'Regina found herself in the same unfortunate predicament yet again: jumping inside a portal after her very curious son and being followed by Miss Swan and the insipid pirate. Only this time they didn't land in Neverland to overcome a boy with growing issues, but rather they were sucked to the Enchanted Forest back in time. Back exactly six years after her mother decided to keep Zelena and changed everyone's future with that simple decision. So now their mission was to make sure the brunette was born and somehow preserve their identity while they figured a way back home. Certainly it wasn't the simplest quest. Not when her son was plotting an operation to get her together with his crude birth mother and the handless drunk was making moon-eyes at Cora.
If that wasn't stressful enough, they needed to save mother and sister who wronged her from the dark presence of a mysterious man with an uncanny connection to her family and had his mind set on controlling a little blond girl with ice powers. While Henry's lies got spread like wildfire and painted targets on their backs, they all learned about taking responsibility as Regina's cohort of misfits mortified her with their brash actions erasing the past and rewriting a new story.
One where the Evil Queen wasn't that evil and could find that her True Love wasn't supposed to be sweet and gentle Daniel, but the crass offspring of her great nemesis who had her stubborn mind set on saving her against all odds.
One where they must fight with all their might not to bent to their fortune because destiny is not set on stone. With the life altering fact that sometimes evil is indeed born and Fate strings are the hardest to break.
(Still it would all be less draining if the coarse and lewd pirate wasn't trying to court her mother and be a father to her wicked sister. But well, at least he wasn't trying to woo Miss Swan anymore, so small victories.)'
Yes, endless summary I know and I'm sorry. Hope to hear your thoughts and criticism. Mistakes are all mine and all that jazz (if someone's willing to proofread this I won't be opposed. I'd probably throw a ball in fact.).
Oh, it's a Swan Queen story of fucking course, Black Hook (as in Hook and Cora) and Elsa|Zelena (Frozen Witch, Ice Wicked, not sure) very, very later on.
Disclaimer: I only own my sore throat and my cold. Not Once Upon a Time and not a dime to my name.
"We have to talk now, Miss Swan." That said, as politely as her fuming mood could have allowed, Regina turned on her heels and marched out of the diner to wait for the woman.
With a deep sigh to control her murderous determination, the brunette crossed her arms and straightened her resolve.
The idiot knew what their conversation was about, if her guilty face and scared eyes were worth a hint. Besides she couldn't be that dense.
But then again, the blonde wasn't known for her deep intellect and wise choices. Especially regarding her significant others. From a coward who left her in jail to pay for his crimes to a handless drunk pirate who still could live another thousand years and never comprehend the meaning of a simple and straight 'no', the Savior had covered all the bases. Or so she thought.
Until her last romantic endeavor with a flying monkey, that was the final nail in her proverbial coffin.
Well, Miss Swan's lack of self-esteem and repulsive love affairs were not the topic of their discussion now - or ever. Merely the fact that she was planning to take her son back to New York without saying a word about it -not that it would change a thing, although Regina had every right to know, if only to prevent said twisted plan - was simply preposterous!
And trust the former Evil Queen to make her opinion on the matter very clear.
"Hey, Regina! I-"
"How dare you?!" She turned a vindictive glare to her companion that made the woman shut her mouth and bite her tongue. Good. "How dare you plan to kidnap my son back to New York without telling me a word?"
The guilty look on the cursed woman's face did little to reassure her. In fact, it only spurred her more in her regal march until she was face to face with a frightened savior.
"Look, I'm sorry about it, but I just-" The blonde tried to talk her nonsense but once again she was cut short by the mayor.
"You just what, Miss Swan?" She enunciated her words very slowly trying to take her anger in control. To no avail. Probably because the kidnapper was looking pale and tongue-tied while she took deep breaths. "Let me see, you just though that you have any right to take Henry back with you since I, regrettably, gave you my memories of our life together and because of that you assumed you are entitled to make the calls about his life now?"
After hearing that, the obnoxious woman took the last step into Regina's personal space assuming her attacking posture and sneered back with an annoyed stare that cut through her soul. That was better for it was almost ordinary for them.
Almost being the imperative word.
Any other day she would have spared a minute or two to analyze this unfortunate predicament she found herself in -with the arrogant savior more or less glued to her upper body and baring her teeth like an animal preparing to bite her mouth off; she could even feel the idiot's breaths on her face; as if the blonde would be that crazy to try to attack her physically.
But today wasn't any other day and in addition to feeling a sudden urge to throw the exasperating blonde away, nothing that woman did would make her back off.
"Here's the thing, Regina, Henry is my son with or without your memories. So if he and I decide to go live in hell, you can bet your goddamn money that we will and you won't try to stop us!" She had the audacity to contemplate that delusion as if the brunette would just let her gallivant around the world doing lord knows what with her precious boy.
Oh the fool had no idea how close she was to flying through Granny's windows like her last furry valentine.
"Don't you try-"
"Hey, moms! Let's come inside! Grandma said it's time to hear my uncle's name- whoa! That's creepy!" Before Regina could set the blonde aflame where she stood, Henry appeared just behind them and his voice was enough to make the foolish savior jump back with the brunette still staring daggers at her, cringing at her lack of social grace. Sadly the insufferable woman's scared leap was a dead giveaway and her boy only looked at them and sighed. The former Evil Queen rolled her eyes, that woman was simply impossible! "Don't tell me you two are arguing again? Come on now, what's that about?"
If looks could kill, Regina would be chucking Miss Swan's body into the sea before dinner.
