As she showered, pondered on what to wear for 25 minutes, did her makeup, hair, and finally got dressed, Jaime wondered what she was going to do. She couldn't spend her freshman year of high school living a lie. Pretending to be happy. Pretending that nothing's wrong.
Jaime could have stood there all day, in front of her full-length mirror, thinking thoughts that were anything but productive. But as she started to feel tears welling up in her eyes, her older brother Blaine interrupted her self-degrading thoughts. As he knocked on the door, Jaime blinked back her tears and opened the door, with an overly peppy smile on her face.
"You must be excited about your first day of high school!" Blaine said, as he jokingly ruffled her hair, which she quickly fixed after slapping his hand away.
"Well, you must be too, it's your first day at McKinley as well." Jaime pointed out. Blaine and Jaime's parents had convinced Blaine to switch to McKinley, to keep an eye on her. Although Blaine wasn't thrilled at first, he was happy about the transfer, specifically because it gave him way more time to hangout with his boyfriend, Kurt.
"Yeah, but this isn't my freshman year, and I actually know people at McKinley!" Blaine shot back, sticking his tongue out at her.
"Well… I know people too."
"Really? Who?" Blaine said, raising an eyebrow.
"Uh… Kurt, and… that Raquel girl!"
"It's Rachel, and you only know her name because you heard me talking on the phone with her." Blaine chuckled.
"So what? I don't know people there. Just don't ditch me for you friends, especially not now." Jaime pleaded.
"I won't. You know I won't." he reassured her. "Besides, you could hang out with them too, if you wanted."
"Really?" Jaime asked, her smile returning slightly, though not fake this time.
"Yeah, just join Glee Club, that's what I'm gonna do."
"Ugh, you know I don't like singing!" Jaime groaned.
"Correction! You don't like singing in front of people."
"What?"
"Oh c'mon, I've heard you in the shower. You sing like your performing at Rockefeller Centre. And your good. Really good." Jaime was about to protest, but Blaine spoke first. "Just audition." He said.
So there Jaime was, her first day of high school, auditioning for a club that was supposedly for losers, according to everybody that wasn't in it.
Jaime walked onto the stage of the auditorium, stopping in the middle at the microphone.
"I'm Jaime Anderson. I'll be singing Call It Off." She said, directing it at the teacher who was sitting at a table a few rows back. That must be Mr. Shuester, she thought. (Baine had filled her in on everything she needed to know about McKinley, which was basically just retelling her what Kurt had told him.)
The music had started. Jaime closed her eyes, and simply pretended she was in the shower. (Though of course with no water.)
I won't regret saying there's this thing,
That I'm saying,
Is it better than keeping my mouth shut?
That goes without saying.
Call, break, it, off,
Call, break, my, own heart.
Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at,
Jaime slowly opened her eyes, she was expecting everyone to be grimacing, and wincing at her horrible singing, but she realized Blaine must have been right. Everyone was smiling, Blaine with the biggest grin of all. She was good. Really good.
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at,
But now we'll never know.
I won't be sad but in case I'll go there everyday,
To make myself feel bad there's a chance I'll start to wonder,
If this was the thing to do.
I won't be out long,
But I still think it better if,
You take your time coming over here,
I think that's for the best.
Call, break it, off,
Call, break my own heart.
At this point in the song, Jaime had made eye contact with almost everyone in the audience, because that was what Blaine had always told her to do while performing. She subtly looked around the auditorium, making sure she hadn't forgotten anyone. Then her eyes came across a boy, leaning against the wall by the door. Jaime figured he must be new, because Blaine had never mentioned him before. Jaime figured he had also auditioned, why else would he be in the auditorium? No one ever went there by choice.
Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at,
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at,
But now, we'll never know,
I won't be sad, but in case I'll go there everyday,
To make myself feel bad,
There's a chance I'll start to wonder,
If this was the thing to do,
I'll start to wonder,
If this was the thing to do.
Jaime dropped her hands off the microphone, and smiled nervously at everyone in the audience. The Glee Club, Blaine, , and the new boy all started clapping wildly.
