The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Invader Zim characters has been destroyed by rampaging robots. This is based on my own twisted idea of the InvaderZ series. IT'S MADNESS I TELL YOU!
Robo Parents Go Wild Again
"Gaz's log. Day four…" Gaz typed into a computer on the Borgian ship. "As captain of the…Wow we really should come up with a name for his ship. Well, as the leader of this group we are finally headed in the direction of an inhabited planet and should land there soon."
BOOOOOOOOOM!
"HE HE HE HE HE!" Gir was heard laughing. Then he rode a pig by the room.
"Hopefully we will all be in one piece when we get there," Gaz sighed.
"GIR! I told you not to play with those miniature missiles! They are not toys!" Zim snapped as he walked into the room. "Now put them back and clean up the mess in the hallway!"
"I DON'T WANNA!" Gir shouted. "OKAY!"
"Oh this is such a fun trip," Zim grumbled. "Good news. Our engine is fine and we have more than enough power to make it to our destination. My computer's programming has been uploaded to the main computer on this ship. And our auto pilot works perfectly. What are you doing?"
"Chronicling the madness that is our lives," Gaz told him. "So when people find all the dead bodies they'll know why. What are you doing here?"
"Gaz, I'm worried about the Dib," Zim frowned.
"You and me both," Gaz sighed.
"No seriously. He's really coming unhinged," Zim said.
"Zim, Dib has been unhinged since the day I first met him," Gaz said.
"Yeah but even for him he's a lot more looney toons than usual," Zim said. "I'm picking up the state of his mind with our bonding. And it is not good."
"Suicidal not good?" Gaz asked.
"No…Kill anybody who ticks him off not good," Zim said.
"Okay. Note to us: Don't tick off Dib for a few days," Gaz said.
"You're actually taking Dib seriously?" Zim was surprised. "When did that happen?"
"When Dib got crazy enough to turn the Earth into a giant ball of destruction," Gaz said. "Gotta admit, part of me is proud of him. Didn't think the big headed dweeb had it in him."
"Yes well he's got something else in him and I don't know what," Zim said. "He's been holed up in what he decided is his room ever since yesterday. Have you seen him?"
"He came out in the middle of the night. Heard him talking for a minute before I tried to stuff a pillow down his throat. Okay first chance we get, we are so buying a new bedroom set," Gaz grumbled. "And some quilts and better blankets. For me of course. Dib can have the old bed."
"We should be near Tartus Five by tomorrow afternoon," Zim said. "They have a pretty good mall there. I can get the supplies I need to finish my recharging chamber. It's bad enough I have to share a mind with Dib, I don't need to share a room with him."
"And we also can take whatever else we can get," Gaz said. "I know this is a stupid question but do we even have any money?"
"Actually yeah. I've got over six billion credits in my personal account," Zim said.
"How did you manage to get that much money?" Gaz asked.
"I embezzled it from Irk's treasury and some of the Tallests' personal accounts," Zim smirked. "How do you think I've been able to pay for all my equipment and stuff over the past few years? Which reminds me I'd better send a message to the robot decoy company to reroute those spare parts for the Robo Parents. Have to tell them our new address now that we've left Earth."
"Speaking of those stupid things where did you put them?" Gaz asked.
"Me? I thought you deactivated them or something?" Zim blinked.
"No, I haven't seen them since they tried to set Gir on fire," Gaz said. "And that was yesterday."
"Are you saying that those machines are running around loose?" Zim said. "This could be a huge catastrophe!"
Gir walked in. "Hi! Howya doin'?"
"Gir have you seen the Robo Parents?" Gaz asked.
"Uhhhh…" Gir blinked.
"Gir, think with your brain!" Zim ordered. "Where are the Robo Parents?"
"I dunno. But Dib does. He was working on them in his room. I'm supposed to be getting him a sandwich," Gir said cheerfully. "Uh oh! Gotta go!" He ran out.
"Dib has the Robo Parents?" Gaz blinked.
