A Second Chance

'Bzzzzt. Bzzzzt. Bzzzzt. Bzzzzt.' The buzzer rang constantly. She pulled herself out of the tub and dried off. "Coming" she called out, wrapping a bathrobe around herself as she walked towards the door.

'Bzzzzt.' The buzzer rang again. Who could be this impatient? Picking up her pace, she walked to the front door and opened it with a flourish, fully intending on giving the person on the other side a piece of her mind and a lecture on the virtue of patience. The sight before her caused her jaw to drop and her breath to be caught in her throat.

That face… a face she thought she would never see again had once again appeared in front of her, at her door step, on Valentine's Day. Her brain refuses to comprehend the sight before, synapses are firing at a rate which they never did before and her neurons are malfunctioning. Why, how, what… Even her thoughts are a mess. Taking in person standing in front of her, all the memories of the past washed over her like a tsunami. Every word they traded, every fight they had, the feeling she gets every time they kiss, the way it feels to hold her in bed, her quirks, her likes and dislikes…she remembered every tiny detail of the time they had spent together.

This can't be true…why now…why after so long…after everything…why… Just as she was about to break the silence that permeates the air, their gaze met and all that she was about to say died on her lips. That intense look in those emerald eyes was something she hadn't seen in a long while. Ruby clashed with emerald and neither one of them was willing to break the silence.

'Bringgggggg!' the shrill ringing of the telephone cut through the air and yet she didn't make a move to answer the phone, content to let the answering machine do the job for her.

"Hi, you have reached me. I'm currently not free to take your call right now so leave a message and a contact number so that I can get back to you. And by the way, if you have no idea who I am, I have no idea why you called. Beep."

A half smile appeared on the other person's face after hearing the content of the answering machine.

"Hey babe, sorry I have to work tonight. I know you are not a fan of Valentine's Day even though I have no idea why. Just wanted to let you know that I miss you and I'll see you on Saturday. Love you."

The voice of the caller seemed to break the spell surrounding them both. Shaking her head a little to clear it from the rush of the memories she looked hard at the person standing at her doorstep.

"Why are you here?" she asked, the flood of memories brought back the pain so acutely that she was shocked her voice hadn't cracked from it. The pain hurts so bad that she could barely breathe. It seems like it was just yesterday when everything went downhill between them. The wound was as raw as it was then and the yawning gap in her heart made its presence known.

I can't deal with this. Not again.

"Go away!" she yelled and tried to close the door but the helmet stuck between the door and the frame prevented her from doing so. Giving up, she ran to her room and locked the door behind her.

I have always thought that with you, I was safe and happy. With you, I saw forever. A life together, a person to come home to, a person to soothe my fears, share in my joy and sorrows. And yet, you can't seem to let go of her. Nor could you forgive yourself for the mistakes that you've made in the past. Why wasn't I good enough? The whole time while we were together, it feels like I'm living in her shadow. You've never given me a promise or a straight-up answer. Neither have you ever asked me out on a date ever since we became an item. The best part of the whole thing was you've never gave me an answer as to if we are a couple. And all of that was because of her and what you had done. I've said I would wait for the day that you're ready to commit to the idea of "us" and a year has passed and you are still avoiding the topic. I couldn't wait any longer. Not committing to you might seem to be the easier method with less responsibility but I can't take it anymore. As much as I love you and as much as I need you, I'm human too. All I ever wanted to know is how much I mean to you. I understand why you couldn't commit, I understand why I'm never allowed in your apartment, I understand everything. But understanding doesn't take the sting out of each rejection and avoidance. Because I understand, I hate myself all the more for wanting them. And yet, I can't help but to want them. I know I'm far from perfect, with demons of my own to deal with and face the world with a mask of indifference but when we are together, I could just be me and wear my emotions on my sleeves. You were my world entire, the reason why I live from one day to another. A single text message from you saying good morning will brighten up my entire day and yet, the entire time, you never knew. Each time I call, it always goes to the machine. Each time it happens, my heart pangs with disappointment. Why can't you see that? There are so many things I want to tell you and yet I couldn't out of the fear of your reaction. How many times do I have to stop myself from blurting out "I love you"... how many times I had to stop myself from asking you to be mine…it gets harder with each day. How is it possible that one moment you could want me so badly and yet treat me so coldly the next…why…

Sobs racked her body as she curled up on the floor in a fetal position behind the locked door. Memories of the past tore through her. She relived every moment from the time she started wooing her right to the moment she decided to end things between them.

"Shizuru…open up. Please…"