A fic inspired by this song: https/youtu.be/uyLsj0xKCuA and by my bakudeku war with Darthkripple (Prepare to cry, muhfucka).
Small Town Change
It would have been so simple to let it go, to move on without a backward glance and yet here he was trying to manage the last few steps to the front door. The cicadas chirped restlessly, grinding against his frustration until he violently shook his head to clear it. It was windy today, and it kicked up the smell of Russian Olives. Normally it would have been a powerfully irritating scent that was nauseatingly sweet… but not today. Today was… different.Today he was moving.
Despite how he'd bragged and teased his friend for months over finally moving where "stuff actually happens, okay?", he'd been having second thoughts lately. What if he didn't fit in, being from the country? What if they made fun of his accent or his clothes? His father's job seemed to be a step up for their family, but he wasn't fool enough to believe he could blend in right away. What was he thinking? He'd just beat the ever-living snot out of anyone who so much as looked at him funny, like always. What was he so worried about?
What was it that made his insides run colder than the creek they'd never play in together again? When he was honest with himself, he was more frightened than the day he'd had to chase that idiot's spooked horse down before his best friend got bucked off and broke something like the clumsy moron he was. Why did trying to move all these memories around to make sense of things hurt him even more? What… was this feeling haunting him?
This was the last time he'd ever stand on this porch, worn and aged as it was.
Resolve clenched his jaw in tandem with his fist and he strode forward, bravely shoving his anxiety aside as he knocked heavily against the sagging screen door.
"Sir?"
Katsuki lurched in his seat, vision still clouded by sleep and confusion.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" A regretful yet oddly cheery voice rang out again beside him, prompting his eyes to squint against the unfiltered sun from the opposite window. "I didn't mean to startle you, but we've hit the end of the line- I hope you weren't trying to connect to an earlier stop-"
"No," he grunted, slowly rising with a stretch and flinching at the crick in his back that cracked noisily. His body just wasn't what it used to be, and sitting on a less than comfortable greyhound seat certainly hadn't done him any favors. "...this is my stop."
The attendant genuinely looked relieved, her rounded figure sighing into a more relaxed posture. "That's good to hear. Do you need help with your bags, sir?" He could feel her hovering just behind him as he turned around and lifted his baggage above the chord in the overhead with some effort.
"I got it." Katsuki muttered, still tired from being on the road. It had been three days taking the scenic route, but he'd been able to clear his head and heart some. "You guys have a phone I could use? My cell is dead." He checked his pocket for his wallet and threw the strap of his duffle over his shoulder. The woman chattered away, directing him to a payphone beside the station parking lot. Finally seeing it when he rounded the brick building's corner, he mused over the irony of possibly the newest building in town still having a dinosaur, change-taking landline. However, one look at the gritty wear around the ear piece made him shiver and think better of taking a walk in place of a cabby. It wasn't that dark yet, and this place couldn't have changed all that much, twenty five years or no.
So he trudged forward without haste. The dirt roads were familiar enough for him to navigate among the trees that whispered fall was underway; They gave his steps a comforting crunch with their litter here and there while he ambled. It would be a nice walk to take once there was proper light and he could get reaquainted with the colors of the sights. Still, the sunset left the way beautifully clear and hued orange in a way he hadn't seen since he'd left this place at sixteen.
Breaking through the trees, his knobby fingers extended at his side to caress the comforting tufts of wheat that seemed aflame this time of day. It reminded him of running through fields playing tag… the stocks seeming almost to swallow them as they hid from sight, heart pounding and hoping to have gathered no attention.
Would things be different had he not been swept away leaving a portion of himself behind?
What a day that had been; his mind wandered back to that creeky porch and the hum of carpenter bees buzzing low and lazily puttering around the wooden overhang.
No one was home. He couldn't believe it- he couldn't fucking believe it.
Of all the days for that stupid nerd to be gone…
Katsuki eyed the pad of paper and pen clipped beside the door frame and snatched it, setting down the plastic bag of things his mother had sent him to grab last minute from the store while she ensured the movers didn't screw up. Hastily he scrawled insults and betrayal on page after page, vowing never to speak to his best friend ever again for doing this to him- for being gone when he so desperately needed to tell him…
He needed to tell him…
"What does it matter…" he choked and sniffled, furiously blinking away most of his tears but spilling the excess. "...It's the last time…"
Why weren't you here?? He scrawled, finally feeling his anger subside replaced with pain. No matter how shitty I was to you, you were always there… where are you now?? It's so unlike you.
With a deep breath, Katsuki took out his wallet and flipped it open, removing a thin square from the fold and wrapping it in the letter. It was then that he was unsure where exactly to put it; it was windy, and he couldn't chance something like this floating away with the breeze. In the end, he tore into the box of envelopes his mother had requested and tucked the paper inside one. They kept their spare key under the doormat… nerd was always forgetting his set…
Blushing furiously, heart pounding and pen moving, he scrolled his final message beneath the flap and sealed his secret away before he could overthink it.
Bakugou Katsuki nestled the precious note beneath the heavy bristles.
A sharp noise struck him, pulling the man from his childhood memory. Autopilot had served him well: he'd wandered into town and had passed the local bar. Probably a mic check gone wrong, the way some people were still groaning halfway out the front door. It was too dark to tell now, but the paint jobs on the buildings he passed didn't seem to have changed at all. Katsuki could swear there was still an angry graffiti job clinging to a dumpster that he'd done in middle school: a superhero he'd made up with exploding hands.
That's the thing about small towns… nothing ever changed.
The halfway decent motel management building still appeared to lean ever so slightly to the left on the hillside and he groaned at how steep the walk was. The front was decently manicured, but the old man who ran the place had long since passed away, leaving his daughter to hold the reins which meant there were dead and dying flowers everywhere in decline due to the season change. She was a few years Katsuki's senior, and her expressive eyes only widened when he trudged mildly through the door, set down his things before the counter and gave his reservation name.
"Well well, Bakugou Katsuki. That's a name I haven't heard in years. It really IS you." The blonde flipped her hair and despite how old they both were now, she winked at him coyly. "Don't suppose you remember this old bag do you?"
It wasn't so much that he didn't want to socialize, it was that he didn't quite feel comfortable socializing with a woman who STILL seemed to flirt with any man she could. Takeyama Yu was pretty, even in her late forties and losing the battle of consistently dying her greys. He looked down at the diamond on her ring finger and wondered how her husband thought about her speaking to other men with such an undertone.
"I remember." He said shortly, wary of taking the key from her hand but quickly doing so. "How long has it been since old man Takeyama…" Katsuki still had a hard time being delicate about such things, but years of experience in a rough and tumble city that handed his whole ass to him had at least taught him an uncertain pause could soften his exterior considerably. Imitating the appearance of being sensitive enough to carefully choose his words.
"Oh, Dad's been gone for years now. Maybe ten or so? I forget… that probably makes me sound terrible, but you know, I can never seem to remember the day anymore." Yu sighed, clutching her motherly breast and dramatically looking up. "Nothing ever happens around here."
"Right." Katsuki agreed, willing the conversation to end and pulling his bag from the floor. "So they say."
His room was small, but it would fit his purpose here.
Truthfully he had no idea what had possessed him to come back, other than the gaping hollow that occasionally consumed him to the point of madness (a small matter when one ignored their feelings as often as he did). Vacation time should have been for fun in exotic places, but he'd been all over now and none of it had seemed to help. Companionship was easy enough to find if he looked for it, but it all felt so synthetic. Business was booming, yet here he was laying on a questionable motel mattress and staring at the shapes in the textured ceiling. Nostalgia laced with longing sent him back here to where he still held such happy memories.