"This is an even worse catastrophe!" Zim agreed. Both ran out of the room.
"Dib! Dib! Come out of there!" Gaz pounded on the door of the room Dib had taken over. "Come on out Dib!"
Dib opened the door. "Hi Gaz. What's going on?"
"Dib what are you doing with the Robo Parents?" Gaz asked.
"Just fixing them," Dib said cheerfully.
"Fixing them?" Zim sniffed. "Those things are unfixable! Zim knows because Zim has tried!"
"And failed," Dib gave him a look. "Fortunately I have fixed their programming glitches and improved them!"
"Improved them how?" Gaz blinked as she saw the robots. "They look like the same to me."
"Ah but they are better so much better!" Dib went to them. "Right Mom and Dad?"
"We sure are son," Robo Dad put his hand on Dib's shoulder.
"We really love you, our precious sweet little boy," Robo Mom said happily.
"And I love you too Mom and Dad," Dib said happily. "Hug me!"
"Of course sweetie," Robo Mom picked up Dib and hugged him.
"Oh God no…" Gaz moaned.
"Yes Gaz! Yes! I've done it! New and better loving parents to replace that stupid, worthless…defective Dad of ours!" Dib cheered as the female robot put him down. "He thinks he can just replace me! Fine! Two can play that game! Or in this case four. But you get the point!"
"Who could not love our precious little boy?" Robo Mom asked as she patted Dib on the head.
"Our Son is quite the chip off the old block," Robo Dad said proudly. "And anybody who thinks differently is a complete moron like Professor Membrane!"
"And anyone who disagrees with us gets a knife to the face!" Robo Mom yelled.
"KNIFE TO THE FACE!" Robo Dad screamed.
"Gaz…" Zim said nervously. "Could you do something and fix this? Before someone gets hurt? And that someone turns out to be me?"
"Dib can I talk to you over here for a second?" Gaz sighed.
"Sure Gaz. Isn't his great?" Dib walked over to her. "We finally have good parents! It's like a dream come true!"
"I know I've seen something like this in my nightmares," Zim moaned. "Flerk! He's worse than I thought!"
"No kidding. Dib this isn't the solution you think this is," Gaz said. "You're just running away from your problems."
"No, no I'm fixing my problems," Dib corrected. "I am using science to fix my problems and make my life better. Which is really ironic if you think about it."
"Yeah Dib I get it," Gaz sighed.
"I mean Membrane was always going on and on about how I needed to focus on real science and now I used real science to replace him!" Dib said cheerfully.
"I see the irony," Gaz said. "And I admit I do appreciate the irony."
"I thought you would," Dib nodded.
"Dib this is not going to work," Zim said.
"Yes it is Zim! I don't know why I didn't think of this years ago!" Dib said.
"Replacing Dad with a robot?" Gaz asked.
"Replacing him with two robots," Dib corrected. "And this isn't just for me. This is for you too!"
"Uh…Pass," Gaz looked at the robots.
"Come on Gaz, at least give this a try!" Dib shoved her towards the robots. "Robot Mom, Robot Dad…Gaz is feeling a little blue."
"Aww honey is that the problem?" Robo Mom asked. "What kind of stuff would you like so we can buy it for you?"
"Nothing's too good for my little girl!" Robo Dad said cheerfully.
"So I'm guessing you programmed the Robo Parents to spoil us and give us anything we want?" Gaz blinked. "You didn't program them to give us any boundaries or rules at all?"
"Gaz, I'm insane and emotionally needy," Dib gave her a look. "Not stupid!"
"Say honey, you do look a little down," Robot Dad said to Gaz. "How about your old man buys you a new video game system to beat those blues?"
"And then we can all go and get food and ice cream!" Robot Mom said cheerfully. "What do you say?"
Gaz blinked. Then she reacted. "I love you Robot Mom and Dad!" She hugged their legs.
"Now who's running away from their problems?" Dib gave his sister a look.
"Hey there's no reason I can't get in on this gravy train while it's running," Gaz told her brother.
