Trigger Warning: Depression/PTSD/Suicide thoughts
Today's was like yesterday's and probably will be just like tomorrow's. The days blur together in a grey haze like that overhead. Some days it rains, but not today. Some days the skies just hold back the tears we all are feeling, just threatening to break free. The one consolation is the music. There is always music. Today is no different, but if I hear another Ave Maria for a Muggle Born I think I will gag.
Today it is A Candle in the Wind, for Tonks and Remus. I sit here in my third black dress, with gloves and a veil, at my fourth funeral this week. This war took a toll on all of us, but those it left behind seem to be worse.
I wish, sometimes, that I was amongst the dead. I look at them, in peace, and know that there is something better ultimately. Yet here I stand, looking around at my fellow mourners, the survivors as they call us, and wonder if it would be better if I hadn't.
I listen to the music, the only defining difference for each of these funerals. "You lived your life like a candle in the wind, never fading with the sunset, when the rain set in." The song was a rewrite, for the death of a Muggle Princess, but it fits this couple. They were light and love. They found their light in the darkest of times. Even in death, they embraced each other.
Yesterday, was hard for me as we laid some of the younger members to rest. Colin Creevey was one. He was only a child, yet still a soldier in a hopeless war. His family, Muggles, had a traditional church service for him. His casket was open, his mother wailing over the loss of her child, yet he looked only to be sleeping in peace.
I stood for the songs. I sang to the best of my ability and I prayed. I prayed that there would be no more. This starts years ago, and I only fear it will never end. The end of Voldemort will not be the end of the parade of dead and of funerals and of songs that are played.
How many songs are there for funerals? How does one choose something to bring peace to those left in the turbulent waves of death? When does it all stop? Will there ever be peace for those left behind or are we burdened to carry on tomorrow like today never existed?
Tomorrow is another funeral. Then another. How many will I be made to attend? How many times can my tears flow for friends and loved ones? How much more is one person expected to endure even after the war is won?
Is the war won? There are those that still are wanting to do harm, to do their master's bidding, out there. There are those who will never feel safe, even when the war was declared decidedly won.
I stand, another song, "Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me…"
Will someone please save me? Will someone help me find grace here, left behind, alone. I feel there is only one way to find grace, but if I do, who else will be left behind. Anyone?
Author's Note:
House: Slytherin
Year: 5
Drabble
Prompt: War
Word Count: 550