Felicity
Nothing was working today. Felicity's chin dipped to her chest as she slumped in her chair. Her ergonomically correct chair that was not offering her any relief at the moment. It has been 5 months after Slade's capture and they were slowly building their "new" lair. This time she is going to be a lot more vigilant - ha! vigilant like the vigilante although Oliver doesn't like being called that any more. Shaking her head she takes a deep breath and places her fingers back on her keyboard. Sitting straighter she does her best to block out the surrounding sounds while she works on her encryptions.
Oliver
Oliver slowly comprehended all that had happened in the past 5 months. He couldn't believe that he finally managed to defeat Slade. He had lost all hope for a while until... his gaze wanders over to where Felicity is busily typing at her computers. Since that fateful night where he told her he loved her things have never been the same. He's not sure how to approach her about it and has been waiting – somewhat cowardly – for her to approach him. He's half dreading and half hoping that she will. But as he watches her shoulders slump in defeat and her head drop he realises that maybe, just maybe she's taken all that she can. The thought of losing Felicity after having her by his side all these years scares him so much that he starts to take a step towards her.. only to be stopped by a hand on his arm.
Laurel
I could see Ollie's focus move to that blonde at the computers – Felicity. I really don't see why he keeps her around. I mean sure she's great with computers, I'll give her that, but she can't fight or defend herself – like I can – and she mustn't be any good at it either because Ollie's training me and not her. I am obviously more necessary to the team. I don't just hide behind computers. I can go out on the field and help protect Ollie and our city. Even better as I've been reinstated as the DA I can help even more with insider information and have heaps of facilities at my fingertips to make Ollie's nights easier. That way, we can spend more time together. Like we should have been all of this time. Now I know he's the vigilante, the city's hero, we can be together. I knew he was destined for great things. Our history is tough but our love is stronger. I know he loves me. I mean, he obviously doesn't have any feelings for the blonde otherwise he wouldn't have used her as bait to save me. I notice Ollie move towards Felicity. Although I am so sure in my feelings towards him and his towards me I remember his wandering ways in the past. So I grab his arm gently, stopping him from moving. He looks towards my hand on his arm then up towards me. I can feel the sweat on his warm skin so I hold him more firmly lest he slip out. Ollie's mouth starts to open as if he's about to say something but before he can we hear a thud.
Felicity
"That's it, I can't take this anymore. Not tonight at least. I need to go home and re-group and eat a heap of mint choc-chip ice cream." Felicity thought to herself as she suddenly stood up. She quickly turned off her computers. She was stupid enough to stay around when Oliver and Sara were all over each but she's not stupid any more. Everything's clearer. He has his beautiful Laurel now. Even Sara didn't stand a chance against Laurel. "It's silly and ridiculous to think that I even had a chance with Oliver. Talk about unthinkable." She fought to keep the tears at bay until she got home.
Diggle
Oliver was an idiot. That's all I could think. I could not see what his huge attraction to Laurel was. She's been nothing but a pain since she "joined" the team. She looks down at Felicity and fawns all over Oliver like a groupie or something. It makes me sick. I can't believe Felicity has managed this long. I was hoping after their little talk at the beach that things might be clearer but obviously not. I am so disappointed in Oliver and I let my disappointment and anger show as I look at him before heading towards Felicity.
"Felicity" I say as I approach her from behind. She quickly turns around and I immediately see the tears she is trying to stop from falling. I want to pull her into a hug but I know she wouldn't appreciate that. Not here, in front of Oliver and Laurel.
"I'm ok John. Just a little tired." She replies somewhat despondently. "I think I might head home. There's nothing I can do right now anyway and we've pretty much been flat out since we got back after dropping off Slade. Although, I still don't know why I had to go, I mean, you know how much I hate flying but at least the plane that we took this time around was a helluva lot better. I mean, at least we didn't have to worry about it crashing on the way there or on the way back and an even bigger bonus is that we didn't even have to use parachutes or jump out because I can tell you now that..." I could tell that Felicity was getting lost in her ramblings. Although she looked so sad it still brought a small smile to my face as it's been awhile since I've heard one of her rambles. She's been so quiet lately, since we got back. I gently place my hand on her arm, near her wrist to placate her.
Felicity
"Oh, sorry John. I guess I was getting a bit carried away there. Ooopsie! Well, I'm going to head off. I'll see you tomorrow." I moved my arm from John's grasp and gave him a small smile before I quickly looked over at Oliver and Laurel. I didn't say anything. I just gave a slight nod before I turned away and walked upstairs. I don't think I was capable of any more words right now. Plus, I was a bit confused by Oliver's face. I thought him and Laurel would have been all over each other by now but he was watching me with, what was it, I couldn't quite place it and I didn't want to delve into it too much. I let out a breath of relief once I made it into my car and only then did I let my tears fall.
