Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me, unfortunately.
Oh no, I've forgotten my notes back in the dungeons. I'm going to need them for the essay we've been set. But that would mean facing Snape's wrath. Dare I? ... Yes I must. Surely he can't blame me for wanting to do my homework? Quickly, quietly. Ah, there it is, on the floor by my desk where I left it. Snape's nowhere to be seen. Ok. One. Two. Three, go. Got it! Now if I can just get out without… Ooh dear the office door is open and Snape is looking right at me.
I don't dare move. But hang on, he doesn't seem to have noticed me. Now he's burying his face in his hands. Phew, he must have been looking through me, not at me. But … what an awful look of utter anguish! Surely we're not that bad a class? No, wait I can hear another voice. He's not alone. The voice is young, possibly female, low, softly comforting, soothing. Maybe if I can just get a little closer, nothing bad can surely happen to me when that voice is around. Snape's answering.
"I can't do it anymore. It's useless. I am unworthy. He will find me out and then he will kill me, if I am lucky. All will have been in vain…"
His voice has dissolved into sobs. The young woman puts her arms around him, not as a lover but more as a mother comforting her son, a sister comforting her brother after he has had a nightmare. She whispers in his ear, I cannot understand the words, I'm not even sure they were English, but the tone reminds me of a cool sea breeze on a bright spring morning, when the waves break softly upon the pale shore and the seagulls circle overhead but do not rupture the peace and tranquillity with their harsh cries. Snape seems not to hear or maybe he simply does not feel it: he slumps onto his desk with a low moan filled with despair.
The young woman sits back, sadness plainly written in her features, a sorrow so deep I can't understand what could possibly be the cause. There is something else as well as the sharing of grief: yes perhaps, I can only describe it as a form of helplessness, as though she were a witness to a great tragedy but is powerless to intervene. She's closed her eyes and seems to be concentrating, almost as if she is taking a deep breath, as one would before diving. Now I can hear music. Muggle music. I heard this song at my cousin's. It's "Sound The Bugle" from that film about horses, Spirit-Stallion of the Cimarron. In the film the stallion has been made prisoner after he had though he had escaped and is feeling very low: he just wants to lie down and die. But as the last verse is sung he imagines that he sees his family and his courage is restored. The song seems to be having the same sort of effect on Snape. Most of the song seemed to reflect his current feelings of misery but during the last verse, it is as if carried along by the uplifting ending:
"Then from on high , somewhere in the distance there's a voice that calls, remember who your are. If you lose yourself, your courage soon will follow. So be strong tonight, remember who you are. You're a soldier now, fighting in a battle, to be free once more. Yeah that's worth fighting for!"
He seems to sit up straighter, a new light comes into his eyes: hope and determination surround him like a warm glow. As the girl finishes her song, for it was she who was singing the last part and the background music had seemed to emanate from around her, Snape turns to her with what can only be called a smile on his face, unnatural though the expression looked on him.
However it is only fleeting: his head soon droops again. At this the woman speaks once more:
"Would you believe me if I told you that Lily would be proud of you?".
"How could even you know this? It's impossible. Little more than a hypothetical and ultimately false comfort.", replies Snape bitterly.
The woman looks slightly offended and again closes her eyes and seems to fill her lungs as much as possible. This time it is different: she is singing but it is more a succession of single syllables sung with different intonations. Suddenly the room turns cold. The image of a woman appears in Snape's office. She seems to be devoid of colour but her eyes are most definitely green.
"Severus?", she says in a voice as soft as the wind rustling through the trees in summer. "Severus, what is the matter?"
"Take you illusions away! Do not torment me so!". Snape doesn't understand, this apparition is real. I'm sure it is but I'm not sure how I know this.
Meanwhile the spirit is laughing, a rich laugh, the kind one would want to hear again and again, as joyous as the sound of a peal of bells drifting on the wind.
"I am no illusion. This young lady called me. She said you need me to speak to you. There are ways of keeping in touch with what is happening here and James, and I have been doing just that. Things are so much clearer seen from here. All the clues were there but we didn't see them. Sev, look at me. We now know the full extent of what you do for the Order, for us, for Harry and I cannot express how much I admire you for it and how grateful I am…"
"How grateful we both are." Another voice enters the fray, a deep man's voice. As he appears he has no colour at all except his untidy hair which is so dark that it is almost like a hole in the air.
"I know we were not always on the best of terms but as Lily says, here nothing is hidden anymore. We can't stay long: it is very tiring. Suffice to say: thank Merlin I stopped you going following Moony under the Whomping Willow, Severus!", he said with a grin, holding out his hand but slowly as if unsure of how this gesture would be received.
Snape until then had been looking from one spectre to the other and then to the real young woman. It was as though he couldn't believe his eyes: wonder for the ghostly woman, wariness for the man. Throughout the man's speech his eyes were narrowed but, as the hand extends towards him, he seems to come to a decision and, with a slight shrug and a tentative smile, he reaches out to clasp the proffered hand. His hand doesn't go through it: the man, though slightly transparent, is real!
"We can't stay much longer: it becomes harder for your friend to keep us here. But before we go, know that all our hopes and good wishes are with you as you help Harry. Please never give up."
As he finishes the sentence the man is starting to disappear. The woman he'd called Lily manages to linger a little longer.
"Sev, you have always been like a brother to me and I have always regretted that I couldn't make peace between the two men I love most in the world."
Now she is also fading and becoming less solid for as Snape reaches out to take her hand in farewell he cannot grasp it.
They are gone and Snape is again alone with the first young woman. She looks quite wan and is shivering slightly, although the room no longer feels as cold as death. Snape is lost in his thoughts, an unreadable expression on his face, only his eyes betray the bittersweet nature of the encounter.
Maybe now would be a good time to get going before they notice me. Oh oh too late, the woman glances at me as she moves toward Snape. Again she embraces him and this time he responds. She, however, is looking right at me and I can hear her voice in my head:
"Better go now. Quick, before Severus notices you. I can't keep you hidden for long. And it would be better if you did not reveal any of what you have just witnessed to anyone. Except perhaps Dumbledore."
She's deliberately keeping Snape's back turned so I rush silently out of the dungeons. Only when I get back to the common room do I realise: the woman didn't have a wand and yet it must have been quite powerful magic she performed. I'd better try to forget this now, although after next Potions lesson it may well seem to be a dream. Can someone as hated as Snape really have a soft, vulnerable side? Is it possible for him to have real friends, not just associates? I suppose I've never before thought about him in that way but if you believe in fairy stories then the Beauty and the Beast proves this point. Hum, good nickname. The Beast…