Sup? This game is a few years old now, but I always loved playing it. This is for you Mario fans that don't take things too seriously!
Disclaimer: I don't own Paper Mario TTYD.
The whole story will be based on Mario points of view asides from those small parts of Peach and Bowser's story.
"Brother who never talks for some reason! Check this out, a letter from Peach!"
I sighed as Luigi spoke. What did that damn princess want now? Was she kidnapped again? I was an idiot for saving her ass every time she got in trouble, but it makes a good profit.
"I'm going to read the letter to you because you obviously can't read!"
Everybody's a critic...
Hello Mario. I'm on vacation right now even though I do obsolutely nothing all year round! Anyways, some guy in a cloak gave me a map, and I want to find the treasure for no reason. Since I'm too stupid to do anything by myself I want you to come. You have no choice of course, for it's the dungeon with you if you don't show up. I gave you the map, so I'll see you at Rogueport.
- Love, Peach
What the hell? Great, I was being forced to do something completely random again!
"Well what do you know? I'll probably screw things up anyways, so I'll just wait for Parody to type a Luigi's Mansion fic."
God damn it!
Five seconds later I was snoring in a boat and some dude woke me up. My videogames can get so random sometimes.
"Fat guy! I don't know your name! I guess I'll call you Peter."
And here I go back to the critic...
"We're here, Peter. Anyways, I did tell you a bunch of bad stuff about this place. Serial killers, thieves, and stuff... Are you sure that Rogueport is where you want to be?"
I nodded. I didn't get on a five second boat ride for no reason pal.
"A princess? Ok... The rehab center isn't too far off in this town. Good luck Mr. Griffin."
I didn't even say anything! Ugh, I avoid talking and this is what happens...
I jumped off the boat and onto the harbor. It wasn't long before I heard a chick's voice, "Get away from me pedophile!"
Some purple weirdo and his white henchmen were cornering this goomba chick. He kept saying something about Crystals Stars. Hm...interesting town this was.
I tried to walk past them when the girl ran behind me, "I'm not going anywhere with you, pedobear!"
"Hey mustache! Are you trying to screw things up?"
Aw, crap. I shook my head. I already had one girl that always needed saving, and now was I some sort of bodyguard for strange women?
"Wanna play stupid huh? I'm gonna smack you around then!"
He smacked me in the face and the girl scowled, "C'mon! Take it like a man! Just jump on him and hit him with your hammer!"
As if I didn't already know that. Wow, she really wasn't helping at all, and this is her fault!
After I kicked his purple ass, he laughed, "Not bad...PUNISH HIM!"
A crowd of uniformed henchmen started to jump on us. Actually, just on me. The goomba walked out of there peacefully, so I followed her and no one noticed.
She turned around and saw me, "What the hell? You stalking me man? Wait, you're the idiot you saved me right?"
She kissed me and I decided not to stomp on her after all.
"Any who, I'm Goombella. Rogueport is filled with Rogues for some reason and it sucks. I'm just looking for the lengendary treasure."
I raised my hand.
"You too?"
I was surrounded by mind readers.
"Hey, what's that?"
She looked at my map and gasped, "Like, oh my God! I must know where you got that!
"Princess who? Some fruit gave you the map?"
"Great hoo- I'm not saying that stupid line! Master Mario!"
Toadsworth?
"I didn't expect you here! I hope that the princess isn't doing stuff behind my back again.
"I don't know where she is either. She seemed to have vanished."
Again?! Damn these people!
"Sorry. While you go find her, I will be at the Inn because I'm too lazy to look for her myself. Huff- I'm not repeating that line either!"
He walked away and the goomba girl frowned, "Princess Peach? Mario? What the fu- I thought you guys were just videogame characters or something!"
Would my ass be so lucky.
"Come with me! Professor Frankly is like, looking up the treasure! Plus, I can tell you everything about anything because I'm a major smartass!"
Eh, what could the harm be?
I followed her into the eastern part of down when some moron stole half of my coins! Goombella bonked him on the head and I got my coins back.
He grimaced, "Hey! You're not suppose to do that!"
"We didn't want to go all the way to your alley just to get fifty coins! Now move along bub!"
She took me into an office where I saw an old goomba man.
He looked up, "Hey! I know you! You're...Goombario! Am I right?"
"No! I'm Goombella."
"Duh, I knew that. And the mustache behind you?"
I gave him my signature thumbs and he gasped, "LINK?!"
"Wtf? He's Mario, the red videogame dude!"
"Well, duh, I knew that too."
"Dumbass."
"What?"
"Nothing. Just tell us what you know about the Crystals Stars, old man."