"We are having a conversation, kid." The fool said making the brunette narrow her eyes. "We will be back-"
"Aye, love!" Unfortunately that hideous voice could only belong to a person. One that she despised with an endless passion. "Well, hello, Regina." He had the audacity to smirk at her. She sneered at him and he turned his coarse gaze towards the former sheriff. "Anyway, your parents are only waiting for you two to make their announcement so hurry up, ladies. Before your mother starts one of her lectures about family always sticking together and David says you'll always find each other." The repugnant man said and the ruffian savior made a face while Regina and Henry rolled their eyes. "Yeah, it gets quite tiring after some time." The other three sighed and her son glared at them with an 'and it will be your fault' begging to be said.
Regina had to agree with that. She spent enough time trying to redeem herself to let the idiots bring the Evil Queen back with that ridiculously sappy sentence. Her son would be disappointed.
Even though her relationship with those two was slightly less homicide - because nothing restored peace as much as a life threatening family reunion with lunatic siblings, deadly confrontations and time traveling spells. Maybe alcohol, but she wouldn't endure the misery that two drunk Charmings would most likely bring. And, out of the little goodness still resting in her heart, she still extended the truce to their brash older spawn.
Only to be betrayed. Again.
So yes, it was wise to say that she wasn't feeling very generous with that godforsaken family now.
"And Robin is asking for you, Regina." Oh! She almost forgot her soulmate in her desperate need to break the former sheriff's neck. The name brought a small smile to her face.
That Miss Swan made her personal duty to take it off a second later.
"Of course he is." Said Savior sneered with a distaste that took even Henry by surprise. She gritted her teeth. It would be oh so easy to throw a fireball at her right now.
Smile long gone, she didn't even hide or pretended not to glare at the woman. Who was glaring just back at her.
"Whoa, love! What's wrong with the lad? Anything you want to share with us?" The blonde turned her ice cold eyes towards the brainless pirate with a force that could have given her a whiplash.
Regrettably it didn't.
And the handless wonder kept his perverted smirk in place.
"Guys, just look at that!" Henry yelled pointing at something luckily interrupting that idiotic stare contest between Miss Swan and her filthy man toy before he made another comment that would leave Regina no option but to magic away his tongue. "Hey, you need to see it!" Her son said impatiently.
"What's wrong, Hen-"
"What the fuck is that?!" The brunette's question was interrupted by the crass blonde's impolite yelp and she couldn't help her hateful stare.
At least the woman had the decency to look somewhat ashamed. If she was ever capable of such feat.
"Bloody hell!" Then it was her sad excuse for a lover's time to express his surprise. And it still eluded her how could a man as unpolished as that one have better manners than a princess. "What in God's name is that?" She took a deep breath and turned to look at the spectacle.
Maybe another one of Miss Swan's lovers was flying through the skies.
If only she was so lucky.
"Wait a second, I'll go bring my book and see if there's any explanation for that." Her boy rushed his words and ran back inside the diner to accomplish his mission though it wasn't necessary.
She knew exactly what that was. And that made her straighten her jaw in anger.
Her day was getting better and better it seemed.
"That is Zelena's time portal." Regina failed to see how her simple observation could be misunderstood to make her companions gape at her in confusion.
She had to remind herself that she was dealing with brainless Swan and her lovesick puppet. That was her only explanation.
"But how? I mean, is that even possible?" The Savior's simple mind never ceased to exasperate her and Regina just leveled her with a glare, because she's never been one to have time for stupidity.
"Well, Miss Swan, it is already happening as I trust you can see." She snapped and rolled her eyes.
Of course even after death her beloved sister would not pass a chance to haunt and destroy her.
Just like their mother.
She couldn't help but think that they must have taken control over hell and banished the devil because it wasn't possible to be this maddening from grave.
Why couldn't they just rest in peace as everyone else?
"Crap! What are we going to do?" She would have laughed at the blonde's pitiable expression if she wasn't being consumed by dread.
"We can sit on the table and order a drink while we watch the town be sucked by a time traveling portal that nobody knows how to close." She snapped without her usual angry bite, only because she was tired.
And it sounded like a fairly good plan after all.
Though the savior actually had a grimace and looked offended by very the idea.
Anyway, there was no magic she could use to stop it for the simple fact that she was still having a hard time believing it was even possible.
"Hey! We got to do something, Regina! This can't be the end!" She turned her exhausted eyes to the voice and saw the blonde who, merely hours ago, was almost jogging her way back to New York to get away from all of that – kidnapping her beloved son in the run – stare at her with determined eyes and a straight stance. "We won't lose now, we –"
But her moving speech was interrupted by a running Henry who passed them in a rush carrying the doomed book.
"We gotta go now!" Said her son's panting voice already far away from them.
"What the-" The handless fool said and she was forced to remember that he was still with them.
"Where do you think you are going, kid?" The former sheriff shouted before giving Regina one of their looks. The brunette just nodded.
And, as always, no more words were exchanged after that.
She could entertain the fact that they had a sort of 'mutual understanding' – because enduring someone wasn't a description of a relationship – that made talking superfluous, opened portals to different realms, stopped a deadly unstoppable device from destroying the whole town and even conjured an eclipse. It also left a lingering feeling of electricity running through her system every time they touched.
But she didn't.
Between racing after her teenager boy and trying to come up with a plan to close an open and unheard of time traveling portal, she had no time to amuse herself with such mindless thoughts.
