The Desirability Quotient
"Ya' know, of the four of us, I think Donny would be the one ta snag a girlfriend first," Raph said out of the blue.
"Where the shell did that come from?" Mikey asked, turning his head enough so that he could see Raph.
Lying partially draped over the purple banded turtle in question, Mikey had been nearly lulled to sleep by the gentle rise and fall of Don's chest. Now he was wide awake and staring at Raph. When his brother didn't look at him, Mikey glanced over at Leo and caught his eye.
Leo shrugged and then waited, knowing that Raph would finish the thought when he was ready. The brothers lay together on a pile of mattresses that Mikey insisted on calling their 'nest'.
Don barely opened one eye, too comfortable and relaxed to do more than that. Foursomes were his favorite thing, but they tended to be very draining.
"If we were four human brothers we would've been dating by now," Raph said, continuing his idea. "We probably would've been competing ta see who could get laid first or which of us could bring home the hottest chic."
"No contest dude," Mikey said smugly. "Not only would I have been a total jock, but I'm the best looking one of the bunch."
"Ya' ain't any better looking than the rest of us, Mikey, you're just more delusional," Raph retorted.
"How did you reach your conclusion about Donny?" Leo asked quickly, interrupting the pair.
Don's eyes remained closed, seemingly in a light doze as his brothers talked about him.
"Well first off, women like smart men and they don't come any smarter than Donatello," Raph reminded him.
"They like a guy who can make them laugh too, and that'd be me," Mikey challenged.
"I'd sure laugh at your mug if I was a girl," Raph snapped.
"We'll grant you the first point," Leo said, giving Mikey a stern look. "Don is much smarter than most of the people on this planet."
"And he's caring," Mikey offered, trying to placate Leo. "Women like guys who have a thoughtful nature."
"He's also compassionate," Leo said. "He could have been an outstanding physician."
The three had fallen into speaking as though Don wasn't present since he was contributing nothing to their talk. Indeed, it appeared that he wasn't even cognizant of the conversation.
"Yeah, and don't forget brave," Raph said. "He'd make a gal feel real safe if she was with him."
"We all have a lot of those same qualities, Raph," Leo said, shifting into a more comfortable position. "You and Mikey are certainly the most outgoing and as such would probably be more aggressive in your pursuit of a woman than Donatello would be."
"Really?" Raph asked, not so much a question as a challenge. "Then explain this; in all of our significant encounters with women, it's Donny who always scores the most attention."
"I don't . . . ." Leo stopped as he began to think about Raph's statement.
"See?" Raph said smugly, tipping his head back to watch memories play across Leo's face. "Jhanna gave him that chunk of hair before she had ta go back to her own world and ya' know that was 'cause she'd taken a shine ta him. He knew it too, that's why he didn't tell us about it for so long."
Mikey glanced at Donny's face, expecting that comment to get a rise out of him, but all Don did was grunt lightly.
Raph smiled, confident that he'd proven his point. "Sydney had a thing for the resident genius too; talking ta him through that crystal and then offering ta dive down under lava with him. I saw her face when we brought her and the others back up ta the surface after Don cured them. That look she was giving him was the all 'I'm yours' come on if I ever saw one."
"Which you haven't," Mikey pointed out with a grin.
"Renet too, now that I think of it," Leo said thoughtfully. "Whenever she's around us she does seem to gravitate in Don's direction."
"I think she liked it when he tossed her over his shoulder to keep her from getting run over by dinosaurs," Raph said with a wink.
The only ones who saw it were Leo and Mikey, Don still hadn't opened his eyes.
"And before April did the whole 'I'm a human, you're a human' thing with Casey, she was all over the brainiac," Raph continued, his tone mildly teasing.
The twinkle in his eyes was unmistakable evidence of his playful mood. Mikey had caught on by now and decided to join the fun.
"Forget being human," Mikey said, "Donny is a hot commodity just the way he is. He could totally score a babe if he wanted to."
Leo was watching Don's face as his brothers baited him. Unable to resist, he murmured, "I'll bet Don could have a different girlfriend for each night of the week if he put his mind to it."
"So true," Raph agreed.
All three of them were staring at the genius. They knew he couldn't possibly be sleeping and that at any moment he would have had enough and would start denying everything they'd said.
It came as quite a surprise to them when he bolted upright into a sitting position, his sudden movement rolling Mikey off of his plastron.
"You know what? You guys are right; what am I doing here?" Don asked, his eyes narrowed and a serious expression on his face. "I've got the entire internet at my disposal; I could easily find a woman who isn't put off by my looks. Thanks bro's; I never would have realized how many of the women we've met have been attracted to me if you hadn't pointed that out. I guess I do have other options."
Jumping off the nest of mattresses, Don marched out of the room without a backward glance, slamming the door closed behind him.
Complete silence fell on the remaining trio after his departure. One by one, the three sat up and looked at each other.
"Way to go, Raph," Mikey finally said.
"I didn't do that alone," Raph snapped. "He ain't serious is he?"
Leo slowly began to shake his head. "I don't know; he certainly sounded serious. Is it possible that all this time we've been together, Don hasn't been comfortable with our arrangement?"
"No way," Raph said, panic edging his voice. "Don't even go there. Don loves what the four of us have, he's always just as hot for it as the rest of us."
"Maybe he's only pretending dude," Mikey said, his voice quivering slightly. "You know, 'cause he wants to make us happy? That's exactly the kind of thing Donny would do."
"I hope he doesn't think we were saying those things about him being more attractive to women because we don't want him anymore," Leo said fretfully.
"Oh shit, Leo," Raph groaned. "I'll bet that's exactly what he thinks. That never entered my mind when I started razzing him; I only did it 'cause he gets so wound up when the four of us go at it."
"We gotta get him back and explain that we were only pulling his leg," Mikey said.
Before any of them could move, the door opened again and Don poked his head inside the room.
"Just kidding," he said with a wide grin and raced towards the nest, diving onto his brothers.
"Holy fuck, Donny!" Raph yelped as he caught the flying olive green form. Flipping Don onto his carapace, Raph quickly straddled him. "Ya' scared the crap out of us."
"Good," Don said with a laugh. "Next time you'll think twice about picking on me."
Mikey squirmed closer to him and pressed a kiss to Don's neck. "We don't ever want to lose you, Donny. I'll fight any girl who tries to steal you away."
Leo reached over and turned Don's face towards his, leaning down to capture his brother's lips with his own. Raph was petting Don's sides suggestively and Mikey's hand was creeping stealthily downwards over Don's plastron.
"Shell," Don said breathlessly when Leo finally released him. "I like the way you guys spoil me. Why would I want one woman when I can have all three of you? "
"Oh, you're about ta get all three of us bro'," Raph promised huskily. "You're gonna get all of us at the same time."
Shuddering, Don moaned, "Me and my big mouth."
"We like your mouth that way," Mikey told him as he rose up on his knees next to Don's head. "Open it wider, please."
As Raph parted Don's legs and moved between them, Leo took his spot atop Don's plastron. Tilting his head back to do as Mikey requested, Don churred his pleasure.
Being with a woman would have meant he had to do all of the work in the bedroom. Don liked this set up so much better.
THE END