"Yay! We're a family!" Gir chirped and rolled around on the floor.
"Oh this is bad…" Zim shuddered. "This is really bad…"
Later on Tartus Five…
"Welcome to Tartus Five! The universe's largest shopping mall!" An announcer shouted. "Where you can get anything and everything at low low prices! Level one: Stuff! Level Two: More Stuff! Level three through eighty seven: Even more stuff!"
"Okay so where do we need to go first?" Zim said. He looked at a huge mall map on a huge screen. Dib, Gaz, Gir and the Robot Parents were there as well.
"Ooh! Cupcakes! Cupcakes! Cupcakes!" Gir pointed to a store. "I like cupcakes!"
"Weird Alien Stuff Shack! Weird Alien Stuff Shack!" Dib pointed to another store.
"Ultimate Video Games! Ultimate Video Games!" Gaz pointed to another store.
"Weapons Barn! Weapons Barn!" Zim snapped.
"Hold on kids, there's plenty of time to hit everything," Robo Dad said. "Didn't we need to get some new bedroom sets for you two?"
"Robo Dad's right. Okay we'll hit the Everything You Need To Sleep Store first," Robo Mom pointed. "After we get that we'll hit the food court then we can split up and get more stuff!"
"Actually that's not a bad idea," Gaz was impressed.
"It should be. I improved their logic chips," Dib said.
"To the store!" Robo Dad called out cheerfully. "Let's buy lots of stuff!"
"Why do I have the feeling I should stay back in the ship with Minimoose and the pig?" Zim moaned. "Maybe that's not a bad idea?"
To this Gaz responded by dragging him by his shirt. "HEY!"
Soon they were in a huge store. Both Dib and Gaz were looking at beds. Dib was picking out blankets with Robo Dad. Gaz looked at a series of beds. "No," Gaz snorted at a princess type bed that was on a pedestal.
The alien salesman pushed a button and the bed disappeared. Another bed reappeared. A pink bed. "No," Gaz shook her head.
"Too froofy," Robo Mom agreed.
A third bed materialized. It was even more princess like than the first two. "God no…" Gaz made a face.
"Let me handle this sweetie," Robo Mom said cheerfully. Then shoved the salesman out of the way. She fiddled around with the controls of the machine.
Another bed materialized. It was dark purple with a dark spider web like canopy with purple and black pillows and quilt. It looked like something Dracula's daughter would sleep in if she didn't sleep in a coffin. "Now we're talking!" Gaz smirked. "Does it have one of those adjust a mattresses?"
"Well I don't know if…" The salesman began. Robo Mom made a fist and pounded it into the wall nearby, making a huge hole. "Of course it does. We'll make it fit."
"Wrap it up boys!" Robo Mom said cheerfully.
"Ooh this is a nice recharging chamber," Zim was in the Irken Bed section. He touched the lining on the inside. "Is that Denebian Silk?"
"That it is!" The salesman nodded.
"Charge it my good man," Zim gave him a credit card.
"Okay I got some stuff," Gaz pointed. Robo Mom had not only the bed on her back but a ton of pillows, sheets, some stuffed creatures and bedspreads.
"I think we may have to make a few trips to the ship," Dib said. "Which reminds me we should get some new beds for Gir, Minimoose and…What's the Pig's name?"
"I dunno, Gir just calls him Pig," Zim said. "Where is Gir anyway?"
CRASH!
"Wow! Look at all the pieces!" Gir shouted cheerfully.
"Yeah you might want to put that on the charge too," Zim groaned.
Later at the food court…
"And I thought the food courts back on Earth were full of weirdoes," Gaz remarked as she looked around at all the aliens eating.
"I don't know what this stuff is but it's really good," Dib munched on his chicken nugget like objects.
"That's Wyrmrat meat," Zim recoiled in horror.
"And Wyrmrats are…?" Dib blinked. "Some kind of cow?"
"Please tell us they are not some kind of rat," Gaz winced.
