Flame and Alex have been named incompetent parents and Ayasha has been removed from their care. Despite their anguish they must fight to get her back. Follows Thaw

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Degrees of freedom

All persons should be allowed the freedom to live as they wish so long as that freedom does not impinge upon the freedom of others.

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1.

The loudest thing in the interview room was the buzz of the electric lights. I sat across the desk from Jackson, watching him, trying to decide where he was coming from. Humans were always difficult to read. In the two way mirror, the tables were turned, and Jackson's reflection watched mine closely. Seeker headquarters never went for the homey look and the bare interview room was a perfect example.

It was interesting having Seekers and humans working together. The ultimate good cop bad cop routine. So long as the suspects never realized the bad cops would not be allowed to follow through on their threats, it worked a treat. The Souls had learnt a lot about human nature through their human counterparts, and the humans had found themselves back in positions of power, with a huge network of resources to tap into. On a personal level, things didn't go so smoothly, and the old animosity between Seekers and humans still grated more often than not.

I wondered about asking Jackson to take my handcuffs off, and decided against it. He hadn't shown any sign of warming to me, either as a Seeker or as a Soul. I wondered how he got on with his Soul partner. I was guessing not well. I was guessing they both preferred to work alone.

The hour was late, and I knew it would get much later before I'd get a chance to rest. Jackson was waiting for me to break, spill my guts, and I was waiting for him to get over himself. It was taking a while. Finally he leaned forward onto the table.

"Why don't you just start from the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"The very beginning."

I liked this idea. The longer I could spin my story the more chance Melts Blue Ice would have to get me out of here. I wonder if Jackson had reason to keep me here too. Maybe they were waiting on forensics.

Nevertheless, it suited my purposes, so I began.

***

To my mind, it all began the day I arrived home and found Alex waiting for me in the garage, Margie hovering in the internal doorway. I was late, and later I couldn't help wondering what might have happened if I had got home in time. Perhaps the only difference would have been that I wouldn't have hit Alex.

I remembered being so angry I couldn't breathe, the walls of the lounge room dissolving. The anger had come first; the fear, grief, and hopelessness came later.

"You let them take her?" I had shouted at him, furious beyond thought, "You just let them take her?"

The punch came so fast I didn't know I was doing it til my hand stung and Alex was holding his face.

Margie grabbed my arms and shoved me into a chair.

"They came with Seekers, they said I was an incompetent parent," Alex muttered, turning his face away but not moving from my side.

"Incompetent?" I yelled, almost too upset to absorb what he was saying.

"Because I'm brain damaged. Disabled." That would have stung for Alex, he was very conscious of how he talked. "They said they had a legal right." He handed me the legal papers.

I skimmed through the paperwork, fear rising higher and higher the more I read. Inappropriate parenting. Breach of code of conduct with a comforter: aggression and threatening language. That would be me. In the hospital when Alex was in a coma.

Incompetent parenting. Brain damage. That was Alex. Apparently any degree of brain damage made a parent incompetent. And I was guilty of child neglect for leaving Ayasha with him. And so they had taken her into care, confident that they could improve her.

This looked very bad.

"I called Melts Blue Ice straight away," Margie said, "He'll be here any minute."

We waited awkwardly in silence, straining to hear Melts Blue Ice's car, for him to tell us it was all a mistake, a misunderstanding, easily fixed. But until I heard him say those words I couldn't even look at Alex. Being in the same room with him made me grow prickles 2 feet long. Approach at own risk.

Finally Margie led Melts Blue Ice in, and he went straight to Alex, forewarned. Alex tensed as if he would abuse him too, but he only examined the growing swelling on his face where I'd hit him.

"Hungry Flame. How on earth did you think that would help our case? He can't go to the Healing Centre, they'll make a note of domestic abuse-"

"They don't have to know that she-"

"It doesn't matter how it happened. It's violent and it makes you look bad. You'll just have to stay here til the bruise goes away."

He picked up the paperwork and read it minutely, and we hung on his silence.

"First thing tomorrow morning go to the Children's Ward. Be pleasant but firm, and they have no reason not to let you see her. Don't give them a reason not to let you see her, do you understand?

I nodded, thankful he could take charge. I was totally lost. The only thing I could think to do was hit out or curl up in grief. My little girl…

"They'll be testing her to back up their claims, show that she hasn't progressed. How do you think she'll do?"

I couldn't respond, my whole breathing system was in a vacuum. Finally Alex spoke up.

"She was frightened when they took her. She doesn't talk much when she's scared."

My heart slowly split in two.

"Right then. You'll need to ask to see the test results and get her to redo them, and redo them properly. That's really important, ok? If a judge sees that she hasn't progressed, he's going to be open to trying institutionalization. Especially a Soul judge. You can't assume they'll understand the importance of family. But if we can show progress, any progress, we're on a much better footing. Hungry Flame, are you understanding me?"

I forced my head to nod.

"Ok. I'll get started on the legal angle. There's nothing else you can do tonight. Try and get some rest. And try to keep out of trouble?"