Like pushing him in the creek.
Catching june bugs and frogs and poisonous spiders.
Falling asleep on his shoulder "by accident".
Here he was, Forty and living so far in the past it almost made the last quarter of his lifetime moot. Katsuki scratched the stubble on his chin and sat up; it was only seven thirty and his fatigue had all but abandoned him being in this place. He opened the window and sucked in the night air, cool and crisp and perfect- just how he'd remembered it. Wetting his lips, he felt the cold glide across the sensitive skin while he tried desperately to decipher exactly what would make this trip worthwhile, since he obviously felt no different (albeit nostalgic) now that he was here.
A drink could be nice, he thought, pulling a baseball cap and hoodie from his bag. It was bound to get chillier in the desert at night; that is, if nothing ever changed here.
Even in the dark, the bar was easy to find all lit up and busy, with locals smoking in metal chairs out front. They debated politics and gossiped as if Katsuki weren't there, walking around them and into the front door. He'd never actually been inside considering the age he was once he'd left, though not for lack of trying. It was spacious, and good thing because it seemed to be the place where most everyone who could was having a drink. There was a woman with a brown bob playing guitar on a quaint little one step stage in the back of the room, and he eyed her while he waited for the obnoxiously loud bartender to make his drink.
"Here ya a-... Bakugou??"
Katsuki raised his eyebrows and felt them push his cap back slightly, feeling awkward for not recognizing someone who so clearly knew who he was.
"BRO! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? IT IS YOU!"
The man had black, jagged hair that fell just past his jawline, and a thick five o'clock shadow that was entirely unfamiliar… but when he smiled, a bit of adrenaline shot through Katsuki's chest and he grinned back.
"Holy FUCK! Is that you, 'Shitty-Hair?!'"
A deep exasperated growl and rolling eyes were his answer.
"Haha oh my god, what happened? Did they stop selling 'Annoying-Sports-Car-Crimson' hair dye at Iida Super??" It was amazing how much one friendly face could start to make him feel alive again inside. The emptiness felt so much lighter, a curious concept considering how hollows were, well, weightless.
Kirishima Eijirou laughed his familiar boisterous, pinched laugh and hopped over the bar, much to a few patron's dismay when his boots came a little too close to their beverages. "You know they did! The fascists!"
"I am LITERALLY right here, Kirishima." Another dark haired man complained from the corner. Wow, Tenya had gotten tall… he was nursing a drink at a corner table nearby, stalk straight and adjusting his glasses irritably. It didn't appear he'd taken the stick out of his ass since the blonde had left.
"Sorry, nerd, this is a private conversation." Katsuki laughed, clapping Kiri's hand and pulling him in for a hug. "Man, I wish I could say I'm glad to see you, but you're still pretty homely lookin'..."
Eijirou's thunderous laughter seemed to bother no one, barely anyone even glancing up when he squeezed his childhood friend around the middle and picked him up but then immediately setting him back down. "Oh FUCK how much do you WEIGH now, man!?"
"Haha maybe you're just less strong now, 'Flabby'shima!" All of it felt so natural, standing here grinning like a teenager and giving each other grief. Familiar faces, dusty roads, worn in buildings… this place was beginning to feel magical now that he was better able to pay attention.
"Yeah, you're probably right. My shoulders are fucked from high school wrestling. You know we lost nationals without you there, asshole!" Kirishima rubbed one of his arms and winced a little. Katsuki was sort of grateful he wasn't the only one feeling the toll of time passing. "So, have you been back lo-"
"Thank you!" The woman who'd been singing was mid bow when Kirishima stopped to applaud her.
"You remember Uraraka, right??" He nudged the blond with a elbow prompting him to also clap.
"'Round face'?" He blinked and squinted up at the woman setting up a second microphone beside her. She'd always been pretty, but now her features suited her, having grown up. "Huh… not so round anymore."
Kirishima put an arm around his shoulder and leaned back into the bar. "Yep! But she's Iida Ochako now!"
Spitting back into his glass, Katsuki looked up with just enough time to see Tenya smirk and lean his jaw into his own hand, taking a heavy sip from his glass. It couldn't have been clearer he only had eyes for his wife; it would have been sort of heartwarming to see… if he wasn't still a huge dork.
"What about you dude?" Kiri yelled over the shifting of chairs and bustle of wait staff to clear tables while they were in intermission. "Got someone special?"
Bakugou tried his best to seem nonchalant but came off more strained than he would have liked to convey, shaking his head. "You?"
The arm around his shoulder retreated and Kirishima dug his phone out from his back pocket. "Somebodies, actually." He grinned and unlocked his phone bringing up pictures, stopping at one of him sandwiched between a blonde with a sort of mischievous expression and a very dark man with angular features that seemed shyly content.
"I wish I could say I'm surprised- but I'm not." Katsuki playfully punched him, trying to express his pleasure at seeing Eijirou happy rather than wallowing in his own loneliness. "You and Kami were always the idiot twins- who's the new guy?"
Having the good sense to admit that his friend was right, Kirishima only nodded, his cheeks showing only a hint of embarrassment. "Denki and I got together a few years after we graduated, and Fumi a few years after that. His family bought the old Midoriya house maybe twenty years ago or so.They own the bakery… Bakugou?"
Katsuki had flinched visibly and Kirishima, at one time one of his best friends, took notice. Almost immediately he grabbed the blonde by the shoulders, but the good feelings that had been rolling around in his belly for the past fifteen minutes he'd been catching up had chilled and he was ready to leave. A bit of that sore, angry sixteen year old boiled under the surface and he fixed the noirette with a deathly glare. "Out of my way."
The crowd was coming in from outside, having finished their cigarettes and small talk, retaking their seats when Ochako began to introduce the next song. He'd only wait until the doorway was clear, and he'd go back to the hotel. He'd see about getting a ticket back home first thing in the morning and cut this short; the mistake Katsuki had made coming here had somehow completely missed him until he heard that fucking name actually spoken out loud.
"Not after all this time..." Kirishima scoffed, not unkindly but more in absolute awe. "DUDE."
He didn't have time for this. He could probably use his 4G to purchase a ticket from his phone. Maybe there was a bus that left tonight he could still buy into. "I SAID out of my way, Kirishima."
"I know you've all been waiting for this song, and I can't tell you what it means to me that you'll hear it." A man said over the speaker while Eijirou fought to keep Katsuki still. "It's finally finished, and I thank you all for your support."
Trying not to make a scene, Kirishima bearhugged the blonde, looking entirely ridiculous while he struggled. "You're not going anywhere!" He bellowed in his ear while the crowd hollered. "Bakugou, LOOK."
"'Shitty hair' I'm warning…" Kirishima grabbed him by the jaw and forced his eyes in the opposite direction. "...you…"
Katsuki's eyes had fallen to the man on stage plucking at his guitar. Ochako answered him by playing the same melody with her own and he looked up to smile at her.
Katsuki's heart… it stopped.
Those freckles…
That turbulent, unkempt hair…
Ochako and the man Bakugou couldn't keep his eyes off of began to sing together. His deep tenor raised the plentiful hair on his arms.
'There's a note underneath your front door
That I wrote twenty years ago.
Yellow Paper, and a faded picture
and a secret in an envelope.'
