Guess What?
The first Knightclub Short story
Written by Heather Carey
Shaman and Melee are deserted on an island seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Of course, Shaman thought, you're technically always someplace, but the empty white sandy beach looked completely vacant to her. She sighed. The only way to survive was to get Melee's help.
"Okay Melee, in order to survive here, we need a fire," Shaman began, hoping Melee was paying attention. "Can you go fetch some firewood while I make a place to start the fire?"
To Shaman's relief, she nodded and zipped off. Approximately five minutes later, Melee quickly returned holding a rather crusty looking Sea Troll club. Little did they know what would happen next…
"HEY SHAMAN, GUESS WHAT I FOUND?!" Melee held up the barnacle covered club, grinning from ear to ear. Shaman froze as a shadow loomed over them. "Emm… Melee…"
"And I did it ALL BY MY SELF," Melee bragged, smiling triumphantly. Shaman spoke even quieter. "Melee…?"
"WHAT," Melee said loudly, pouting. Shaman pointed up.
"You might want to return that club to its owner…"
A giant Sea Troll towered over the two tiefling women, grunting and drooling and speculating how they might taste.
"A giant ugly Sea Troll is standing right behind me isn't he?"
"Yep."
Melee thrust the club in Shaman's hands and ran off shouting, "I'll come back for you!" Yeah, and I'm a big fat shrimp, Shaman thought sarcastically.
The troll slowly bent down to pick up Shaman as if she were a flower. Shaman, thinking quickly, ran away. The Sea Troll stood there like a giant barrel of milk in a meadow.
Then, when it suddenly realized his soon to be dinner is running away, he gave chase. With an obnoxious roar, its footsteps thundered the whole beach while it ran. Shaman was on the other side of the island by then. Melee, watching this, ran towards Shaman, but instead ran to a bunch of bananas. So she sat there watching the two of them run the parameter of the small island, laughing with a mouthful of banana.
Shaman, meanwhile, was running quick until she tripped over one of Melee's banana peels and slid into the sand. The rather disgusted tiefling got up and spat out a mouthful of sand, but she was too late. The troll picked up Shaman by her tail ("HEY! Watch it!") and started to walk off to his lair for a blanched tiefling dinner. One of its clumsy feet stepped onto a pile of bananas and with a sickening roar, it spun around like a giant, grunting, roaring maelstrom. Shaman, with her arms crossed over her chest and looking bored had already got used to the spinning, so she began counting how many banana peels it stepped on. The Ocean actually looked pretty, with the sparkling water, the setting sun over the horizon, and the seagulls flying. Shaman sighed. Pretty as it was, she was still bored.
The rotating Troll by then was very dizzy and his grip suddenly loosened. Melee was shoving down banana after banana, howling with laughter about the scene happening before her.
Shaman went flying over the ocean, her rear sticking up from the Troll's long grip on her tail, her arms flailing and her loud screaming echoing around. The Troll clumsily slipped into the ocean. A very wet tiefling woman dragged herself out of the water, a crab pinching her tail and a clump of seaweed on her head. She coughed out a mouthful of salty sea water, shook the seaweed off her head, and threw the poor crab off her sore tail. Shaman sighed tremendously. "Okay Melee, let's start over. AGAIN."
Melee returned soon with yet another Sea Troll's club, with yet another Sea Troll planning deviously to eat them. Shaman slapped herself with her hand, thinking she should've known better. Automatically, she put her arms up in the air and ran for dear life.