Laurel
"Ollie" I start to feel uncomfortable by how much attention he's paying Felicity. It should all be on me. Not her. I'm the woman he loves. That he's always loved. Everybody can see it. That's why Slade kidnapped me.
Oliver
I didn't miss Diggle's look that he gave me. What hurt the most was the disappointment in his face that I saw once again directed to me.
Diggle
I couldn't take it anymore. There is so much I wanted to say to Oliver but I couldn't, not right now with Laurel hanging off his arm. I called out a terse "I'm going home too" as I stomp up the stairs. Concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other otherwise I would turn around and start trying to knock some sense into Oliver. Surely he can tell how much he's hurting Felicity. Then again, maybe not. I jog to my car and concentrate on calming my breathing because it sure as hell is hard to not go back downstairs and punch Oliver. I finally start feeling happier when I see Lyla waiting at our door for me to get home, with her hand lightly resting on her belly. I'm going to be a father. This thought fills me with both dread and excitement. After quickly locking the car I race up the stairs towards her and pull her into my arms. My mouth easily finding hers. As I pull away and smile down at Lyla and feeling on top of the world, I think to myself, this is what I want for Oliver and Felicity.
Oliver
My eyes close as I drop my head on a sigh. Diggle's disappointment in me is so strong that I'm feeling disappointed in myself too. Behind my closed eyelids I see Felicity's face again. She looked so hurt, and I made her look that way. My self-loathing increases. Her rambling to John was a pleasant surprise and it's only then I realise that she hasn't rambled since we came back from Lian Yu. She's been quiet and more distant. When I go to put my hand on her shoulder or touch her in any way she moves slightly out of my reach. I miss her touch and it's only then that I remember Laurel has her hand on my arm. I don't have any tingly feelings, not like when I touch Felicity or when she touches me. I don't feel comforted. It feels wrong. I pull my arm away from Laurel. How can I be so stupid?
Laurel
Ollie moves his arm out of my reach. He looks sad so I take a step towards him. We're practically touching now but just as quickly as I step forward, he takes a step back. Putting distance between us. And it is then he looks up at me. I'm startled to see a tear fall from his eye. In all the time I've known him I've never seen him look so broken. I lift my hand towards his face to wipe away his tear but his head flinches back before I can touch him.
"Ollie?" I ask. Now feeling a bit unsure as I let my hand drop back down. He looks at me while minutely shaking his head no. What? I don't understand and then he starts speaking.
Oliver
"Laurel." I say before taking a deep breath. "I'll always love you." I see a smile on Laurel's face and I smile faintly back before continuing. "But I'm not in love with you. Not how you want me to be." I watch as Laurel's smile disappears. "I never intended for you to know about me being the vigilante. And if I had my way you still wouldn't know." I see her brows furrow but I continue talking. I need to get this all out while I can. "The life that I lead now is different to before that fateful day I boarded my father's yacht with your sister."
"I know its different Ollie". Laurel interrupts. "You've changed a lot but for the better. You're more mature and responsible and you're the hero of our city. Our city that we can now protect together. Now that Sara's gone we can be together and ..."
"No" I interrupt Laurel abruptly and somewhat loudly. And as I watch confusion display over her features I realise that whatever we had truly belongs in the past.
"What?... But.." I once again interrupt Laurel. I don't have time for this.
"Laurel, what we had is in the past. I was in love with you back then, but not now. Not like you want me to be. I love you as a friend and that's all we can be. I have nothing else to offer you."
"But Slade took me!" Laurel exclaims as tears start to build in her eyes.
"Yes, he did." I agree and I see hope start to form in her eyes but I immediately quash it "But that's because when I was stuck on the island with him I carried a photo of you around with me everywhere. I talked about you and the thought of you helped me survive that horrible place, but Laurel, that was then. This is now. I don't need you." I figured I was probably being a bit harsh by telling her that but it obviously wasn't sinking in and I felt lighter by opening up and finally admitting to myself the truth. I could see she was starting to get angry so before she could speak I spoke up "We tried before after I came back from the island to make it work and it failed because we've both changed. I can see that you want to give us another go now that you know my secret and I'm sorry, I should have said something before but nothing between us has changed. I can't be with you. I'm not in love with you anymore and I guess I stopped chasing after you a long time ago." I paused and took a deep breath. The finality of what I was saying sinking in fully and this time, instead of ignoring it, I embraced it. "You deserve someone better, someone who'll be there beside you always, whenever you need them to bring a smile to your face or to help you when you're stuck and don't know what the hell you're doing." I placed my hands on my hips and tipped my head to the side smiling and getting lost in my thoughts. "You deserve someone who looks at you with so much faith and trust that you feel like you can do anything, no matter how impossible it might seem. Someone..."