Not when she had to keep herself in check and – lord help her! – needed the other woman's help to save their son from being sucked into another probably doomed realm with dangerous witchcraft and deranged people holding a grudge against her – there were truly endless possibilities!
Maybe Emma was right in wanting Henry far away from that cursed town.
She looked at the woman running like mad beside her for a moment. And she probably sensed the stare and locked her gaze with the brunette.
Regina knew she was looking desperate and probably worse for wear – she was racing in high heels after all – but the look she received was pure understanding and utter determination. She somehow always linked that to the woman by her side for reasons she wouldn't dare to elucidate. Not when she was planning to ground Henry until his graduation and probably forbid him to ever mention magic, let alone go after it.
Perhaps they should move to England and find him a good boarding school.
But then he would come across his Harry Potter collection and scheme an operation to save the warlock from that nose-less villain and God knows what kind of hell they would have go through to save their son again.
Perhaps New York was a nice enough option. People didn't have time to concoct evil spells, curse towns or travel through time and realms when they worked eight or more hours a day. She could just ask the blonde anyway. When they weren't facing such a wrenched ordeal that is.
Yes, the three of them would have a serious talk after that.
Who knew her kid was so athletic? Well, certainly not Emma. Not after she almost had a heart attack by running like a sprinter after him.
Eventually, they got to him. He was catching his breath staring from his book to the barn as if it would magically fix that wreck.
Yeah, it wouldn't and didn't.
He was oh so fucking grounded she would only let him go out of her sight when he got married.
Even then, she would keep an eye on him. With her luck, the kid would probably marry Dorothy and take the motherfucking yellow brick road on his honeymoon.
"Lad, you-" She was surprised to hear a panting Hook addressing her son. Was he with them all this time? "you can't just do this!" Emma rolled her eyes to his parenting skills. No shit Sherlock.
"Henry Christian Mills, you are grounded until Snow White stop talking to her damned birds!" Holla fucker! That woman knew how to make a threat. She snickered to herself, of course she knew! After spending half her life terrorizing Snow, no one could spell revenge as much as Regina.
Well, maybe her sister.
Or her mother.
Anyway, yes! That was Regina sounding almost normal after their crazy jog in heels. How could she do that when the blonde wasn't feeling her legs she'll never know.
It had to be magic. It was the fucking answer to everything in regards of this town nowadays.
Even so, Emma promised to herself that she wouldn't eat another burger. Or doughnuts. Or pizza. Or hot do-
"Come on, mom! We need to close this portal! It must be pretty dangerous!" He said waving that freaking book like a wand.
"Yes, I know all of that. But that only means you need to stay far away from it before we figure what to do." Emma nodded her head along, she couldn't do much more than that and, by the looks of it, neither could Hook.
"But mom! I think the book-" The kid's whine was cut through a blow of wind that blasted open the barn doors and of fucking course sucked him in the goddamn portal's direction like a black hole.
Motherfucking Zelena!
She came back to her senses after hearing a devastating yell of 'moms' coming from her son who was holding one of the doors as the portal got wild and menacing.
Crap!
"Hold on, kid!" She yelled from where she stood and prepared herself for another run before Regina beat her to it.
"Henry! No!" That heart wrenching moan of pain came from her side and that was when she saw that the fucking son of a bitch time screwing portal sucked their kid in, making his other mom run in the same way to certainly jump after their boy.
"Regina!" She yelled but it was too late. Her kid disappeared inside that stupid lightening crap that was getting weaker and smaller, probably meaning it was about to close anytime soon. And his other mother was just leaping after him.
Like fuck she would let it suck Regina and their kid and would stay behind.
There was no way in hell she would leave her favorite people – yes, she definitely had a brain damage to put Regina on that list but she liked to think that their dog and bickering days were over.
"Don't you dare, Swan!" She ignored the pirate and dived inside the portal before even thinking of the consequences. Between losing both brunettes forever and staying behind moping with Hook, she had no other option. Really.
Not that she had any plan or knew where they were going or how to bring them back, but if she heard something of Snow's countless tries to convince her about staying with them because that was her home and they were family and would stalk their way into always finding her, was the simple fact that she would never – ever! – leave her family to suffer far away from her.
And it wouldn't be a stupid sucking sucker portal that would change that!
She learned the hard way that nobody stays for far too long – hell! She never did! – and they would care about you to a fault. Then they would simply leave her and move on – just like Neal.
So in her twisted foster kid's mind, it didn't matter if people only protected her when it was convenient, only fought her battles – if ever! – when they could win or only loved her when they gained something in return.
Family means fighting to lose and never giving up; protecting when she had no idea how she could even save herself; loving when it was easier to let go and going through hell with and for them because it didn't matter if she was safe when her people weren't.
That all means that before she saw the back of Regina's head, she was head diving inside that shit.
She probably shouldn't because there was no way to know where she would land and falling from the sky head first would definitely crack her skull open. But oh!
The last thing she heard was Hook muttering something like 'I have to stop chasing after her' or anything similar and if she wasn't being sucked inside a fucking time traveling portal she would have rolled her eyes.
It must say something when he was always chasing her while she was miles running after Regina.
Because of Henry. Obviously.
She wouldn't dare to think of another possibility.
Whatever, she was the Savior and she would be damned if she didn't save her own family.
Yes, that was what the bitchy Mayor meant to her. Family. Even with her snappy and I-am-better-than-you behavior that enraged Emma to her last bone, her goddamn infuriating language and her disregard for personal space, never in a million years she would simply not save her. But it didn't mean she liked the prospect of risking her life and sanity to assure the high and mighty brunette's health every fucking time!
