Membrane took the disclaimer saying I don't own any Invader Zim characters to Broadway. To those who care this is related to some of my other InvaderZ fics. This is what happens if you watch Invader Zim cartoons, drink coffee then listen to Broadway musicals. Lightly based on the song 'Betrayed' from The Producers, here is more madness. MADNESS!
Professor Membrane's Sad Song of Betrayal
"Okay I think we lost the angry mob, Cyborg Kitten," Professor Membrane sighed as he hid in some woods with his calico kitten that had metal legs and a metal tail.
"Meow," The Cyborg Kitten climbed out of the small jet. It was slightly wrecked and had crashed into a tree.
"I can't believe it! I can't believe the people turned on me!" Membrane wailed. "How could they turn on me? Me? Professor Membrane! I'm the greatest scientific mind in the world! I invented Super Toast!"
"Meow," The Cyborg Kitten gave him a look.
"So I created a clone of myself that happened to reveal I was part of an alien conspiracy to rule the world then proceeded to destroy the world and all of civilization?" Membrane asked. "That's no reason to blame me is it?"
The little kitten gave him a look to say: You're kidding me right?
"What?" Membrane responded. "You're not still upset about the crash landing aren't you? It's not my fault that we ran out of fuel!"
The kitten glared at Membrane again. "Okay maybe it is kind of my fault," Membrane admitted. "Hey! I'm a scientist! I can't remember every little thing that goes on! I have lab assistants for that! Well…I had lab assistants for that."
"Meow," The Cyborg Kitten gave him a look as he followed his master into the woods.
"Look this is a big adjustment for me! All right?" Membrane explained. "I'm used to having Simmons and my staff do things for me! Make my schedule, clean my labs, put fuel in the tank, send groceries to my house and feed my kids. All that stuff. But ever since the…incident…Which was not my fault! It was all my insane children's fault! Because of them Civilization as we know it has been destroyed thanks to my children and those aliens that invaded!"
"Meow?"
"Yes…and the fact that I accidentally blew up part of the moon during the invasion certainly didn't help!" Membrane admitted. "How many times do I have to apologize for that?"
"Meow."
"Of course not as many times as apologizing for having an insane clone of myself destroy the world," Membrane moaned as he stopped. "In hindsight yes I should have spent more time with Dib. Boy you make one tiny little mistake and the whole world calls you an insane scientist, a traitor and a bad parent!"
"Meow-Wow…" The Cyborg Kitten gave him a look.
"I hope that meow did not mean what I think it meant?" Membrane snapped. "Because I am definitely not….Okay maybe I was kind of…And as for that whole traitor thing…Well I know I'm not that insane! Not as insane as Dib anyway."
He looked around the forest. It looked like bark of the trees was glowing slightly. "Where the devil are we anyway? I should contact Simmons and…No wait. I can't do that anymore. I keep forgetting I fired him. Actually he fired some shots at me just as he quit but you get the idea. That man is certainly not getting a recommendation from me that's for sure!"
"I guess I'm going to have to figure this out for myself," Membrane checked his portable scanner. "Hmmm…According to my scanner this entire area is filled with toxic waste. It's also been activated to modify DNA thanks to all the radiation in the atmosphere."
He looked around and saw a three headed bird on a tree. Then the bird burst into flames. "Oh dear. That can't be healthy."
"Meow…" The Cyborg Kitten blinked.
"Oh don't worry, it's just the birds that do that," A voice with a Jersey accent spoke up.
"Well that's good to know…" Membrane looked around. He didn't see anyone.
"Down here," The voice said. Membrane looked down and he saw dozens of squirrels nearby. One of them was on a stump. "How ya doin'?"
Membrane blinked. "Are you aliens from another planet come to take over the world? I ask because there's been a lot of that going around lately."
"Nah just your basic everyday mutated squirrels," The lead squirrel said. "We're just running along minding our own business when our lakes get this weird yellow stuff leaking from that factory down the creek! Made the water taste kind of weird but you know, we're squirrels. We can handle it. Then there's this explosion that makes everything all glowy and the next thing you know, bada bing bada boom we can talk. Weird huh?"
"Yes," Membrane blinked. "You must have gotten hit by a mix of toxic waste enhanced by radioactivity. It must have mutated your brains and vocal cords."
"Oh so that's what happened?" The lead squirrel said. "Oh silly me where are my manners, yo? I'm Bramblesnap. That over there's my wife Leafpelt, my brother Quickfoot and all one hundred and fifty seven of our relatives."
"Hey there!" The squirrels said. "How ya doin'?"
"Oh how do you do," Membrane sat down on another stump and shook the squirrel's paw. "I'm Professor Membrane, man of science. And this is my Cyborg Kitten…I'm afraid he doesn't have a name yet."
"Meow," The Cyborg Kitten meowed.
"Guy say's his name's Patches," Bramblesnap said. "I speak a little cat. You know it's always helpful knowing a second language ya know?"
"Oh is it? Good to know," Membrane nodded. "Sorry Patches. I didn't know your name."
"Meow."
