((Author's Note: This one takes place in the middle of chapter 22, so if you haven't read that yet, this may not make a lot of sense.))

I'm so done with this.

I burst into the cold cave, ice growing around me without control. I'm so...just. I'm so angry. I'm pissed off at Pitch for bringing me to Jamie, I'm pissed at being possessed by fearlings, at myself for hurting Pitch, for not being able to help Stephanie when she needed me to keep her playing in the snow safe. This whole situation. People are in danger. I need a break.

And what was up with Pitch, anyway? First he acts all helpful, like he actually might care, and then he goes and does that. He was always like this, I just let him distract me and manipulate me. I put my trust in him without even realizing what I was doing. Handing over my heart to the bad guy, because that's what he is. The enemy. I rip the black bandage off my neck and throw it on the ground.

"Ugh!" I need to calm down, I know I do. I'm going overboard, Pitch isn't really who I'm angry with. Throwing a tantrum can only make it worse.

My thought is proven correct when I look around myself and realize that I've managed to trap myself. The only exit has been completely boarded with thick, dark ice. Great. Now, not only do I feel trapped by whatever identity crisis is going on in my head, but also I'm actually trapped in a cage made almost entirely of ice and stone. Even the ceiling is made of nothing but think ice going on for miles. Maybe it's better this way. I can't exactly do much harm to anyone down here. Then again, I'm needed up there, aren't I? They need fun too, right?

The Guardians would find me, eventually, I'm sure. If I don't find my own way to break the ice.

Or Pitch. He could just teleport in here any minute now and get me out. He probably just knows where I am. I don't know how he does it, but somehow, he always seems to know my whereabouts. If I asked him about it, he'd probably just say something like 'there's latent fear in everybody' and brush it off like it's completely normal to sense that kind of stuff. Where is he, anyway? Probably where he belongs, under a bed, scaring some poor little kid for the greater good.

But...didn't he say, once, that he was tired of hiding under beds? Was he just saying that because he wanted to rise to power, or was it because he wanted out of scaring business? Hah, who am I kidding? He wanted power. Pitch hardly even knows how to laugh, what could he possibly do outside of scaring? Besides, the world needs Pitch. Scary, mysterious, darkness-bringing Pitch. That's what I'm hoping, anyway. If the world really needed the sad, weary, light-warrior Kozmotis all along, then we kinda screwed that one up.

Pitch knows my fears well enough by now that I kinda feel like I forgot he can't just read my thoughts. He reads my fear, not everything else. He doesn't know it when I'm angry unless he sees it on my face or I tell him. This cave is so lonely and I've been just that for so many years of my time as a spirit that it's almost a comforting feeling. Apparently, getting used to isolation isn't as impossible as I've thought. Maybe it's okay to just feel the fear and let it take hold.

That's when I notice something in the reflection of myself cast my the mirror of ice. A streak of black hair.

Feeling the strong spike of fear that I'm not really free of the fearlings makes me half expect Pitch to show up...and kinda even want him to, to tell me that it's not a big deal, that I'm being ridiculous, and that the scent of my fear is bothering him so he came to help it go away. But he wouldn't do that. He won't. He wouldn't do that, genuinely.

I'm sure.

I'm certain, because despite how scared I am right now of losing myself, Pitch just isn't here. He isn't listening. He doesn't care. I'm not important. He's busy. I'm useless.

Damn it. No, I'm not. I deserve to be seen, to be part of the world, to be heard. I just want out of this stupid cave and out of this ditch in my mind that's pulling me down and dragging me through the dirt. I'm allowed to want to leave. I don't care what Pitch thinks about me crying for his assistance, because there's nothing wrong with having help sometimes when you're stuck. And I am definitely stuck right now. I've been here for two days? Maybe three? I've tried getting myself out.

I get down on my knees, picking up the ribbon bandage that I tossed when I first got here, looking at the darkest corner of the cave I can see. "Hey, Pitch? Little help, here?" I wait a moment and sigh. Nothing. No reaction. He isn't listening. I'm not sure what the rules are exactly, but I don't think he could hear me unless some part of him was in the darkness. That's a guess. "I'm stuck. Pitch? Hey!" I shout into the dark and wait for a response.

Exactly what I expected, nothing. I'm sure he isn't hearing anything. He won't come for me.

"...Remember what you said in Antarctica? Back when I hated you and you hated me, and it was simple? ...I could really use that whole 'family' thing right about now. Or, anything. I don't know. Whatever. I guess family doesn't really fit. In fact, you'd probably try to behead me or something for that. Doesn't matter, though. You can't hear me. I know you can't hear me. I can't stop talking to you as though you could, though. Hah, at this point, I'm not even sure if I want you to hear me." But I do want to tell him things. I don't know why. I just feel like he'd somehow understand.

"I don't know what's happening to me. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm still angry that you brought me to Jamie without consent, though. Also, I just lovedbeing shoved into a dark, endless pit of fear and despair and then ending up in the last place I wanna be. Just my favorite kind of transportation. Thanks for that." I wait. Still no response.

"...But I get it. I think. You were trying to get him to believe in me, weren't you? Trying to be helpful in the darkest, creepiest way that you can." The material of this ribbon is a lot more silky than I thought it was. It kind of exudes darkness in the same way that Pitch himself does.

"Tell you what, if you show up here like right now, I swear I won't hit you for being a jerk and not even warning me about where you were taking me." Laughing half-heartedly into the empty cave, it reminds me that there's really no one listening.

"Pitch! Damn it! I just want outta here!" Trying to smash the ice at the entrance does nothing. It doesn't make a single crack, even using all of my strength. I feel so sick and just...wrong. I don't even look like myself anymore. I let myself slide down the ice wall and back to the ground, hugging my knees like they can substitute for a person. For Pitch. The next time I speak, it's quietly. I don't really think I want him to hear. "This is your fault, y'know. Not the darkness, that's on me. It's your fault I feel so horrible right now. If you hadn't...I don't know. Maybe it is my fault for feeling like this. I'm so tired of being alone, but I don't want to be with the Guardians. I just want you to show up here and- yeah, is that cool?"

Now I'm really glad he hasn't come. It would be so pathetic if he showed up now that I have tears stinging at my eyes because I just want to see him. To tell him when I know he's actually listening that I feel like crap. I want him to understand. In my last ditch effort to be heard, I barely squeak out into the dark. "Pitch...? Do you care as much as I do? Am I seriously going crazy?"

I just want to be myself again.