To Be Enough- Chapter 1. Voices
I can remember it clearly, the night I killed myself. The wind whistled around me as the moon highlighted the sky. My heart ached; it felt as if it was being tugged on. I sat in the clearing of a valley, letting the river shimmer in front of me. This is where I cleansed my thoughts. Why did this have to happen? A tear slipped down my cheek, as I glanced at my reflection in the water. "It's all because I look like her!" I screamed burying my face into my knees.
"Why isn't he back yet?" I wondered aloud, I looked towards Miroku and Sango; they gave a simple shrug and I eyed them suspiciously. "He didn't tell you two anything?" Miroku looked flustered, as Sango looked at the ground. "I saw a soul collector". I looked at her then at Miroku, he nodded his confirmation. I sighed, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" "Well... Because you're in love with him".
My body shook, as my mind replayed everything. "Are the Kami's ever on my side?" I whispered, as Rain began to fall. I sat there, looking up into the heavens. Waiting. I'm missing something within myself, but I don't know what it is. The rain began to sting my eyes, but I kept them open, beckoning the rain drops to cleanse me of my sorrows.
"He loves me too..." I whispered, before turning around and heading opposite way of the campsite. My mind was churning, remembering the times when he told me that himself. I could recall it all. "You're my everything", the tenderness in it was unreal. The small kisses, which were shared between us. Our love seemed to be never ending. "I love you, Kagome". I wiped my eyes bidding myself not to cry, I was better than this. I can trust him.
"I loved you Inuyasha". I said digging my nails into my arm. Questions began to flood through my head. They were taunting me, he was taunting me. Did you ever love me? I could feel the warm liquid traveling down my arms. Is it really all my fault? I pulled out a needle, and kissed it. The needle began to glow silver and black. Wind hastily picked up, as the rain continued to fall. Blood and salt was in the air, as I forced the needle through my wrist. I smiled.
I walked into the clearing, and stopped when I heard voices. I peeked between the trees to see kikyo and Inuyasha talking. "What feelings do you hold for my reincarnation?" I held my breath, and pondered if I should continue to listen. I was about to walk away, but his voice caught my attention. "I hold absolutely nothing for her…" I froze. He's kidding right? "Her only use is to get me the jewel shards, other than that I hold no other purpose for her". He's lying, I thought balling up my fist. There's no way he is that cruel. He wouldn't tell me he loved me, and not truly mean it. Would he?
I nuzzled my wound, and held it up to my nose, inhaling. "Let my pain go away", I began the chant. "Darkness envelop me", Black auras begin to spin around my body, and I exhale feeling power run through me. My eyes close, and I smile at my visions.
He smirked against her neck, as hope began to fade. "I love you ,Kikyo and only you". She placed her hand underneath his chin, and gingerly smiled. "Make love to me, Inuyasha". I was startled by her words and entirely looked up. He began to caress her thigh, and I almost jumped when he growled. I ran away, and tried my best not to hear. But I did hear him; he growled "Mine".
"Lock away my heart", I whispered feeling tears begin to flow again. "Become one with me", my tears began to mix with the rain. Everything seemed to slow down, when I shot my eyes open. "Save me from myself". I began to glow silver, as my eye color changed from its chocolate shade, to an electric blue color. My hair lengthened, and flowed down to my ankles. My wrist began to burn and glow red. I gasped as I looked down, and saw a symbol I once read in a sutra etched into my skin. Infinite.
I felt different, and I know it wasn't just because of my changed appearance.
I looked down at the water, and peered at my reflection once again. I touched the water, and gave a small smile as it began to turn to ice. I looked up into the sky, as the last rain drop trickled down my face. "It seems the old Kagome is dead", I said while holding my hand over my chest. My heartbeat was steady, and no longer seemed to quiver in pain.
I inhaled and dashed throughout the woods, 'I need to get my kit he must be worried', I thought to myself, while jumping swiftly through the trees. I halted quick as I began to taste copper. I fell out of the tree, and landed on my knees as I began to throw up blood. I panicked; 'What am I supposed to do?' "Relax child…" A voice cooed. I stared at the ground, as it continued to be painted with my blood. 'Who are you? What's happening to me?' My eyes throbbed as another load of blood escaped from my mouth.
"I am Kitsu... Your Inner… You have used too much power… Rest." "I can't- My kit", I managed in between pants. "REST," "You can always get him tomorrow". I decided to listen because I began to get a dizzy. "Rest my child, I'll keep watch". I nodded, and crawled towards the tree. "Tomorrow I'll get him", I said before falling asleep.