Summary: Simon knows he screwed up. Bad. Because a fledgling cannot live without a clan and Clary had caused him to lose everything. The rune still burned on his shoulder, the rune that had forced him to obey her every command. The rune that she had used to destroy his home, his life. His love will never forgive him. And he will never forgive himself.
Pairings: Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Title: Become So Tired (So Much More Aware)
Chapter One - A moment you'll never remember and a night you'll never forget
Simon felt the sun set outside his hiding space. He was hidden in an old building in the Chelsea, one of the condemned buildings that were there. There wasn't many anymore, most of them had been torn down or were about to be torn down so that new apartments could be built. Simon pushed the ratty blanket off himself and checked to make sure that he was still alone in the old apartment building. There wasn't anyone in the building but there was a pair of men near the front door talking about construction that was going to start next week. Simon packed his bag, putting the blanket into his duffle bag along with his laptop and the charger, a can of pepper-spray, a switchblade, his wallet and his star of David. The star burned when he brushed against it but Simon didn't pull away, he had grown used to pain in the months that he had been on the street. It had been Fall when Clary had drawn the rune on his shoulder. It was now well into Summer almost Fall again.
Simon listened to the two men talk. They would be in the building tomorrow, checking to see what would be needed to be done. Simon looked around the little room that he had been staying in. It looked like he had spent his last day at this place and would need to find a new hiding place. He slipped down the back staircase and jimmied one of the windows open and slipped out into the alley that lined the back of the building. He knew he would need to feed tonight and wondered if the money for the last job he had done had come through. Simon had made a living off of being a police informant. His tendencies to roam every night paired with the fact that no one paid attention to a homeless bum made his job easier. Luke had set it up for him, it had been the only help that he had taken from the werewolf and he had forced Luke to swear never to tell anyone about it. Simon wanted to be left alone. He wanted to be forgotten.
Glancing around him to get his bearings, Simon realized that he had wandered too far west, getting dangerously close to the Institute. With a sigh he pattered down the stairs into145 St. subway station and checked the trains to see when the next one was going across the river to Queens. He had information to deliver to Luke after all.
Raphael hated police stations. Hated how they stank of drugs, sweat, blood, and desperation. They reminded him of his teenage years before he had been turned when he and his friends would be dragged in even though they had done nothing and be questioned for hours simply because they were Latino. However, he had a proposition to give to the leader of the werewolves and Luke was apparently working tonight so here he was walking into the 89th Precinct with Lily beside him. The precinct was large, larger than they had used to be when Raphael had last been in one at least, and had a lot of people moving around and talking but he spotted Luke almost immediately, talking to another man about a string of robberies that had taken place around Greenwich. The guy was giving Luke a basic description of the burglars and promising to draw them later when he had time and Raphael wondered who this guy was, his voice seemed familiar, almost like Simon's had been but lighter, almost raspy. Not that it mattered because Raphael could see the grime and dirt that covered the man's many layers of clothes meaning he was no doubt homeless and Simon was no doubt still living at the Institute. Luke hadn't noticed them yet but the other man had, going tense and standing abruptly
"I should go." The other man said and Raphael narrowed his eyes. Taking a deep whiff of the stranger's scent he caught the underlying aroma of the undead.
"Alright. Take care of yourself." Luke said patting the rogue vampire on the shoulder. Raphael glanced at Lily before nodding towards the rogue that was heading towards the door. She rolled her eyes but followed the other vampire out the door.
"Good evening Lucian." Raphael said and Luke raised an eyebrow
"Explains why my informant got so jumpy all the sudden." Luke said turning away from him to shuffle through some papers
"I didn't take you for the type to work with vampires." Raphael said and Luke shrugged
"I knew him before he was turned. Didn't seem right to just abandon him like everyone else just because he was a vampire." Luke said and Raphael let out a subvocal growl.
"Why didn't you bring him to Dumort? He would be safe there and we would never abandon a fledgling." Raphael snapped. Luke's face contorted into pure rage and he slammed his fist on the desk making it shudder dangerously. It reminded Raphael that he wasn't the only apex predator in the building and that he also didn't have any backup in case this went sour
"You did abandon him though. The informant that you just chased off was Simon. He's done what he's needed to survive the bounty you put on his head. Did you know that he still has Downworlders try to collect on that by the way? That just last week he came in asking for a new jacket because some rogue vampire got it in his head that if he brought Simon in to Dumort that he would be accepted into the clan? Don't preach your bullshit here, I don't want to hear it." Luke snarled. Raphael let out a hiss and pulled his phone out to dial William who was supposed to spread the word that the bounty on Simon was voided a month ago.
