Realisation
--If you looked at the photo of the two of them, sat there on the sofa together, you would have thought nothing of it. There was something in their expressions, in their body language, that showed it. But no one can capture a feeling in a photograph, not even a moving one. Because in the end they're just dots, just tiny, coloured dots on a page--
It was Monday when Sirius realised. It had been a thoroughly irritating day, what with double history of magic, detention (not entirely his fault), and an impromptu duel with Snape in a corridor (entirely his fault). So it was only when he got back to the common room he realised- he hadn't seen his friends all afternoon. The only other person in the room was Roberta Vyne, a third-year. She was lounging in an armchair, eating a fruit that looked like an old man's head. He wondered over to her and cleared his throat quietly so as not to startle her.
"Hi, Roberta. You haven't seen James have you?" He asked. She looked up at him, scowling. There was a bit of fruit wedged in her teeth.
"It will cost you." She lisped.
"You have to be joking." He said indignantly. Roberta smiled. Sirius wished he had a toothpick on him.
"Ok, yes, I've seen him." And with that she went back to her fruit, gnawing at it like a dog with a chew-toy.
"Where?" But Roberta was ignoring him now. There was something wrong with that girl. Where would James be? The quidditch pitch seemed a likely bet, but he couldn't be bothered to walk outside. It was hammering it down with rain. Perhaps he should go look for Peter in the kitchens.
The house elves were busy preparing the headmaster and his guests some dinner. They bustled around Sirius, offering to make him cakes and tea.
"No thanks" He insisted, "But have you seen Pete? He's short, fat, looks a little bit…rodenty?"
"No Master Sirius!" They assured him "Sorry Master Sirius!"
Sirius left the kitchen eating a cream cake and wondering where to go next. The rain persisted stubbornly. Remus would be easier to find. All he would have to do was go to the library.
The library was deserted. Only Madam Pince was in there, dusting 'A guide to everyday curses'. She looked up as Sirius approached, frowning slightly.
"Black? What are you doing in here?" She asked suspiciously.
"Looking for Remus. You haven't seen him have you?" His voice echoed eerily.
"Shhhush!" She held a finger to her lips. "This is a library!" Sirius looked around the empty room.
"But I…"
"Shhhush!" She cut across him. "I suggest you leave before I take away points from Griffindor." And she picked up 'One thousand ways to pickle a pumpkin' to dust underneath.
Feeling rather disheartened he decided to head back up to the common room. He was just about to climb through the portrait door when it suddenly swung shut.
"What the hell!?" Exclaimed Sirius.
"Sorry!" Chuckled the fat lady. "I can't let you through I'm afraid!"
"Listen," Sirius said in a deadly serious tone. "I've had it up here with people today. I suggest that you let me through or I swear I will-" and at that exact moment the door swung open, meaning he fell head first through and landed in a heap on the common room floor.
"Surprise!" Yelled the common room. Sirius, with his face down to the floor, was confused. Since when did the common room shout at you? He picked himself up, and immediately felt stupid. All the Griffindors were stood there with smug grins on their faces. He spotted James and Peter, who were holding a large banner bearing the words: "Happy Birthday Sirius!" Sirius just stared. He had forgotten. He had completely forgotten his own birthday.
"Well say something!" Laughed James. "It took us ages to nick all this food…"
"Erm… thanks guys!" Sirius said, rather breathlessly, a hue grin on his face.
"Great. He likes it." Said James, "Now can we get the party started?"
It was only half an hour later, when everyone was busy chatting or dancing, that Sirius noticed something, or rather someone, was missing.
"Where's Moony?" He asked James, puzzled.
"Err, not sure mate. Do you want your present now?" James had bought him some stink bombs and a picture of snape with a bull's-eye drawn around his head.
"Just a suggestion…" Said James. Pete had bought him a large box of sweets with half missing.
"They came like that!" He insisted. However, there was still no sign of Remus. Sirius found it quite annoying that his friend hadn't bothered to show up for his party. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw him. He was sat in the farthest corner of the room, reading. Sirius suddenly felt furious. How dare he sit there, reading! It was Sirius' party and his best friend in the world was sitting there…He stopped himself abruptly. Since when was Moony his best friend in the world? Ok, he was a good friend, undoubtedly, but he had always considered James his best friend. Remus was… different. A different type of friend, he decided. He walked over to the boy and stood behind his chair. He coughed loudly. Remus jumped and turned around. When he saw Sirius his face turned red.
"Oh, hey Padfoot." He gestured towards his book. "I'm really sorry, it's just, I need to read this by tomorrow and I hadn't started." Sirius' anger was smothered by the look on Remus face.
"Don't worry about it mate." He put on a playful grin "Sooo… where's my present?" This, however, caused Remus to go even redder.
"Oh. Um… I'm really sorry. I totally forgot." Sirius' smile quivered slightly.
"Oh. Never mind hey?" He said breezily, trying to ignore the painful disappointment in his stomach. It was because of the present, more to do with the fact Remus had forgotten.
"I'm really sorry." Said Remus, and went back to reading his book. And that was when Sirius realised.
It was Tuesday when Remus realised. He had been in a bad mood all morning. Professor Bins had given him an 'Acceptable' on his essay, he'd torn his robes, and, to top it all off, Sirius wasn't speaking to him. It would have been all right, he thought, if Sirius was simply angry with him, but that wasn't it. Instead, when Remus tried to talk to him, he just had this strange expression on his face, would mutter something incomprehensible, and walk off. Remus felt guilty enough already, without Sirius making it worse. Truth was, he hadn't really forgotten to buy Sirius' present at all. In fact he had he had spent the last three weeks looking for something suitable to buy him. Nothing, however, seemed quite right. Jokes and sweets seemed stupid and impersonal to him. Then, on Sunday night, he had found it.
