AN: Hi everybody! This is my very first fanfic so please be nice and review.
This is a songfic to "Keep You" by Sugarland. If you can find the song, listen to it! It is very beautiful!
Anyway, this is something of what I imagined to be going throgh Bella's head while she, Edward and Jacob are waiting for the battle to start.(Takes place towards the end of Eclipse)
voice-inside-my-head: what about the disclaimer?
Right... I do not own the Twilight series or the song "Keep You"
Keep You
We said, goodbye, tried a hand at magic
But we couldn't make us disappear
Not a day goes by I don't wish I had you
She loved Edward, loved him more than anything. When he had left, she had tried to forget, she had tried to move on …and she had nearly succeeded. Without realizing it, she had started to be able to open her heart to another once again.
So in a way I'm glad you're still here
It's a bittersweet victory
Loving the ghost in front of me
But then, Edward had returned. Suddenly, everything was different. When Edward returned, he promised never to leave her again, not that she wanted him to. She told him, as well as every one else, that she was scared of him leaving her. She hadn't lied. But what scared her even more than the thought of him leaving her again was the fact that she had started to be able to live her life without him.
Now I can't laugh, can't cry
And I can't run, can't hide
What do I gotta do
What do I gotta do to keep you
What do I gotta do to keep you from doing this to me?
I wrote a couple notes, one in love, one in anger
They're lying there dying in the dresser drawer
Jacob had been so wonderful during that time… she supposed she should have paid better attention to what was going on within her heart. But she had been hurting and upset, and the thought that she could care for someone in the same way she had cared for Edward had never crossed her mind.
Lived louder than my voice
Struggled through a stranger
He loved me 'til I loved you even more
It wasn't until after Edward returned that Jacob told her the truth of his feelings for her. At first, she was confused and angry. How could he do this to her? She loved him, but only as a brother. He would soon understand, and move on to find the one he was truly meant to be with.
It's a bittersweet victory
Knowing someone else wanted me
Or so she had thought at first. But as Jacob began to fight for her heart, she realized that she did, in fact, love him the same way she did Edward. Not as much, of course, but it was there all the same.
Now I can't laugh, can't cry
Now I can't run, can't hide
You get used to the pain
And numb to the sting
'Til you can't feel anything
She felt a bittersweet smile crossing her face as she remembered a conversation she had with Edward only a short while after finding out what he really was. He had compared himself to a heroin addict, and she had joked that he was saying she was his personal brand of heroin. Now, thinking back to her earlier conversation with Jacob, she realized that Edward had been wrong that day in the meadow.
He wasn't the one who was addicted, she was.
You tried to explain, but I couldn't hear it
As if your words were my tears
Flowing freely, warm and quiet
From the edges of my eyes and my ears
Than all that disappears
She hadn't been lying to Jacob, either. She could see the two of them growing old together, starting a family, being happy for the rest of their lives. And that was another thing that scared her. Not the thought of loving him, no, that was easy. The thought that she could love him as much as Edward, the idea that she could be perfectly happy if Edward wasn't there; that was what scared her. She wished he would let go of these feelings, that he would find someone else to care for, because she didn't want that from him.
Now I can't laugh, can't cry
Now I can't run, can't hide
But at the same time, she wanted it. She wanted to know that if Edward wasn't there, that she would be alright, that she could fall in love with someone else. She wanted to have him there by her side for the rest of her…well, existence. (After all, she was going to have to die in order to become a vampire.)
She loved Edward, loved him more than anything.
And yet, she couldn't forget the fact that Jacob loved her… or that she loved Jacob.
Tell me what do I gotta do
What do I gotta do to keep you
What I gotta do to keep you from doing this to me
End
That's it! I hoped you liked it and that you will please review.