When the clapping had eventually winded down, Mr. Shue said "Let's welcome our three new members of the New Directions, Blaine Anderson, Jaime Anderson, and our new foreign exchange student from Ireland, Cameron Ferguson!"
That must be the new guy, she thought.
Jaime jumped off the stage, and went to join Kurt, Blaine and their friends. She noticed Cameron looking at her out of the corner of her eye. She turned around and smiled at him. He smiled back then quickly turned away. He's cute, she thought, as they all walked towards the cafeteria.
That night, the Anderson family was doing something special. They were having a nice, big family dinner. Together. Which never, ever happened. Blaine and Jaime's mom and dad were always out of town. They weren't bad parents. They loved their kids so much; they were just very attached to their careers.
So as the family all sat down for a nice dinner that the family chef had made, the conversation drifted towards Blaine and Jaime's first day of school.
"Me and Jaime are both in the Glee Club." Blaine offered, when their mom asked if anything eventful happened.
"Blaine, I thought you were thinking of joining the auto mechanics club, or the football team." Their dad interjected.
"Honey, it doesn't matter, as long as he's joining something. But Jaime, are you sure this won't be too much pressure?" Their mom asked Jaime.
"Mom, we've talked about this. I'm absolutely fine." Jaime assured her, definitely sure that she was not going to tell that that she had been feeling the opposite of fine this morning. She wasn't going to worry her parents.
"So," Blaine started talking again, getting rid of the uncomfortable silence "Kurt, Mercedes, Rachel, Tina and I are going to talk to Glee Club tomorrow about doing some songs from Moulin Rouge, and we know Mr. Shue is really into musicals, so-"
Jaime cut him off. "So that's it? The rest of us don't get a say in the songs we do?"
"Of course you get a say, we just think that everyone will be on board with this."
"I don't even no what Moulin Rouge is! Except that rouge means pink in French!"
"Okay, rouge means red in French, how are you in academic French? Anyways, just wait a bit, I'm sure we'll do something you like."
"Seriously, Blaine? You're going to make me wait?"
With that, Jaime stormed upstairs to her room, her brown motorcycle boots clumping on the white marble floors, leaving a trail of dirt, which Blaine would later have to clean up, because their parents would be too busy working, and the maid had a day off.
Later that night, Blaine was sitting on his bed, tears welled up in his eyes, as his mother came into his room and sat down next to him on the bed.
"Honey, don't cry." Blaine's mom said, soothingly, putting a hand on her son's shoulder.
"I don't want to fight with her. Not now."
"I know, but she can take it, she's strong."
"She's not as strong as you think."
"I know, but she's doing better." His mom reassured him.
His mom got up to leave, after giving Blaine a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. Before she closed the door, she said to Blaine "Just look after her, okay? It's going to be hard, people will find out, you know that." Then she closed the door, leaving Blaine thinking about his little sister. And as a few minutes went by, his thoughts slowly drifted to Kurt.
The next day, after a particularly horrible Glee Club practice, where Mr. Shue had agreed that the Glee Club was going to focus on show tunes for the time being (thanks to Blaine, Kurt, Tina, Rachel, Mike and Finn, who were just agreeing with their girlfriends), Jaime was walking down the hall in a rather bad mood, when Dave Karofsky walked up to her with a bright blue slushie and threw it directly in her face. He didn't throw it with force, yet it knocked her off balance completely, and Jaime fell backwards, hitting her head on the tile floor. Karofsky just wanted to slushie her, make her feel like the loser she was (or thought she was), he didn't want to knock her unconscious!
"Holy shit! Are you ok?" Karofsky asked her.
"Yeah, but why would you care? You just threw a freezing cold cup of crushed ice in my face, asshole!"
"Well, I didn't know you were so weak it would make you fall over!" Karofsky retorted.
"I'm not weak." Jaime mumbled, as she slowly got to her feet.
She wiped the slushie out of her eyes, and jogged towards the washroom, silently praying that it hadn't completely ruined her Imogen Heap concert T-shirt.