"He's says forget about it. So uh, what are you doin' out here in the woods?" Bramblesnap asked. "And what was all that radioactive whatchamacalit stuff going on?"
"Oh that," Membrane sighed. "It's a long story of betrayal, more betrayal and science gone horribly wrong."
"You wanna sing about it?" Bramblesnap asked.
"Sing?" Membrane asked.
"It's what squirrels do to get our feelings out," Bramblesnap shrugged.
"Why not?" Membrane stood up and began to sing a stirring song. "I was once a great man of science, done so many good deeds I lost track! But I make one tiny little mistake, and the world stabs me in the back! Betrayed! Boy was I betrayed!"
"Tell us all about it!" A squirrel called out.
"Like King Lear and his children, I gave my children everything and more! But the first chance they got they took my stuff and shoved me out the door! Betrayed!" Membrane wailed. "Let's face it was I betrayed!"
"Ungrateful kids. I can relate to that!" Bramblesnap nodded.
"Oh I've been so forsaken!" Membrane wailed. "Oh all my stuff has been taken! I should have paid attention to the signs! I should have whacked my kids' behinds! I've learned my lesson too late! Everything is lost! My kids destroyed my reputation! I've been double crossed! Betrayed! Did I mention I was betrayed?"
"Several times yeah," Bramblesnap nodded.
"I used to be the King of Science! But now I am a fool!" Membrane wailed. "I'm a…a…Say what word rhymes with Science?"
"Sly-ance?" A squirrel suggested.
"No, that's not right," Membrane thought.
"Pie-ance?" Another squirrel suggested.
"No, that's also no good," Membrane sighed.
"How about defiance?" Another squirrel said.
"That works! Hold on a second," Membrane thought. "Got it! I used to be the King of Science! But now I am a fool! My son repaid me with defiance! I feel like such a tool!"
"Good rhyme," Bramblesnap nodded.
"Now everyone wants to see me dead! There's nowhere I can rest my weary head! I've got no allies left to protect me! I was nearly hanged from a tree!" Membrane wailed. He sobbed against a tree. "OHH! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE?"
"Meow…" Patches touched Membrane's leg with his paw.
"You don't know this but I was once a very rich, very powerful, very important man!" Membrane turned to the squirrels.
"Really? You had a lot of nuts?" Bramblesnap asked.
"Yes. And the worst two were my children," Membrane grumbled. "I gave them everything! I gave them life! Especially the boy! I gave them a home! I fed them…most of the time. I let them do…Well to be honest I have no idea what they did when I wasn't home but they must have done a lot of it! And what happens? They turned on me!"
"They didn't?" Bramblesnap gasped.
"They did! They went insane and turned on me!" Membrane said. "Technically my son Dib was already insane and my daughter Gaz turned on me but you get the picture."
"Okay! So maybe I should have tried a little harder to keep my son from becoming hair gel but it was his own fault for being crazy and sticking his nose into paranormal nonsense!" Membrane went on. "And maybe I should have started focusing on my daughter's anti social behavior when she started beating people up and setting them on fire! But how was I to know that was gonna lead to the end of the world?"
"Whoa wait, back up. What's this end of the world stuff?" Bramblesnap asked.
"Oohhh!" Membrane slid to the ground. "What happened to my life? My life is flashing before my eyes! I see my past so clearly! I remember my innocent childhood! Living in a beautiful old farmhouse with a white picket fence! Running through the fields barefoot and happy. I can see my mother! 'Rusty! Rusty! Time for your chores! Time to milk those cows! Lift that hay! Do other…farm stuff."
"Wait a minute. My name's not Rusty!" Membrane sat up. "I was never on a farm in my life! I never ran barefoot anywhere! Not even the beach! It's so unsanitary! I grew up in the suburbs for crying out loud!"
"Okay…This guy is missing a few acorns from his tree," A squirrel remarked.
"Those rotten children of mine screwed everything up! Even my past!" Membrane shouted as he stood up. "Wait, it wasn't just them! There was somebody else! There was a catalyst that brought everything to the mess it was now!"
"Crazy…" Another squirrel remarked.
"My dreams are a dying ember…" Membrane sang. "But wait…Now I remember! How did it all begin?"
Membrane thought. "My son Dib yelled. 'Dad! Dad they're coming!'" He mimicked Dib.
"Then my daughter said," He mimicked Gaz. "Who's coming?" He said in her growl.
Then he went back to Dib. "I…Don't know."
Then he went back to his own voice. "Not now Son! I'm making Toast!"
"What are you doing?" Bramblesnap asked.
"I'm acting out what happened," Membrane explained. Then he spoke in Dib's voice. "Dad! Dad! There's an alien in my class! Look Dad! This is the alien I told you about!"
"That's nice son," Membrane went back in his own voice. "And what country is your little foreign friend from?"
"No Dad! He's an actual alien!" Membrane pretended he was Dib. "Look, he has green skin and no nose or ears!"
"That's nice son," Membrane went back to himself.
"How can you not see he's an alien! Come on! Come on!" Membrane went to Dib's voice.
Then he pretended to be Gaz. "Why do you have to have a head?"
"Fate of the world Gaz!" Membrane was Dib again.