He was tidying out his trunk when he saw the crumpled old photograph, tucked into one of the corners at the bottom. It was just of the two of them, sat together on the sofa. They were fidgeting and looking resolutely away from each other. Remus frowned. It was a very bad photo. He wasn't sure why, but this intrigued him. He had smoothed out the creases with a spell and put it back under his bed.
Remus thought of this photo at the dinner table that night. He hadn't had the nerve to give it to Sirius after all that. He looked across the table at the blue-eyed boy, who was sipping a spoonful of pumpkin soup and licking his lips. There was a tiny splash of orange liquid on his cheek. Remus resisted the strange urge to laugh, and the even stranger urge to wipe it off with his hand. He found, suddenly, he couldn't look away. The sounds of the great hall drifted off into nothingness and everyone around him became a blur. All he could see was his best friend, and all he could feel was confusion. Then Sirius caught his eye, only for a split second, and even though his heart was hammering, even though his stomach lurched, Remus still did not realise.
Feeling sick, Remus withdrew from the table and retreated to the boy's dorm room. He sat on his bed, head in his hands. What was happening to him? He was overtired, that must be it. It had been a very long day. He went to the bathroom and had a shower, pulled on some old shorts and a t-shirt, and brushed his teeth. When he left the bathroom he saw Sirius sitting by the window. Remus stopped dead in his tracks.
"Hi." he said, and then wished he hadn't, for Sirius did not reply. "Listen," he started again, "Sorry about yesterday mate. Thing is, I did actually get you something but…it's a bit lame." At this Sirius turned, smiling, but not quite meeting Remus' eyes.
"How lame are we talking about?" He said.
"Fairly lame!" Laughed Remus, relieved. He bent down underneath his bed, his hand searching for the present. He found it, and pulled it out, dusting it off. Standing up, he handed the framed photo to Sirius, feeling embarrassed. That odd expression returned to Sirius' face as he looked at the photo, and Remus saw his hands shaking. But he could have imagined this because, before he knew it, Sirius was laughing and chucking it aside.
"Yeah!" He was grinning, "Fairly lame doesn't quite cover it, Moony!" and they were laughing together, and Sirius was ruffling his hair, and they were back to normal, and that was when Remus realised.
It was Wednesday when James realised. He was having a brilliant day. Lilly Evans had shot him a dirty glance at breakfast. Definitely progress! To add to the general brilliance of the day, Remus and Sirius seemed to have fallen out. James always loved it when this happened, as it gave him a chance to do some stirring. Great fun. Although, irritatingly, they both were reluctant to tell James what had happened.
"Everything's fine, Prongs" Remus kept insisting. And even Sirius, who loved to bitch, was certain that:
"Nothing has happened! I swear!" James felt it was his duty to get to the bottom of this argument if it killed him. Besides, he had nothing better to do. With every sneaky plan there needed to be a sneaky assistant, decided James. Peter would have to do (although perhaps 'stupid' was a more appropriate adjective in Pete's case). Anyway, first he'd actually have to think of a plan. This was usually where Sirius and Remus came in handy, but obviously that was out of the question. What he really needed was a situation where the two of them would have to confront each other…
It was after lunch, and James and Peter were in the room of requirement discussing their plan.
"Ok…" Peter was saying, "So all we have to do is tell both of them to meet you in the dungeons at the same time…but…" and here Peter's voice nearly quivered over with mirth "but you won't be there!" he collapsed into laughter, convinced it was the cleverest plan ever made.
"Admit it." Said James, "I'm a genius."
"You are!"
"And go over the best part again?"
"Well, you'll be watching tem behind your invisibility cloak!" He grinned stupidly. "Wow, James. Just wow!"
"I know." James acknowledged. Pete really wasn't that bad an accomplice, now he thought about it. Perhaps he should give him a promotion.
"Get me a cup of tea, Wormtail." He said.
"Sure!" Replied peter.
It was 7'o' clock and the plan was about to be set in motion. James was walking in the dungeon, concealed in his cloak. He checked his watch, sighed, and saw his breath rise in front of him. He wished he'd brought a jacket. Then, suddenly, Sirius appeared.
"Prongs?" He called, "Oi- James- are you here?" James stood stock still, and then had to suppress a laugh when Remus arrived. The look on their faces was priceless!
"Oh." Sirius muttered "Hi. I- er- I was expecting James."
"Me too." Said Moony in his matter of fact tone.
"Listen" They both said at exactly the same time.
"You go." Smiled Remus. "Ok." Sirius took a breath. "I've noticed thins have been a bit…awkward today, and I just wanted to explain why-what?" He had stopped at the look on Remus' face.
"It's just, that was what I was going to say."
"Oh." There was an embarrassed silence. James was thoroughly confused. What the hell was going on? Remus cleared his throat.
"You know…" He smiled, " I've never seen you this quiet, Padfoot."
"Yeah. Thing is," Sirius started, "Thing is, I don't know what to say, Moony."
"Neither do I." Admitted Remus. "I'm not even sure I know what to think yet."
"I think I know what to think." Said Sirius, and they both smiled. Then they just stood there, staring at each other, a faint longing in their eyes. And even though they hadn't said it, even though they hadn't even brought it up, that was the moment when James realised.