Later that day, Jaime was in the library (wearing her gym shorts and a slightly damp concert shirt that was stained blue), trying to study for her upcoming math test, but she had missed so much school last year, that it was almost impossible to understand anything. What the hell is a perpendicular bisector? She thought, angrily.
Jaime slammed her textbook shut, giving up. This was so not helping. She figured she would just ask Blaine to help her later. That is if he's not at the Lima Bean with all his friends, she thought. Suddenly, Cameron sat down beside Jaime, and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"You okay?" He asked. "I saw you get slushied earlier."
"Then why didn't you help?" She asked, bitterly.
"You looked like you had it under control, plus I can't go into the girl's washroom." Cameron pointed out.
"Whatever."
"Anyways, I was just wondering what you thought of Mr. Shue's decision earlier today. I mean, we didn't even get a say!"
"I just… I think it's really unfair, but, I'm just a freshman. A miner niner."
"Still, I think we deserve to be recognized."
"Okay…"
"Which is why I came up with a plan."
"What?"
"Okay, is it really that hard to understand my accent?"
"No, it's not that." Jaime laughed. "It's just… Why do we need a plan?"
"Do you really want to spend all of your freshman year doing show tunes, and music by people we've never even heard of?" Cameron asked.
"Fine, what's your plan?"
"Okay, so, we sing a song, a good song. For Glee Club. That way, they don't have any choice but to admit, or at least notice, that were good, and deserve to have a say in what music they pick."
"Okay fine. But no Moulin Rouge."
So the next day, there were Cameron and Jaime, standing in front of the Glee Club, about to prove that they weren't just foreigners, or miner niners.
Cameron started to sing.
If you were falling,
Then I would catch you.
Jaime noticed that Cameron wasn't looking at the rest of Glee Club, but at her.
You need a light,
I'd find a match
Jaime started to sing, but she was looking at the audience.
'Cause I, love the way
You say good morning,
She then turned, and smiled at Cameron.
And you,
Take me the way I am.
If you are chilly,
Here take my sweater.
Your head is aching,
I'll make it better.
And I, love the way
You call me baby,
And you,
Take me the way I am.
I'd buy you Rogaine,
When you start losing all your hair,
Jaime looked at the ground. She didn't want Cameron, or anyone else, to see the tears that were starting to well in her eyes because of the lyrics from this verse.
Sew on patches,
To all you tear.
Cameron put a hand on her shoulder, and Jaime lifted her head, smiling at him.
'Cause I, love you more
Than I could ever promise,
And you,
Take me the way I am.
You,
Take me the way I am.
You,
Take me the way I am.
The song ended. Jaime and Cameron were facing each other, their faces inches apart, both bearing grin from ear to ear. Everyone in the room started clapping.
"I have to admit," Santana started to say, "that was pretty good… for a foreigner and a miner niner."
A few days later, Jaime was sitting on the steps in the courtyard at school, reading a book, when Cameron walked up and sat down next to her.
"So, where were you yesterday?" he asked.
"The doctors office." She answered, which was true.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's fine. It was just, you know, a check up."
"Uh huh."
"You don't believe me?" Jaime asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I saw you in the nurse's office the other day. I just want to know what's going on."
"Nothing is going on!" She protested.
"You got knocked over by a slushie!" Jaime looked at the ground, a look of pain on her face. "I'm sorry, Jaime. But you know I'd be okay with it, whatever it is. Did that song the other day mean nothing to you?"
"It did mean something. It meant a lot, actually."
"Then tell me. Tell us. You know everyone in the Glee Club cares about you. A lot." Cameron took Jaime's hand and smiled at her.
"I'll think about, okay?"
" 'Kay." Cameron squeezed her hand, and got up to leave, leaving Jaime with a lot to think about.
That night, Blaine was lying in bed, thinking about what his mom had told him. She had given him the news yesterday after Jaime's appointment at the doctor's office. He got up and put on his designer slippers that his mom had bought him. He then crossed his room, opened the door and walked across the hallway towards Jaime's room. He was about to open the door when he heard music wafting out from under it.
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok,
It was Jaime singing.
I just want to be ok today,
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok,
I just want to be ok today.
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today,
I just want to feel something today,
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today,
I just want to feel something today.
