shinji. His face had just begun to turn red from lack of oxygen.

"What are you talking about?" Asuka shouted, not understanding what her past wanted her to see. "That's the same thing you just showed me!"

The young girl growled, angry at Asuka's inability to see what she was showing her. The fragment of the memory played again, except the sound was a lot louder. Asuka watched, eyes wide in realization of what it was her past wanted her to see. She could hear herself moaning into the kiss, because she enjoyed it.

"Alright!" Asuka shut her eyes as she shouted. "That's enough! I admit it! I enjoyed the kiss!"

"So you admit that the kiss was more than to kill time?"

"Yes!" Asuka cried, sounding like she was admitting defeat.

"You admit that you enjoy being with Shinji that way?"

Asuka didn't answer at first, and was starting to tremble. "Yes!" she finally shouted.

"You admit that you have feelings for this Shinji Ikari?" The girl put her hand out towards the boy who stood, lips locked with Asuka's in the memory.

"Yes!" Asuka's head was down, and she had begun to cry. Her body was trembling as she let out her feelings after nearly a year of hiding them from everyone, including herself. "Yes, I admit it!" She repeated. "I admit it! I have feelings for Shinji!"

The memory vanished, and the two were once again surrounded by complete darkness, the two halos of light shining over each of them. The only sound to be heard was Asuka's crying.

"Why are you crying?" the younger girl asked.

Asuka tried her best to stop the tears, but could do little as she spoke. "Don't you get it?" she sobbed. "I have feelings for Shinji!" She took a moment to try to come under control, but continued to cry as heavily as before. "I have feelings for Shinji and all I've ever done is tell him I hate him!"

"Why must you cry because of that?" her past self asked. "Why don't you just tell Shinji how you feel?"

Asuka's words were broken up by her crying. "Because I can't," she mumbled.

"Why can't you tell him how you feel?"

Asuka could do nothing but repeat her last answer. "I can't… I just can't."

"Why do you continue to run, even after realizing the truth?" The girl asked, her voice becoming angry again.

"Because I'm scared!" Asuka shouted, finally breaking from her pouring tears. "I'm scared that he'll hate me!"

"Why would Shinji hate you?"

"He'd hate me, because of how I've treated him!" Asuka said, admitting how terrible she had been towards him her entire time with him. "He'd hate me for lying to him for as long as we've known each other!"

Once again, their surroundings came to life as memories played out for them. They watched as Shinji prepared breakfast for her one morning. The previous night had been particularly bad for her, and she had ended it by slapping him for trying to comfort her. Despite all that, Shinji woke up earlier than usual to make her a special breakfast.

"Does it look like he hates you?" the girl asked.

"No…" Asuka had to admit. Despite everything she did to him, he always treated her like she was a princess.

Asuka began to feel herself calm down and feel at ease for the first time since her odd dream began. Watching Shinji cook something just for her brought a warm feeling to her face. Asuka smiled as she watched him put an omelet on her plate.

"Shinji…" she said, a tear running down her cheek.

"Asuka?" Shinji's voice sounded surprised.

Asuka opened her eyes and saw a blank white ceiling above her. Her eyes had trouble focusing, having been closed for so long, but she could make out the faint shape of someone watching her.

"Shinji?" she mumbled.

"Asuka!" Shinji cried. Tears filled his eyes as he smiled. "Asuka, you're finally awake! Oh my God! I'm so happy! You're finally awake!" Shinji wiped his tears with his arm as he continued to talk about how happy he was that she was finally awake.

Asuka smiled as her eyes finally focused and she could finally see Shinji clearly. She was happy to see him again. She watched him cry as he told her how he visited her every day after school, and even stayed the night many times. She felt her face blush at hearing him and was thankful that his face was still down, an arm wiping undying tears. She was about to say something, but was cut off as she opened her mouth.

"You were the only person I could go to, Asuka." Shinji cried. "No one else would listen to me."

Asuka didn't know what to think all of a sudden. He was using me the entire time? She thought harshly and began to get angry. He continued to talk about how he came to her to talk about his day, but she wanted nothing of it.

"Oh, shut up, Shinji!" Asuka scowled.

Shinji suddenly stopped crying and looked at Asuka, a surprised look in his eyes.

"Huh?" he gasped.

Asuka's eyes burned with an anger he rarely saw. Sure, she was angry a lot, but now she looked genuinely pissed at him. She was angry at being a tool.

"You idiot!" she shouted. "Leave me alone!"

Asuka turned in her bed, leaving her back to Shinji and bundled up as much as she could in the thin hospital blanket.

Shinji sat in silence, a look of complete bewilderment on his face. Tears outlined his eyes and he began to cough as they forced their way out. He sniffed and wiped his eyes.

"I understand, Asuka." He coughed as his heart trembled and his chest heaved to take in air against the rushing tears. "I'm pathetic," he continued. "I don't deserve to talk to you. I'll leave."

Shinji got to his feet, still trying to stop his crying. He slowly walked towards the door, sniffing and wiping his face with his arm. As the door opened, he stopped and said, "Goodbye… Asuka." His voice sounded sad and sorry. It was sad at being rejected, and sorry for making her angry.

As the door shut, Asuka began to cry.

"No, Shinji, you're wrong. I'm the one who's pathetic!" Asuka whispered to herself, finding it hard to speak the words as she cried. "I'm the idiot!"

To be continued…

And there's my first attempt at writing a fanfic about NGE. I hope you liked it. Any reviews, criticisms, suggestions, or comments are much appreciated. I especially want the aforementioned involving the characters. I don't want to be too far off on any of them, even if this is my own vision. I was going to end it NGE style, with an episode preview, but I don't know where I'm going with this, so I can't really do that, now can I? I may add it in later.

Updated 4/19.2011: Reformatted for easier reading and clarified some past events.