Summary: This is my twisted and warped version of "Something Blue".
Rating: PG (minor language)
Disclaimer: Joss is a god and should be praised by everyone simply for owning the Buffy-verse and everything in it.
Author's Note: "Something Blue" is set around mid-season four and so is my story. It's basically the same just the outcome of the spell is a little bit different and something's might be out of order – I can never keep up when I'm writing.
Willow was miserable. Honestly, truly, right down to the core miserable. She was never sure whether she wanted to cry until her eyes ached too much to close or put her fist through the nearest wall. She was thinking of comprising between the two but Willow was just too busy pretending to be "healing" that she gave up and plastered on a, "hey I'm grieving but I'm gonna be okay" smile. It was a lie. Sure, she was grieving – if grieving meant being slowly burned alive from the inside out – but as to whether or not she'd be okay…Willow had serious doubts in that department.
She was still having trouble swallowing it all and, to be completely honest with herself, was still hoping, deep down inside, that this was all a dream and that she'd wake up and find Oz still there. But it was a dream and nothing more and Willow had to accept that – okay, well she had to at least realize the truth, acceptance was on holiday at the moment. She felt more then a little like an idiot and a thousand times betrayed. Of all people to stray from the mark Oz was everyone's last thought. Loyal, truthful, stoic Oz was supposed to be the real thing – the one that loved Willow the same way she loved him.
But Oz turned out to be another dud – just like Xander. But, Willow had to admit, she deserved it, in a way. It was her, after all, that tempted Xander when he and Cordelia were dating and it was because of them that Cordelia ended up in the hospital with a shattered heart. Oz had forgiven her, though, and Willow had come to realize that what she felt for Xander was no more then a childhood fantasy clutched too tightly. What she had with Oz had been real – or at least she had thought so.
Once again, Willow had been wrong.
"Oz just isn't the type to stray," Buffy had told Willow and she had wanted to believe her friend but there was still that doubt in her mind. Oz thought her blind to it and tried to play it off as nothing more than admiration from one musician to the next. Willow wasn't that blind and she had never been stupid. At the Bronze she had watched, helplessly, as Oz ogled and drooled over her. Drawn to her, apparently, because she was one of his "breed" and his werewolf instincts had howled.
To Willow though, she was nothing but a pure-breed bitch and she had deserved what she had gotten. It just wasn't fair and Willow didn't want to accept that Oz had left because it was the right thing for him to do. She would grieve and mourn and hate and curse but then she'd start to forget and, after time, maybe even move on and forgive him. But she didn't want to forgive him; Oz didn't deserve forgiveness – not from her.
She, Veruca the she-wolf who had seduced Oz away from her, had been right about something though: Willow didn't have the teeth to defend herself – not really. Damn her conscious, Willow chastised herself. One little hex and she couldn't even do that. The bitch-wolf had almost killed her too, and sometimes wished she really had. All the pain that welled up inside of her was too much to carry but she didn't know how to fix it.
"Oz, don't you love me?" She had pleaded with Oz while watching him pack up his life and turn to drive away from it all.
"My whole life, I've never loved anything else."
Apparently, though, not enough to stay and Willow was convinced it was her. She drove them all away and she repelled them. It was strange, then, that the one person who was able to get through to her had been Spike. Now there's something Willow never even thought of dreaming: Spike coming to the rescue. Of course, he did it in his usual arrogant, British I'm-a-bad-ass-vampire kind of way – which was rather amusing since Spike was quite "impotent", so to speak.
Willow had been alone in her dorm room, wallowing in her misery when a knock came at the door. Too deep in her wallow to consider the danger she had blurted out an invitation and in came Spike, looking for Buffy. Not finding her, however, Spike turned to Willow and attacked.
Poor bleach blonde idiot had actually thought his chip had malfunctioned. Big surprise, then, when he was hit with a monster brain-pain the moment he touched Willow. Kind-hearted as she was, Willow attempted to comfort the undead pain in the ass but fell back into her pool of achiness.
"It's me isn't it?" She had asked pitifully.
Spike turned a questioning eye to the red head. "What are you talking about?"
"Well," Willow continued, "you came here looking for Buffy then settled. I…I…you didn't really want to bite me. I just happened to have been around."
Spike snorted. "Oh piffle."
Willow, however, continued unperturbed by Spike's little outburst. "I know I'm not the type of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always, 'ooh, you're like a sister to me' or 'ooh, you're such a good friend'."
"Don't be ridiculous," Spike argued. "I'd bite you in a heartbeat."
At the moment it didn't seem like such a strange conversation to be having but looking back on it Willow had the urged to slap herself. "Really?"
"Thought about it," Spike admitted.
"When?"
"Remember last year, you had on that fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?"
"I never would have guessed," Willow smiled. "You played the bloodlust kind of cool."
"I hate being obvious," Spike eyed her, "all fangy and grr. Takes the mystery out."