"Like Felicity". She interrupts and I focus on Laurel to notice she's looking at Felicity's computer. "You're describing someone like Felicity". My hands drop from my hips as she turns back to look at me. I smile softly at her and slightly apologetically as I reply "Yeah." No matter our history or what's happened I still never wanted to hurt Laurel. She'll always be a part of my life. No matter what. Laurel's eyes break contact as she tips her head down and when she looks back up at me I see her resignation and acceptance that we're over. And I am proud of her. She could have gone off like a raving lunatic but she didn't.
Laurel
It looks like he's about to apologise so I immediately say "Don't apologise." He's probably going to say sorry for hurting me or something but I don't need to hear it. I can see he's happy with Felicity and to be honest, if I really looked back, I would have seen it all. We never really did have a chance. Gosh I've been such a bitch to her yet she's continued being friendly. I'm so ashamed with myself. I take a deep breath before saying "You need to go get your girl." The look that passes Ollie's face is so comical that I nearly burst out laughing. My curiosity about his reaction to what I said stops me from laughing but doesn't stop a big smile from appearing, which he answers with a big smile and a nod. A smile, I notice that is real and, one that I've only ever seen him give Felicity since he came back from the island. She truly is what's best for him. "Friends?" I teasingly ask him. To which Ollie suddenly grabs me for a hug and beside my ear whispers "Friends".
Oliver
Laurel is such an amazing woman and I'm so glad that we've finally managed to sort everything out but now I am just eager to leave. I need to see Felicity and apologise or grovel or something. I step back from Laurel after our hug smiling big at her and with her smiling back.
Oliver
After Laurel and I said our goodbyes I raced on my motorbike to Felicity's house. I was so scared of losing her that I didn't give any thought to the time or that I might be waking her up. The possibility that she wouldn't even be home was too much for me to even contemplate. I was panicking. I was so caught up in my fear that the first thing I said to her after she opened her door was "I can't lose you".
Felicity
Once I'd made it home I changed into Oliver's shirt that I had managed to keep after the whole being shot in the shoulder incident. Unfortunately I had to wash it a couple of times so it didn't smell like him anymore but it was still his. Although he would never be mine at least I still had his shirt. My sobs grew louder as I curled up into a ball on my couch. My ice-cream long forgotten on the coffee table.
Felicity
Loud banging woke me up. I had fallen asleep on the couch. My hair was a mess and I quickly fixed my glasses and face as I hastily moved towards the door. Thinking there must have been an emergency I was not expecting to see Oliver standing on the other side. His hand up and ready to knock on the door again.
"I can't lose you". He immediately said once he saw me and his hand dropped. He pleadingly looked at me. I took a step back from the door in shock with my mouth opening, actually, I was probably looking like a fish right now with my mouth opening and closing and on that thought, I immediately closed my mouth and cleared my throat. I didn't know why he was here. I thought he would have been at the lair with Laurel still. I looked back up at him when I saw him take a step forward. Reflexively I took another step back and I saw a look of hurt flash across his face. "Oliver?" I said still not quite believing that's he's standing in front of me, on my doorstep at – I quickly look towards my clock - at 2 o'clock in the morning.
"Tell me I'm not too late." At the sound of his voice I immediately look from my clock and back towards him. "I.." whatever I was about to say is cut off by his voice "I can't lose you Felicity."
Oliver
I am desperate and I know it. I don't care how pathetic I look right now. I can't lose her. I am absolutely terrified. She has been my one constant. She is my light. She is my everything.
Felicity
A tear falls down Oliver's cheek and I immediately move towards him and lift my hand towards his face to wipe it away. "You're not going to lose me." I finally reply. His forehead drops to mine as he exhales like a huge weight is being lifted off his shoulder. His free hand, that isn't holding my hand to his face wraps around my back and pulls me close. Now we are standing full frontal, together. I have given hugs to Oliver before but this is the first time he's initiated it and pulled me in. It also feels different.
"Thank God". I hear him whisper. His eyes are still closed and his thumb is drawing small circles on my back. I expect him to let me go soon but he doesn't. Instead his arm around my waist becomes more firm and his eyes open. At the intensity of his look my hand resting on his shoulder tightens.
