They say that life's a stage. You can make it a comedy or a tragedy. But sometimes you have no control over any of it. Sometimes your play takes a bad turn and the actors forget their blocking or their lines. Then who had control? Defiantly not you, once the show premieres it is out of the director's hands and left up to fate. To some all-powerful being way up in the farthest seats of the theater. My life had become one of those out of control shows, one where I the director wasn't even sure how it ended up in the frightful state that it had. I was still young though, merely in the first act. Looking for the curtains to close on my show early so that it could be over and I could just find relief in the big cast party in the sky. I would not have any such luck though. So come on in, see the show.
"Bella wake the fuck up!" I was shaken awake from my comfortable sleep. I slowly opened my eyes and was met by a light that was far too bright for my liking "Bella come on school starts soon". I looked around trying to place together where I was, and how I'd gotten there. I looked at the person who'd been so rude as to wake me. It was the closest thing I had to a friend, Jessica.
"What is happening?" I sat up and suddenly felt queasy. I took another glance around the room and saw bodies lying all over the floor. I looked back up at Jessica and saw she had a pack of Marlboro Lights and a lighter in her hand.
"Its seven thirty and we have fifteen minutes to get to school." She said a desperate look in her eyes. Jessica was more of the school type than you might think. She came out to all the great parties with me, but never partook in anything. She came as she said "To make sure I didn't fuck up to terribly". I took the cigarettes from her hands and packed them as I began to stand up. "Good, now let's go" she said grabbing my hand and pulling through the house. I got outside and immediately lit up taking a deep inhale, letting every last bit of smoke fill my lungs. It was sanctuary.
Jessica's car was already started and she was fast walking to the driver's side.
"Hurry Bella!"
I walked a little quicker putting out my cigarette before I got into the car. Jess quickly pulled out and sped off to school. We'd be a little late, but I probably wouldn't even go to my first hour anyways so who really cared, aside from Jessica of course.
"So what the fuck happened last night?" I asked her as she drove fifteen miles over the speed limit.
"What happens at every party we go to, you got super wasted and smoked a little pot" she said with a somewhat disappointed look on her face. I knew that she hated seeing me party, but if I had to choose her or the parties, I would choose the parties.
We pulled into the parking lot and Jessica parked and turned the car off before jumping out and franticly grabbing her things.
"Are you going to go to class today Bella" she asked me as I climbed out of the car.
"Eventually" I said feeling the full force of my hangover beginning to rage.
"You look like shit" she said a look of pity crossing face.
"Don't feel too far from it either" I said with a small laugh. "I'm going to go get some coffee and take a little walk around, and then I'll meet you here after school".
"Alright, well be safe and try not to smoke too much, it's not good for you" she said before running off to class.
I pulled the pack of smokes out from my pocket and walked out of the parking lot as I lit another. I walked towards my favorite park where many a morning I would go and smoke for hours. I loved the small buzz I got from smoking. It was like paradise, even if just for a moment.
I reached the park and sat down on a bench finishing the cigarette and pulling a new one from the pack. I looked around at the park where I had played as a child when my family was together, and normal. I saw myself running into my father's arms as my mother laid out juice and a Pb and j sandwich. That was far gone now as I sat here having lost everything I once held dear to my heart. My dreams were gone, my career, my emotions. I didn't know what to feel anymore. I guess that's why I kept Jessica around; she felt enough for the both of us.