Had To Be Atlanta
Author's Note: We've been getting a lot of rain up where I live lately, and it's turned my thoughts to the tantalizing comment that Kathy made, and then Kendall brought it up during his Heffron Drive Winter Tour, about the time Kendall and Logan took off in the rain in Atlanta during one of the BTR summer tours, and they almost had to send people out looking for them so they wouldn't miss the concert. Considering it rained during both the 2012 and 2013 stops in Atlanta, I suppose it could've been either show, but Kendall and Logan did make a Vine before the 2013 show, so I think they were at the venue in plenty of time for that one. I'm going to assume it was 2012 when they got carried away…
The tour was less than a week old, they had opened on July 5th in Columbus and now it was the 9th and they already had their first day off. It was excellent timing, as they were in Atlanta and Kendall's mom was there, staying with her sister-in-law for a family visit and to catch the boys' show. Even though things had "changed" between Kendall and Logan, there was no way Logan wasn't going to be included in the Schmidt family activities-Kendall's little cousins, and their little friends-wanted to see Logan as much as they wanted Kendall. Logan was always going to be part of the family; those feelings don't just go away.
Plus, there were already signs of thawing in whatever was going on between Kendall and Logan. At the Milwaukee show the second night of the tour, Logan went to poke Kendall on his bare stomach to get his attention. He changed course at the last second and poked him where his shirt still covered him, but something clicked in that moment, and they both suddenly became a lot more relaxed with each other. When Logan finally ended his "hands-off" policy he had been maintaining with Kendall, everything magically went back to normal.
Logan accompanied Kendall and his mom on their day off shopping trip in Atlanta, and hung out with Kendall's cousins and their little friends at Aunt Karen's house. The whole family had dinner together-the older cousins and Logan included, and then they were headed out to the movies.
"You boys go ahead, I'm too comfortable here to move," Kathy told them, sitting in Karen's living room with a fresh glass of wine in her hand, her feet up on an ottoman.
"Are you sure, Mom? I thought you were looking forward to this," Kendal said.
"I'm sure I'll just fall asleep at the movie. We've got a big day tomorrow, you go have fun."
At the movie theater, Kendall and Logan automatically just rested as much of themselves against each other as they could. It's what they always did sitting next to each other. They were shoulder to shoulder, and their legs were touching, and long before the end of the movie, Kendall had scooted down enough in his chair that his head was resting on Logan's shoulder. It's just what they'd always done, from even the days before they got together. They were each other's warmth, security, and comfort, whether it was in interviews or in an air conditioned movie theater. Even though their relationship had been through some rough waters, all the time they were forced to spend together meant they were still almost as close as ever-almost.
After the movie, they stopped at a bar for a couple of drinks, and then made their way back to Aunt Karen's house, where they were staying instead of the hotel the rest of the band and crew were at. Everyone had already gone to bed, and Kendall asked Logan if he'd rather sleep in the guest room or out on the screened in second story sleeping porch with some of the other visitors and cousins.
"The porch sounds nice, sleeping in the fresh air for a change," Logan said. "You wanna sleep out there too?"
"I'm not sure there'll be room…" Kendall hesitated.
Logan scoffed, "Oh, please, we've shared bus bunks, we'll fit in whatever's left out there for us to sleep on."
They brushed their teeth and Kendall took off his walking shorts and left his boxer briefs and t shirt on. Logan was wearing a v neck t and basketball shorts, and decided they'd be good to sleep in. It was a humid night and any skin on skin contact would just be sticky.
They quietly tiptoed out onto the sleeping porch, picking a path through the various cots and sleeping bags over to a day bed that had been left empty as a place of honor for one the Hollywood guests. Various kids and Kendall's grown up male cousin were sleeping angelically in the moonlight. When they got to the bed, Kendall pulled back the flat sheet and got into bed on the side up against the wall of the house. Logan got in next to him and years of muscle memory took over and they just fit together like they always do. Kendall settled the sheet over both of them and they whispered their good nights.
The next day dawned gray and cloudy, and the whole group at the house enjoyed a noisy, chaotic breakfast. It was fun, but on the day of a show, the guys always tried to get in a little quiet time to summon the energy required to face so many fans and pump them up during the show. Kendall's aunt said it was too bad the day wasn't nicer, otherwise the guys could go for a ride in a nearby park that had a bike trail.
