I absently stirred the straw in my glass of iced tea nervously. What was I doing here? I told myself I came back to Seattle to apologize and finally get some closure. I knew deep down, though, that I was looking for the amazing relationship I lost a year and a half ago. I hadn't been able to get him off my mind since then.

My life had been messy then. I was still in graduate school, studying to become a high school English teacher. I had lost my mother only a few months prior. He had been elbow-deep in his work at the hospital as a surgical resident. We were both under an incredible amount of stress, and when I found out I was pregnant it had just been too much. What I did was something I could never forgive myself for. We never talked about it, and the whole situation loomed over us, stressing our relationship even more. The fact remained, though, that I loved him and he loved me. I gave up on us so easily, and I hated myself for it. I would never be able to forget that cold December night when he came home with a dozen roses and tired eyes.

I was standing in the small foyer of our townhouse with my bags by the door.

He was instantly aware of what was happening. "Bella, why are you doing this?" He looked so sad, and so tired. Tired from his past day at the hospital or tired of trying to make our relationship work, I couldn't be sure.

"Edward, we both know that this has been over for a long time. I'm sorry, but I just can't do this anymore." I knew if I didn't spit it out I'd just end up crying. That was the last thing I wanted or needed.

I could see his love for me burning in his eyes. Despite this, I knew he wouldn't stop me if he thought leaving was something I truly wanted. And it was. This wasn't working for either of us, and it needed to end before it got even worse. It was apparent, though, that he would fight for us if he felt he had a chance.

"Bella…" he trailed off, his voice cracking. I hated it. Leaving him was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I just needed it to be done with.

Tears just starting to burst forth, I darted around him into the cold of the night with a bag in each hand. I loaded up my car and left without a backward glance. I swear if I had turned around and looked into that doorway, I would've stayed.

I was jerked back to the present as I heard the door to the cafe open yet again. And again, Edward was nowhere to be seen. I let my memory wander again and remembered the earlier days…

It was so hot out that day. I was in shorts and a tank top with the AC blasting, and I still thought I'd die of a heat stroke. That didn't matter, though. Edward was laughing at something that happened at work he was telling me about and that was all I needed. Sitting in the passenger seat, I was turned so that I was facing him completely. Not exactly in compliance with the law, but my dad was the chief of police in town, what could possibly happen?

We were in my hometown of Forks, enjoying one of the few sunny days of the summer. I was still amazed Edward had managed to be off work this weekend, but I thanked God for the time we had together. We hadn't been together long, only a month, but I knew I didn't want this to end. I was so happy that day…

It was only a few hours later that everything changed. We got back to my parents' house to find my dad in the driveway, completely frantic.

I jumped immediately from the car, my heart racing.

My daddy looked at me with scared eyes. "Your mom…she had to go to the hospital…" That was all he got out before I was back in the car with Edward, my dad following us to the hospital.

It turned out my mother had had a massive stroke, and there was nothing anyone could have done.

That night in my bed at home I cried. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. And Edward held me. He never said anything. He just gave me all the comfort he knew I needed. It would never cease to amaze me how wonderful he was when I had known him for such a short time. I realized that very same night that I was in love with Edward Cullen.

God, I still couldn't believe how perfect he had always been. He was so supportive and he took such good care of me after I lost my mom. He had always amazed me.

The door to the cafe opened again, and this time it was Edward who walked in. My heart was instantly racing and I couldn't breathe as I watched him look for me with a guarded expression. I secretly hoped he might not see me and just make this all a lot easier. I was trying to find an out for myself. If he left, it was on him. But I also knew that I couldn't let him out of my life again. I needed him. It just took me this long to figure that out. He spotted me, then, and I offered a small smile, the most I could manage. He didn't return it as he made his way over to me.

Edward was as beautiful as ever, all messy bronze hair and toned arms. His green eyes looked at me with an emotion I couldn't read dancing behind them. His guard was up, and for good reason. The last time we saw each other was no doubt still burned in the back of his mind. He sat down across from me, and I slid his drink toward him.

"Cherry Coke still ok?" I asked quietly, again trying to smile at him.

This time I got a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah," he kind of laughed. He seemed almost surprised I remembered.

"I'm glad you made time to see me," I told him before I lost my nerve. I was so nervous and I knew I'd freeze up if I didn't keep talking. "I know you're busy with work. You'll be an attending soon, won't you?" I was rambling, but I couldn't help it.

His eye contact was fleeting. "Yeah. Chief Webber already offered me a job as the new neo-natal attending. I'll be starting in about two weeks." He looked back at me. "How are you?"

Miserable. "Good, I guess. I've been working at an inner city school in Portland. The pay sucks, but it's rewarding to help these kids get out of there."

He nodded, and I could tell he didn't want to be here at all. I was probably only causing him more pain by being here. I knew I should probably tread lightly but I couldn't stand another minute of small talk. I swallowed my pride.

"I'm sorry for that night."

I looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction, but his mask was still carefully in place as he spoke. "Bella, I know things weren't ideal, but I really never expected you to do that to me. You really hurt me. You made me happier than anything ever had. I actually held onto hope for a while, but by the time my birthday came and went without any word from you, I knew I had to move on." He averted his eyes again.

Move on… My eyes welled with unshed tears at his words. I knew it was foolish of me to think he had waited for me for all this time, but I couldn't help but hope.

I stood abruptly, nodding my head. I had to get out of there. I could barely choke out my words. "I wish I had realized what I had when you were mine. I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't." I knew I had to tell him everything that was on my mind, but it was becoming incredibly difficult. I walked around the table to leave, but I leaned down to whisper in his ear, "If we loved again, I swear I'd love you right."

I walked away from the table without a backward glance. I wasn't done, but I had to get away from him for a minute. Being near him brought out all my emotions and I couldn't keep them in check. I sat down on the curb outside the café and tried to catch my breath.

I was, of course, hyper aware of Edward's presence as he sat down on the curb next to me. He sighed heavily. "Who said I succeeded at moving on?"

I didn't look at him as I replied. "What does that mean?" I loved him so much, but I swear his cryptic way of talking never ceased to irritate me.

He smiled just slightly. "It means no one has ever made me feel the way you do and I don't think there will ever be anyone that can compare to you. You hurt me so fucking bad, but with you here now it seems almost like nothing ever happened."

As his words sank in I said the only thing I knew to. "I want to get to know you again, Edward. I need you."

I looked at him, and he looked at me, his eyes finally showing his conflicting emotions. "I want to know you again, too, Bella. I just don't know how to. Maybe… do you want to come over for dinner tonight?" He looked as surprised as I was that he asked me.

"Uhm… I guess?" I stammered. I hadn't expected to be so quickly welcomed back into his life.

He nodded. "I can't believe how quick I'm being to welcome you back, either," he said, as if reading my mind. "But life doesn't feel right without you, Bella. I don't know who I am when you're not here. I can't possibly stand to lose you again."

I knew we had such a long way to go to get back to normal, but I couldn't believe the happiness I felt at his words. I was confident that we could and would make it work. Things were different now, and we were different now. And I knew that thankfully I'd never have to go back to December again.