My Delusional Aqua: Friendship is Madness
"Ha! Ha!" said Aqua as she pounded a rather nasty looking Darkside(Or Steve, as she insisted on calling them) with her Master Keeper, "I'm bludgeoning you to death with a giant key!" The beast didn't seem to respond, perhaps due to the rather unfortunate circumstance of it being dead. "And that makes one hundred thousand and two Steves punished for the day week year decade measure of the fourth dimension thingy! That must be a new record!" Aqua didn't quite know why it would be a new record, but she had a suspicion that it would be better than Pet Sounds, at any rate. She'd been in the Realm of Darkness for as long as she could remember, which to be fair was about as long as she cared to, which to be perfectly honest was never very long.
"Still, I'm a grown woman, I should think about settling down, setting up a profession , doing something besides hurting Steves. Maybe I'll stop walking along this incredibly bleak path endlessly and walk down one of the many other incredibly bleak paths endlessly. Last time I did that I think I got a present! Actually, wait, no, that was just severe loss of blood. Details, though, right?" Her mind set, and with a serious expression on her face, Aqua made up her mind to wander at a perpendicular path towards absolutely nothing. A major disadvantage to living in the Realm of Darkness was that it tended to be rather hard to see. Oh, and the endless hordes of Steves out to devour one's heart was sort of an issue too.
Still, Aqua continued on, humming a relaxing little ditty she remembered some battle-scarred old man teaching her when she was a young girl. "MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK BERSERKER!" yelled Aqua. "DO YOU WANT TO MAKING F- BERSERKER!" , and with one grandiose sweeping of her arms, Aqua shouted towards what probably was the sky " BERSERKER….BERSERKER!"
After a decent amount of singing, Aqua observed that she had found her way to a change in scenery. Right in front of her was a castle, a very familiar looking one. "Oh by the light…. I remember now….." Aqua gulped as she finished her sentence "I REALLY am in the mood for Mexican!" Aqua charged at the castle, singing "Taco Bell, Taco Bell, Yo quiero Taco Bell!" Gaining speed and becoming a blur to the human eye, Aqua screamed "ENCHIRRITO MACHO BURRITO!" and flew towards the castle.
Now, let it be known that the white castle before Aqua, while certainly damaged to some degree, was built with keeping intruders in mind. The main door was barred shut with steel iron bars, and the drawbridge was raised. The royal architects had worked on the castle for over 200 years, using only the best material and magic to fortify its defenses.
It was a bit of a shame, then, when one gaping hole the size of a blue haired woman appeared in the raised drawbridge, the gate, and even the titanium jail bars located behind the gate. The inside of the entrance to the castle was as barren as the Realm of Darkness. Devoid of people, the only thing of note in the entrance hallway was spiral staircase, leading up and down.
"Damn, no one's here. Even after I took all the effort to knock!" Aqua sighed. She had never really needed food for as long as she could remember, but the saliva in her mouth had reminded her how of how awesome it was nonetheless. She was about gain some momentum so she could leave the castle again, when she smelled something buttery coming from the basement of the castle. "On second thought, perhaps I should investigate. Wouldn't want Steve to terrorize any innocent people, after all."
Aqua cartwheeled down the stairs, anxious to investigate the totally-not-delicious smell. The stairs led to a kitchen, devoid of everything but a lone chimichanga on a plate in the middle of the room. Aqua dashed for the edible meal item, but before she could grab it she felt a sharp pain in her arm. Her instincts kicked in, and she activated her barrier just before a barrage of metal projectiles could turn her into Aqua grade swiss cheese. A dark figure stepped out from the shadows.
"I don't know who you are. I don't CARE who you are. But listen, Senorita. Don't…" the figure picked up his pace and started dashing towards Aqua "touch…." The figure took out a sword of some kind and raised it to strike "my CHIMICHANGAS!"
Aqua backflipped away from the blade, which she identified instantly as a katana. "Hey, you shot me you jerk! What kind of restaurant shoots their own consumers?" demanded Aqua as she powered up one of her spells. The man, who was wearing a mask and outfit of red and black chortled at her inquiry "This isn't a restaurant, you evil chimichanga swiping monster. I'll eliminate you here and now!"
The man drew another sword out, and charged at the blue haired food seeker. "THIS IS THE FATE THAT BEFALLS ALL CHIMICHANGA THEIFS! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR END, BLUE HAIRED SIDE CHARACTER!" His two katanas were about a foot away from Aqua's face, and in a mere half a second, they would make Aqua about six inches shorter, starting at the neck. "Hey, hey, masked jerk, guess what, guess whaaaaaaaaaat?" questioned Aqua as she raised her Master Keeper. Lowering his katanas, the masked jerk quipped "What?" "Mega-flare" whispered Aqua.
There was a lone shadow outside of the Castle of Nightmares that evening. He was not one for taking hearts or being aggressive, he preferred the turbid nature of the Realm of Darkness. The castle was his favorite haunt, it struck a nice contrast to the dark hills and plateaus of the realm.
Yet, tonight something was different. The castle had a hole in the front of it. It was an unwelcome change, one the shadow figured he would have to mention to his friends later on. For some reason, the hole in the castle's gate seem to glow. It glowed a dull red at first, then a bright red, and then the entire castle was eclipsed by a bright red light that shook the earth near the castle in a five milo radius. A sphere of destruction poured out of the castle, completely annihilating it. As the deadly glow approached the shadow, his final thoughts were "Gee, that's odd…"
At the epicenter of the blast, there could be seen a woman sitting atop the battered, but somehow still conscious body of a costumed man. And in her hand, the chimichanga.