Disclaimer: I don't own them or their saliva. Exciting.
Dedication: Christa. ME MISSES YOU.
Summary: Looks like Lily's desperate to know why anyone would want to swap saliva...it's positively disgusting, after all. But desperation can lead to many things. Things she would never, ever do if she weren't so curious.
Notes: I was bored on the long flight back to my home...so I pulled out my laptop. Now, the couple next to me were discussing glossitis. I was all 'ew' and somehow, started typing a story about it. So, voila!
The Joys of Spit Swapping
He could only take so much longer of this torture.
Closing his eyes, James Potter buried his face in his hands, leaning up against the cold wall behind him for support.
Merlin, he was the school's biggest troublemaker; how could any sane person make the mistake of making him Head boy in the first place? Dumbledore hadn't exactly proven himself to be very sane, though.
Unable to hold back, a weary James Potter yawned loudly, too tired to even attempt to cover his mouth. Perhaps, if he closed his eyes, sleep would instantly wash over him and Lily would be able to take care of mandatory Head rounds on her own.
On that note - Where was Lily?
Forcing his eyes open, James slowly straightened himself slightly. He glanced down the corridor on either side of him. Both sides were dark, cold, and empty, like they were supposed to be. In fact, the only signs of life at all besides the sleeping portraits were him and his lantern. Like always.
Groaning, the dead beat teenager began walking drearily again, eyes half-closed. It felt as if he would stumble after each step, but he never did. James Potter was abnormally poised compared to other seventeen year-old boys.
When he finally had woken up enough to open his eyes fully, James stopped again, hoping that perhaps there had been some miracle and he would be ahead of his bed. Obviously, he was still standing in the same, dull corridor, sporting the dim-lit lantern.
Biting his lip hard to keep himself awake, he lifted his left wrist lazily, looking down at the leather watch Sirius had gotten him. At the moment, any thoughts of his best mate were extremely jealous. What had Sirius done that he hadn't to deserve the beautiful honor of sleeping? Shaking his head to rid himself of his own inner ramblings, James peered down at the time.
1:36 AM. An hour and twenty-four minutes to go.
Frustration welled up in James. This was not fair. He could always leave, but there would be the wrath of Lily the next day, which just wasn't worth it.
He chuckled to himself slightly, already able to imagine her sharp green eyes glaring hatefully as she spat in revulsion how he had brought this on the both of them. It was true, mostly. If he hadn't skipped out on rounds the day before so he could sneak to Hogsmeade with the Marauders, McGonagall wouldn't have caught Lily doing rounds alone and given them both five extra hours of rounds as punishment.
He would have ignored this punishment, but there always was guilt after situations like these. He honestly hadn't meant to do this to Lily. It really wasn't too much of a surprise that Lily had taken to ignoring James far worse than she usually did, but it was honestly starting to get to him.
Rolling his eyes, he decided to go and apologize to her, mostly as a result of lack of things to do and his own fatigue. Both would be good excuses if she decided to use the apology he was to give her as blackmail in the future. Yawning for the umpteenth time, James began walking down the deserted corridor yet again.
Knowing that he would have no luck in finding her by strutting down one of the many corridors she could be in, he whipped out some parchment from his pocket lazily, slowing down slightly. After a little fumbling, he was able to take out his wand and mutter a soft 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good'. He scanned the map quickly, stopping smoothly as he came across a small do labeled 'Lily Evans'.
Despite the fact that his drowsiness seemed to be doubling by the minute, he smiled slightly. She was right down the corridor, by the charms room. He froze quite suddenly, the smile dissolving as he saw two more dots in the supposed-to-be-unoccupied classroom.
James quickly closed the map with a 'Mischief managed', and stuffed both it and his wand away. Tightening his grip on the lantern, he began a brisk walk towards the other side of the third floor, heart racing in anticipation and anxiousness.