The words haunted him; they spoke of things that Katsuki had long believed lay dead for years until he'd come back to this tiny hick town. It was a little uncomfortable to hear such things laid plainly out for other people to inspect.
'There's no reasons, no excuses.
There's no second hand alibis,
just some black ink on some blue lines
and a shadow you won't recognize.'
They both hummed together, Ochako taking over the guitar when the man spread his palm over his own chest as if he were feeling the affect his own words had had on him. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply between the buzzing vocals, his freckles delicately speckling his cheeks beneath full, dark, curling eyelashes.
Katsuki stopped fighting and didn't recognize that he was no longer being physically kept in place. He grabbed at the brim of his hat and pulled it lower self-consciously in fear the wetness at the corners of his eyes would begin to spill over.
He hadn't noticed Kirishima jabbing at his phone like an animal.
The man he'd longed for... the man he'd been so very hurt by all those years ago was reopening the wound. Midoriya Izuku began to play his instrument once again, his head tilted downward and eyes on the floor.
'In the meantime I'll be waiting
for twenty years and twenty more.
I'll be praying for redemption
and your note underneath my door,
and your note underneath my door.'
It was…
It was too much.
Katsuki thought he may explode if he didn't leave right this moment, and so he didn't wait for the end of the song, the guitars still plucking in a way he'd never forget as he pushed himself out of the bar and hauled ass to his room. The dusty night air was so much chillier now, and continued to freeze his cold, fearful body as he ran with all he had. Once he reached the motel room, he hastily turned his key and slammed the door shut, throwing the lock and catching his breath against the wood. What was that stupid asshole playing at? How could he sing so freely about something like this when… when…
The floor rushed to meet him, his back sliding against the door. There it was… after all these years of trying to figure out exactly what had cut him, the answer was clear.
He gave that stupid Deku his number; in a moment of desperation he had scribbled the digits after his signature. The photograph he'd pulled from his wallet was old, but it was one his mom had had in a photo album she'd been pressuring him to look at until he finally caved. The wrestling team was absolutely wrecked from an away match his mother had chaperoned and she'd snapped the picture on the bus ride home. Burying his face in the carpet to hide how absolutely betrayed and angry he felt even with noone around, he could picture a far younger Kirishima with striking red hair and his finger propped in a shush line before his lips above the two of them. They'd fallen asleep, completely tuckered out and limbs splayed out with their heads propped against one another.
His hand had laid gently over Midoriya's palm.
For the first time in years, Bakugou Katsuki allowed a sob to rip from his lips and his entire being to shake with terrible, jarring pain.
He hadn't called.
Katsuki was humiliated; sure he'd been unpleasant… he was ALWAYS unpleasant, especially as a kid… still, there was no WAY that idiot hadn't understood. There was no way.
The song had confirmed it, confirmed he'd known. How dare he...
HOW DARE THAT STUPID DEKU MAKE A MOCKERY OF HIS FEELINGS!
Anger fully replaced all pain. This was how he used to deal with things like sorrow and insecurity- he'd wad it all into a ball and incinerate all other feelings into ashes. With unkind forearms he rubbed the tears from his eyes and willed his sniffling to cease, climbing rigidly to his feet. He tossed his hat and hoodie onto his bed and collected his toiletries from the duffle beside it.
He'd get ready for bed, get as much sleep as he could, and get the fuck out of this place before there could be any gossip over his visit. Kirishima would keep his mouth shut… now that he knew he worked at the bar, he could give them a call to get him his number. If nothing else, the trip was good for reconnecting with him.
While brushing his teeth he considered that; Maybe this trip wouldn't be a complete fucking waste of time after all. He wondered what the chances were of getting Kiri to come out to the city? Now that he had multiple attachments in his life, maybe it wouldn't be so simple but he could say that he tried to keep in touch.
Unlike some people.
Whatever. Maybe Deku hadn't known how to let him down?
What a fucking coward.
Spitting the mint from his mouth into the sink beside the door to the bathroom, he grabbed a handful of water from the tap and swished, drying his chin with the hand towel just before there came a ruckus barrage of knocks at the door.
Katsuki saw red; he didn't care if Kirishima knew he was upset, but he definitely needed to re-learn that Bakugou would be in no mood to be disturbed after something like this happening. If he didn't have all the facts, he'd understand after a punch to the fucking mouth. He grabbed his hat, bowing the brim in irritation and hoping his hair and the hat would keep his bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks from drawing attention. He approached the doorway, his back muscles tensed and arms cocked out, ready to give the bastard a cheapshot to the gut.
Opening the door, he growled "WRONG MOVE KIRI- OOF!"
"WHA-WHOAAAA!"
Something solid slammed into Bakugou hard enough to knock him prone, wincing at the bruise he'd definitely have on his tailbone for the next two weeks. The bill of his hat pressed into his face muffling his voice. "WHAT IN THE FUCK!?"
"Sorry guys! But you two need to talk!" That was definitely Kirishima, and the blonde's muscles felt hot with the need to sock the humor from his voice.
"YEP! CLEAR THE AIR YOU TWO!" A tenor he didn't quite recognize.
"This isn't a good idea, Eiji…" It was mumbled, the third voice, and he couldn't quite catch all of what they said with his hair and hat pressing into his sensitive ears.
"Oh come on, Fumi…" The second voice whined.
"Yeah you're no fun!" Kirishima agreed, but Katsuki had had enough!
"I SWEAR TO GOD," Bakugou roared, struggling to push what he realized was a person off of himself. He couldn't think, there was only the anger they'd ignited and he was still burning brightly. "I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU PIECES OF CRAP!"
He'd worked hard over the years to cover that rough exterior in a sort of stoic exterior, but under pressure he was cracking, reverting back to the emotional dead-zone he'd been as a teenager.
"OH MY GOD I'M SO SO-SORRY THEY PUSHED ME!"
Katsuki growled, trying to shove them off. "JUST GET THE HELL OFF OF- OW! WHAT IN THE-"
The door slammed shut just as the pressure against the bill pushed into his face eased and his cap tipped back, being adjusted by pale hands.
"Here, let me just-"
Bright green eyes stared back at him, completely still for a moment before leaping across Katsuki's face. That gaze widened, sending dark brows flying up, up and up to disappear beneath dark hair that almost looked the color of summer grass in the the low light.
What could he do? He could only sit there, too dumbfounded to feel anything other that awe and surprise at being so close now. It didn't seem possible… didn't seem real at all.
"...Kachan??" Midoriya mouthed in the deafening quiet.
Ah.
There it was.
There was the pain.
"Oh my god…" his childhood friend sniffed, tears warping the shape of the forest in his irises. There were wrinkles around his eyes… and briefly Katsuki hoped that they'd been made from good times… from smiling and not grief like his own. The crow's feet deepened when Midoriya's eyes scrunched shut, tears of confusion and what looked to be relief spilling down his widened cheekbones and collecting in the bristles of his wiry, neatly trimmed beard. Lip quivering in front of his clenched teeth, he croaked, "...It's… really you!"
Katsuki fell back from where he'd nearly sat up on his elbows, having been thrown prone again by a hug so needed it stole all physical feeling from him, replaced only by the deep throbbing of something warm in his breast. His entire body rocked from his own sorrowful cries of long lost love threatening to spill over, only to fall freely but without sound once he heard Deku inhale against his neck and cry unabashedly, unapologetically. Bakugou instantly forgot how angry he was, he forgot it all and finally felt his own hands fist tightly in the smooth cotton of Midoriya's fitted t-shirt draped against his back.