I didn't respond, and Margie walked him out. I was left alone with Alex. I could feel him thinking about coming over to me, needing to make things right. But I didn't look at him. I didn't want to see the damage I had done to his face. I didn't want to see the guilt and the hurt in his eyes. I didn't want to see him at all.

Eventually he got the picture and left me alone.

I couldn't face our bedroom. And I certainly couldn't go near Ayasha's. Bhask was away, touring human-inclusive schools in Mixed cities, preparing a report for Parliament. I crawled into his bed and gave in to the urge to curl up and hide. But my thoughts wouldn't leave me alone.

I was supposed to be the competent parent. I was supposed to have been able to stop this. I hadn't even seen it coming.

The charge of incompetent parenting would be especially hard for Alex to take. The drowning had left his brain will some healing to be done. It was only to be expected from the length of time he'd been without oxygen. It was not enough to stop him doing anything completely, but it tarnished everything he did. His speech was a tiny bit too slow, a suggestion of slurring at the edges, his movements occasionally not quite precise enough. All small things, but just enough to be noticeable. He hated how the nurses unconsciously spoke more slowly and simply to him. He wasn't pushy enough to tell them there was nothing wrong with his hearing, and he forbade me from saying anything. Dorsey would have snapped at them regardless. But Dorsey was half a world away, cut off from us in a Soul-free zone with her partner and child. I wished she could be closer. Her responses would have been appreciated for so many things.

Alex's response was to work relentlessly on improving himself. I'd drive home and sit in the garage listening forlornly to him playing pieces that used to be effortless for him, the music now peppered with stumbling phrases and awkward transitions. He forced his fingers again and again through each wretched movement, and I knew that in his mind he knew it perfectly, could have recited it note for note, but his body constantly betrayed him and tripped over the formations every time.

Still, he was improving. It was slow, but his doctors said it was measurable. It might have been more noticeable had he been worse affected, which, I suppose, was a good thing. His family and friends didn't notice the impediment anymore, and thus couldn't see the improvement either. Likewise I didn't hear the slowness in his voice, or see the awkwardness in his fingers, unless he tried to do something particularly delicate like play a concerto or fix something for Yashie. I'd forget that he considered himself damaged goods until I suggested something like making a speech for a charity ball, or joining a new committee, and wonder why he refused. To us, he was the same old Alex.

Except for Ayasha. She had lost her blind faith in her Daddy after the incident in the hospital, and was slow to trust him completely again. I dumped her on him as often as I could, but given the choice, she would always come to me, relaxing with a sigh in my lap as if she had to be always on guard with Alex, in case he turned into someone else again. I could see Alex's unhappiness in the set of his face, the sting of being unfavoured after so long as number one.

Hoping it was something they could share between themselves, I resisted being involved in the bedtime routine, but Yash would only tolerate that process if she could have the final act with me. That way, she fell asleep happily. Any other way, and she lay awake kicking at the wall. You could only push her so far.

"Want Mummy to read me the story," she said as Alex tucked her in, making sure things went according to her plan that night. We had tried one too many times to change it, and now she wasn't going to leave it to chance.

"What are we reading tonight?" I asked, squeezing beside her on the narrow bed, sinking into a world of fresh sheets and fresh-from-the-bath child.

"Bunnies please," she murmured, dragging a dog eared copy of Watership Down towards me. Bhask had shown her the movie and now she wanted to 'read' the book.

"Alright, here we go: Rowsby Woof and the Fairy Wogdog. There was a big rabbit. There was a small rabbit. There was El-ahrairah, and he had the frost in his fine new whiskers…"

She chuckled sleepily and snuggled into my side. Her total limpness let me know she was asleep long before the end of the chapter, and I snuck away and joined Alex who was listening in the shadows of the doorway.

"Who who who is that there?" I said in my Rowsby Woof voice, pressing my nose onto each of his cheeks in turn, "could it be a fairy wogdog? Really? All for me? Oh oh oh! No one will believe me!" I felt him grin as he tucked his arms around me.

"I'll never be allowed to read that one: you are Rowsby Woof," he said softly, pulling me close.

"I'll let you read me that one. In fact, I wouldn't let anyone else."

"Oh really?" he murmured, "I'm so glad you still prefer me for your bedtime stories."

"Most definitely. You are my number one bedtime story person and tucker-innerer," I assured him, and showed him my appreciation with a very bedtime kiss.

***

Could that have only been last night? It felt like another world. Now Ayasha was gone and Alex… I couldn't believe I had hit him. It wasn't his fault. Of course it wasn't his fault. If he had fought back, struggled, even just argued with them it would have been fodder for their mill, further proof of what terrible parents we were. It would have terrified Ayasha even further. He had done the only thing he could: fought the fear, the fury, the hurt and injustice within himself, and called for reinforcements.

To not have Alex to comfort, to anchor me was agonising, but I couldn't bring myself to reach out to him. Or even look at him. In his eyes would be a twin of my own pain, double the feeling of being adrift in an endless ocean, unable to even find the edges to wrap your arms around it and hold it down. By looking at him I would be confronting my own devastation, and it was too big to face. Running was the only possibility.

I wiped my tears away and tried harder to blank my thoughts and go to sleep.