Blaine knew why Jaime was singing this song, and it broke his heart.
Open me up and you will see,
I'm a gallery of broken hearts,
I'm beyond repair, let me be,
And give me back my broken parts.
I just want to know today, know today, know today,
I just want to know something today,
I just want to know today, know today, know today,
Know that maybe I will be ok.
Just give me back my pieces,
Just give them back to me please,
Just give me back my pieces,
And let me hold my broken parts.
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok,
I just want to be ok today,
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok,
I just want to be ok today,
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today,
I just want to feel something today,
I just want to know today, know today, know today,
Know that maybe I will be ok,
Know that maybe I will be ok,
Know that maybe I will be ok.
When the song ended, Blaine wiped off the tears that were sliding down his cheeks, and he wished he could do the same for Jaime. He could hear her sobbing quietly in her room, yet he couldn't bring himself to even open the door.
The next morning, Blaine was about to leave for school, which probably wasn't the best idea, considering he hadn't slept for more than 2 hours, and was an emotional wreck, when Jaime appeared at the top of the staircase, already dressed.
"I thought you weren't going to school today. That's what mom told me." Blaine said to her.
"I'm going to tell them." Jaime said, as she walked quickly down the stairs.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yeah… they deserve to know." She answered.
During the car ride to McKinley, Blaine was preparing to ask Jaime about last night, but when they got there, and she jumped out of the car with a determined look on her face, he figured he would just leave it, he wasn't supposed to know about last night anyways.
"Okay guys," Mr. Shue said as soon as they had all sat down. "I wanted to talk to you about-"
Jaime cut him off. "Actually Mr. Shue, I was hoping I could sing something for the class."
"I don't mean to be rude, but that's my job." Rachel interjected.
"Jaime, why don't you wait until lunch, we're on a bit of a tight schedule." Mr. Shue told Jaime, ignoring Rachel completely.
"Um… I actually have to." Jaime said, as she walked to the centre of the room.
The music started, Jaime told the butterflies in her stomach to go away; along with the searing headache she had had for the last month.
Turn away,
If you could get me a drink,
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded,
Call my aunt Marie,
Help her gather all my things,
And bury me in all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this, is leaving you.
Jaime could feel the tears that wear now sliding down her face, and dripping onto the floor. She looked at the ground, not wanting to see the faces of her friends.
Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see,
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo,
But counting down the days to go,
It just ain't living,
And I just hope you know,
That if you say,
Goodbye today,
I'd ask you to be true,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.
Jaime turned away from the rest of Glee Club, her whole body shaking as she buried her face in her hands. Blaine got up from his seat in the back row, about to go comfort Jaime, but Cameron was there first, wrapping his arms around her.
"I'm so sorry you had to do that. That I bugged you to tell me, to tell everyone. You know you didn't have to" Cameron said, wiping his own tears away.
"You deserved to know. And know you do." She said simply, sliding out of his hug, and then walking out of the room.
Jaime felt so drained, that she went to the nurse's office, and asked to lie down. Her doctor had called the nurse yesterday, explaining everything, so she was basically allowed to go there whenever she wanted. Jaime stayed in the nurse's office for the rest of the day, until the final bell rang. She then called a taxi to take her home, not wanting to face Blaine. When she got home, she went up to her room and flopped onto her bed.
Blaine came home a bit later (he had taken the bus home), and he immediately ran up the stairs to Jaime's room.
"Jaime?" Blaine called; he definitely did not want to walk in on her changing, or anything like that, especially not today.
When Jaime didn't answer, Blaine called a few more times, and there was still no answer. Blaine opened the door, and looked around her room. Jaime wasn't there, so Blaine walked quickly over to her on suite bathroom and opened the door. Jaime was lying on the floor next to the toilet, which was filled with blood. Blaine forced his gaze away from it and onto Jaime, his face turning stark white.
"Jaime!" Blaine yelled, shaking her. He slid one hand under her legs, and the other under her back and lifted her up. He carefully carried her down the stairs and into the kitchen, where the phone was. Blaine laid Jaime down on the counter and called 911. It took a few tries to tell the woman on the other end where they lived, because Blaine was sobbing so hard. The woman told him that the ambulance would be there as soon as possible, and that he needed to keep it together, for Jaime's sake.