"No, They're winged snakes," Zim said.
"Huh. Still better than Skool food," Gaz shrugged. She and Dib kept eating.
"You're eating that?" Zim asked.
"Zim we can't afford to be picky eaters," Dib said. "Actually before we left for outer space we couldn't afford to be picky eaters."
"As long as it tastes good and doesn't kill us I have no problem with it," Gaz shrugged. "Hey anybody have any dipping sauce?"
"I'll get you some honey," Robo Mom said. She went to the next table. She grabbed the alien sitting at it by the shirt. "HEY! MY KIDS NEED YOUR DIPPING SAUCE! HAND IT OVER!"
"You heard the lady! Hand over all your dipping sauce!" Robo Dad grabbed some more dipping sauce from another alien and threw him against the wall.
"Here you go kids," Robo Mom gave Gaz and Dib their sauce. "Still hungry? HEY! MY KIDS NEED FOOD HERE!"
"OUR CHILDREN ARE STARVING!" Robo Dad yelled as he stormed to a food kiosk and grabbed as much food as he can. "FEED THE CHILDREN!"
"FEED US!" Gir chirped cheerfully as he ran around throwing the stolen dipping sauce on everyone and everything.
"Hey! You can't steal our…" The kiosk manager stormed out. Only to get punched in the face by Robo Dad.
Robo Dad gave the food to Robo Mom then went to attacking the manager and the clerks. "Here you go sweeties. Mommy has to go have a little talk with the manager about giving you some toys! GIVE ME STUFF OR DIE FREAK!" Robo Mom got into the fight.
"AAAAH! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF!" The manager screamed. "NO! DON'T PUT MY HEAD IN THE FRYING OIL! AAAAAHHHH!"
"I think I programmed them a little too well," Dib winced.
"What do you mean?" Gaz asked as the Robo Parents beat up the manager. "They seem to work fine to me."
"Yeah this is gonna be one of those trips," Zim sighed. Gir happily ate a table in the background.
Twenty minutes later…
"You know maybe we should put those robots back on the ship?" Zim said as they were in a huge store. "It was just dumb luck that we evaded security. Well that and the fact that Robo Mom gave the head of security a huge wedgie."
"Hey we need them to carry more stuff," Gaz said. The Robo Parents were pushing a huge cart filled with items. "I like this store. It has everything."
"Well this is the Everything Store," Zim said. "What did you guys get in your cart?"
"Nothing much, some extra food. Some clothes…" Gaz said. "Just essentials."
"A new game system, games, stuffed animals, some jewelry…" Zim looked at the cart. "Night vision goggles? Some laser rifles and hunting knives?"
"Like I said. Essentials," Gaz said. "Go pay for this stuff while we take a look at that dancing fountain over there."
"I like colored water!" Gir agreed.
"Go pay for the stuff Zim while we go have fun," Zim grumbled. He went to the cashier and threw him his card. "Put it all on this."
The alien cashier scanned the card. "Sir, I'm afraid I can't accept this form of payment. It's not any good."
"What do you mean my credits aren't good?" Zim snapped. "I couldn't have spent everything already!"
"There's no money in your account Sir," The alien cashier told Zim.
"What do you mean there's no money in my account? I have an account in the Bank of Irk! The Empire's most secure bank!" Zim snapped.
"Until a few days ago! There's no more Bank of Irk! There's not even an Irken Empire anymore!" The cashier said. "Didn't you hear? The Irken Empire has fallen!"
"What do you mean the empire has fallen? How could…?" Zim stopped. "Oh right. Now I remember."
"The Bank of Irk got blown sky high and all the accounts got wiped out due to something called the Day of the Dib," The cashier said. "And something to do with some guy named Zim."
"Oh, right. Now I remember…" Zim gulped.
"What's going on?" Gaz asked as she and the others walked up to Zim.
"Uh remember all that money I said I had? Turns out I don't have it anymore," Zim gulped.
"What?" Gaz snarled.
