By Tracy (biancaheart@yahoo.com)
Rating- PG
Category: K/I
Spoilers: Set somewhere after "Baby, It's You".
Summary: Sometimes In life you must take chances…
Disclaimer: I am not lucky or rich enough to own Roswell's version of
the Scooby gang. It's just for fun, not for copyright infringement or anything
like that. The song used in the story is by Aerosmith, and I'm not trying
to make money off of that either.
Gotta find a way
Yeah I can't wait another day
Ain't nothin' gonna change if we stay 'round here
Gotta do what it takes
'Cuz it's all in our hands
We all make mistakes
Yeah... but it's never too late to start again
Take another breath and say another prayer
"You're leaving." He says. He sounds shocked.
I nod my head. "I just can't stay around here, with all the memories and the pressures. Heck, I'm from another world. This town is way too small for me."
Kyle takes a deep breath and looks up into the sky. "I've always wanted to leave."
I'm shocked. "You? Roswell's been your whole life?"
He nods gravely. "That's the problem. I've spent my whole life in this stupid town. And what would happen if I stay here? I'll end up being Sheriff. I don't want to be Sheriff. I don't want to sacrifice myself, put myself on the line for a bunch of thankless people that just go off when a guy does a little thing wrong. Do you know how many times he's saved their lives? How many times he's kept their precious little kid from killing themselves in a car or with a bottle of booze? No."
I put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry about that."
"It isn't your fault that people are small minded."
I chuckle, a feeling that's raw on my throat. "Yeah, that's the truth. Roswell seems to grow them by the dozen."
"So where are you going?"
"I…I…don't know. Somewhere else. Away from here. Away from my brother and his love life…away from all this crap. Away from the street corners that remind me of Alex each time I walk around."
"I know what you mean." He says softly. "Good luck."
I smile, genuinely wanting to smile for the first time in ever so long. "Thanks."
"I wish I could go with you." He says wistfully.
"Why don't you?" The words are out of my mouth before I realize that I said them.
And fly away from here
Anywhere yeah I don't care
We just fly away from here
Our hopes and dreams are out there somewhere
Won't let time pass us by
We just fly
"You are now leaving Roswell." The sign says outside my car window.
I'm leaving.
Should I be sad?
I don't know what my Dad will say- I hope he'll be all right. But this is something I need to do. I hope he'll understand. If not now, then maybe one day. Maybe.
I'm eighteen.
This morning I withdrew from West Roswell High School. Then I returned to my house and picked up my suitcases that I packed last night. Then I backed out my driveway for the last time and drove to the Evans' house.
Should I be scared?
I don't have any plans, a high school diploma, or much money. I have a gas card that I can't use, because my Dad would track me down, a cell phone that he'd try to trace, and a car that we will have to sell so that we can make our escape.
Roswell is a vertex, that sucks you in. You can't escape. You can't breathe. You just grow stagnant and die.
I won't be like my Mom. I won't let the town crush me to the point that I can't find help. To the point where I take my own life, and don't think one single bit about the fact that she's gone. Dad never acknowledges she died, that she committed suicide.
So I'm leaving Roswell- leaving all but one of the alien inhabitants.
Leaving. The departure from the life I might have lived.
If this life gets any harder now
It ain't no never mind
You got me by your side
And any time you want
Yeah we can catch a train and find a better place
Yeah... a cuz' we won't let nothin' or no one keep gettin' us down
Maybe you and I can pack our bags and hit the sky
I didn't think this out. I just left. For once, Isabel Evans didn't have a perfect plan. And it's worked out, strangely.
I didn't plan on asking Kyle to go with me. I was all about being on my own, going to college in a far off place, away from all I'd ever known.
Maybe the ghost of Vilandra will stay away if I ran. Maybe it still will.
It hasn't been easy. We ditched Kyle's car and bought a motorcycle. Our luggage that we brought went in the sidecar, while I sat on the back, holding Kyle's waist as we sped around dangerous curves. It never occurred to us that we could just edit the plates and registration. Thinking isn't a big part of this journey.
We criss-crossed the country, looking for a place to call home.
New York is a huge city. People are constantly moving. And it's the perfect place for two eighteen year olds that don't want to be found to hide.
It hasn't been easy.
