This idea came to me after watching over the first six episodes of Total Drama Island. *sighs*, it brings back painful memories of Noah's poor performance, but at least it's reminiscent of the better Courtney, the less-of-an-asshole Duncan and the better Bridgette, DJ, Gwen and Geoff. It also reminded me of how Trent sounds like when he talks (for a year of two, I thought he sounded a bit more like Owen, but not as nasally and stupid-sounding). So anyway, enjoy this story… or at least try not to get nightmares from reading it.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not mature enough to own Total Drama. Enough said.

Ezekiel sighed miserably as he got off the Boat of Losers and dragged his luggage to his hotel room. The staff, especially most of the female staff, were giving him dirty looks. This caused the poor prairie boy to break down and burst into tears. The staff members realised that they were being too hard on him, and started feeling sorry for him.

Ezekiel explained that his sexist ideas came from his father, who raised him to believe that males were stronger, better at sports and smarter than females. Another influence in those strange beliefs was the fact that Ezekiel's older sister used to watch those inappropriate TV shows like Tool Academy, Jersey Shore and Toddles and Tiaras, and Ezekiel occasionally found himself watching those abnormal shows. Feeling sorry for him, the staff gave Ezekiel a lecture about the importance of gender equality.

A few days later, Eva arrived at Playa des Losers. She was pissed off. Unfortunately, Ezekiel was standing at the dock, ready to apologise for his sexist remarks.

"Hey Eva!" Ezekiel called out. "Listen, I'm-"

"YOU!" Eva roared. "YOU ARE ABOUT TO LEARN A NEW DEFINITION OF PAIN, YOU SEXIST LITTLE PRICK!"

"Wait Eva, I-"

"I'LL CRUSH YOUR SKULL!" Eva bellowed. Ezekiel realised that there was no point in apologising to her. She was never going to listen to him; not in a million years. He turned to run. Eva ran after him. Sadly, Eva finally caught up with him, beat him up and dragged him kicking and screaming into the hotel. The staff were either too terrified to intervene, or they assumed that Ezekiel ticked her off again and that he deserved it.

The next day, Noah arrived at the resort. He smiled and mused: "Wow, so I guess Chris wasn't lying about a five-star resort after all."

"Well too bad it's gonna be your five-star prison!" a voice threatened. Noah turned to face Eva.

"Can I help you?" he wondered, hoping that she wasn't going to need his help, because he obviously had no interest in helping Eva.

"THE KILLER BASS WON!" Eva roared.

Noah clapped his hands and rolled his eyes. "Bravo, you've finally found out just know despite the fact that I've been here for a minute and that we were never on the same team," he sneered. Eva grunted and punched Noah in the face.

"Ow," Noah deadpanned.

"THE REAL REASON I SAID THAT THE KILLER BASS WON WAS BECAUSE THEY WON ON THE FIRST EPKISODE AFTER MY UNJUST ELIMINATION!" Eva roared.

"Yeah, and I wonder why that is the case," Noah mused. Eva boxed the snarky bookworm in the stomach.

"YEAH, AND IT WAS BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO LAZY TO PULL YOUR WEIGHT TODAY! ALL YOU DID WAS SIT ON YOUR ASS AND LET THOSE SHOWER OF WANKERS BETTER KNOWN AS THE KILLER BASS WIN! AND FOR THAT, I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU A LESSON YOU'LL NEVER FORGET!" With that, Eva snatched Noah by the arms and dragged him kicking and screaming into the hotel. She led him to the attic and fired him inside. She slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Perfect," Noah sneered. He turned and saw Ezekiel. "Let me guess," Noah mused, "you ticked Eva of again, right?"

"Noo, I tried too apologise, eh," Ezekiel explained. "Boot she refoosed to listen, eh."

"Why am I not surprised?!" Noah sneered. "But why haven't the staff intervened yet?!"

"They still think I'm sexist, eh," Ezekiel replied. "Either that, or they're too scared with Eva."

Fortunately, it was apparent that the last one was the truth. Otherwise Justin's looks would've been enough for the staff to intervene and prevent Eva from locking the model in the attic… and Noah and Ezekiel would never have been locked in there to begin with. Eva was ticked off that Justin lasted longer than her, but he managed to use his looks to manipulate her into handling him gently. All she did, really, was carry Justin over her shoulder, put him down and gently shoved him into the attic.

"NO! NO! LET ME OUT!" Justin begged, pounding on the door. "BEING IN THE ATTIC FOR LONGER THAN FIVE MINUTES IS DETRIMENTAL TO MY HEALTH!"

"Good luck man, but it's not gonna work," Noah pointed out. "This is Eva we're talking about."

"Oh," said Justin. Then he burst into tears.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" wailed Justin.

"It's ooh-kay, Justin, yoo'll always be booty-full, eh," Ezekiel assured him.

Justin stopped crying. "Y-you really t-think so?" he sniffled up.

"Really, eh." Justin pulled the prairie boy into a tight bear-hug.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" beamed Justin.

Noah rolled his eyes. "Great, now I'm going to cry," he murmured.

Katie showed up two days later. Being separated from Sadie was bad enough, but being on an island with a psychopath like Eva? That was too much. Needless to say, Eva was looking forward to the moment the next Killer Bass teammate set foot on Playa des Losers.

"YOU!" roared Eva. "YOU WERE ONE OF THE BACKSTABBING TRAITORS THAT VOTED ME OFF!" Katie broke down in more tears and begged for Eva's mercy, but it was to no avail, so she ended up thrown into the attic covered in bruises. Ezekiel was there to comfort her.

"It'll be ooh-kay, eh," Ezekiel assured the wonder twin, holding her tightly.

"Oh, Ezekiel!" sobbed Katie, crying into the prairie dude's shoulder.

The next day was less dramatic, because Tyler, who just happened to be on a boat filled with chickens, scurried out the boat and all the way to the attic to hide. He basically avoided Eva's wrath… until she burst into the attic a few minutes later.

"OH, I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!" Eva shrieked, grabbing Tyler by the neck and shoving a chicken into his mouth. Tyler spat the chicken out and scrambled to a corner in the room, where the talentless jock curled up into a foetal position.

"S-so m-many ch-chick-chickens!" Tyler spluttered as Eva marched out of the room and slammed and locked the door behind her.

So what do you guys think? Did you like it, or did you think it sucked? The next chapter will have much more unexpected twists in it. Oh yeah, and I am going to cover ALL seasons. Each will have four chapters, except Revenge of the Island, which will have only two or three episodes. I don't need to tell you why, heh-heh. I warn you, some of the chapters may freak the living Hell out of you, and some may surprise you so much, you'll jump out of your skin.

Share your thoughts in your reviews. Cheers!