"There they are!" The kiosk manager came up with several security droids and another alien.
"I'm afraid you have to come with us," The second alien, a very large one eyed yellow security officer grunted. "Your credit isn't any good and you're charged with assault, battery and theft of dipping sauces."
"And here's where things go right to hell," Dib moaned.
"Mom, Dad…They want to take away all our stuff," Gaz said simply.
"Oh they do? Do they?" Robo Dad's eyes glowed red.
"Look why don't we talk about this…?" The alien security officer gulped.
"Oh we'll talk all right! TALK TO THE FIST!" Robo Mom screamed as her eyes turned red and she punched the security officer in the face.
"KIIII-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Robo Dad charged into the horde of security droids like a samurai warrior.
"SCATTER!" Gaz shouted. She grabbed the cart and shoved it away. She ran out of the store through the mall. Then she saw that Dib was behind her. "Dib when I said scatter I meant don't follow me!"
"I was going to the ship! Where are you going?" Dib shouted.
"Actually that's kind of where I was going too," Gaz stopped. "Oh never mind."
A fleet of security droids went past them. Many aliens ran past them in the other direction. Zim ran up to them on his PAK legs with Gir behind him. "Uh do you want the good news or the really horrible news?" Zim asked.
"What's the really horrible news?" Dib sighed.
Zim pointed in the direction of the Robo Parents going wild. "Time to put a chain saw to everybody's head!" Robo Dad cackled as his hands had turned into chain saws and he was chasing aliens everywhere.
"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Robo Mom was destroying the security droids with ease.
"Boy you really did fix those robots didn't you Dib?" Gaz remarked.
"Oh. Just out of curiosity, what's the good news?" Dib asked.
"Looks like we don't have to worry about not being to pay for stuff anymore because we can get this stuff for free!" Zim grabbed some items from a counter nearby and ran for his life.
BOOOOOOOOOM!
"Oh boy…" Dib blinked. "That's a big fire."
"Grab the stuff and run!" Gaz shouted.
"What stuff?" Dib shouted.
"Anything you can get your hands on!" Gaz shouted as she grabbed something that looked like a dress and threw it on the cart. With seemingly superhuman strength she pushed the cart.
"I want this! And this! And this! And this!" Gir grabbed stuff madly.
"So we're thieves now?" Dib moaned.
"Technically we're looters," Zim explained as a small crowd of terrified aliens also grabbed whatever they could. "Ooh! A new quartonic wrench! I definitely need that baby!"
"WATCH OUT!"
Everyone ducked as a missile flew through the mall, barely missing the looters. "Okay who puts a missile store in a mall?" Dib asked to nobody when he saw where the missile came from.
BOOOOOOOOOOM!
"AAAAHH!" Dib ran. Then he saw a huge pile of boxes and a sign saying Frozen Wyrmrat Nuggets with Sauce. He ran over to an empty cart, shoved in all the boxes into the cart and ran off to the ship.
He was right behind Gaz. "Good thinking Dib! Stay here with the ship and guard the stuff while I go back for more!" Gaz told him as she parked the cart and ran out of the ship.
"You're going back in there?" Dib yelled.
"Hell yes! There's some jewelry I liked!" Gaz shouted as she ran back in.
"Squeee?" Minimoose blinked as he came up to Dib with the Pig.
"I'll just stay here then," Dib blinked.
"Good news! I got a new grill! And it has the Irken seal on it!" Zim yelled as he pushed in a huge metal grill with several stuff on top of it. "Can you believe it? They were just giving these things away!"
"You mean you were taking those things?" Dib gave Zim a look.
"Hey it was either grab it or let it burn," Zim said. "Besides I don't think a guy who stole a ton of snake meat is in any position to…"
RRRRUMMMMBBLEEEE!
"Okay changed my mind!" Gaz ran into the ship with some other stuff in her arms. "Jewelry looked cheap anyway!"
"I GOTS STUFF!" Gir yelled as he carried a huge pile of things into the ship.