We both work to get enough money to rent a little dump of an apartment. It's not much, one bedroom, two sleeping bags on the floor, and a refrigerator. We're saving up to buy a fridge, and eventually a television.
Kyle did get his G.E.D. I went to the ceremony. I was proud.
It's been a year. Max, Michael, Liz, Maria- they've all graduated. Liz is probably at Harvard…and who knows what or where everyone else is.
Sometimes I wish I was with them. I miss them, and that seems weird to me. Sometimes they are just like little images-fragments in my mind, stories and faces from long ago. And some days, I miss them so much that it hurts.
Life isn't easy. But at least I'm living it. At least we're living it.
And fly away from here
Anywhere yeah I don't care
We just fly away from here
Our hopes and dreams are out there somewhere
Won't let time pass us by
We just fly
You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy.
I miss Roswell---I miss the space.
Everything is so crowded up here, so tall and massive. Every square inch is put to work, under and above the streets.
I miss looking at the night sky, and seeing the stars twinkling above. I don't like neon glaze that's settled over Manhattan.
I miss the stars.
But New York isn't all that bad.
I work at the Hard Rock Café, as a waiter. Love All, Serve All. They call me "Cowboy"…they make fun of my New Mexican accent, and they get a kick out of my clothes.
They wouldn't know a real cowboy if it bit them on the ass.
I like the times when it rains, when the harsh lights of Times Square are dimmed down. I like being one of the only people taking my time as millions rush around me.
This isn't the future that I planned.
Yet, I love it.
I love being with Isabel—we don't have much money- she's going to school to become a Nurse right now, and working in a bar at night. Our modest childhoods seem like a luxury now.
Yet, I love it.
I love riding the subway with her, every trip a new adventure.
I love when we take time out just to sit in a park and talk about our day.
I love when we go window shopping and dream of the things we might buy one day. If we ever get money, that is.
I love Ice Skating with her at Rockefeller Center, or walking past the plays on Broadway.
At night, I love the way that she snuggles up against me on our pallet on the floor. We just have one mattress- not a whole bed- so we share.
And I love the fact that for the first time in my life, I don't feel
alone.
Do you see a bluer sky now
You can have a better life now
Open your eyes
'Cuz no one here can ever stop us
They can try but we won't let them... no way
They found us.
We've been gone for what, 4 or 5 years now?
We've been gone from Roswell. On our own, a team.
And they found us.
I'm now an RN, working in the Pediatric ICU. I love my job, I love helping little kids. Yet, I hate being blessed with this power, with this ability, and not being able to use it. I wish I could heal like Max. But I can't. So I do the best that I can, trying to love these children that are hurting so deeply.
Kyle is now a manager at the Hard Rock. I'm so proud of him. He's so good at his job- he's a real people person. His charm, his wit, his smile—it all works to his advantage.
With my new job and Kyle's promotion, we were able to find a better apartment. It's bigger- and we have furniture—as well as a fridge, microwave, and DVD player.
Kyle and I are still close—probably as close as we've ever been. He's my best friend, my strength, and my sanity. He makes me laugh when I want to cry. He holds me and keeps away the demons from the past that threaten to ruin my future. Together, we've made it this far. I couldn't do it without him.
We often go visit the other one at work when one of us has a day off. The other nurses tease me about my "boyfriend". Our relationship isn't really like that. It's deeper…it's friendship, and partnership.
I was visiting him today—having a salad and a custom prepared coke that he made up specially for me.
He can be so sweet.
And then I saw them.
My brother. Liz. Maria. Michael. At a table a couple of yards away from me. Talking and eating, unaware that I was even breathing the same air as they were.
My heart pounded, my head felt heavy.
What should I do?
Sit still, aloof, and let them leave me alone?
Turn around and gaze at them? Silently observe them?
Or get up and put my arms around them?
Would they even know me?
"Cowboy" I yelled, using the more New York accent that I've picked up over time. "I need to talk to you."
He rushed over. "Isa?" His bright blue eyes were clouded with worry.
"I'm fine. But table 12. Look."
We turned around, and he gasped.
"What do we do?"
At that moment, Liz's brown eyes glanced up and met mine.
We were no longer lost in New York.
Maybe you and I
Can pack our bags and say goodbye
Things went well, considering.
Maria didn't try to clobber me with her dinner plate, and that was always an upside.
Liz saw us first, and she was shocked.