"God I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry I didn't get your note in time!" Deku wept, his strong grip trembling. "I'm just so so sorry, Kachan, please forgive me!"
Alarmed, Katsuki pushed away, his shivering hands continuing to keep Midoriya near by squeezing his shoulders. "What the fuck do you mean?" He hated how weak and cracked his own voice sounded, but the sight of his old flame seemed to temporarily demolish his pride. Gone was the need to keep his defenses so high it killed most every friendship he could imagine having growing up. This was why Deku was different: he had never left Bakugou's side before he moved, not ever.
Midoriya cried harder, his mouth working to make words, but it was clear he was completely and utterly overwhelmed. Seeing this beautiful man reduced to merely a weak squeak in the throat and flowing tears, it changed everything...
Something Katsuki had been searching for for years heated his bones and he found it in him to wipe the wetness out of the aging creases around his own eyes with his wrist. "Get up." He murmured.
Slowly, once the message had reached his understanding, Midoriya raised onto his knees. Clumsy as ever, his first attempt to get on his feet failed, a creaking pop sounding when he tried to extend his legs but ultimately he must have felt weak from emotional trauma, or so it had seemed. When Katsuki wasn't trapped so much under the weight, he slid from under his friend's backside, rose to his feet (all the while lamenting his aching tailbone) and lifted his friend under his arms from the back. Keeping a supporting arm across Deku's chest, he walked him to the bed and sat him down heavily on the cheap, springy mattress.
"There's no need to cry." The blonde grunted, settling beside Midoriya who had yet to release his death grip from the wad of Katsuki's tank top. He wasn't sure what to do with all this; being angry and loathing everything about Deku had been such a way of life for so long, how in the world could this stupid nerd put a complete stop to it so quickly? It was unnerving being so volatile when he was normally so steadily aggressive or indifferent more often than not. "C'mon, Deku," He sniffed, "Stop with the waterworks. You're a grown man."
"...Sorry." Midoriya managed after forcing himself to breathe for a minute or two. His hand had slowly unfisted from Katsuki's clothes to rest against his own chest trying to calm the frayed nerves rattling his bones. Bakugou watched as he collected himself, and then slowly looked back at him tiredly. "There's just… so much. Too much I want to say."
"...Yeah." Katsuki agreed. He definitely understood that. How could he possibly say all the things he wanted to? The things that NEEDED to be said??
"Kachan," Midoriya whimpered, rubbing at a fresh batch of wetness under his eyes. He'd always been free with his tears since he was a kid, Katsuki guessed he shouldn't be so surprised to find him so easily emotional now. "...I need you to know I wanted to be there. I really did." His eyes wandered to his own hands that had fallen into a knot in his lap. "...But… I was at the hospital in town. Mom had a stroke."
Katsuki blinked, horror slowly making his insides a pile of ash. "...What?"
Wincing, Izuku's eyes darted back up at him, still inches shorter than him. "She was in pretty bad shape and she never really recovered from it." The dark hair framing his face shimmered in the low vanity light, and Katsuki came to the sad conclusion that the slight wrinkles disappearing beneath them weren't from joy as he'd hoped- as he'd wanted for him. It turned his stomach.
"That sucks." He ground out, his distress threatening to keep his mouth moving, but he clamped his jaw down tight trying to fight for what little control he could maintain.
Midoriya nodded, self-consciously rubbing at the chill on his arm. "Mom passed last year… shoot, and Dad's been gone for almost ten now."
That struck Katsuki funny, his brow pulling over his auburn stare. "Your Dad?"
Smiling apologetically at the confusion, Deku pulled his shoes off one by one, having neglected to do so when he was pushed inside so unexpectedly. "You remember Mister Yagi? He started dating my mom a couple years before you moved." At the blank look that must have been on Katsuki's face, Midoriya mimed height with his hands. "Really tall blonde? Oh, wait, I've got his picture in here…"
Sitting up from his slouch, Izuku reached a hand in his back pocket to pull out a worn out hunk of brown-grey leather that looked so scuffed, Katsuki wondered how it could hold anything at all. He watched his friend flip through the flaps, noticing scars on his arms that were dull with age but were new to his eyes. Beginning to wonder where they'd come from, he was distracted when a picture was thrust into his hands.
The man did look familiar, now that Bakugou had a look. He was muscular but lean, as though age had begun to catch up with him and dirty blonde hair fanned out around his kind, smiling face. He was covered in dirty coveralls, presumably from working the orchard he stood in. Christ, he was nearly as tall as the trees! There was a faint memory nagging at his brain of a man as tall as the corn stocks in back of the old house bringing his family apples the size of his dad's fist.
They'd been sweet. Much too sweet for pies, but Katsuki never cared for dessert. The things he remembered… he shook his head, held attentive by Deku's continued explanation.
"They got married about five years after you left and Dad adopted me," The sentimental grin on Izuku's face could have melted the coldest place in his heart (admitting it had would be a touch too far from his comfort zone). "...a formality really… I wasn't a kid anymore… but he was always Dad to me even before it was official. You would have liked him; he was a very patient man and always knew what to say when I felt like shit."
The rational part of his mind told him Deku wasn't stabbing at him, but the turbulent side of himself he was still fighting raged with guilt. How many times had something insensitive crossed his lips when they were young trying to keep control of his own heart palpitations? Had this enormous scarecrow of a man done what he couldn't all those years?
When Izuku adjusted his grip to put the picture back in his wallet, Katsuki's eyes caught something else familiar, and his hand snatched at the leather to bring it closer. Unintentionally holding Deku's hand while his fingers tugged another picture from the pocket, the blonde's heart pounded in his ears.
It was the picture.
The picture.
The one from the note the day everything apparently changed in this small town.
Everything was slowing down to revolve around the grainy, old photo that was warped from the heat of being shoved into animal hide over the years.
"Why?" Katsuki heard himself asking, the wallet falling to the carpet with the photograph. Hurt was bubbling in his guts again and he swiped at himself, sullenly rejecting the tears that had begun to fall again. "WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?" He roared, his weeping only throwing gas on the fire. "IF YOU REALLY CARED THIS MUCH TO KEEP IT, WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME KNOW?"
"I did call."
"WHAT?
"I said I CALLED!" Midoriya shouted back in his face, leaving Katsuki to feel a hint of incredulity mixed with respect. Somehow over the years, Izuku had grown a pair, likely from necessity rather than to be taken seriously like himself. "But I DIDN'T get your letter until we tried to sell the house! It was five years after you'd disappeared from my life and you must have changed your phone number!"
Bakugou's eyes bugged. "WHAT?!"
"We moved in with Dad after the wedding!" Midoriya cried, the forest overshadowed by stubbornness in his brow. "I found it when I was getting the last of the furniture from staging for the sale!"
This was MADNESS. "...What…?" Katsuki could barely be bothered to keep up a tough exterior anymore, not when he was being subjected to this… this…
"Please STOP saying 'what'!"
… this BULLSHIT.
"But you ALWAYS forgot your keys!" He growled, grabbing a handful of Midoriya's shirt at the scruff of his neck and pulling him close enough the heat of the ten levels of SHIT STORM he was about to lay down with his bare hands could scald. "You couldn't be bothered to fucking remember your book bag in the morning if your mom didn't hand it to you on the way out!"
