Hey n.n

This is one of my first fanfictions, that is why I really hope that people will like it :) still that doesn't mean that I don't allow critism. I even encourage you to point out my mistakes. I don't have a beta-reader so... yeah n.n just enjoy reading it :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Q.Q

How those cold eyes closed

"People only see what they want to see and only hear what they want to hear."

By: Unknown

I want to die

How many times has he had that thought?

Kill me … please.

The silent one. He who was never noticed.
Begging, begging for someone to stop his life. He wanted to cease, to stop existing.
Petting his polar bear with a trembling hand, a chill run down his spine.

"Who are you?"

One would expect him to get used to it, but it still hurt.
His throat felt sore, his eyes were swollen and his heart aching.

"I'm your owner."

Tears were forming in his eyes, voice cracking.
Touching his neck, his long cold fingers sled across a deep scar.

Why can't I die?

Taking the kitchen knife and watching himself leading it to his throat he whispered with his silent voice.

Please …. have mercy.

He wanted to die that badly, that badly that he tried to kill himself several times. His whole body was covered in scars …. Suicidal attempts. He closed his eyes and quickly cut his neck.

Drip

Blood … red. Everywhere was blood.
Slowly he fell to the ground with a quit thump. His blood was flowing like mad, but he still wouldn't die.
Opening his eyes, he watched his, mirror image looking back at him with empty orbs.

Stop it. Stop it! Stopit!

Frustrated he grasped his head, shacking badly.

No … no, no, no, no, No! Don't.

The fragile Canadian gripped in fear, coughed up blood. Surrounded by the eternal darkness he lay there, left by humanity. He was disappointed, disappointed in his brother, disappointed in his papa disappointed in his dad … disappointed in humanity.

It hurts. I'm scared.

Touching his fresh wound he flinched, vision wavering for a moment. He stood up walking past the mirror straight to the bathroom. Staring at the ugly scar on his throat, he closed his eyes and slowly wrapped up his wound with bandages. Water was making its way to the strawberry blonde's hands.

Why …. Why won't it get off?

Visible blood has already disappeared but still he wouldn't stop washing his hands. He felt dirty, betrayed, ignored, misunderstood … broken.

Tap

Vision slowly starting to blurry, his head started throbbing.

Tap

The air was getting colder by every second that passed.

"Someone's here for you."

A polar bear, Kumajirou suddenly appeared at the door, just to see his owner fall to the ground. However, that wasn't the problem; the real problem had yet to enter the room.

"Matt!"

His brother's voice echoed through the empty halls of his house. His Oh so heroic brother came to visit him, him of all people, in the middle of the night.

No, don't look at me.

"Oh my god. Ohmygod! What should I do? Wha-."

Walking back and forth in frustration, the hyperventilating American was suddenly gripped by Matthieu.
The Canadian looked up at his brother with pleading eyes, trying to calm him down. Failing miserably.

"I know now!"

Picking up his baby brother, the shocked blonde went to one of the many bedrooms. Blood was still splattered across the floor, making it hard not to just turn around and go. Suppressing the urge to vomit, Alfred put Matthieu into his bed. The hurt Canadian pulled up his covers so that his big brother couldn't see his blood trenched bandages.

Why is he here? He shouldn't be here…. He was never since.. back then.

"Mattie… What the hell... were you doing?"

Al who was still paralyzed by all means, tried to swallow everything that happened. His mind went blank for a few moments.

Go away

Collecting all of his courage, the strawberry blonde spoke up for the second time this day.

"Al … I want to be alone, please leave."

Meanwhile the American snapped out of his trance like state and watched his brother in horror.

"Mattie, how could I possibly lea-."

"No! … No, don't give me that hero thing. I-I'm not really in the mood right now."

Trying not to look into the others beautiful sky blue eyes, he hid his own unique blue purple-ish orbs, to afraid to see the hurt expression on his family member's face.

"But-"

"No buts!... Kuma please lead Al to the entrance."

"Matt, you can't do this with me."

His face falling, Alfred was pushed away by the fluffy polar bear.

I'm so sorry Al. Please forgive me.

The Canadian's eyes would be watering by now if he'd still have the tears to cry, but he couldn't. Lying there drown by self-hatred, he fell asleep.

"Stop making such a fuss, you bleeding git!"

"But Iggy, he, he tried to kill himself."

Slowly blinking the mentioned person tried to sort out his thoughts.

"I'm not blind you wanker!"

"Shush! He's waking up."

With a bright smile, the American made his way to the waking person.

"Hey Matt! How're you feelin'?"

Another male person made his presence notably.

"Can't you wait for a bloody moment?! Let him regain his senses."

"You know? We're really lucky that your weird pet bear let us in."

Giving the said polar bear a quick glare, Matthieu sat up and looked at his so called 'family' with an angry expression. Why were they here? Now, now when it's way too late. Why weren't they here when he needed them the most? A voice full of anger and hatred filled the now clean room, causing the air temperature to drop.

"Why are you here?"

Just standing there with wide-open eyes, the Englishman was stunned by the unexpected venomous voice of his son. Never had he heard him spat words like that.

The other one dared to answer his brother's question.

"Mattie… we're here to… help you."

"Why would you want to help me? You always forget that I even exist. Why the sudden change of mind?"

Now even the thick-skinned American was struck by those forceful words. Never had he expected his brother to ever raise his words against him. Has he really gone too far?

"I-I… We-"

"Please go if you're just here for nothing."

Gaining back his ability to move the Brit took a cup of tea that had been standing on a little table, shoving it into the hands of his 'son'.

"That's not true. We are here to help you. Now drink, it'll do good."

Hesitantly following his 'father's' orders he drank up, putting the steaming cup up to his beautiful red pink-ish lips.
Steadily a bright white light filled the vision of the North American country.

"I'm sorry lad"

That were the last words he heard before he blacked out.

This is the first chapter n.n it's only an introduction, kind of. Well, I do have a few chapters typed down. There will be a few updates soon, but I haven't continued this one for a while now...

See you next time anyways :)

Bluebelle ;3