Moments in Time

By Hikako

I'm too young to be a father.

The thought shot through Ben's head like lightning before he even realized what had happened. Immediately following it came What? Hadn't he, just the day before, proclaimed that John should've been his son and over the last year or so been completely willing to marry Amy and raise John as his own? Yet when confronted with the daunting task of actually devoting one's whole life to a child his first thought was I'm too young? What had changed?

A soft sniffle from the girl standing behind him brought Ben's mind to the present, and he stared down at his father and Betty happily dancing in a small sea of their friends and extended families. In the glass of the window was the faintest reflection: Adrian was little more than a blur but Ben knew she was crying he could hear the soft sobs in the dead quiet of the room. Oh, yeah, thought Ben, that's what had changed. Adrian was pregnant with his baby, not Amy.

Though she hadn't said anything when she left the bathroom, the empty silence that filled the air so thick you could cut it with a knife said it all. The test was positive, she was pregnant. The ball was in his court now: what would he say to her, what could he say to her?

"Hey, sorry you got knocked up, but you seduced me!"

Try as he might Ben knew that wasn't true, sure Adrian came on to him but he allowed her to succeed. She was a teenage girl with a great figure, not a femme fatale capable of seducing anyone against their will. It wasn't like he was innocent in all of this either, he knew what would happen and it had been in the forefront of his mind the entire time. He didn't love Adrian; he was just having sex with her to get back at Ricky and Amy.

But that wasn't entirely true either, yes at one point it was revenge in the form of sex but then the rest of the world (Ricky and Amy kissing, wanting to be a carefree sixteen-year-old) went away. For a moment, in the backseat of that car when Ben looked into her toffee colored eyes, Adrian and Ben were the only things that existed in the whole world. Thinking back on it, Ben couldn't find fault with Ricky's attraction to sex, who wouldn't want to experience a moment like that more?

"I'll support whatever decision you make."

Christ did that sound like he was passing the buck! It was asinine even to think that, he had to be the one to step up here, to be the man. Adrian would have to make up her mind and make her own decision, but before that Ben had to make his decision. There was always denial, everyone knew what kind of relationship Adrian and Ricky had, who was to say if it really was his kid. Anger was a reliable fallback: she was one who was older and so experienced, she should've known better. There was resignation: nothing we can do about it now, so let's move on from here. Last but not least, and ultimately the only choice Benjamin Boykewich would allow himself to make, was acceptance.

"I'm here for you, no matter what."

Ben turned around as he was about to stay it and stopped: the sight of Adrian's face felt like a crushing weight was placed on his shoulders. Here he had spent all this time feeling sorry for himself and thinking of all the ways he could possibly get out of it, while she just stood there waiting. She was alone and was sure he was going to reject her and the baby out of hand. After all, boys like Ben didn't have bastard children with girls like Adrian.

Her posture was straight, she held herself up tall and proud, with her chin high in defiance of his denial. No tears streaked down her cheeks, smearing her makeup, or snot running out of her nose to show she had been crying at all. It was her eyes that cut right to Ben's heart, windows into her soul that showed her true vulnerability. She was scared of being alone, and in a heartbeat Ben knew he couldn't let her be alone, not after what was happening to them. They were in this together, just like when they had been in the backseat together, and it was time to admit that. To both himself and to Adrian.

He moved slowly, like he approaching a scared animal or something, his eyes never leaving hers. "Hey," he said softly as he reached out and took her hand, "I'm here for you."

TBC… maybe