"YEAH!?" That stupid Deku had the gall to roar back at him, his grip finding Katsuki's wrist and squeezing the rough calluses of his hands into the flesh. "WELL MAYBE MOM COULDN'T DO THAT FOR ME ANYMORE! MAYBE I HAD TO BE SELF-SUFFICIENT AFTER-" Midoriya floundered, perhaps trying not to give in to the pain he could feel at the memory of being a child and having to care for his mother. "...AFTER! AND MAYBE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF YOU AND YOUR GIVING ME SHIT ABOUT IT EVERY OTHER DAY SO ALL THE BETTER REASON TO BE MORE MINDFUL ABOUT IT!"
Bakugou didn't know what to say to that, his anger stilling but still throbbing in his neck.
The glare he was getting now chilled him. "Do you have ANY IDEA how many 'BAKUGOU KATSUKI's live in the city?!" Midoriya spat, his fingertips grinding into the bones below the blonde's palm. " There are twelve. FUCKING twelve and those are the ones with listed numbers, of which you're not!!"
No.
This couldn't be…
… this couldn't be HIS fault…
… could it??
"IT...IT WAS WINDY!" He countered, his reddish eyes leaping back and forth between the trees narrowed at him between thick eyelashes. "AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING SCREEN DOOR NEVER SHUT RIGHT!" Katsuki cried, his face drenched and taught with what had to have been an unattractive face. He grit his teeth and choked, "YOU ALWAYS FORGOT! YOU ALWAYS FORGOT YOUR KEYS SO I THOUGHT… I THOUGHT THAT…"
The fist holding Izuku forward shook violently, his mouth opening but only producing a frustrated noise of anguish before he exploded again. "GODDAMNIT, GODDAMNIT!"
It was-
"MY FAULT!" Bakugou crumbled, his body shriveling in on itself until he could only stare blindly at his own trembling hands having released his prisoner. "YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR FAMILY AND THERE I WAS SO PISSED AND SAD YOU WEREN'T WHERE I HAD ALWAYS EXPECTED YOU TO BE!" He was terrible to have put this all on Deku, he saw it now. He saw it all so clearly.
"Kachan…" Midoriya's livid expression dropped, his hands floating above his friend's back as if he weren't sure if physical comfort would make this worse. It WAS Bakugou he was dealing with, afterall.
"I COULD HAVE CALLED, I COULD HAVE BUT I DIDN'T BECAUSE I THOUGHT…" The shame burned deep; he was out of control, self-destructing in an embarrassing display of fireworks he was sure no one could bare to look at.
"Kachan, LISTEN…" Resting a single hand on Katsuki's back, he tried to shake him out of the spiral he was falling down. Instead, his palm was knocked away by the continuation of the irate tirade his explosive friend was on. Anxiety and depression had cruelly mixed into a deadly cocktail of serviceable internal rage.
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE REJECTING ME BUT HERE YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE!"
"KATSUKI!" Pushing Bakugou upright by the shoulders, he physically fought to keep him in place and to resist being shrugged away.
"NO!" The blonde yelled, trying to get the upper hand in what was quickly becoming a physical fight. Midoriya had gotten STRONG, and it harried Bakugou that he thought he may even be STRONGER than him. None of this was right, none of this was what he'd expected from his coming here. The anger in his belly welled until he was able to force himself out of Deku's grip. "I THOUGHT I WAS PROTECTING MYSELF ALL THESE YEARS, I THOUGHT I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR BOTH OF US BY STAYING AWAY! THIS IS MY FAULT! IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT!"
"KATSUKI STOP!" The hold he was trying to put Bakugou in held up, one arm flung under his friend's across his chest and the other looping his abdomen.
"GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME, IZUKU!"
Midoriya's eyes widened and he paused, dumbfounded. They'd been toddlers the last time Bakugou had used his real first name, or at least he thought as much right before the jarring noise and pain came. Unfortunately, his friend was tired of being contained and threw an elbow into his face. He had just enough reaction time to turn his his neck and catch the point on his cheekbone below the eye and not suffer a nose fracture. All the same he let go, nursing his throbbing cheek meat.
Fuck.
This made Katsuki hesitate in his retreat, wincing at how hard he'd felt his elbow crash into his friend's skull. This was a mistake…
...because Midoriya collected himself and surged forward, uprooting him from his feet with his shoulder in a low tackle and slamming Katsuki flat against the bed. The blonde coughed, scrambling in a daze to kick or claw or work his way out of Deku's grasp.
"KATSUKI, DAMN IT!" As determined as they both were, Izuku had been doing manual labor for at least twenty years longer than he had and the brute strength he had was staggering. "IT'S… A MISUNDERSTANDING!" A stray kick knocked the lamp on the table off balance and somewhere behind him Midoriya heard it crack against the floor. "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! THESE THINGS JUST HAPPEN!"
Bakugou hated how much this was stoking his feelings, his raw, chafed feelings he'd repressed for too many years now. It was too late… it was much too late for him to be happy, not when he was so embarrassed now. He'd rather feel absolutely nothing.
"I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR OPINION!" Katsuki sneered, his emotional defenses flying back into place just in time to cut everything off at the throat before he said something really stupid.
"WELL YOU'RE GETTING IT!" Izuku gasped, trying to immobilize Bakugou's second wind and beginning to fail, having underestimated his tenacity.
"Get OFF." With a burst of adrenaline, Katsuki bucked hard and dislodged his captor only to be pinned again, this time with his wrists held firmly to the floral bedding and with 175 lbs of solid man sat on his lower half.
"Listen to me!" He begged, glaring with the effort he was exerting. "Katsuki, I-"
It was just like high school; Katsuki used all the power in his legs to curl them around the front of Midoriya's collar and pry im off of himself. The idiot hadn't remembered to lock himself in- that was his own damn fault!
A rod of pain shot up his spine and it took his breath away just as Izuku rallied from his backward flop.
"OWWWW FUCK!" Bakugou gasped, his fingers twisting in the bedding while he breathed shallowly, his eyes pinched shut.
"Kachan?! What-" the jarring he was doing on the bed by just moving to get a better look was making everything flare painfully and Katsuki could only whine pathetically and stay stock still.
"Oh man! Is it your back!?" With slow, purposeful, and cautious movements, Midoriya slid off the bed and gaped at him helplessly.
"God it FUCKING figures!" Katsuki hissed between his teeth.
Looking around as though it may help in some way, Izuku found himself at a loss, nervously muttering to himself the same way he always had- ever since they were kids.
"Just GO." The tyrant growled, trying to sit up but then thinking better of it when he thought he saw stars behind his eyes.
"I'm not leaving!"
Closing his eyes, he sighed. "It's not a big fucking deal." Stupid Deku; when he got an idea in his head of what he would or wouldn't do there was no changing his mind. Katsuki very much doubted that had changed any in the last twenty-five years. "I just need to relax it… and apparently I'm going to have a hard FUCKING time doing that with you here, asshole!"
Watching Midoriya deal with a dilema like this would have been priceless had he not been nursing such a terrible back ache. His friend retreated slightly, paused, muttered to himself with the crook of his index finger tapping against his upper lip before he shot off suddenly into the bathroom.
"OY-ow… fuck… DEKU… where are you GOING?"
He didn't answer, but Bakugou did hear water running.
The moment that nerd came out of the bathroom with his stupid hands on his hips, Katsuki shook his head and immediately regretted it. "OW- No way."
"Don't make a fuss." He said. Like this was as natural as anything else two men who were practically strangers could be doing at 10pm on a Thursday evening. "I'll just help you get settled and get out of your hair."