"Shut up! Your voice is annoying Dib!" Membrane was Gaz again.
"Fate of the world!" Membrane was Dib.
"Your voice fills me with rage!" Membrane was Gaz.
"I must save the world from Zim!" Membrane was Dib.
"Shut your big head! I'm playing my game!" Membrane was Gaz.
Then he was Dib again. "My head's not that big. Why does everyone say that?"
For a change of pace, Membrane did Zim's voice. "Good question. I DON'T CARE!"
Then back to Dib. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Son!" Membrane raised his fist, being himself again. "There'd better not be any walking dead up there!"
Then he was Dib again. "I said I was sorry about that!"
Then he did Zim's voice. "I am a normal human boy!"
"No you're not!" Membrane was Dib again. "Dad, look at this picture of Mars! Definite proof of alien intelligence!"
"There's nothing out there!" Membrane scoffed. Then he looked confused. "Hey where'd Mars go? And what's that giant planet like thing about to crush our world? Oh wait the world isn't being crushed and it's back now."
"I am Zim!" Membrane was Zim.
"Fate of the world!" Membrane was Dib again.
"Shut up I'm playing my game!" Membrane was Gaz.
"You shut up Earth Smell!" Membrane was Zim.
"Don't you tell my sister to shut up alien scum!" Membrane was Dib.
"Both of you shut up or I'm gonna pound you…" Membrane was Gaz.
"HOLD IT!" Bramblesnap shouted. "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!"
"Oh sorry. Short version my children discovered an alien that wanted to take over the planet," Membrane asked. "Of course it was a moot point since aliens already took over the planet. Then he learned he was a clone of me. And my boy didn't handle that well."
"Define not handling it well," Bramblesnap asked.
"Went crazy during an alien invasion of the planet and ended up wrecking the Earth and sending it back to the stone age," Membrane explained.
"Now I'm caught up," Bramblesnap nodded.
"It was that Zim fellow!" Membrane realized. "This all happened because of him! Wait until I get my hands on that little green maniac! He'll see what an alien autopsy is like…from the wrong side of the table! HA HA HA!"
"Crazy…" Another squirrel remarked.
"My life is now a living nightmare! I've lost everything! I'm poor, homeless and the entire world is out to get me!" Membrane moaned. "Oh well. At least things can't get any worse."
"Hey what the heck is goin' on here?" Another squirrel ran up. "What's all that singin' about I heard?"
"Hey yo, Slaptail. This here's my brother Slaptail and uh this is…" Bramblesnap introduced.
"Professor Membrane!" Slaptail shouted.
"You've heard of me?" Membrane asked.
"You bet your bippy I've heard of you! We've met you jerk!" Slaptail snarled.
"Met him? Where?" Bramblesnap asked.
"That's the same nut who did this to me!" Slaptail turned around and pointed at a huge human nose on his back.
"THAT WAS YOU?" Bramblesnap yelled.
"Oh yeah. You were one of my experiments," Membrane realized. "I wanted to see if I could make rodents useful by growing human body parts on them."
"MAKE US USEFUL?" Slaptail yelled. "I got a freaking nose on my back! How useful is that?"
"Can't you smell better?" Membrane asked.
"No. Because apparently this nose is allergic to fur!" Slaptail shouted. "You have any idea how difficult your life can get when you have to blow your back at least a couple times an hour?"
"That also explains the extra ear growing out of Cousin Bumblesnoot," Another squirrel remarked.
"You experimented on my family?" Bramblesnap snarled. "Why?"
"Because it's science," Membrane said. "Animals were given to mankind to experiment on."
"Oh really? How about we do an experiment of our own on you?" Bramblesnap snarled. The squirrels behind him chattered in rage.
"Uh oh," Membrane gulped. He looked at Patches. "It's just gotten worse, hasn't it?"
"GET HIM!" Bramblesnap shouted.
"TEAR HIS FLESH OFF!" Another squirrel yelled.
"MROWWWW!" Patches ran off.
"WAIT FOR ME!" Membrane yelled as he ran after him. "Wait a second! You're a cat! Aren't you supposed to be attacking those squirrels instead of running from them?"
"Meow! Meow, meow! Me-rroowwww!"
"I really should invent a way to have you speak human talk," Membrane grumbled. "On the other hand maybe I'm better off not knowing what you say!"
"Meow! Rarrrrowwww!" Patches glared at him.
"Okay! I know what that means!" Membrane snapped. "Watch your mouth!"
"MEOW!"
"Right. Better to watch the mouths of those very angry squirrels and their very sharp teeth!" Membrane gulped.
"GET HIM!" The squirrels shouted. "DOWN WITH SQUIRREL HATERS!"
"Now my life is full of strife again! I'm running for my life again!" Membrane sang as he ran. "Things are getting worse again! I think I'm under a curse again! I don't mean to be crass again! But my experiments are biting me in the ass again!"
CHOMP!
"YEOWWWW! Literally!" Membrane yelled as a squirrel bit him on the behind. "Note to self! Be careful what I experiment on in the future! Or else it's really, really gonna hurt!"