The Sea Queen bobbed on the waves as Ianto hang onto the handrails. Owen was on the bow shouting instructions into the wind and Ianto struggled to hear him, then relay those garbled shouts to Jack. Sans swear words. So, ok, maybe every third word was for Jack?
Finally a fin was seen, iridescently purple in the water of the bay. Owen was gesturing wildly and Ianto had Jack turn the bow towards the fin. More had joined it and as they came along side, Ianto couldn't help but reach out a hand to brush a fin.
Jack looked back to see Ianto leaning over and tried to yell a warning but he was too late. The mermaid like creatures seized Ianto and dragged him under.
As Jack shucked his coat and jumped over the side after his lover Owen found a few new words he had never thought to use as he struggled to reach the wheel and turn the boat back for the two twats on this small team of three.
On the shore Gwen was screaming something as Tosh jumped up and down while holding a hand over her mouth with horror. Yep. Great help there girls. Bloody rippers!
When Jack resurfaced it was alone and he gave Owen a few new words he hoped to memorise for the next time he wanted to piss Jack off. As Jack pulled himself back onto the boat Owen opened his arms in silent question.
"They won't give him back. Want to keep him for a while!" Jack panted with his hands on his knees.
"What? How the fuck is he supposed to breathe!" Owen screamed.
"Nah, they have a converter thingy" Jack coughed.
"Converter thingy? Wow, you and your fucking technical lingo. Fuck. What if they don't give him back?"
.
.
.
Three cold, long hours later Ianto climbed aboard and looked at the carnage. Owen had popped the tab on all the beer, regardless of whether he had drunk it or not. Crisps and gummy bears littered the ground like confetti and as Ianto followed the unusual breadcrumb trail into the cabin he found to inebriated men singing Wham songs. Badly. Owen was sitting on Jack's lap like a ventriloquist's dummy holding the dip as Jack dipped another chip into his mouth.
"Jack? Having a good time are we?" Ianto droned.
Jack squeaked and stood up, dumping the almost sleeping Owen on the ground. As Owen woke from his fugue he started to curse at the dip spilt in his crotch but then stopped at the sight of a naked Ianto standing wet and angry in the cabin.
"Well, fuck me dead! Doesn't it get smaller in the cold?"
"Yes. Sorry. Quite pathetic really eh?" Ianto raised an eyebrow as Jack slung his great coat around Ianto's shoulders with a peck to his cheek.
"Have a nice dip with the Corniates?" Jack asked with an eyebrow waggle.
"Funny bunch. Just wanted me to dance a lot!" Ianto shrugged.
"Yeah, they love tentacles too" Jack sighed wistfully as Owen grabbed at his own crotch.
"Oi! Wot you mean it's pathetic? You mean it's normally bigger?" Owen yelled as he ran after them. "This why you get all weird at exam time? Tea-boy?"
"Oi!"