Katsuki gave him his very worst 'I will murder you in your sleep tonight' face.
Undeterred, Deku gently reached under his friend and began to lift him gingerly. Bakugu felt like protesting until one of his wild jerks left him attempting to cower into his friend's chest without being able to. "I hate you so much." He hissed petulantly.
"I know."
Getting in to the hot water was a challenge, removing a very uncooperative man's clothing was more so. Bakugou had been eight shades of red and several more pissed off by the time he was tipped into the bath. It was humiliating- his body used to be so fit, used to handle back pain like a champ… and he seethed openly, yelling at Deku to keep his 'damn eyes to himself'.
Of course, Izuku was a gentleman, his eyes trained on the ceiling shapes the whole time.
It didn't feel quite so intrusive, for which Bakugou was grateful. It also made his heart feel a little tender, knowing deep down he wouldn't be taken advantage of in his weakened state.
"I'm going to find some ice." Midoriya mumbled thoughtfully.
"Whatever."
'Thank you.' He thought. 'You should say thank you.'
"Just hurry."
'Nailed it.'
Deku nodded. "Do you need anything else?"
Katsuki snorted, pressing loathing into his lips even though he knew Deku couldn't see it. "A lobotomy."
Izuku grinned at the ceiling, just a little, and it made it all hurt so much less.
In the few minutes he was gone, the injured laid back into the warmth to think about his evening. He thought especially hard on everything Deku had shared with him and how they'd both been victims to poor timing. His rusty eyes were beginning to shut when the door nudged open and Deku inched inside, his face still plastered upward.
"They're grabbing it for us. Wouldn't let me leave." He mumbled.
Bakugou scoffed and rubbed at his temple. "Typical."
Izuku sat heavily with his back to the tub and they were quiet for several minutes, wary of the other's company and lost in their own panicked thoughts.
"I did love you, you know." Deku muttered.
Bakugou's eyes snapped open from where he'd been resting them.
"I still do," his friend continued, the tips of his ears tinged crimson. "We're different now… but it feels the same."
Katsuki could only stare at the back of Deku's head, at a loss for words. How anyone could just come out and say exactly how they felt so casually without having a major breakdown, he'd never quite figured out. When they'd been kids Midoriya had always been that way; so emotionally naive yet somehow not gullible. It was an odd mix, and it would have to be for him to give two shits about the kid that used to bully him.
In a way… he guessed he felt grateful for it. Make no mistake, Bakugou was still a prickly asshole, but his mood was more targeted and less prone to outbursts. Tonight felt like a major backslide in all his anger processing.
Discontented with how long the silence had dragged on, Katsuki watched Deku shift against the tile, his head tilting to the side. He thought about letting it go, like the day that had gotten them both into this mess, but the words were choking him and he needed to either swallow or expel.
Pick one.
Stick to it and grow up.
Act your fucking age, old man.
Feeling distinctly tense (the opposite of what this bath was supposed to be doing), he muttered "...Stupid…" under his breath and leaned his head against the soft black hair beside him. It wasn't quite the reciprocation he'd had in mind to share, but his childhood friend merely chuckled and leaned back into him.
"How's your back?" He asked, wise enough to change the subject.
Katsuki knew how this worked: he knew he'd be sore tomorrow, but as long as he got good rest he'd mend okay with ice and heat. Instead, his mouth opened with the first thing on his mind- it was like Deku had pressed the 'Regress and Forget Self-Control' button on him just by being nearby.
"Feels like I just lifted 200lbs worth of moron off of me."
"I beg your pardon?" Izuku turned his head enough to catch Bakugou's grin and match it while avoiding being an accidental peeping Tom. "I'll have you know I've lost weight and most of this is muscle! Doc has me on a diet!"
Their faces were inches from each other's, and it really wasn't doing shit for his back considering how still he was trying to be. It was as if he'd distort whatever magic was right here in between them if he moved so much as an inch. "Whatever you've gotta tell yourself, fatty." He snarked, his nose crinkling in amusement.
Midoriya leaned away, but it was to full-belly laugh in that rich, free way that mirrored the one Katsuki heard often as a child. It was the most beautiful thing he'd witnessed in years and it caused a curious expression of barely hidden want to soften the curve of his lips. Feeling the heat on his own cheeks, the blonde propped an arm up on the ledge and hid part of his mouth with the flat of a few loose knuckles. When his friend turned back to fully face him, he realized how close they were and his grin faltered slightly only to stretch out again with affection.
"Guess I need someone to whip me into shape." Deku teased back, leaning close enough that Katsuki could scent his sweet breath on the puffs of air created by his words. He leaned a fraction closer, and Bakugou could see the nerves and hesitation his friend was attempting to bury in the fist knotting up the shirt at his side. "You wouldn't be interested, would you?"
When did this sweet, innocent friend he once knew grow up into a man? It was an honest question- they were both middle-aged and Katsuki was DEFINITELY feeling like he was falling apart, but after all this time he ignorantly hadn't expected growth or change. He knew it was ridiculous, especially after twenty-five years; They both had scars and wrinkles and hardened calluses from their time away from one another, and gods were his eyes always this green? He could see himself in them, tucked safely within the copse of trees in that wide, honest stare. Briefly, he felt the desire to get lost among the tall oaks and breathe the exhilarating air from Deku's lungs.
They'd come closer and Midoriya, ever willing to compromise, had cocked his head slightly. Katsuki felt the need to point out how presumptuous the lean had been, that just because he was also leaning forward and his eyes were nearly shut didn't mean that he was definitely going to be kissing this damn nerd. However, the moment his mouth opened to say something, Izuku came forward quickly in order to receive the words directly upon his own li-
"Got the ice!" A blonde man in leathers that had been apart of the 'Midoriya shoving party' crowed loudly from the open doorway, and plopping the bag on the toilet seat with a noisy clank. "Have you all killed each other ye-"
Every shade of red, embarrassed outrage that ever existed was in this room and suffocating three men. The intruder's eyes lingered on Katsuki and Deku's nearly touching lips, shooting his brows nearly off his face, then his stare traveled into the rest of the tub's contents and his mouth flopped open a little wider. Shaking his head, mouth bobbing like a trout, he could only manage a horrified, breathy, "I…"
Midoriya flew to his feet and the man retreated, presumably for the exit. "DAMN IT, KAMINARI!" He shouted, giving chase and banging the loose door against the wall in pursuit. Katsuki roared with frustration, trying to get up out of the tub but it was slippery and god did his back still spasm and ache, so he only managed to flop around in the water like an overly large, angry and blonde carp. Water had splashed all over the bathroom floor and god… had that idiot seen…
Bakugou remembered himself and inhaled slowly, holding his breath and closing his eyes. It wasn't worth getting worked up over; a minor setback if anything. He exhaled noisily and allowed his entire body to relax, his limbs becoming weightless with the conservation of energy. What a night. What a fucking night.
Meanwhile, Kaminari was beside himself and whispering agitatedly to his friend. "Shit, Izzy, I'm so sorry! I didn't even think-"
Izuku quickly opened the hotel room door and nudged him out. "Its fine- it really is… I just saved your life though. Can you imagine the ass beating he'd be giving you right now if we were ten years younger?"
Denki shivered, pulling Tokoyami close from where he'd taken to hiding behind him and tugging at Kirishima's sleeve. "I never thought i'd see the day that I'd be grateful for getting old…" He laughed nervously before a thought overrode his sentence and his eyes shined with hope. "Oh FUCK man, were you guys really about to kiss? I feel awful!!"
