The sky is
cloudless
and the grass is green
and everything is
far
too beautiful for it to be
a funeral.
(but it is)
and he sees the glint of the gun
just a
f|r|a|c|t|i|o|n
of a second
to
late.
...
Later, when he's old
and grey
and she's there by his side
he wonders what would've
happened if
that fraction of a
second
hadn't happened.
...
She doesn't see it
not then
but she
feels
it
(of course she would)
to her the world is
exploding
-quite like the pain in her chest-
black and white and
flashing lights
she can see him
above her
holding her
telling her he loves her
...
later, when she's alone in that void
after what should've been their wedding
she wonders
just for a second
that if she hadn't lied
hadn't broken him the way
she had
he would've still been with her
(but he comes back)
...
The pain is too much
and she can't speak
she's been shot
he's the last thing she sees
before
everything is gone
and there's no more
flashing lights
and black and white
...
the beeping is driving him
insane
but it's showing him
she's still fighting
that she still has a chance
he hasn't lost her yet
yet
...
the next time he hears that noise is
when his mother dies
it's cold that day
winter, nearly Christmas
and he cries
she slips away quietly
-Martha does-
and he can't quite help the feeling
that she should've gone out with a
BANG
(but she's just there one minute and gone the next)
...
Her father is with them
waiting for news
because she was shot
Lanie's crying in a corner
trying to pretend she's not
and he is just numb
and everything moves
in
((Slow))
motion
and he can't
breathe
because
he
is
going
to
lose
her
(and there's nothing he can do)
...
when she wakes
in a hospital room
that reminds her of
her
mother
for no particular reason
she can't believe she's still alive
she'd resigned herself to death
and now she was breathing
feeling
living
Josh is there when she wakes
sitting by the bed
half asleep
she doesn't wake him
she does, later,
but not straight away.
...
When Maddox
hits her
and hurts her
and throws her off
that building
everything turns
black and white with flashing lights
and she thinks she'd going to die
(but she doesn't)
...
he doesn't see her
not after he walks out
of that hospital room
when she tells him she'll
call
(but she won't)
they don't talk
not for months
because
everything is
broken
...
later, when they're
married he asks
her to tell him about it
about how she spent those
three months
and she doesn't reply
not to start with
but then she does
[it was lonely]
and then she goes to the kitchen and
they don't talk about it
...
they sit on the swings
and she tells him
about her
|walls|
and they haven't talked
in
so
long
it feels
fragile
like one gust
of wind
and they'll go back to being broken
but the make it
(somehow)
...
Sometimes she has these dreams
horrible
terrible
dreams
-nightmares-
where she made a different decision
and they're so vivid
and they always end with
black and white
and flashing lights
and he's there to hold her when she wakes
(because they're just dreams)
...