"Okay that's all we're gonna get," Zim winced as the ground shook. "Everybody here?"
"No! The Robo Parents are still tearing the planet apart," Dib said.
"Close enough!" He put the ship in drive and took off.
"Well that was a fun trip!" Gir said cheerfully as the ship flew into outer space. He pulled out a pink tutu. "Here Pig! I got you something!" He put the tutu on the pig. "Pretty!"
"We're just leaving the robots behind and letting them run amok on that defenseless planet aren't we?" Dib asked as he looked out the window.
"They're bound to run out of power eventually," Zim waved. "Besides do you really want to bring them back here?"
"No I don't," Dib sighed. "So much for that stupid plan."
"It wasn't that bad. I did get some good stuff out of it," Gaz told her brother.
"Well as long as you got stuff everything is fine then," Dib grumbled as their ship flew away. "Well it was nice to have parents while it lasted."
"Yeah. Even those things were a lot better than our real dad," Gaz sighed. "Spent a lot more time with us too."
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Boy that is a big fire," Dib blinked. "Never seen the side of a planet burn like that before."
"Look let's face reality here," Zim said as he put the ship on auto pilot. "You both are still children. You need adult guidance. And since I am the only adult on this spaceship I guess it's up to me, to be the parental unit to you both."
Gaz and Dib looked at each other. Then they started to laugh. "Zim is not kidding!" Zim snapped. "Zim is the adult authority figure here! And you will treat Zim as such!"
Dib and Gaz started to laugh even harder. "Yeah right!" Dib laughed.
"I am serious! You will obey Zim! Obey me!" Zim shouted. Gaz and Dib laughed harder. "Okay, I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice! Go to your rooms! You must learn to give Zim the respect he deserves!"
Both Dib and Gaz looked at each other. Then they looked at Zim. "Okay Zim, you asked for it," Gaz growled.
"This is gonna be good…" Dib giggled. "Heh, heh, heh…"
"Now wait a second…" Zim gulped nervously as the two advanced on him. "Let's not be hasty! Let's not…GIR! HELP ME HERE!"
"Me, Moose and Pig are having a tea party!" Gir said cheerfully as he and the two animals were sitting around a small table eating cupcakes.
"Come on Zim, let's spend some quality time together," Dib cackled.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…" Zim screamed.
Twenty minutes later…
"More cupcakes, Gaz?" Dib asked as he and Gaz sat at the small table with Gir and the animals.
"Thank you Dib," Gaz smirked as she took a cupcake. "How about a cupcake for you Miss Pretty Pants?"
"MMMMPPHHHH!" Zim was tied up, gagged with duct tape, wearing a pink dress, a blonde wig, a large fancy hat and covered with more makeup than a television evangelist's wife.
"I think Miss Pretty Pants is watching her figure," Dib smirked. "You know Gaz, maybe the Robo Parents were a failure but at least we got to spend some quality time together as a family."
"They weren't a complete failure. They got us free stuff. And they didn't hurt us. So technically you did something right for once," Gaz told Dib. "Which is a lot better track record than Dad had."
"It is, isn't it?" Dib grinned.
"MMMPHHH!" Zim struggled to get free.
"Have some popcorn Zim," Dib took a bowl of popcorn and threw kernels at Zim.
"Dib don't forget to share," Gaz smirked as she did the same. "You know other than the rampaging robots, the minor riot, ending up totally broke and the explosions, today didn't suck that much."
"Yeah. Too bad we had to leave the robots behind," Dib said.
"SALTED NUTS!" Gir chirped. A huge blast of nuts poured out of his head, hitting all of them and filling up half the room.
When Gir stopped Gaz dug her way out of the nuts. "Dib, I think one insane defective robot is more than enough for us. Besides, those things will blow up eventually or something."
Back on Tartus Five…
"WE RULE! HA HA HA HA HA!" The Robo Parents cackled madly over the burned out shells of thousands of security droids. The planet was in ruins. And no one would ever again venture to Tartus Five for a long, long time.