"William." Raphael hissed into the phone and he heard the sound of someone whimpering in the background.
"Ah, Raphael, I assume this is about that bounty on the fledgling." William said in a cheerful tone. Raphael let out a growl
"I told you that it was no longer valid. Anyone who tries to collect will be eliminated." Raphael snapped
"Yes, yes. You did say that but you see, this fledgling is Camille's and well, she was very interested in him so I kept the bounty on his head. She's very eager to see her Childe you see, and well, you see she said she'd pay me extra if I brought him in myself. I have always wanted to retire on the soft sands of the Bahamas and this is my ticket there. This fledgling…" William said and Raphael's grip in his phone grew so tight he crushed it. Turning back to Luke he saw the werewolf was watching him.
"We need to find Simon right now." Raphael said. Luke straightened up
"What's going on?" He asked and Raphael explained the situation to him. By the end Luke looked like he was about to shift and tear something up so Raphael made himself scarce by leaving to round up his clan for the search.
Simon was sitting on a stone fence in Astoria Park watching the CCT cameras for most of Queens two hours after meeting with Luke. He was watching them at super speed of course, otherwise he wouldn't be able to watch all the footage for the city in a week like he did. He wasn't really paying attention this time, too busy wondering why Raphael was visiting Luke at the precinct. Probably something to do with the fighting that had been going on recently, Simon had been forced to erase some footage of a fight because two wolves did a partial shift right in the street when tussling with another rogue vampire. Erasing evidence of the Downworld was most of Simon's job whether it was editing footage that showed a Warlock's mark or erasing footage of Shadowhunters killing a demon. Whatever it was, Simon usually took care of it so that NYPD's finest didn't even know it was missing. He'd gotten pretty good at it too. Originally, he'd been using Luke's login but after a month he had simply hacked the system and gave himself a backdoor so that Luke's name didn't pop up in the logs anymore. Now, he was just a ghost in the system. A low growl made him look up. There was a partially shifted wolf a few feet away staring at him with what could only be a calculating gaze
"Can I help you?" He asked hoping this wasn't going to turn into a fight. It wasn't that he wasn't good in a fight, the past year had taught him not only how to fight but also how to fight dirty, but he didn't care to cause harm to another. The wolf took another step forward and Simon slowly closed his computer
"There's a bounty on your head. Willy said that if I help him catch you he'll pay me a quarter of it." The wolf growled out in the usual guttural tone that all wolves got when they were in this form. Simon set his computer aside and hopped off the wall.
"I don't want any trouble. How about we forget we saw each other and leave each other alone." Simon said slowly walking towards the wolf. The wolf snarled and competed the shift to his wolf form. Simon sighed and pulled his jacket off
"People see dollar signs and get stuck on that." He muttered. The fight was over quickly, ending when Simon snapped the man's neck. Ever the opportunist and because he knew someone would do it before the police were called, Simon rifled through the man's pockets, pulling out his wallet and taking the cash he had there.
"This happen often?" A familiar voice asked from behind. Simon spun, dropping the wallet and saw Lily Chen standing a few feet away near the street.
"You want a fight too?" He asked wearily and Lily smirked
"Not from you. Impressive how you took him down. It makes me wonder what else those Shadowhunters you're so fond of taught you." She said. Simon snatched up the wallet and tossed it onto the body
"They didn't teach me anything. If you don't want a fight what do you want?" He asked and Lily shrugged
"You should be careful. Apparently, there's still a bounty on your head." She said and Simon rolled his eyes. He headed back to his computer and shut it before packing it away. Once he was ready to go he turned back to her
"Bye Lily." He said before speeding off. The next stop of the night was the butcher's shop. Since most of the human blood banks were controlled by Dumort and those that weren't were controlled by Camille he tended to stick to a mostly animal blood diet with the occasional human blood bag that Luke could get to him. The butcher that he visited was as friendly as usual. Which is to say he gave Simon the stink eye and preformed the cross whenever he thought Simon wouldn't notice. It didn't stop him from selling to Simon but it did make their relationship awkward. Simon settled down in St. Michael's Cemetery to eat, knowing that anything he left behind would be thought to be hooligans. Once he had eaten Simon crossed Astoria boulevard above the Grand Central Parkway and headed up 49th Street. He was about two blocks south of the treatment plant looking for a quiet place to sleep the day away when he heard someone call his name. Turning he saw Jace and Alec rushing towards him. Jace was making wide waving motions like he was trying to wave away a large fly but Simon had no time to try and decipher the movement because something was slamming into him. He recovered quickly, jumping to his feet and watching the three vampires circle around him. There was two male vampires and a female. Two of them, one of the males and the female had similar pale features and Simon figured they were probably siblings while the third was dark skinned.