Moments later, he was right by the said classroom. He outstretched his lantern to have a better view of his infatuation. Sure enough, there she stood. He blinked at the sight ahead of him as he craned his neck. Lily seemed to be peeking into the charms classroom. She was holding the classroom door so it was slightly ajar and had stuck her nose in, her back facing him.
"Evans?"
"Shut up," came the immediate hiss of a reply, as she whirled around. Putting a finger to her lips to shush him, she grabbed him by the arm and yanked him to a side, ignoring his bewildered looks. She shot him a warning look, and returned her gaze to the depths of the charms room.
He took a deep breath and decided to give it another attempt. "Evans, what are you doing?"
James received no reply yet again. A small scowl making its way onto his handsome features, he scooted forward so he could see what was so interesting. "What are you looking at?" He muttered quietly, blinking hard to let his eyes adjust. Seconds later, a mild look of disgust crossed his features. "What is that?"
"What does it look like?" Lily murmured, not removing her gaze for a fraction of a second.
James chuckled dryly, shifting his gaze to Lily in disbelief. "It looks like two fifth year Ravenclaws making out."
He watched carefully as a small smile braced her gorgeous face. "Close," she replied softly, "They're actually sixth years."
"You have got to be kidding me," James cried in disbelief, still managing to keep his voice low somehow, "You're watching them? We have to go stop them."
Lily looked at him for the first time, eyebrow quirked. "Sorry. I forgot you were so fond of following the rules, Mr. Marauder."
This shut him up.
James looked at Lily cautiously, "Why aren't you stopping them?"
"Listen," Lily murmured putting a finger up to quiet him.
James gazed at her and obediently managed to stay silent. He strained his ears, eyes closed. Moments later, they snapped open again, almost looking revolted. "Why are you listening to that?"
She ignored his question, looking into his eyes curiously. "Do you know what that is?"
Wrinkling his nose, he shrugged absently. "It's sucking. But honestly, that's beside the point -"
"Do you know what's causing the sucking?" She prompted, her expression indifferent.
James sighed wearily, rumpling his hair. He truly felt like a first year. "One of them is sticking probably sticking their tongue in the other's mouth, probably the girl from what it looks like. So apparently, their attempts to keep a passionate lip lock create the noises. What is this, though, Q&A?"
Yet again, she brushed off his question and gave him a look of utter disgust. "You know that means they're swapping saliva, correct?"
"Yeah, I mean, that's given," James sighed, looking around them impatiently. Oh, what he would give to crawl into his warm bed, out of these horrid robes and clad in nothing but those lucky snitch boxers he adored so much. Instead, he was cursed to be here, discussing saliva with his ladylove. And not in a fun way, either.
"Why would anyone want to that?" Lily mumbled, looking at him with a piercing glance. As if he would have any idea.
James looked at his watch. Still another hour and eight minutes left. He moaned disdainfully, almost glaring at her. "I dunno, Evans, it's probably enjoyable. Can we go?"
"No," Was her firm reply, green eyes glaring just as they had in James's imagination not a while back. His figure slumped somewhat as she returned her gaze to the snogging couple. "It cannot be good for you."
"How?" James asked lamely, massaging his temples to soothe his half-asleep mind.
Lily gave him a slightly weird look and looked thought. "Well, er, I'm sure the girl – Lila's her name – is losing a lot of saliva by engaging herself in kissing him. Loss of saliva can lead to tongue inflammation."
James gave her an incredulous look. "Tongues inflammation?"
"Yes," Lily stated, looking rather proud of her knowledge, "Also known as glossitis. Some of the few causes are loss of saliva and bad hygiene. For all we know, Lila may end up with a lumpy, pale tongue tomorrow, as Troy – the boy – might've not brushed since he was in he second year."
James blinked, face looking blank. "Thanks for enlightening me.'
She bit her lip to hold back a giggle and gazed at him questioningly. "I still don't get why anyone would do it. I have to know why any couple would want to engage themselves in a foul act like swapping saliva."