Eijirou grinned, catching the fidgetty blush creeping behind Midoriya's freckles on his cheeks that could mean only one thing. "Good luck man. We'll get out of your hair- but text me if you need anything, alright? Go on," He shewed Izuku back into the room, "...Go show him how manly you've become!"
Tokoyami patted his anxious boyfriend's head and looked to his other partner. "Can we go now? I'd prefer not to be here should his back mend."
All Kirishima could do was laugh and nod, planting a chaste kiss and a generous nuzzle onto each of the loves of his life and slowly guiding them down the hill toward home. Sure, Bakugou had an anger problem, but he wouldn't just suddenly get violent for being interrupted- Kami should know better than that. "What has you all worked up, Ki-Ki?"
Kaminari swallowed thickly, and glanced up at his partner with guilt stained in the pinched expression on his face. "Bakugou was in the bath- I wasn't thinking I just- and the ice, I meant to give it to them- but he was in the bath- and I saw… I saw it… in the bath!!"
Kirishima's steps slowed, his eyes slowly widening. "Denki...you mean to tell me, you saw Katsuki naked?"
Kaminari smiled back at him nervously shrugging.
"Oh my GOD." Eijirou looked back at the motel, his body going rigid. When he turned to his partners, there was a hint of terror in his eyes. "Okay, look… I know I'm typically the voice of reason…"
Tokoyami shook his head and scrunched his eyebrows together. "...Really?"
"Okay I'm not, whatever." Kirishima waved it away with his hand and picked up the pace, his boyfriends trotting along side him. "Bakugou is a REALLY private person about big stuff… and I… I'm gonna suggest we hurry home in case he decides a little back pain is worth a triple beat down."
"I'm with you!" Kaminari agreed, hightailing it down the road in front of them.
Sighing, Fumikage ran a dark hand through his ebony spikes and jogged after them. "He's your friend, isn't he?" He heaved, feeling very out of shape. "Why are you so afraid of him??"
Kirishima sounded like he was dying, sputtering and coughing trying to keep up with Kaminari who was more petite in frame and had much more to lose by sticking around. "Just an example," He wheezed when his boyfriend caught up with him. He paused to breath and hack in between words. "I once gave him...a hard time for... checking... Midoriya out in… in the locker room... when we were in... high school. He... pulled a wrestling move on… on me when I was... unprepared and put… he put a little too much stink on it. Katsuki gave... me a concussion by accident… when... I hit the cement floor. So… I don't fuck with… him like that."
Tokoyami's mouth flopped open. He wanted to wonder out loud how someone who'd so blatantly hurt his family was still someone that they considered a friend. Instead, he opted to keep watch behind them, looking for any sign of trouble over his shoulder. He'd be damned if some city jackass was going to be laying hands on his men. Fumikage wasn't a fighter, but he sure as hell would protect these loveable, wayward idiots.
Then again people changed, right?
Inside the motel room, Izuku was holding out a hand and steadying his friend (much the same way he'd entered the tub) while Katsuki dried himself off beside him; eyes on the ceiling, of course. The rest of the towels had been thrown to the floor to catch the water that had escaped during the blonde's deadly splash attack, so he wouldn't slip in his now bare feet.
"Not a lick of common sense in either of them." Katsuki was still grumbling, holding tight to Deku's wrist while he slowly toweled off his own backside. He kept nervously glancing at his help to make sure he wasn't taking advantage of a view he hadn't been permitted, but of course Midoriya was a gentleman; he'd never sneak a look even if he'd wanted to. "Really hope the new guy has a bit of brain to share, otherwise Darwin will definitely be fulfilling the damn natural selection theory with that household."
Izuku laughed and sighed, shaking his head. "Tokoyami is pretty grounded, so I would say chances are good they'll be alright." Feeling the tension on his arm ease and feeling Kachan's heat from the bath move out of the tub behind him, he popped his neck, facing forward to give his friend privacy to change. "They're nice together, I think."
"Yeah?" Katsuki mumbled noncommittally, not terribly engrossed in the topic and attempting to bend forward enough mid back to be able to shrug his boxer briefs up and over his thighs.
"Yeah." Midoriya smiled, his stare going somewhere far away while he gave it more thought. "It's nice to see them happy- and they really are. Things were always good with Kami and Kiri before, but I think they used to fight more about the trivial stuff before Tokoyami moved into the old place."
"Good for them." The blond grumbled impatiently from the ache, still struggling and occasionally exhaling painfully.
"Do you need-"
"Nah, just give me a second."
"Sure. Anyway," Crossing his arms in an attempt to squash the need to help, Izuku closed his eyes. "...they have all the company they'll ever need in each other. I'm sort of jealous really."
Katsuki's head turned, face sliding through his shirt noiselessly. He despised being around people for the most part, and companionship wasn't something he ever felt like he'd be cut out for. Life was too complicated in his case, or he was too old and stubborn, or whatever- maybe it was both. Still, the thought that Deku might feel a sense of longing… it did things to his insides. It made him feel desperate, though for what he wasn't sure… because emotions were complicated things, and he could barely manage his anger let alone deal with the feelings that caused it. "No need to feel envious," Katsuki supplied, grabbing Midoriya's shoulders and nudging him forward to slowly support him on his way back into the main room. "If those two losers have someone, you've gotta have people too, right?"
The uncomfortable noise of positive acknowledgment that answered him didn't give him any peace on the subject.
"What about Round-F… Uraraka? Er… Iida Ochako… or whatever her name is?"
"You should lay on the floor," Midoriya interjected, stopping to bend a knee and offer his hand. "The flatness is good for your back. I don't know, everyone just sort of paired off how they always do- the Tokoyami family wasn't the last to move in, but there hasn't been a whole lot of people our age moving here that didn't have somebody- that didn't have obligations that kept them from being social." He shrugged down at his friend, taking a slow seat beside him near his hip. Staring up at him, Katsuki appeared to be thinking over his response, his mouth set in a thin line.
"Thought you and Tenya were friends- the three of you don't get together?" He asked, squinting while he gingerly adjusted his hips against the carpet.
Midoriya seemed guilty for a moment, scratching the cropped back of his head; another nervous tick from when he was a teenager. "Ochako and I dated briefly a few months after you left." He murmured, sighing at the raised brow Katsuki gave him. "Look, I didn't have it all figured out like you apparently did. She was nice… thoughtful… I kind of broke her heart. Iida came around, but for a while there he really hated me." The room was so quiet between his words, it seemed to make him restless, bringing a knee up with the intent of unconscious defensive posturing but his body no longer bent that way and so it merely came off as casual. "He was always sweet on her… things improved when they got together… gosh, i'm not even sure when that was. We were out of school…"
Emotional pain was bubbling up inside of the blonde stiffly laying prone. "What about Icy-Hot?"
Deku blinked.
"Who?"
Rolling his eyes for the upteenth time, Katsuki gestured with his hand as if it would help him to better explain himself. "That kid that was always good at everything?" When his friend merely shook his head looking confused, he started to laugh. "Oh come ON you know that douche that I put Icy-Hot in his cup before practice one day?"
Midoriya's eyes widened and then clamped shut, his hand slapping over the grin on his face. "Oh my GOD I forgot about that!"
"That delayed reaction is always priceless," Bakugou sneered, his insides growing just a little calmer at the sight of amusement in those freckled cheeks. "He was standing in line to get weighed and then just suddenly looked like he was shitting himself-"
"You were SO MEAN!" Midoriya laughed, his mouth falling open and his arms barely catching himself from falling backward onto his friend's belly. "Harmless pranking aside, what did Todoroki ever do to you?!"