Then, of course, Willow had willingly let Spike try and bite her again before snapping to her senses and hitting him over the head with a lamp and running away. Desperateness was what Willow blamed her moment of ignorance on – but in reality she had just been a complete idiot. Now, of course, she was taking more logical steps to easing her hurt. Well, logical in her eyes anyway.
A spell.
It was her last resort, really. Willow had actually turned to Buffy for a little bit of sympathy and a shoulder to cry on since Buffy understood what it was Willow was going through. But Buffy had been too busy picnicking with Riley to spare even a fleeting thought of Willow. Down in the dumps and buried at the very bottom Willow got, well, desperate to have what she wanted: no more pain. So a spell was cast. A spell to "have her will's granted." It was however, a flop and Willow ended up crawling into bed even more miserable then before. The flop however, was that Willow had miss-cast the spell and, as she would come to find the next day, her desires were more spitefully thought then she had ever imagined.
"Up and atom Wills," Buffy chirped the next morning – early the next morning.
Groaning, Willow attempted to shove her pillow through her ears and ignore the bubbly Slayer. No such luck.
"I will pull you out from under your covers," Buffy threatened as she dressed.
"Why are you so chipper this early in the morning?" Willow asked, rolling out from under the warm sheets.
"Riley and I are going on a picnic today," Buffy beamed innocently.
Willow smiled. "So there's sparkage there?"
"Yeah," Buffy sighed. "It's just…"
Willow watched her friend's face fall slightly and guessed the reason. "He's not making you miserable."
"Exactly! Riley just seems so solid, like he'd never cause me heartache."
"Get out," Willow mocked gravely. "Get out while there's still time."
Tossing a pillow to the teasing redhead Buffy laughed. "Shut up."
Later that morning Willow decided to break her sorrow-drowning and headed to Giles's apartment. Giles, no big surprise, was nose deep in a book and hardly looked up as Willow shut the door. Dropping her bag, loudly, onto the table Willow sighed as Giles merely muttered something about keeping it down and needing to research. Picking up one of the books Willow attempted to help with the research but her heart just wasn't in it and she quickly put it back down.
Hearing Spike grumbling from the bathroom about not being fed Willow decided to be nice and heat up his blood. Though not expecting a heart-felt act of gratitude from the undead Q-tip Willow had expected at least a thank-you but all she received was a sneer and a bark to get out.
"Chained like a dog, barks like a dog," Willow muttered angrily to herself. "Grows a tail and a pair of floppy ears we can call him Spot."
Returning to the living room Willow found Giles had not moved an inch and continued her grumbling. "What was that, Willow?" Giles asked absentmindedly.
"Nothing," Willow responded, turning away. "Why don't you be invisible for a change?" Giles, however, never heard her.
Willow never asked for much – hell, she never asked for anything – but when she did no one ever listened. It wasn't fair and she hated it. Everytime Buffy had Angel problems Willow was always there to lend an ear and a shoulder. When some new demon came to town Willow was always the first one on research duty before even being asked. When Xander felt the need to boast about his perfect relationship with Anya or Anya wanted to boast, in great detail, about the relationships "activity" Willow never turned away or screamed at them that they were only making her feel worse. Even Spike, when he whined about losing his bite and swore vivid promises of revenge Willow always listened and never spoke out. So incredibly patient, Willow was and so giving yet none of her friends could spare her five minutes. If she wasn't needed Willow was forgotten and she was tired of being the groups' doormat.
Willow was fuming when she returned to her dorm room. The urge to put her fist through the wall and escalated to an urge to cause someone or something permanent damage. Throwing herself down into her bed Willow screamed into her pillow and thrashed against the sheets. Finally exhausted, though, she stood up and started to pace the room. Willow almost expected to look down and see her path worn into the wood.
"Oh, Wills!" Buffy chirped walking into the room and tossing her bag onto her bed. "It was so perfect." Dreamily Buffy dropped onto her bed and starred up at the ceiling. "Riley is amazing. He's so, so…perfect." Pausing, Buffy sat up and looked at Willow who had rage steaming from her ears. "Aren't you happy for me?" Buffy asked a bit stiffly and Willow heard the whine in her voice. "Don't you think I deserve a little happiness?"
"Apparently the Happiness Fairy has visited everyone but me," Willow said spitefully.
"Why are you being so selfish?" Buffy sniffed. "Why can't you just focus on me in my joy?"
"Me being selfish?" Willow scoffed. "God, you are the most delusional, self-absorbed person I have ever known!" It had finally happened. Willow had completely snapped and there was no stopping the words that were raging in her mind. "Everything is always Buffy-this and Buffy-that. 'Ooh, boo-hoo poor little Buffy all broken hearted 'cause Angel left'. Big deal! Who was the one always there for you whenever you needed someone to whine to? Me. But the only time I have reached out to you you shot me back down because my bad mood put a damper on the perfect Buffy-world. I wish you could know what's it like to be unheard by everyone."
