OK, so this is my SECOND fanfiction. the weed-dealing unicorn belongs to Saphy16! please r&r! Tell me what character I should interview next!
Sorry for any mistakes: this was written on a boring saturday afternoon when i had nothing to do. and my brother actually does eat noodles with ketchup.
Me: Hey Ollipop!
Oliver: Please do not call me that humiliating name.
Me: Awwww, where's all your humour gone, hippy boy?
Oliver: …
Me: So, time for some questions…
Oliver: Wait, where's the vodka you promised?
Me: Shut up. So, where was I? Ah, yes. Questions. So, Oliver, is it true that you luuurrrrve Amelie?
Oliver: What? No! I mean, I do like her but… oh for goodness' sake are you TRYING to make me look stupid?
Me: Yes.
Oliver: You have no idea how much power I have! I could have you in one of the cages and burned alive in 30 seconds!
Me: Look at all the fucks I give (straight faced and showing no sign of worry).
Oliver: Very funny, Lottie. Now please, ask some better questions. You are boring me.
Me: Ok, may I ask why is it that you hate Myrnin so much?
Oliver: Oh, don't even get me started on that imbecile!
Me: Well, let's see just what makes you hate each other! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, on our show we have the one, the only, MYRNIN! WHOOO!
Myrnin: Heyoooo! Wait, do I even know you?
Oliver: (facepalm)
Me: So Myrnin, what have you done to Oliver to make him hate you so much, hmmm?
Myrnin: …
Oliver: I'll tell you what, he keeps going on about that dreadful weed-dealing unicorn that keeps bursting in on him in the loo! I mean, what the hell is on with this guy?
Myrnin: HE'S REAL! REAL I TELL YOU!
Me: Myr, sweetie, calm down!
Oliver: See? That proves how phsyco he is!
Me: Oliver, no vodka if you keep insulting Myrnin. Naughty boy.
Oliver: Now I'll tell you what IS real!
Me: What, Oliver?
Oliver: THE TROLLIGATOR!
Myrnin: THAT'S IT, FIRST YOU ACCUSE ME OF INVENTING MADE-UP CREATURES, AND THEN YOU DO THE SAME? WHY YOU LITTLE!...
Me: BOYS! FOR SECRET PETER'S SAKE, CALM DOWN! I SERIOUSLY DON'T GIVE A SINGLE DAMN ABOUT HOW YOU STOLE EACHOTHER'S HAIR CURLERS OR KNOCKED OVER EACHOTHER'S GARDEN GNOMES!
Oliver+Myrnin: what?
Me: sorry, I don't know what happened then. I drank some cherry Lucozade earlier and it made me a bit hyper.
Oliver: Haha, Lottie! You're a CRAZY BIATCH!
Me: OLIVER YOU ARE SERIOUSLY PISSING ME OFF NOW.
Myrnin: Yes Oliver, I may have to call the weed-dealing unicorn to stake you with his sparkly horn!
Oliver: You wouldn't?
Myrnin: Oh, believe me, I would. I have a feeling the world would be a better place without the likes of you!
Oliver: You little scumbag!
(Oliver and Myrnin's fangs snap down. They start circling each other)
Me: LADIES, LADIES! PUT YOUR HANDBAGS DOWN! Myrnin, sit in the left corner or else I'll burn all of your copies of the twilight saga.
Myrnin: No! Not my twilight books!
Me: how the hell can you read them anyway? They are and insult to the vampire race!
Myrnin: but Edward is so ho… I mean, they're good books!
-AN: when Myrnin was talking about Edward, the word he cut off was meant to be 'hot'!-
Me: Whatever, garyboy. Oliver, go sulk in some other corner, or else.
Oliver: Or else what?
Me: Or else I'll… I'll tell Amelie that you watch her undressing!
Oliver: You wouldn't?
Me: Oh, I would! MUHAHAHA!
Oliver: Okay…
Me: Now seriously guys, go away because I have some serious noodle-eating to do.
Myrnin: Can we share?
Me: NO. MY NOODLES.
Oliver: Haha, Myrnin, you just got OWNED!
Me: Shut it, Ollipops.
(I leave the room to eat my noodles in peace)
Oliver: She really isn't funny. Her sense of humour is as dry as a nun's badger.
Myrnin: …
Myrnin: Are nuns aloud to keeps pets?
Oliver: …
Myrnin: I don't know, I thought she was kinda funny!
Oliver: Don't disagree with me, sheep shagger.
Myrnin: OI! Don't diss Welsh people!
(I re-enter)
Me: Oliver, do not EVER diss the Welsh race!
Oliver: Why? What's old trapdoor spider here gonna do? It's not like I'm outnumbered by Welsh idiots!
Me: Oliver, I'm afraid it is two against one. For I too am welsh! MUHAHAHA!
Myrnin: MUHAHAHA!
Oliver: I thought you had noodles to eat anyway?
Me: My brother ate them. With ketchup instead of seasoning.
Myrnin: Ew.
Oliver: Katia, I cannot stand to be around people of such weird temperament e.g. you and Myrnin. Goodbye.
(Oliver leaves)
Myrnin: well I'm glad he's gone. What an asshole.
Me: I know.
Myrnin: So does your brother ever share his noodles?
Me: Don't even think about it, Myrnin.