This is just a very short rambling from the point of view of Severus Snape. His parents are arguing again and he's stuck in his room, trying to block out the shouting downstairs. It's probably one of the darkest things I've ever written, god knows where it came from! I'm not too sure whether I should write another chapter, let me know in the reviews if I should :)
[SPOILER: The idea of 'Closet Land' was taken from the 1991 film of the same name directed by Radha Bharadwaj and starring the awesome Alan Rickman. The girl was raped as a young child and made to wait in the closet every time the man visited. Inside the closet, she used to imagine a world to help her escape - Closet Land. It's quite a disturbing film to watch but very interesting nonetheless. The idea of using your mind to escape terrors really stuck with me and I wanted to write something involving it]
A door slams. A raised voice. Then, a tense silence. It has started.
The heavy book lays open but unread in my lap. It's another typical Dark Arts volume. My usual literature, grabbed from my overflowing bookshelf. Once more, I hope to lose myself in visions of powerful forces, intricate spells and unforgiving incantations. These books are my ally against the pain that engulfs me every time I hear them arguing. The witch and the muggle. A recipe for disaster, really.
No, wait, ally is the wrong word. An ally is loyal, you can be sure to count on it. The books let me down. I mean couldan assembly of parchment and ink really be anything against the tempest below me? Could it block it out, help me get through it? I had hoped so. A few years back, when it was the shouts were fresh and unexpected, it might have worked. In the early days. But now it is impossible. It is too powerful. Fuming, angry, it reaches up to me, through the creaking floorboards and my dark bedroom walls, the very walls that used to be my haven. It seems to clasp my helpless frame in its steely grip and never let me go. My heart beats faster and my insides go cold. I feel trapped inside myself. I need escapism. The shouting gets worse.
Yet, still the book rests on my lap. A symbol of my will to forget or to be far away from the noise. My last link with the 'material world'. It keeps me sane, for a while. Just about.
I hear muffled words spoken fast. They must be in the kitchen again, the sound doesn't reach me as clearly from there. Despite this, I can make out his deep baritone drowning out her defensive drawl. Suddenly, their voices furiously rise in unison. It is like a perfectly orchestrated play. Each to their own part, reciting their lines that may vary daily but, in essence, are always the same. They do not hear the one another's words, they do not hear one another's point of view. Only themselves. But they are no actors. No, all this is real. A cruel reality that hits you right where it hurts. No catharsis for the audience. Over and over again, during the warm summer nights.
Sometimes, I think it will all work out and everything will be as it used to. The memory of before seems so hazy yet I still cling to it. A time with no arguments. It springs up in my dreams. Dreams in which I don't have to live with the constant worry for two months. Dreams in which I am able to breathe properly again. Dreams in which the weight inside of me, holding me down, disappears forever. I allow hope to fill me up. That is always a mistake. Before I know it, they have started again. Clear sky turning grey. Back to square one.
Even at Hogwarts, the feeling is still there. It sticks with you. The strong castle walls aren't enough to keep me from the tidal wave. It's not as powerful but it's still there.
CRASH! Something has fallen hard, causing glass to break. I hear the fragments as they disperse over the tiles and shatter across the wall. In an instant, I hurl my book across the room. It lands with heavy thud on my trunk. My hands cover my head, blocking my ears. I close my eyes tight. I have to retreat. I have to escape into my world.
Bright red hair.
An enraged roar.
NO. THINK!
Glowing green eyes.
A thudding noise. A stream of insults.
BLOCK IT OUT! STAY FOCUSED!
A beguiling smile playing on the lips.
Another smashing noise.
CONCENTRATE!
A hand is reaching out. I grab it. It is warm and it is soft. It is familiar. She is pulling me away. I hope it's her. Please make it be her. I look up to see.
Yes, it's her. It's my Lily.
Her hair is lightly blowing in the wind. She is wearing a light flowery dress. Radiating beauty. She is smiling at me. Only me.
The crashing noises are slowly drifting away. A hum in the background.
I focus on her sweet face. The way her features seem to be lit up by those emerald green eyes. The gentle curve of her upper lip. Her delicate ears covered by thin wisps of hair. I playfully resist the tugging of her hand. She raises her eyebrows quizzically.
Come on, Severus, she murmurs. The sound of my name gives me shivers.
And then, she is laughing. It is music to my ears.
I hear only her melodic laugh as I let her lead me on. Wherever she takes me, I will go.
I feel calm. I feel detached. I feel weightless. I have arrived in Closet Land.