Seriously she had done it all: the blonde rescued her from a fire and even protected her from an angry mob claiming revenge! Although nothing could beat that disturbing fail safe when she was so sure she was going to lose that hateful woman forever and somehow the very idea was so horrifying that Emma decided to be exploded to pieces with her. Because-
Henry loved his evil and exasperating mother and that was that. Never mind the annoying woman ever sparing a single thought to her! No! She even dared to date a worthless thief who couldn't even protect her heart (or himself). That was fucking unfair! After all she went through to save that manipulative brunette for-
The kid, all she gained was sarcastic angry retorts and glares that promised her every sort of painful torture she could dream of. And that stupid man had everything given to him because of a motherfucking tattoo! How in hell did he even get it? Was there some sort of studio back in the Enchanted Forest?
Whatever! And where was the jerk right now when his girlfriend just jumped after Henry to save his everlasting grounded ass? Eating and drinking without a care while she got herself into another mess to save that grumpy woman. Again!
Life was fucking unfair indeed!
(Though she refused to live hers without that bewitched brunette.)
"Oh God! Mom?!" The first thing he saw was his brunette mom lying on the floor and looking unconscious. Oh no! "Mom! Come on! Get up!" He couldn't help but remember Lion King and just that thought filled him with dread. No! It simply couldn't be! "Please, mom… Please." He whispered holding her head and willing her to open her eyes.
And she did, after a beat or two. He finally managed to breath.
"Henry?" She whispered and he nodded and cleaned his tears to give her a sad smile. "Oh baby! Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"He shook his head and before she could fully sit, he almost smashed her in a bear hug. "It's everything okay, my love. It's everything okay."
His mother held him back and rocked him on her lap. Just like she always did when he was a kid.
Yeah, he missed it like hell.
"You are so grounded, kid!" Emma's bark almost made him jump away from his mom in surprise and he turned around to look at her. She looked like crap. "Seriously? What this damn book says about being sucked into a freaking time traveling portal? Because from where I stand, it doesn't sound like the best plan to close this crap!" His Ma said after getting up whispering curses under her breath.
He and his mom just rolled their eyes.
That was until he got up and helped his mom to her feet and looked around them. Yeah, it didn't look like Storybrooke, but thank God it didn't look like Neverland either. He kinda had some issues with kids his age after that one.
"Well, where are we?" His Ma asked his mom and he looked around the village that was closer by, just behind some pretty big trees.
"We are in the Enchanted Forest." Regina said nodding to herself and trying to find some clue to fill the blanks. "I just don't know when or where." But apparently she didn't.
His Ma just sighed and the three of them got a look around the forest.
Everything was so different from New York and Storybrooke that he couldn't help but beam at the fact that his dream to go to the land and see the princes, the knights, the kingdoms and finally meet everyone of his favorite book story finally came true.
He felt giddy, happy and ready to go around and get to know every place. And ride horses holding a sword just like a brave knigh-
"Oh hell!" His thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud and Captain Hook's whining voice. His moms rolled their eyes – Regina sneered and Emma made a 'seriously' face. "I'm okay, I'm okay!" He almost informed Hook that neither one of his moms cared about him but he saw no need to make the guy sad. He was kinda weirdo but not all bad.
And his moms started another one of their creepy stare conversation that had Regina narrowing her eyes and Emma smirking.
Adults were so strange.
"Well, what do you think we should do, Regina?" His Ma asked with her smirk still in place and his other mom scoffed, looking outraged. What the hell was that? Were they reading each other's mind now?
"We should go to the village and find out where and when we are, love. Maybe have a drink or two." That was Hook and his brunette mom glared at the man so viciously with such disgust that perhaps she was thinking of a spell to curse him. "What? Do you have a better idea, Regina?" Yeah, Hook was a stupid idiot.
But, thankfully, before his mom could incinerate him alive, his Ma held her forearm almost carefully and there was that strange behavior again.
His Ma was looking almost sad from having to save Hook's life and his mom was rolling her eyes and grimacing kinda like a pout, only scarier. Then Emma got into Regina's personal space again – which was written somewhere as her Savior duties, he was sure – and gave her another crazy smirk, motioning with her head to him.
He looked at Hook, standing like a scarecrow by his side and looking jealous and crossing his arms with his chin held high.
As if he could compete with the Queen and the White Knight. Henry smirked to himself and turned to look back at them the exact moment his mom decided to spare the pirate's life – at least for the moment – and exhaled loud in annoyance. His birth mom got a bigger and creeper smile but never let go of his adoptive mom's forearm. In fact, if his eyes weren't deceiving him, she was holding Regina almost fondly.
Yeah, that was definitely bizarre.
"Well?!" Hook fumed by his side and Emma's smile fell from her face to turn into a glare at him while Regina cleared her throat and pretended to look at the nonexistent wrinkles on her coat, secretly freeing her arm from his blonde mom's hold.
And yeah, Ma didn't like it one bit and glared at her hand, as if the limb was responsible for touching mom without her consent. His mom turned and it would be kinda difficult to take her expression in but he knew her good enough to see the red cheeks, the wandering eyes and the bite on the lip.
That was when he decided to really see his two moms and finally got her interactions.
Regina looked like a flattered girl being asked out by her crush and Emma acted like the crushing hard kid who only embarrassed herself because she was a mad weirdo and total pussy to admit her feelings.
