Name: Cancer Of Mine
Fandom: House M.D.
Pairing: Gregory House/James Wilson
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, nor claim to do so, and I don't get any sort of profit from my writings.
A/N: English is not my native, so please, do correct me if I do horrible mistakes in grammar or typing, but be gentle. You don't want to make innocent Finnish girl cry^^
Cancer Of Mine
I've felt this feeling for almost twenty years and still don't know how to name it. It's a lump inside me, eating my lungs, paralyzing my heart, but I won't find a name for it. It may be a disease, a cancer if you might, I should know, I'm an oncologist.
The best treatment for cancer is trying to get all that's there out of your system. Every single bad cell needs to be killed, or they'll multiply, grow in size, invade your organs and eat you alive. Cancer is something you fight with medication, radiation, surgery. Some good cells will die in the process, but if you're fierce enough - if you caught it early - you might survive. You may keep your body and live with it, without that horrible tumor in you stomach killing you.
I think House is my illness. It has already spread everywhere. I could make all the tests and know they would come back positive. Yes, he's in my lungs, in my liver, in my kidneys and in my brain. He's taken over my heart too.
Fight for it! I know I should fight for it.
He's alien to my body, he shouldn't be here! I should drive him away, if I wanted to stay alive. Healthy and alive. But he's so sweet, sweet lying bastard taking advance of me. My soul was weak and so it was conquered by parasite named Gregory House.
Deceptive, so unreliable is one of the symptoms of my disease caused by House. He makes me feel something. The feeling I cannot name. A sweet something. A soft something. A lie, I know it is a lie making me loose my senses and not realise I should start my treatments.
House is so needy it breaks me. There's no space for my own thoughts anymore. I had women, many beautiful women, and he broke my relationships with them. I don't know was it intentional, or did my infected body already do subconsciously like he preferred, but I did broke my affairs. I had no heart to give anymore, it's rotten as he sucks all juice out of me.
But House won't kill me. He's using me, he's making me sick - but it's not terminal.
Yet.
Only reason he grabs so tightly in me is because he cannot survive without my energy. If taken away all I give him he would suffocate, as he has no lungs to breath with. I'm his respiration machine and as long as he has passion to live, he won't let me go.
I'm afraid though. One day he might get deep into that hole that's ripping him apart. That's why he depends on me, because alone he's just as eaten by his own monsters like I'm eaten by him. I'm scared he'll let them kill his spirit. He holds my body as a hostage and it will die with him, if it comes to that. And it will. I know it will, since I don't treat him away. I could safe myself I suppose. This way we drown together.
Rather romantic, don't you think? I'm always been a sap for melodramatic endings.
Twenty years of this illness. No name for it. Just House.
Aren't I poetic little oncologist? You could guess I treat cancers for living, no wonder I caught one like House. He fits for my reputation, doesn't he?
FIN