When the ambulance finally got to the Anderson residence, Blaine was shaking so hard, it was like his whole body was suffering from an earthquake. The paramedics quickly but gently put Jaime on a stretcher, lifted her into the ambulance, and strapped an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose. Blaine sat right beside her as they drove to the hospital, holding her limp hand the whole time.
Blaine and his parents had been sitting in the hospital's waiting room for a number of hours. Kurt had arrived soon after Blaine's parents had, because Blaine had called him as soon as he found himself able to talk again.
Blaine then saw the doctor (the one that had taken Jaime once they had arrived at the hospital) walking down the hallway.
Blaine's dad stood up and said to the doctor "How is she? Please tell me she is going to be okay!"
"She's going to be fine for now. She's sleeping at the moment." The doctor answered. "You'll be able to visit her now."
At that moment, Cameron ran through the door and right up to them.
"Oh My God, is Jaime okay? Where is she?" He asked, frantically.
"She's sleeping right now. My wife and I were just going in to se her. May I ask who you are?" Blaine's dad asked Cameron.
"Oh, yes sir, I'm Cameron Ferguson, Jaime's… friend."
"Right, well, only family is allowed to see her at the moment I think, but I'm sure she would love to see you later, when she is awake."
"Yes, sir."
Blaine's dad and mom then left to go and see Jaime, leaving Blaine, Kurt and Cameron in the waiting room.
About 45 minutes later, Blaine's parents came back to the waiting room.
"She's still sleeping, but you can go and see her Blaine." Blaine's mom told him.
He just nodded, and headed towards Jaime's room, wondering what he would say to her. I can't really say anything, Blaine thought, she's asleep. He had to do something, Blaine thought.
Blaine was in the elevator, going up to the third floor where Jaime's room was. He was trying to block out the horrible elevator music that was playing, when it came to him. He knew what he was going to do.
After getting a nurse to find him a guitar in one of the storage closets, Blaine made his way over to Jaime's room, feeling slightly better.
Blaine opened the door and went to sit down on the chair beside Jaime's bed. Before he said anything, he looked down at her. He could tell she was breathing now (even though it was quite raspy), unlike before, but she was still very pale, with a slight greenish tint to her skin.
He then picked up the guitar, and started to play.
Little girl,
When you speak,
I can't help but kiss your cheeks,
I love the way you grab my hands,
And tell me all about your plans.
Tears started flowing down Blaine's cheeks, but he refused to let them stop him, he needed to do this. For Jaime.
Rocket high,
Comets fly,
You and I could hitch a ride,
And fly away to Neverland,
And give our best to Peter Pan.
When you reach for the stars,
Don't forget who you are,
Please don't turn around,
And grow up way too fast.
See the sand in my grasp,
From the first to the last,
Every grain becomes a memory of the past,
Oh, life's an hourglass,
Life's an hourglass.
Story's read,
Prayer is said,
Close your eyes,
Sleepyhead,
While angels linger in your dreams,
And hold you in their feathered wings,
Just like you,
I was small,
Not that long ago at all,
I wish you all the happiness,
That God gives freely if you ask.
When you reach for the stars,
Don't forget who you are,
Please don't turn around,
And grow up way too fast.
See the sand in my grasp,
From the first to the last,
Every grain becomes a memory of the past,
Oh, life's an hourglass,
Life's an hourglass,
Life's an hourglass.
When Blaine was finished, he set the guitar down on the floor, and went to go sit next to Jaime on the bed. And he sat there. Nurses and doctors came and went, checking on Jaime, but Blaine sat there. He sat with his little sister, until his mom and dad had to come in and practically drag him out.
A few hours later, Jaime was awake. Not so awake she was able to get up, or even eat, but she was able to talk, and that was enough for him. So Cameron flew up the 3 flights of stairs to the third floor, not caring that there was an elevator. He threw open the door to Jaime's room and sat down on the bed next to her.