"That sounds perfect, Aunt Karen. We could get some quiet and loosen up our legs for the show-why can't we go?" Kendall asked.
"Well, it looks like rain…"
"It always looks like rain when it's humid here, and it's not raining yet. You wanna go, Logan?"
Logan nodded a yes. It was settled that Kendall and Logan could use Karen and her oldest son's bikes. "I'll even ride the girl bike," Kendall said. But there was no need, Aunt Karen didn't have a "girl" bike.
"I do have a pink helmet, though," she said, pulling it out of the hall closet and giving it to Kendall to put on. Kendall grinned happily and put it on, pulling the chin strap all the way out and then adjusting it. Karen handed Logan her son's helmet, which was white.
"He doesn't have a black one?" Logan asked.
"Believe me, when the sun is shining, you need a color that reflects light down here, not one that absorbs it," Karen told him.
Logan shrugged and put the helmet on, and then lightly bumped helmets with Kendall. He then surprised them both by rubbing their noses together in an Eskimo kiss.
Ever since they had gotten back from shooting the Windows Down video in Hawaii, their physical relationship had ceased to exist. Things had been rocky for a while, probably starting around Kendall's birthday up in Vancouver. They had been up and down, on and off, and finally had decided they had to stop driving each other crazy and it'd probably be best if they just full out stopped. They had both strayed, and Logan, probably unreasonably and unfairly, felt that Kendall's betrayal had been worse, since he slept with other guys. Logan's stance was, when he had sex with women, it was completely different than what he did with Kendall. But Kendall going with other guys was flat out cheating, because they did the same things Kendall would be doing with Logan. When Logan tried to put that argument into words, it didn't work out so well.
"So you're saying you'd be 'fine' with me having sex with girls?" Kendall yelled in disbelief.
"Yeah, because they have…things…I don't," Logan said.
"Is that how you justified it the first time you cheated on me?" Kendall asked, quieter but his tone was more hurt now.
"No," Logan lied.
"You're just saying you don't mind me sleeping with women, because you know I probably never will," Kendall said.
"No I'm not," Logan lied again.
Even though Logan had been the first to go with someone else, he felt completely betrayed when Kendall went to Bali with his brother and their old friend Shawn. Kendall and Shawn had history, and there was no way Kendall was away with him for almost three weeks without some things going on.
"Logan, I didn't have sex with him! And, I begged you to join up with us on that trip, that could've been you with me!'
"So good for you, you didn't have sex, but you guys must have messed around. I should feel special that if I had flown 16 hours to the other side of the world, you would have fooled around with me instead?"
"Logan, you weren't there, you don't know how it was. Kevin and Kimmi were fighting nonstop. Shawn and I would just smoke local weed and drink and try to ignore them, and of course we'd wander off together and do…stuff. But we didn't rekindle our old relationship."
So they were both hurt, and rightfully so, and they knew mistakes had been made on both sides, and what they didn't know was how to get back to a place where they could trust each other again. There was too much dependent on them getting along to keep messing things up between them: the summer tour and the future of the band and the tv show highest on the list. So they decided to "break it off", at least for the summer. But then they were thrust into a situation where they were together all the time. And with some distance from home, and not working long hours on the show, and even the relative privacy of the bus where they had security people keeping the fans away, and James and Carlos having their own space, they finally began to relax and enjoy each other's company again. Just having the other always close by started building up trust between them, even if they didn't consciously realize it yet.
So now they were five days into their tour, and things were feeling better by the minute. Aunt Karen handed over the keys to her Jeep Cherokee after helping the boys mount the bikes on the bike rack, and was giving Kendall directions to the park. They had already discussed that the guys would drive the Cherokee to the venue, and Kathy would drive it back to Karen's house that night after the concert, when the boys would get on their Kogan bus and head to the next destination in Birmingham.
"You guys should have the park pretty much to yourselves. On a weekend day it'd be packed with bike riders, but on a Tuesday it'll be almost empty," Karen told them.
"We're not going to get mugged or raped, are we?" Kendall asked.
"Kendall, you're in a suburb of Atlanta, not New York or even Atlanta itself. You'll be fine. This is a nice, quiet town with a zero crime rate," his wise aunt patiently explained. As if she'd ever let her godson go anywhere dangerous!
"Okay, okay, it doesn't hurt to ask," Kendall said.