"I think we should go and see if we find out exactly where we landed and question about the kingdom to gather the time we are in." His mom said after clearing her throat for the second time and looked at him to ignore a pirate rolling his eyes and his awkward blonde mom glaring at her feet like a psycho.
"That's just what I suggested." Hook muttered and was ignored.
Until mom looked at Ma and the blonde magically knew she was being stared at and held her head high – pretty damn fast, way too fast – to stare back at her nodding and clearing her throat too like it was the new trend.
He almost cleared his throat too.
It made him remember Walsh, the flying ex, and his birth mom's relationship with him. He was kinda an okay guy (before turning into a monkey and flying away) and they had an easy relationship. Ma would cook – because thank God his mom gave her a cooking book worth memories – and Walsh would bring some white wine (according to the guy, it went with everything) and do the dishes and they would sit on the coach to watch romantic movies and they kissed and held hands. They would go on dates to have dinner and the movies to watch even more sappy stuff and be very gross together. And Ma would go back home wearing an easy smile.
Because that's what they were together: easy.
But his Ma wasn't easy in slightest. She was crude and graceless and drove that very old and beaten death trap – as mom always said. She hated dresses and girly stuff and she never liked romantic novels or movies – he still didn't know how she could watch that crap with Walsh back then. She broke things, she had some very ill table manners – that his mom never spoke bad stuff about, he wondered why – she hated white wine. And hated fiercely (she told him something about a nasty hangover that she never forgot). She was pretty hard on herself too and would choose to suffer rather than hurt someone she cared about. Like his mom.
And they were difficult. And different. And pretty much into each other.
It made sense. Even being utter stupid, Emma was always by mom's side against the world – sometimes even against him, back when he was a jerk to mom, and he regretted every hurtful thing he did. And the way his mom looked at her so openly, so trusty, so desperate for understanding was something she never did with anyone. Not even Robin – who was another good guy, but could never hold a candle to Ma.
They needed each other and understood each other. They had those stare contests and figured something out without a word. They made magic together –that was pretty cool. And they were both bad ass in their own way.
Mom was pretty sick in her 'I-rule-the-world-and-you-are-beneath-me-beware-for-I-may-curse-you-any-minute' and she had good taste and an amazing style and was simply a dream come true – if you overlooked the 'I cursed you and your whole family and screwed your life over' part. And Ma was a very beautiful disaster who broke more stuff than fixed, as rude as she could come and was unable to think before going into motion with that lesbian red leather jacket that mom pretended to hate but never did and the style of someone who never put thought into anything. Still she was good looking and had a very big heart.
And they were still staring at each other. Until mom broke the spell and crossed her arms, looking around to guard herself.
Ma scowled at a tree.
Hook sneered at them and cleared his throat. Seriously, what was going on with that? Ma took a deep breath and exhaled loudly looking very crossed. Mom ignored them.
Adults were so strange, but his moms were the worst.
"Shall we, ladies?" Hook said and Ma shrugged while his mom turned and started to walk ahead, going to the village.
His birth mom looked sad being left behind and jogged to her making the pirate roll his eyes, but the duo just watched and strolled after his moms.
"So that means you can't get us back to Storybrooke, right?" His Ma asked and he rolled his eyes because yeah, Emma was pretty dumb sometimes. He couldn't see his mom's expression from behind them but he was pretty assured she was glaring very nastily at Ma.
Again, stupid question.
"Yes, Miss Swan, I can, but I always wanted to be brought back to the past with such very sparkling company." His Ma was rolling her eyes, the fool.
"Jezz! Sorry to waste your time, Your Majesty." She said to fake her hurt but mom didn't acknowledge. They continued to march in silence for some time, but Ma was never good at keeping her mouth shut. "And it's Emma." That made mom stop in surprise and look at her.
"What?" His birth mom probably rolled her eyes again.
"My name is Emma not 'Miss Swan', Regina." She said and started to walk once again leaving his mom to sigh and resume her walk a minute later.
"Vey well, Emma." She conceded and they kept their pace some steps ahead of him and a jealous Hook.
Henry could not see their faces and even if he did, he was pretty sure they were simply looking serious and aloof. But he was pretty sure his Ma was almost cracking a smile after mom called her by the first name.
Poor woman, she really needed his help to get his mom. And lucky her, he was nothing if the very best at scheming operations. Though this one would probably be his greater and most difficult plan yet.
At least they had time.
Operation Making Mom Fall in Love With Ma or simply Ugly Duckling – because both of them always were the odd ones out, so it made sense and his Ma was already a Swan, so that could be his inside joke – was on!
(His only problem would be his mom's relationship with Robin, but he was sure that wouldn't be a trouble after he got his plan on phase two. And anyway, the adults always said something about 'out of sight out of mind', so it only made sense. Besides, she is only with him because she thinks he is her last chance at happiness and that was very sad and untrue. They could be happy with his Ma and the three of them could live in New York. Mom would love the city. Ma even learned with him how to extend the plants lives to more than a week, they surely could manage an apple tree to mom.)
He smiled to himself. That would be a blast! And he would eat his mom's food every night, which always restored his happiness.
That was the best endgame he could think of for his cool operation. And his moms would find true love and all that jazz. He would be reunited with his mom's lasagna and that was true love too.
Now he only needed to play his cards right. Nothing too hard. Or, at least, he hoped so.
"Stop." Before they actually got to the village or whatever the hell that was Regina told her and stopped to glance around looking for something. Emma jogged to her side again.