"Liz?" I saw Max grow concerned.
They saw us.
Max and Liz are married. Maria and Michael are engaged- but they can't settle on a wedding date yet.
They forgave us.
We left them high and dry years ago…without even so much as a goodbye.
Max cried as he hugged Isabel.
My Dad has married Amy. They have a daughter, Dana. My half sister. She's two years old, and I haven't even met her.
They came over to the apartment after work.
It's been years since I lost Liz to Max. But I still feel inferior to him.
Which is stupid right?
After the dust settled, the dirty looks exchanged, and the air was cleared---they did something incredible. They asked us to come home with them.
To Roswell.
Roswell.
I can't believe it.
I, we, we have a life here. Friends. Jobs. A kick ass apartment.
And for some reason, I'm actually considering going.
And fly away from here
Anywhere honey I don't care
We just fly away from here
Our hopes and dreams are out there somewhere
Fly away from here
Yeah... anywhere honey I don't I don't I don't care
Yeah... we just fly
Home. They want me to come home.
Is Roswell home?
It's where I was raised. Where I buried boyfriends.
It holds my past, things I don't want to remember, and things I can't forget.
Do I want to go back to the demons? Do I want to go back to the constant expectations of filling some long forgotten destiny?
But seeing them…seeing them awoke some part of me that had lain dormant for years. The Isabel that needed her friends. The Isabel that fought with her friends.
The energy, the strange field that always surrounded me when I was around my Max and Michael was back. I felt alive, energetic in a way that I haven't in so long.
Michael, Michael just hugged me.
And Max…I could read his eyes.
So many emotions in those eyes. Max is full of emotion, and he wears them in his eyes.
They forgave me.
They laughed.
It was almost as if nothing had changed.
So I shook my head.
I'm going.
Flying back to Roswell to see if that is home. If that's where I need to be. I'll never know if I don't try.
My bags are packed. I'm ready to go.
This apartment…it hurts to leave this apartment.
Or does it?
An apartment is just a building, rooms, cold and emotionless unless somebody lives inside.
It's him.
I'll miss him.
He's been my constant companion for years. I can't imagine not having around. I can't imagine not wanting him around.
It feels like my heart is breaking. Leaving him—I never thought it would hurt so much.
He comes in from the restaurant, his clothes still smelling of grease.
"Kyle." I say, gazing into his eyes. "I'm waiting."
"To leave?" I can't read his eyes. I've never been able to read his eyes quite like I can read Max's. Kyle has been more complex, less open…more of a challenge.
"Yes. The flight leaves soon."
He nods. What is he feeling? I want to know and I can't tell.
"Will you be back?"
"I….I don't know."
"So this is goodbye?"
My eyes begin to tear. "Goodbye?" The word feels bitter on my tongue.
"Izzy." He rushes over and hugs me.
I don't want to let go.
"Maybe…maybe…I shouldn't go."
"Iz, you have to take a risk. This is the next step of your journey,
you can't stop now."
"I don't care."
He soothes me, in the way that only he can. He strokes my hair, and whispers words in my ears. Assuring me, comforting me.
"It will be ok."
I shake my head. "How can it be ok? I won't have you."
His eyes widen, and I watch the change in his pupils. "Izz…"
"Kyle.."
Suddenly the air between us is charged, as if the whole world around us was filled with electricity.
I was attracted to him, attracted to his warmth, his smell…
He was kissing me…or was I kissing him? All I know is that it felt so right. I felt so safe, so warm, so happy.
This was where I was meant to be.
It made sense.
Wherever…wherever he is, that's where I want to be. I could go any place on this Earth, any place in the universe, as long as I have him with me.
All I ever wanted was right before my eyes.
He pushes the hair out of my face after he ends the kiss. His hands are so warm…I lay my head in his hand, drinking in the love that I feel coming from him.
Down on the street, the taxi honks.
I pull away, searching for my bags. I don't want to go now—but wasn't this a goodbye."
"Isabel." Kyle says, in a tone that I've never heard him use before. His voice is husky, and somewhat desperate.
"I need you to go."
Go?
"Go out there and tell the cab to leave without you. We'll go to Roswell…together. I…I can't let you go."
I smile, and lean against him, feeling his heart beat under his t-shirt.
My life is moving away from New York, flying away from the place I called home.
But with Kyle by my side, I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my time
flying.