Storming out of the room Willow didn't bother to close door – leaving a stunned Buffy gaping with an open mouth. So, Willow thought after her calming herself down a bit, maybe that wasn't the best course of action but Buffy would get over it. Sure, she'd be pissed for a couple of hours but once Willow did a bit of groveling and Buffy-worship she'd be forgiven.
Glancing at her watch Willow realized that she was late for the Scooby meeting at Giles' house. She'd been wondering the streets longer then she'd realized. She needed to stop by the dorm and change first because she felt unclean for some reason. No longer caring that she'd hold up the meeting Willow headed back towards the campus.
"Wills!"
Turning around Willow saw Xander and Anya striding towards her. Groaning inwardly she plastered a smile on her face and waved to them. Hand in hand practically glued to each other the sickeningly affectionate couple approached her and started gabbing on about the meeting and how Willow was going to be late. Fed up with everyone chiding her for each little thing she did Willow turned around and simply walked away.
"They're like damn Siamese twins," she mumbled to herself.
After a long, hot shower Willow shuffled back to her room and argued with herself over whether or not she really wanted to go to the Scooby meeting. The answer, of course, was no she didn't want to go. In a matter of hours Willow had managed to somehow piss off pretty much everyone she came into contact with and she knew none of her friends really wanted to see her right now. Willow also knew, however, that her friends were probably worried about her and wondered why she'd so suddenly snapped. A botched spell, they'd reason and then Willow would be scolded for unwisely using magic but she hadn't used any magic. Well, except for that spell the other night but it had been a dud.
Finally, though, Willow managed to drag herself out of her room and force her feet to take her to Giles'. When she arrived however, she was met by a lot of confusion and little bit of hysteria.
"It's a demon," Willow heard Anya concluded. "It has to be."
"Perhaps," Giles responded. "But why?"
Willow stepped inside and was about to ask what all the yelling was about when she stopped dead in her tracks – her jaw nearly hitting the floor. Xander and Anya stood right in front of her literally joined at the hip and not looking too happy about it. Spike paced the floor in front of the television and Willow almost laughed when she saw the tail swaying between his legs and the ears swooshing at either side of his head. Buffy, Willow observed, seemed to be talking but no sound was coming from her mouth and she looked extremely frustrated. Giles, well Giles was no where to be seen but Willow heard him talking somewhere near the table and almost shrieked when one of his books seemingly opened itself and flipped to a certain page.
"Oh my god," Willow hadn't meant to say the words out loud but she had and everyone in the room went silent and looked at her.
"Why isn't Willow all spell-y?" Anya asked point-straight.
There was a long pause where eyes shifted back and forth from one spell-affected person to Willow then back again. At first Willow was at a complete loss then understanding suddenly dawned on her and she thought she might faint – that or laugh hysterically. The spell, the one that had been a complete dud seemed to be working after all. Everything Willow willed or wished to happen that day seemed to have actually come true. Spike suddenly sprouting a tail and ears – I wonder if he'd respond if I called him Spot, Willow wondered momentarily. Buffy being unable to be heard. Xander and Anya being physically joined together. Giles quite obviously being invisible. Willow had wished all those things and they had manifested into reality.
"Oh, I'm in big trouble," Willow said.
"I knew it!" Spike stopped his pacing and faced Willow. "The witch did some kind of spell and it backfired and we here got the blunt force of it."
Willow laughed nervously as understanding dawned on everyone else. Then chaos erupted. All at once everyone started screaming: at Willow, at each other, at themselves. As confused and frustrated as they were it was nothing compared to their anger. Willow had screwed up big time and she knew it. But just when everyone's rage seemed to bubble over Willow was suddenly standing someplace dark.
Someplace that was definitely not Giles's apartment.
"You have much anger and pain," a deep voice spoke from somewhere beside Willow. Stepping into a suddenly appearing light Willow recognized the demon as D'Hoffryn – the same D'Hoffryn who had recruited Anya to the league of vengeance demons. "Your magic is strong but your pain," he continued. "It's like a scream that pierces dimensional walls. We heard your call."
"Uh, sorry," Willow attempted weakly. "I'll try for a, uh, more quiet rage. Bye now."
It wasn't however, that simple. D'Hoffryn, it seemed, wanted Willow to join his team: become a vengeance demon. Now, as flattered as Willow was that this powerful demon thought her worthy enough for this opportunity she was still quite attached to her life of mortality.
"Really," Willow spoke when D'Hoffryn was finished talking, "no offense intended, I mean you've been super nice and all, but I don't want to be a demon."
"Are you sure?" D'Hoffryn asked.
"Yup," Willow nodded.
"Oh well," D'Hoffryn sighed. "Here's my talisman. If you ever change you mind give us a chant."
The next thing Willow knew she was back in Giles's living room looking at a group of very confused, and very normal, Scooby's. Clearing her throat Willow drew their attention and smiled nervously.
"Um, oops?"