"What's the matter? Did you see someone? Is it magic? Are you hurt?" She couldn't stop her mouth to babbler her concern in a crazy rush and the only good part of making a fool of herself in front of the woman was the small smile Regina gave her that may or may not have turned her cheeks red.
"We can't go there wearing those clothes, Emma. They will suspect something." Well, that made sense so she nodded a couple times. What didn't make sense was the relief and pure joy that engulfed her after hearing her name coming from Regina's mouth. She decided not to dwell on that.
"Is something wrong, moms?" The kid asked jogging to her and Regina's smile got bigger and brighter. A very beautiful sight.
"Everything is fine, Henry, I just need to magic us some different attire so we don't gain too much attention." The brunette's smile was too good for words.
"Cool!" Their kid nodded, excited to have some clothes like his fairytale heroes. Regina beamed and Emma felt her heart going nuts inside her chest.
Whatever, she didn't have time for that.
"That would be impossible for me not to call attention with all this dashing charm, ladies." That could only be stupid Hook and the blonde rolled her eyes before looking at Regina who thankfully ignored his very existence.
That was until she remembered something.
"Er, Regina, can you not maybe, I don't know, dress me with a- well, with a dress?" She asked embarrassed and the brunette just looked at her in question for a moment or two that got her even more anxious. "I mean, I don't like dresses and in case we need to fight, it would be better to have comfortable clothes, that's all." Emma said even redder by the time she was finished and the other woman, bless her!, only nodded in understanding.
"Very well. Just close your eyes, you two." She said to them and Emma and Henry obeyed before she did her trick. "You can open now." And they did.
She looked at her clothes and was relieved to see herself wearing a black tunic like the one Charming had on Henry's book when he put her inside the wardrobe (just, well, black) and a simple gray trouser with a pair of black knee high boots that looked almost as the one she used. The blonde smiled to herself and looked at the kid, wearing something exactly like her, just with a white tunic (and that one was surely the same David used) and blue pants with grey boots.
He beamed at her, looking handsome enough to make her take a deep breath and imagine the amount of problems and heart breaking he would cause in some years. She wasn't prepared for that yet.
But when she turned to beam at her kid's mom was when she could hear her heart racing madly inside her ribcage. The fuck that woman was wearing was a sin.
Of course, even almost causing a heart attack, Regina looked regal, like a goddess, an angel or some crap along the lines. A deadly one, but one nonetheless.
Her short hair was arranged in a very majestic ponytail (who knew it was even possible?), she was wearing knee high boots as well, but of course, she was rocking them with heels. And her black riding leather pants deserved a trophy or a tribute. Probably both.
But when she eyed her torso was when she almost foolishly raised her hand to her chest for fear of her heart jumping out. She had a white corset with red laces and an evil cleavage that would surely explode her arrested heart inside her chest.
Emma was seriously gasping for air after that encounter with her boobs. They needed a fucking Nobel!
Her mind came up with a very silly urge to throw her face in that monument and kiss her breasts until she ran out of saliva. A very silly and very delicious fantasy. And truly crazy.
That was when she understood men's passion for a pair of tits. And she was oh so glad for being a woman in that moment. With how wet she got looking at that heavenly sight, there was no mistake she would be rock hard if she had different equipment.
But fucking God! She couldn't tear her eyes away from her. The bitch surely put her under a spell, that wasn't freaking possible. And the amount of times she roamed her eyes through Regina was probably lewd and very much unladylike but it would be easier to go blind than close her mouth or blink that seriously gorgeous image away.
Regina Mills: making women go gay since fucks know when.
"Whoa, looking good, Queen!" Well, she didn't need to go blind to tear her eyes away from Regina. Just hearing his fucking voice and blinking at his idiot face got her blood boiling for another reason. How dare him! "After this very fascinating fashion show, we should go on, ladies and lad." With that, the fucker strolled past them and gave Regina a wink that got her fist magically punching the back of his head. See? She was completely under a spell. "What the hell, Swan? Are you crazy?" He hissed at her but her only answer was to glare back at him and clench her teeth.
Stupid handless pirate!
"Come on, Hook! Let's go!" Henry saved his life dragging him by the sleeve of that ridiculous leather coat and for that she was glad.
Until she turned her eyes and Regina just happened to be standing majestically there with a crooked smirk on her red lips that was destroying her brain cells bit by bit. And the woman had to cross her arms under that pair of boobs that were unfortunately way too far from her mouth, making them all the more enticing.
What the fuck was wrong with her? Since when she wanted jump a woman so badly? And Regina fucking Mills at that!
If the blonde was honest to herself she would say that since the day she met the brunette wearing that grey dress.
But she wasn't. And she wouldn't deal with it now. Regina was dating that stupid thief and she was… Whatever.
What if she was attracted to her? Big fucking deal! Regina was smart, intelligent, moody, sassy, fucking hot and gracious, short tempered and maybe a little twisted, but who wasn't nowadays? Emma was only hu-
"Take a picture, dear, it will last longer." That fucking husky voice! It never failed to make her knees go weak!
Son of a bitch!
Regina sauntered past her swinging her hips like a freaking model and she had a mind to go through her pockets, but unfortunately she didn't bring her phone on this godforsaken trip. Not that she would take a picture of that evil, very evil woman.
But she totally would. And would take one especially of that ass. With zoom.
Not her fault the bitch was hot as every inch of hell.
(And instead of jogging to walk by her side, this time Emma made sure stay a step away after her. So what if she was leering at her ass like a teenage boy? Nobody could prove so that was that.)