"Just like we thought. A weak fledgling." The woman said with a feral grin. Simon let out a sub vocal snarl
"Try it bitch." He said letting his fangs elongate. The fight was brutal and the four vampires moved too quickly for anyone to keep track of. Simon knew that Jace and Alec would be in the fray with him if they could keep up but he also knew that they were far too slow. Someone raked their claws down the back of Simon's right leg, cutting to the bone but he retaliated by sinking his fangs into the pale male vampire's neck and tearing it out. That caused the other two to put some distance between him and them
"Eric!" The woman shrieked as her brother vanished into dust. Simon was covered in blood, both his own and theirs
"Get lost unless you want to end up like your brother." Simon said wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. The woman looked like she wanted to lunge towards him again but the last male vampire pulled her back
"He's not worth it." The dark-skinned vampire said pulling her away. She relented and they were gone. Simon collapsed onto the ground and took stock of his body. His right leg was mangled, he would be surprised if he was able to walk on it for the next couple of days from how deep and messy the gashes were, his left wrist was broken and he had similar gashes running from his shoulder to his elbow. They would also take a while to heal. Probably the least amount of damage was done to his back but that was probably due to the extensive and heavy scar tissue that made up most the skin on his back.
"Holy shit." Jace swore crouching down beside Simon. Simon shot him a fanged grin
"Didn't think I could hold my own in a fight, did you?" He said as Jace helped him stand and supported part of his weight. Alec grabbed his bag and hefted it onto his own shoulder
"Fuck no. You did good Lewis." Jace said as the two Shadowhunters started herding Simon away from the scene of the crime. Simon let them since they weren't leading him in the direction of the Institute. After about a block he finally asked where they were going
"A safe place for you to sleep." Was all Alec would say and Simon decided to let it drop. They turned at an average looking apartment building and Alec swiped to get them in the door. Simon was thankful that it seemed the elevator was working and they headed up to the tenth floor. There were only two apartments on this floor. Alec opened the door to the one on the left and Simon was floored by how big the place was. It had spacious kitchen that was separated from a large living room by a bar. Simon could see that there were at least three rooms off the living room and one of the walls in the living room was made entirely of floor to ceiling glass
"Where the hell did all this come from? Who's paying for it?" Simon asked as Jace helped him down onto the soft black couch in the living room
"It's one of Magnus' spare places. He set it up for you when you were banished and it's sat here since. Don't worry about the windows, he's put an experimental spell on them to make them vampire friendly and had Santiago test it." Alec said and Simon let out a choked laugh at the thought of Raphael coming into the apartment to test if the windows would burn them or not. He had probably sent one of his clan members though and that thought sobered him a bit.
"Alright. I'll be here for at least a week due to my leg so…" Simon said trailing off since he didn't know what to say
"You can stay here you know. Magnus would feel better if he knew where you were staying." Jace said and Simon snorted
"I'm not a charity case." He snapped and caught the two of them share a look
"We know that Simon. We're your friends. We care about you." Alec said and Simon felt a familiar feeling of rage over take him
"Really? Friends? Where was that friendship when Clary stole my free will? When she kept me trapped in the Institute like a pet while every one of you stood by and watched? Where were you when I was a prisoner in my own head? You stood by because she was one of you and I wasn't. You stood by when you knew what she was doing was wrong and you let her do it anyways." Simon snarled. His posture was aggressive as well and Jace took a step away from him and grasped the hilt of his sword as if expecting an attack. The sight made the tension and rage in Simon wash away leaving the equally familiar bone deep ache of exhaustion
"We didn't know Simon. You have no reason to believe us but neither I nor Jace knew about the rune that Clary drew on you. We still don't know much, only that it allowed her to have influence over your actions. That's all she's alluded to and getting any more information about it has been like pulling teeth." Alec said and Simon shrugged
"Ask your sister. She was there, she's the one that held me down during the process." Simon said and Alec recoiled before hardening
"I will. I will get answers Simon, I promise, and we'll take action against those who had a part in hurting you." He said and Simon nodded.
"I believe you." Simon said and he realized that he wasn't lying. He actually believed Alec's words.