"That's the one! Shouta, right?"
"Todoroki Shoto."
"Whatever, he wasn't looking so high and mighty that day now was he?" Bakugou was forgetting all the pain that brought him back here, the one that had begun to slowly resurface, breaking the skin of his face into uncontrollable expressiveness. "What ever happened to him?"
Uncomfortable with hunching how he'd been, Izuku opted to stretch out on his side beside his friend. Head propped up by an arm, his eyes looked off to the side in mental recall. "I guess he didn't have the easiest homelife.. his mom took him and his four siblings and left." He rolled circles into the carpet with a finger beside Katsuki's face. "Afraid I don't know much more than that- had his dad left, the town gossips would have descended to glean what they could, but Todoroki Enji… he's always been a mean, private bastard. "
Despite how much he wanted to hang on his words, Bakugou could only manage to focus on the hard facts he faced being an adult now where once he was a dumbass kid: because he felt threatened, because he was insecure, he'd mercilessly made others' lives difficult. Who knows what that bastard Todoroki had been going through at home? How could he have known that all the insults and punching he'd subjected the man beside him through would be a part of the growing list of pain he'd endure over forty years? Even if the last year before he left was mild, and maybe even a little grudgingly helpful or possibly affectionate, how could he ever make amends for the terrible things he said and did?
"Kachan?"
Bakugou started and managed only a pinched look on his face when it jostled his back.
"Are you alright?"
He ran a hand through his own hair and exhaled trying to regain control. "Back hurts." He lied.
Midoriya nodded thoughtfully. He didn't look entirely convinced, another quirk from his youth. "I'll grab the ice."
Katsuki always felt faintly… transparent around Deku. It was irritating and frightening.
Before his friend could get to his feet, Bakugou grabbed his forearm. Immediately Midoriya gripped his back, looking at him expectantly. Too much was on the line for him to not make a stupid decision tonight.
"I'm sorry."
Izuku's brow slid together.
"What are you-?"
"For everything." Katsuki mumbled, his auburn eyes wandering. With feelings this intense and unpredictable clawing their way back to the surface, he couldn't stand to look at this man. He'd do something stupid… SAY something stupid… God he was SO stupid…
He missed Midoriya's face falling into a calm smile. "I know."
There was the whisper of a sensation against his face and it drew his sideways glance back, witnessing the retreat of Deku's hand. Greedily he snatched it back with his free hand and pressed the flat of the palm roughly against the stubble and age of his cheek. "I'm so sorry, Izuku." Curious, Midoriya's hand was wet...
"I know you are, old friend." Izuku sidled his body against this man, this man who was a proper stranger and yet he couldn't find it in him to treat him as though he were strange. His fingers brushed through the wirely sideburns, spreading Kastuki's accidental tears into his hair. The texture of time in that face made him feel emboldened, less self-conscious. "We were young, we grew up and became new people… didn't we?"
"Shut up." Katuski growled, his chest rising and falling just a little too fast-
"No." A firm denial of what Bakugou felt he needed- even footing, he needed to feel powerful again, he needed to tear into this beautiful man until he was reduced to something more his level.
"What do YOU know, Deku?!" He was Doctor Jekyl and Mister Hyde; one moment allowing himself to be lulled by the man above him and the next longing to run away until he was back in the city and could crawl under the sizeable load of his job to forget all of this for a little while. Forget until the next time he had a breakdown.
"Let me in, Katsuki." Midoriya pleaded, swinging his body until it partially covered Bakugou's. "You don't have to give in for anyone else, but please beautiful, let me in." He set his forehead against his friend's and breathed in their commingled air. "Please, I love you, Katsuki."
Bakugou's vision was blurry and with all the strong will he could muster, he butted back roughly against Midoriya's forehead. "I hate you." He ground between his teeth, his contradictory hands groping for purchase in his love's t-shirt, pinning him down into his body. "You hear me?"
"I hear you."
Katsuki's eyes shut, his quivering voice whispering against Deku's lips.
"Good."
Everything was exploding.
Everything.
Their first full kiss caused such a strong, striking feeling in his breast that he inhaled sharply, his lungs filling with the scent from Izuku's breathy exhale.
Being relatively clean shaven himself, the beard tickled; actually forcing a grin onto his preoccupied lips.
With each new gentle connection, the pair felt the ache of time ease. For several, long moments Katsuki fought to become closer to a man he thought he would never see again. His mouth tasted sweet, like summer mornings waking to the scent of breakfast… like laughter among the autumn leaf piles… cold winters spent sipping hot chocolate by the window… spring dew clinging to the grass they whistled with. Midoriya's sentimental kisses sealed memories from their childhood, his embrace promised of more to be made.
His tears ran down and into his beating heartstrings… they fell from loss and heartache… and Katsuki clutched Izuku's body more tightly against his own, their knees interlocking. He had to show this man that even though things were pretty well fucked up with him, they had this liquid warmth that would always draw them back together. He was the moth to this radiant man's light (not the other way around as it may appear), and Bakugou never wished to part from him. Not ever again.
"Katsuki," His name was breathed over and over again in a chant of devotion into his mouth and he fell desperately for this man all over again. He knew at once he no more deserved this than the cruel hand of fate that had kept them apart, for he was not nearly a perfect man to be the object of such affections.
"God," Bakugou choked, breaking the weave in their lips to catch his breath and attempt to dislodge the imposing lump in his throat. "Izuku, why?" The sob that escaped him would have normally shamed him into silence, but he was done being quiet, done saying nothing. "Why me?"
Pausing, Midoriya simply looked at him; eyes searching his, but for what he wasn't sure. Perhaps he was collecting his thoughts, perhaps he was further bewitching the man beneath him. In any case, he finally brushed his fingers along the creases in his brow that told of the anxiety buried so deep every day of Bakugou's life and whispered simply, "Why not?"
It didn't satisfy Katsuki, not in the slightest. The wrinkles the love of his life was smoothing deepened and he repeated himself, but this time it wasn't a question but a demand. "Tell me why you'd bother loving a fucking bastard like me."
Cupping his face, Midoriya closed his eyes and leaned into him, his heart open. "It's always been you, and it always will be. I'll never stop trying to get to you, Katsuki, because I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I can feel that I always will. I love you." Just before their lips brushed, he added, "So stop fighting me, please, dearest."
Kissing Deku was a gift, and it left his heart sore in places that would need to be mended in time. Love isn't easy. It doesn't always make sense, and sometimes it can lead us to places we never thought we would end up. It points out our faults, our shame, our deepest fears and holds onto us tight through it all should the feeling be true. Katsuki was an asshole; this much had been true twenty-five years ago and it was true in the moments they tenderly spent expressing their love. Izuku could see Katsuki's truth, that underneath the craggy surface of a man plagued with solitude was the tender heart of someone not so different from himself, longing to be adored and remembered for the most transparent and true parts of himself.
Bakugou Katsuki could feel the love permeate his bones that night, he could see his own admiration lift Midoriya Izuku up and vowed never to allow him to fall by his own hand or other's. He did that. Capable of more than destruction, he sewed their souls together with all he had left to give of his arms, his legs, even his temperamental back… he'd give it all to create something new. Something timeless here in the arms of a man loved, lost and found again.
It was okay to feel, and in a sleepy town where nothing ever changed, Katsuki did.