Well, eventually they got to the village and Emma glared at every person who risked a stare at Regina's way. There was a teenage boy she actually had to grit her teeth to shoo him his way. He was lucky she didn't have her gun or that would have ended pretty differently.
"Well, here we are." She was too engrossed glaring her way into an old fucker's skull who was drooling like an asshole at the brunette to acknowledge Hook. "There! We could go to that tavern and see if we can sneak information out of someone. People get a lot friendlier when they are drunk." He kept talking and she only turned to look at him after she booed the old man away.
"You would know that." Regina snapped at him. He probably deserved.
The pirate only smirked and winked at her and she controlled her sudden urge to knock him dead. Her kid was there and he would be traumatized watching his mom slaughter someone. As well deserved as it would definitely be.
"Okay, let's go there." She let him go first and she caught a woman leering at Regina and weren't women supposed to be subtle and straight in the Enchanted Forest?
Fuck that! She stared at the harlot with narrowed eyes and mentally cursed Hook for taking her magic away. The bitch would have another thing coming if Emma had her magic back.
"Emma, let's go." That husky whisper in her ear almost scared her soul out of her body and she glared at her tormentor who had a very sexy smirk and was looking amused from Emma to the whore who had a death wish. "She is not exactly bad." What the-
"What the hell, Regina? Henry's just here!" She looked around to prove her point but her kid, the traitor!, was sauntering away with Hook and the shameless pirate was a bad role model for her son. If she let that happen, Henry would be an alcoholic in no time and having STD's before finishing high school.
Her answer was a smirk that made her go hot all over and the woman turned to waltz her way inside that hellhole that would probably be blown as soon as Regina stepped inside and all those drunk losers decided to take a look at her.
Fucking hell! She didn't have a weapon!
"Emma, are you coming?" Oh how she wished she was!
Anyway, the brunette turned to look at her and crossed her arms – evil woman!
So there she was jogging to her side – only to glare more efficiently at people from beside her – in no time.
She was so engrossed in her new mission to scare people away with nasty glares that she lost the brunette's amused smile at her.
Until a little girl, not older than nine years old, came to them beaming at the former Evil Queen and she rolled her eyes. Those kids were way too fucking libidinous here.
"Hello! You are so very beautiful, ma'am!" The little blonde said smiling and Regina, obviously, beamed at her because she had to love all the attention. And she always had a soft spot for kids.
Just not the ones who held Henry captive, of course.
"Yeah, she is. Get over it." She almost said 'like I'm trying to' but refrained herself. No need to embarrass herself even more.
Though Regina's glare at the back of her head didn't falter and Emma rolled her eyes.
Whatever, she had better shit to do – like finding a way to go back to Storybrooke – than deal with that crap anyway.
"Why thank you, miss! You are also very pretty yourself." Regina grinned at the little girl while she glared at the Savior from the corner of her eye.
Why the woman had to be so rude to that lovely child? That was simply ridiculous!
Well, she decided to forget about the blonde statue glaring around with crossed arms by her side, it would do her no good. Instead, she focused on the little child beaming at her.
The girl was truly mesmerizing. She had ocean blue eyes and was a little smaller than Henry with her blonde hair adorned on a braid that fell on her shoulder. The girl wore a beautiful navy blue dress that said she wasn't a simple peasant, but what caught Regina's eyes were the blue gloves on her hands. It wasn't cold enough to wear them, but maybe her parents had some sort of OCD and didn't want their daughter touching anyone or anything.
Yes, her mother wasn't the only crazy monarch after all.
"Thank you! I'm Elsa, what's your name?" The little blonde said and Regina rolled the name on her mind, she was almost sure she had heard it before.
But she could think about that later because the girl asked her name and she definitely couldn't tell her the truth without knowing when in time they were – after all, she made quite a name for herself in her reign as the Evil Queen.
"Her name is Dianna." It was Emma who replied the blonde girl and she turned her question filled eyes to her. She wouldn't thank that rude Savior for the answer, but she was surely curious about her name choice. Why Dianna? "And my name is Emma." The Savior said after a beat and sounded friendlier.
The woman must be bipolar.
Looking very happy with herself for making new acquaintances, little Elsa beamed at them and decided to inquire further in her new friends' lives. "You are new here, right? Because I've never seen any of you, but my father doesn't let me get out of the castle much so you may not be that new." The kid blabbered and Regina smiled at her, the girl was something else.
Her smile fell as soon as she paid closer attention the girl's sentence on her head. First because the little blonde was probably a royal if she really lived in a castle; and second as it reminded her of her own childhood, when she was chained to a cold palace by Cora's iron fist. Quite literally.
Saying it didn't sit well with her was the understatement of the year.
But, surprisingly, who questioned the girl further was Emma.
"And why is that? Why he doesn't let you go out to play with other kids?" She asked like a social worker after she lowered herself to the tiny girl's level.
Little Elsa looked somewhat afraid and bit her bottom lip before answering.
Regina looked at the woman by her side and didn't have to word her concern because she saw the same questions in Emma's eyes. Who was the girl's father, why did he keep her locked and how did she get away?
"I'm not supposed to talk about it." Elsa said looking embarrassed and Regina felt the fury coming in waves from her companion.
"Hey, kid! No need to be afraid, okay? Whatever is happening, we will help you." The obtuse savior said holding the child's gaze and smiling her crooked smile that set the brunette's heart into a frenzy. Traitor heart. "You know, we have a kid a little older than you. He looks like a prince and he would be happy to be your new friend. I concede that he talks a lot and sometimes-" The blonde's gossip nonsense was cut short by the giggling little girl. Thank god for that.