"Cameron, I-" Jaime started talking to him, but Cameron interrupted.
"I love you." He blurted.
Jaime just looked shocked for a few moments, but then spoke to Cameron again.
"I know. And I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you, but that's why I didn't. I didn't want you to get your hopes up. It wouldn't be fair to you."
Cameron nodded, but tears were welling up in his eyes. He looked down at the ground, wanting to run out of there, but he couldn't do it. Not after what he had just told her.
"And it won't change anything, but I want you to know… I love you, too." Jaime told him.
Cameron looked up, confused at first, but then he gave her a small smile. Jaime sat up, at put a hand on his shoulder. Their faces, again, were just inches apart. Cameron pressed his lips to hers. He took it as a good sign when she didn't pull away, so he kissed her more, and she kissed him back gently. She tastes like a mix of vanilla and medicine, he thought. A few moments later, Cameron pulled away. Then he whispered in Jaime's ear. "I thought it didn't change anything." Cameron said.
"It doesn't. But know that I desperately want it to."
By the next day, almost everyone had visited Jaime. Even Dave Karofsky came, which was a big and very unwelcome surprise to everyone. He hadn't said much, just that he was sorry for throwing a slushie in her face, and for harassing her brother and his boyfriend. Blaine had come bursting in, about to tell Karofsky off, but Jaime told Blaine off instead.
All she told Karofsky was "I forgive you, Dave. But you shouldn't make a habit out of it." Jaime made sure to say it with a smile; she didn't want people remembering her as a bitch.
Jaime had told her family that she didn't want any last minute operations, medication, or anything like that. As much as they insisted, and tried to persuade her, Jaime said no.
So there Jaime was, a few weeks later, at McKinley. She didn't get slushied, didn't get called upon in class to answer any questions, she didn't do much of anything, really. People weren't mean to her; nobody really even made eye contact.
Then at the end of the day, there was a Glee Club practice. Nobody expected Jaime to come. Mr. Shue told her not to. But she came. She walked in the doors, smiling at everyone. Jaime stopped in the middle of the room, and everyone went silent, waiting for her to say something.
"So… I think most of you know by now that I have cancer. And, it's not really the curable kind… so I want you all to know that…I'm leaving." She said "Not this school. Or this town, or country. I'm just leaving. And I don't know where I'm going, but I hope wherever it is, that there is music, and dancing, and love, and… people like you guys." Jaime now had tears rolling down her cheeks, but she kept smiling. "Just do me a favour, don't forget me."
The music started, and Jaime didn't look down at the ground, or pretend she was in the shower. She made eye contact with everyone, (her eyes looking at Cameron the longest) just like her first time singing for this amazing group of people, who had definitely changed her life, even if it was a short one.
I dreamed I was missing,
You were so scared,
But no one would listen,
'Cause no one else cared,
After my dreaming,
I woke with this fear,
What am I leaving,
When I'm done here?
So if you're asking me I want you to know…
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done,
Help me leave behind some,
Reasons to be missed,
And don't resent me,
And when you're feeling empty,
Keep me in you memory,
Leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest.
Don't be afraid,
I've taken my beating,
I've shed,
But I'm me,
I'm strong on the surface,
Not all the way through,
I've never been perfect,
But neither have you.
So if you're asking me I want you to know…
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done,
Help me leave behind some,
Reasons to be missed,
And don't resent me,
And when you're feeling empty,
Keep me in your memory,
Leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest.
Forgetting,
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well,
Pretending,
Someone else can come and save me from myself,
I can't be who you are…
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done,
Help me leave behind some,
Reasons to be missed,
And don't resent me,
And when you're feeling empty,
Keep me in you memory,
Leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest.
Forgetting,
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well,
Pretending,
Someone else can come and save me from myself,
I can't be who you are…
I can't be who you are…
Jaime smiled at everyone, then started walking out of the room. She wanted, more than anything, to turn around and see her new family one last time, but she didn't.
Even though it had been a while since Jaime died, nobody found that they were moving on. They knew they weren't ever going to. But they did know, that they were going to move forward. Not move on, not move back, but forwards.