They found the park easily and got the bikes off the back of the car. They both had their iPods with them, and put their earbuds in and took off down the trail. Just like his aunt had predicted, they only saw a couple other bikers on there.
After about twenty minutes, rain started softly pattering down. Logan pulled over to the side of the trail and Kendall circled back around and joined him. They had both brought windbreaker jackets, but it had been too humid to wear them. Logan was untying his from around his waist and looking up at the sky, wondering if the rain would get heavy enough to warrant putting it on. The raindrops felt good on his face.
"Think we ought to head back?" Kendall asked, pulling out his earbuds.
"You afraid of a little rain?" Logan asked back.
"Naw-it actually feels really nice. I just wondered how much energy we wanted to use up out here. We've got a big night ahead of us."
"That's true. We probably don't have to keep riding balls out out here," Logan chuckled. He knew Kendall had been subtly challenging him on the ride, his longer legs giving him a bit of an advantage, but Logan's strong thighs were up to the challenge. (This was still in his back flipping days, after all.)
"I wonder if the rain will keep up till tonight, and if the stage will be slippery," Kendall mused.
"Yeah, that's always fun. Waiting to see if one of us slips and lands on his ass, plus the fun shocks from the mics," Logan said.
"That's the only time I ever get to dance with you in the rain," Kendall said.
"You've wanted to dance with me in the rain?" Logan asked, surprise in his voice.
"Sure, why wouldn't I?" Kendall said. "I wanted to dance with you in all sorts of places-clubs, parties…there's always people around, though," he finished up, sadly.
Logan unstrapped his helmet and got off the bike, kicking the kickstand so he could let go of the bike. He had been riding with only one earbud in, he now lifted up the other one and walked over to Kendall, holding it in his hand. "Get off the bike, please," he told Kendall. Kendall obliged and took his helmet off, hanging it from the bike's handle bars. Logan took his helmet off with his free hand and gave it to Kendall. He hung it by its strap from the other side of the handle bars of his aunt's bike. Logan put the earbud in Kendall's ear, and scrolled through some songs on his iPod. Billie Holiday's Stormy Weather started playing in each of their ears.
"Wanna dance?" Logan said, smiling up at Kendall. He wrapped his arms around Kendall's waist, leaving Kendall to rest his arms on Logan's shoulders. They moved their feet a little and basically swayed together to the slow song. The second time the lyrics came up, Logan softly sang along to the line, "Since my man and I ain't together, keeps raining all the time." Then he said, "That's how I feel too. Like it's always raining since I haven't been together with my man."
Kendall's feet stopped. "Wait, I'm your man, right?"
Logan let out an exasperated sigh. "Of course you are-who else?"
"Well, you used to always say I was your boy," Kendall said quietly, moving his feet a little again, pretending to dance as he searched Logan's eyes.
"You'll always be my boy," Logan whispered. "You know that, don't you?"
Kendall rested his forehead against Logan's. "I know I'll be your boy as long as you want me."
"I'll always want you. I want you right now."
The song ended and the next one in the queue began. Billie Holiday again, Love Me Or Leave Me. Kendall and Logan listened to the lyrics, never taking their eyes off each other:
Love me or leave me
Or let me be lonely
You won't believe me, I love you only
I'd rather be lonely
Then happy with someone else
You might find the night time
The right time for kissin'
But night time is my time
For just reminiscin'
Regrettin' instead of forgettin'
With somebody else
There'll be no one
Unless that someone is you
I intend to be independently blue
I want your love
But I don't want to borrow
To have it today to give it back tomorrow
For your love is my love
There's no love for nobody else
Logan shut off the iPod before another song could start.
"Did you pick that song to play next?" Kendall asked.
"Nope, it just came up," Logan said.
"Oh," Kendall said.
"However," Logan continued, "I can't help but notice how perfectly it's saying what I've wanted to tell you for a while now."
"Yeah, me too," Kendall said. "Uh, I know we agreed not to, but, I love you."
Logan blushed, and broke into a big, blinding smile. "I love you too." He kissed Kendall softly, tasting the raindrops on Kendall's lips. As always, everything between them fit, it all felt right. The whys and wherefores of why they ever spent time with anyone else had been discussed and analyzed between them-it always boiled down to the two of them stupidly believing that what they had wasn't as real and powerful as it felt like it was-no two people who had met as teens and felt that blinding surge of love at first sight could possibly be experiencing something real and lasting, right? That only happened in fairy tales. So they kept pushing it, and testing it, and, convinced it would end and they didn't want to be left alone and in the cold, they'd spend time with other people and be truly puzzled when it didn't turn into anything near what they had with each other. But now wasn't the time for all that.