"Fel-ic-ity" Oliver says my name and I unconsciously move closer to him. My body feels tingly all over at our close proximity and I shiver as I watch his eyes darken. His hand lets go of mine by his face and moves towards mine. Brushing my hair back from my cheek as he lowers it to my nape and holding me in place – possessively. His arm around my waists tightens and I am surprised that I can still breathe. We are so close. And I'm only wearing his shirt. I can feel a cool breeze on my legs from the open door and I must shiver or something as Oliver kicks the door closed with his foot without breaking eye contact with me. It's too powerful I can't look away, and neither can he. I am powerless as I watch emotions cross over his face – lust, happiness, relief, regret and, love. I gasp at that. I must be mistaken. I was clearly used as bait to save Laurel and at the thought of the other women I move to push away from him.
Oliver
It feels so good holding Felicity in my arms. There is so much I want to say to her I don't know where to begin. I felt her shiver from the cool breeze that came through the door so I kicked it shut with my foot. We're standing full frontal, the closest we've ever been and I'm aware that she's only wearing my shirt, my shirt that went missing after she was shot. My dick starts to get hard as I think of her only wearing my shirt and I smile in happiness and relief that she survived. My smile slightly dims at the regret that she was injured but brightens again when I think about how much I love her. Felicity knows me so well that she sees my emotions play across my face and before I know it she's trying to move away. No. That can't happen. I tighten my grip on her.
Felicity
"Oliver." I am struggling to move away from him but his hold on me tightens.
"Felicity". He replies. "Please". I have never heard Oliver beg. I immediately still and look back up at him.
"I love you." He tells me with a delicate smile on his face. It's as if he believes what he's saying...
"No." I scream "No you don't! Stop lying! Let me go!" I try to break free from his grasp earnestly. Tears falling freely from my eyes as I push pathetically at him to let go. No wonder he doesn't love me, I can't even break free from his grasp. What good am I? I am a hindrance to the team. I'm useless. My own father didn't want me. Why the hell would he? I wasn't worthy enough of my mother, for her to care about me so why would he? I'm lucky John and Oliver put up with me so long. I am replaceable.
Oliver
Tears fall from my eyes as I hear Felicity cry. Her hands are fisting the front of my shirt as she sobs into my chest. She wanted to break free from my hold but I couldn't let her and she's finally stopped trying. Her sobs are killing me. My arms are wrapped around her as I bury my face in her hair. I am crying into the top of her head. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she can't forgive me. Maybe I have lost her after all.
Felicity
My sobs finally quieten and it is then I realise my hair is wet, well, at least the top of it is. Oliver's arms are still surrounding me but as I begin to settle I notice his body is still shaking. His hold on me isn't as tight and as I notice all of these little different things I hear him crying. I am shocked by the sound. The last time I heard Oliver cry like this was when Tommy died.
"Oliver?"
Oliver
I feel Felicity pull away as I hear her say my name. This is it. And this time, I let her move away, but surprisingly she doesn't move out of my arms. Instead her palms flatten on my chest. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes and questions. Her face is red from crying and her hair is messy but I still think she is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. One of my arms moves from her waist as I lift my hand up and gently cup her cheek while I tell her. "You're beautiful". I hear her soft gasp at my words. I guess she wasn't expecting me to say something like that. While still holding her and while I still have my chance I tell her.
"That night at the mansion when I told you I loved you, I meant it. I have never meant it more than ever before when I said those three words to you... Ever. What I asked you to do that night, what I had you do was unthinkable. If anything had happened to you Felicity, I wouldn't have survived." My eyes closed at the thought of the danger that I put her in that night. But I open them again at the feel of her hand against my cheek.
"I should have told you that sooner but I was scared. I meant what I said when I told you that because of the life that I lead that I couldn't be with someone that I could truly care about and I know you thought I was talking about somebody else. But I wasn't. Felicity, I was talking about you." I was watching all of her emotions play across her face. But I was not to be deterred. Looking straight into her eyes, and to help convey how serious I was I told her.
"I love you Felicity Smoak. I think I fell in love with you when I first bought in that laptop full of bullet holes but I was just too stupid to realise."
Felicity
A sob broke through at his confession. I couldn't believe it. A smile lit my face and I replied "You are not stupid Oliver Queen, just ridiculously stubborn and maybe egotistical too, I suppose, but if we're going to start going on about you and..."
My ramble was cut off by Oliver's lips covering mine.