"You two have a son together?" Or not.
Elsa looked as excited as Henry did on Christmas Eve and Regina had to take a deep breath to not berate the other woman for putting them in that position.
Even a girl with no more than eight years could leave the Savior tongue-tied.
"Yeah, we do." Emma answered almost afraid. The idiot.
"But you two are women." Not exactly. Regina was a woman and the former Sheriff was a childish fool. "How is that possible?" Well, Regina dying to see Miss Swan explaining that one.
"Well, we have magic together." The foolish Savior kept smiling and brunette didn't gasp but she knew her face was probably crimson. What in heavens was the blonde's angle? "So he is kind of our little miracle. It's like-" Of course Emma wouldn't stop to mortify her there! Lord forbid! And the former Evil Queen was so dreading the end of that sentence that her blood was running cold inside her veins.
"Like me and my friend! That's awesome!" Fortunately, the little blonde saved the useless Savior and she breathed in relief.
"Yeah, that's very cool, isn't it, kid?" The idiot said with a fake smile that made Regina grit her teeth. So much for being smooth. "And what is your friend's name? Are you going to visit them?" She asked looking straight at Regina with questioning eyes (as if the brunette was supposed to know every single person who ever came in contact with magic!) but smiled at the child probably just to keep the conversation flowing.
But well, Elsa's answer couldn't freak them both out more even if she had rehearsed it.
"Her name's Zelena and she's six." Regina paled and shivered after hearing that her wicked sister indeed managed to have the last laugh from grave. Or not, seeing that she was alive. Emma's hand sneaked its way into her own and she closed her eyes to digest all the information that child was frightening her with. "I'm actually going to see her now, so I don't have much time before one of my tutors come to collect me, but I suppose you could come up with me. She doesn't live in the castle because she and her mother are not rich. But I'm sure she'll want to be friends with you too after she knows you can make magic together so we won't be the only ones with it because it's kinda of a secret and people don't like it here. Father says that's because they are afraid of-"
She didn't faint because Emma held her hand and there was the stupid electricity running through her body again. That shiver was definitely fear to meet her mother and her crazy sister in a family reunion that would raise hells like nothing ever could.
Again.
"Yeah, kid! Why don't you show us the way and we will follow after you?" The Savior said with an ease Regina never knew she possessed and the little blonde nodded happily sauntering away. "Well fuck!" That colorful vocabulary couldn't belong to anyone but the woman by her side and lucky her Regina was too worried to reprehend such lewd language.
She took a deep breath and straightened her posture while thoughts crashed into themselves like cars without breaks.
First things first: Zelena was alive and not in Oz but that still didn't mean mother kept her. If she didn't, then she was probably on her way to guilt trip her father into marrying her to start her terror as a royal.
However what scared her most was the possibility of Cora keeping her first wicked spawn. What would it mean to Regina's existence if she did? Besides, the girl said Zelena was six and if that repulsive woman was an only child, wasn't Regina supposed to be born by now? What about her father?
And the most terrifying thought yet: what if she was never born? What would happen with Storybrooke and the curse and Henry?
But little Elsa said that Zelena wasn't rich and it was truly uncanny to think that her mother, her extremely revengeful and very heartless mother could assume a life being less than a maniac powerful and feared queen.
Could she still have her heart or did she already lose herself to dark magic? Maybe she was teaching her deranged heir to parade around the Enchanted Forest wreaking havoc of varying degrees, in her best way of showing motherly love.
Before she could drive further down that painful lane, the blonde by her side squeezed her hand in support.
And even with a messy mind she could feel Emma's hawk eyes on her face biting her lip and waiting for something.
(And Regina just knew she wouldn't wait long.)
When she finally grew tired of waiting – because that cursed family could never keep their mouths shut for a long time and the brunette knew best – she asked almost tentatively. "Are you-" She never heard the end of that question because it wasn't needed.
"No." She really wasn't okay, not in the slightest.
(And the honesty in her answer took both of them by surprise.)
However, all her thoughts, her trembling hands, her arrested heart and mumbled mind came to a rest as soon as the blonde held her in a firm and hard hug because the woman knew she would fight her arms and her compassion.
And she did, though the idiot never let go of her and whispered nothing on her ear for a very long while. Long enough for her fight to leave her and her trembling chin to find a spot on the woman's shoulder.
"It's okay, you are okay. We are okay. And I got you." Regina scowled at the last statement, but it sounded a lot more like a sob.
Jesus! What did she become?
The brunette almost laughed imagining her mothe- no, Zelena's mother and her disapproving eyes, scorn in place hissing 'love is weakness'. Not that she loved the crass Savior because that was laughable at best, but using the woman's shoulder to anchor her feelings was a weakness Cora would have never approved.
Neither would she approve her silly limbs encircling themselves around the blonde's waist with her asinine heart finding peace in such ordinary position or need for human contact.
(For a stupid human in special, her heart told her and her mind ignored it.)
How come after all the hell this obnoxious hooligan raised by destroying everything she held dear she was the only one able to ground her back like that? Besides Henry, of course. And not mentioning the blonde's brainless parents who were always easy to forgive and forget a vengeance that took over her life.
Idiots! All of them!
Fate had a sick sense of humor or simply hated her that much.
"I'm not leaving you, we'll be fine." She wasn't sure how many times she heard the fool whispered that to her and had no idea who she was trying to convince with such irrational lie.
But Regina trusted her. God help her, but she always did.