"We've never made love in the rain either," Logan said, as he pulled away from the kiss.
Kendall's eyes lit up, but then he realized. "Can't-we don't have any stuff."
"Ah, damn," Logan said. He had his wallet in his pocket, and it had a condom in it, but he knew Kendall was right. It had been too long and Kendall would definitely need him to use lube. Then Logan had an idea. "I know something I can still do for you," he smiled, taking out Kendall's earbud and then his own and stuffing them into his pocket with the iPod, and then pulling on Kendall's hands, leading him off the bike path and into an area behind some bushes.
"Logan, you don't have to. Besides, this is Georgia, fucking Walking Dead territory-we can probably be executed for what you have in mind…"
"Come on, why waste this perfectly lovely summer rain? Let me be your boy."
Kendall looked at Logan, standing there in the rain. Between wearing the helmet and the rain falling on his head, Logan's hair was matted down and he looked all the world like he did the first night Kendall laid eyes on him. Kendall couldn't resist him if he tried, and he didn't even want to try.
Logan spread his windbreaker down on the ground, the cotton lining side up. He dropped to his knees and began working the zipper on Kendall's shorts down. Between his nimble fingers, talented tongue, and perfect lips, he had Kendall spilling over in almost no time. At some point in the proceedings, Kendall had thrown his head back and he opened his eyes to the skies and the raindrops as he came back to his senses. He looked down into Logan's big beautiful eyes and knew what he wanted to do next. He unwrapped the windbreaker he had tied around his waist and spread it out in line with the one Logan already had on the ground.
"Kindle, what are you doing?" Logan asked.
"Lie down, please," Kendall said, rather than answering him.
Logan grinned and did as Kendall requested. He already had a tent in his shorts; taking care of Kendall had brought that out a few minutes ago. Kendall zipped up his own shorts and lay down next to Logan, kissing his lips and cheeks and chin and jaw and began working his way down. When Kendall's head was down by Logan's waist, Logan lifted his hips so Kendall could pull his shorts and boxer briefs down, then Logan threaded his fingers through the long, wet hair at the back of Kendall's neck and let him know with soft pulls and rough tugs when he was doing things particularly right.
They cuddled and kissed for a while after, but mainly stared into each other's eyes a lot and appreciated the quiet and the time they had stolen together.
Time…
"Oh, shit, Kindle! What time is it? I'm pretty sure we're supposed to be on our way to the venue by now."
They jumped up, grabbed the now soaked windbreakers up off the ground and took off running to the bikes. They pedaled furiously to get back to the car faster, but it still took a good fifteen minutes. In the car Kendall picked up his phone to check the time, and saw he had a bunch of missed calls. Not only were they late to be heading to the venue, they should've been there twenty minutes ago. Just then the phone rang-his mom's number flashing on the screen.
"Ma! Yeah, hi. No, we left our phones in the car. Yeah, we're good, we're on our way now. Yes, I know the way, Aunt Karen told me directions. Yup, sure, yeah, see you soon." He hung up and looked at Logan. "That was close, they were just about to send the state police out to find us."
"Really?" Logan's eyes got huge.
"Well, guys from the crew-close enough," Kendall grinned. Logan scooted across the seat and kissed Kendall. Kendall kissed back. Logan brought his hands up and held Kendall's head in place and Kendall wrapped one arm around Logan's waist, the other around his shoulders.
"You, me, right after the show," Kendall whispered into Logan's ear.
"I'll bring the lube," Logan whispered back, nipping Kendall's earlobe and letting one of his hands drop into Kendall's lap and give what it found there a squeeze.
"Don't bring that back to life or they really will send the guys looking for us," Kendall warned. Logan reluctantly pulled away and put his seatbelt on. Kendall turned the key in the ignition. They just sat there for a long moment, staring at each other like they so often do, having an entire conversation pass between them silently, even though they were alone and could speak aloud if they wanted to. But with them, words were so often unnecessary.
"Hey, Kindle?"
"Yes, Logan?"
"This is gonna be a great tour."