"Crystal Stars?"
"Ugh.... To find the treasure of yore, take the seven Crystal Stars to the
Thousand-Year Door! I hate that line..."
"Right! If you must know..."
(A/N; I'm just gonna skip all that crap he says)
"And so the pony lived. Hey, are you awake?"
I opened my eyes. Why were those goombas staring at my map?
"We're going to the Thousand Year Door! Here, have your map back. Now we must be off!"
We followed him outside where he used his invisible hands to break the fence. What's up with goombas and their invisible hands? Goombella even has a cast for pete's sake!
Once we entered a pipe and we were underground, a voice was heard, "Hey, hot stuff!"
We noticed a goomba gang not too far off.
The paragoomba laughed, "Not you, dude! We're talkin' about the hot, blonde ponytail next to ya!"
"Come with us babe, let us show you a good time."
Goombella smirked, "Like, omg you guys are TOTAL morons! Like, you're all gonna be hopeless virgins for the rest of your lives! Now move!"
"That's harsh. We're gonna smack you around now!"
They all smacked me in the face. What did I do?!
I stomped on the goomba and paragoomba, but jumping on the spiky guy hurt like hell!
He snickered, "Not so tough now huh? I'm like, so cool just because I have a spike on my head! No one can destr-"
I squished him with my hammer so he could shut up.
Goombella blinked, "Ok...dude, I think you just killed them."
Oh, shut up.
We roamed around more of the sewer before seeing a weird mouse thing with an antenna. And it wasn't long before we found a talking black chest.
"Dudes, you gotta let me out of here! I'm missing my soaps! If you can hear me then that means that you're the hero of legend and stuff!"
"I don't trust him," said Frankly, "What if he wants to stop us from collecting the seven Crystal Stars, going to The Thousand Year Door, and saving the wor-"
Goombella put duct tape on his mouth, "Shut your trap!"
The chest continued to plea, "Seriously? Please dude, it's a black key! I hope you find it, O Great Legendary Hero!"
"Now I know that this guy is sucking up!"
I reached into my hat and took out a black key.
"The hell? Do you just hide a bunch of random stuff in that hat of yours?"
Duh...
I opened the chest and it screamed, "You fools are FOOLS!"
He rambled on about some curse and turned me into an airplane. He explained that everytime I step on an airplane panel I'd turn into a paper plane by pressing the Y button.
As soon as he disappeared, Goombella mumbled, "What the fuck is a Y button?"
Forunately, I was able to use my new "curse" to reach a new room. That room conviently held The Thousand Year Door.
Frankly was the first to speak, "Wow, the door is so freakin' big!"
I walked closer to the door and tripped on a pedestal. That being done, a weird light thing appeared out of no where. A strange location was drawn on the map and a Crystal Star was also drawn.
Goombella said, "This is all I'm gonna say; what the fu-"
Back at Frankly's office they take a gander at the map.
"Oh..." murmured the professor.
"You actually understand?" Goombella questioned.
"I know things! Seems like Mario got some sort of special move."
"Special what?"
"Mario, do you care to practice?"
I shook my head.
"You sure?"
I nodded.
"Ok then. Anyways, the Crystal Star is at Petal Meadows. You can find it by going in a pipe that's in the sewer.
"And Mario, who gave you the map?"
Why was that important to him?
"Princess Peach you say?"
I said nothing!
"Is this it?"
He showed me a picture of her and I nodded.
"Why do you have a picture of her?" Goombella asked.
"...Mario you can have your map back again... Good luck to the two of you."
"You're not coming?"
"Like Toadsworth, I'm too lazy to go and help you guys."
"But you didn't answer my-"
"GO SAVE THE WORLD ALREADY!"
We ran out of his office and Goombella gave me a badge that was shaped like a spiky hammer, "Here, I stole this from the old weirdo. Badges are supposed to give you powers- BECAUSE I SAID SO!"
Everybody yells at the quiet ones...
I took the airplane path when we were in Rogueport sewers. After that, we saw a tentacle rising out of the water. Finally, some seafood!
I hit it with my hammer and a blooper flew out and inked us, since he was all pissed off, "What's your beef?! I'm just chilling here and you decide to whack me? You're gonna pay!"
"Wait..." said Goombella, "Bloopers can't talk."
His eyes widened and he panicked, "Shit, these freaks are on to me!"
He dove back into the water and Goombella looked at me funny, "What was the point of that?"
I shrugged.
We jumped onto several floating platforms and we entered into a pipe. That was where our retarded adventure could really start.
No idea how long I'll be updating. Well tell me if you liked it or not. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Please review.