James sighed, rolling his eyes in impatience, "It probably shows lots of passion or whatnot, swapping spit does."
The next question was the last he would have expected. "Have you ever kissed a girl like that?"
James dropped his arms to his side, looking flabbergasted. "I – er…"
"Sorry, sorry," Lily cried quickly, a blush highlighting her pale cheeks as she looked at the floor in embarrassment and quickly began babbling, "That was totally inappropriate. We all know that you have, I mean there are probably tons of girls…"
"Why would you think that?" He asked numbly, all thoughts of the couple or sleeping forgotten.
Lily looked at him, looking disbelieving that he had actually asked her that. "Erm, maybe because you're one of the school's biggest players?" she stated sarcastically, looking at him as if it were obvious.
James frowned silently, looking into her green eyes as he stiffened and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Three girls, Lily. I've kissed three girls like that. All of them were my girlfriends."
"Oh," Lily whispered, realization dawning on her. She looked at him, seeming exceedingly humiliated. "I'm sorry. I – er, didn't know…" She inhaled, as James's expression remained the same. "Well, I've never kissed a guy. Not so…invasively, at least. Just short, quick, light kisses."
James looked away towards the blank wall, quietly tapping the lantern in his hands against his knee. "Okay."
He almost jumped in surprise as he looked forward to see her slowly walking towards him. "Can you show me what's so nice about swapping saliva?" she asked quietly, looking at him with hopeful eyes.
Inhaling deeply, he looked at her - into those beautiful, precious eyes he adored so. Had she honestly just asked him that? She hated him...why would she want to kiss him? Oh, right, to know how it felt. By kissing her, he would be distressing himself, though. He was already emotionally attached to her enough. The last thing he needed was a fake kiss... Closing his own eyes, it took all his willpower to step back.
"I don't think so," he replied awkwardly.
There was a short, uncomfortable silence as Lily hung her head, both in disappointment and embarrassment. "Right. I'm sorry – I dunno what came over me. It's only given that you don't want to…"
James looked at her as she was fidgeting with her thumbs shamefully, her thick red hair hiding her saddened face. How could he explain that he dreamt of kissing her every night and heck, even every waking moment? "Wait."
She looked at him, her whole face flushed. "What?" She demanded, not looking too keen to talking to him any longer.
Taking a deep breath, James stepped forward, taking her into his arms. Without a hesitation, he pressed his lips into hers, closing his eyes as fireworks he had never felt before exploded from nowhere. His stomach was floating, his heart was racing, and - had the corridor suddenly warmed? This wasn't normal. Either he was dying, or it was something else.
Unable to keep his mind working, all thoughts washed away as the taste of her strawberry lip gloss coated lips came to him. He felt her moan, wrapping her arms around his neck to get closer, making his heart speed up even more. This was pure bliss. Out of nowhere, a wave of bravery came over him, and he deepened the kiss.
And just like that, their tongues were in a fierce battle as his tongue explored the mouth of the girl he cared for so much. She was so wonderful, tasting of chocolate frogs with a hint of mint. Every time her tongue brushed against his, a shock of electricity raced through him.
It was Lily who pulled off, panting heavily as she looked at him. He gazed at her flushed cheeks and a smile overtook his face.
"Thanks for answering my question," she murmured, stepping back. He raised a brow, as she grinned almost coyly, "Now I know why anyone would want to swap saliva."
"You sure you get it?" He blurted out, unable to control himself. She giggled, as he peered at his watch. "I can give you a few more lessons. We've still got thirty-nine minutes."
She smirked as he stepped closer again. "Just kiss me, Potter."
He chuckled, pulling her into his arms again, only to have her put a hand between them before he could attack her lips again. He looked at her curiously and she grinned. "I better not find my tongue swelled up tomorrow morning."
He saluted happily and returned to the wondrous activity they had been engaged in before.
Oh, thank Merlin for rounds, saliva swapping, and Lily Evans.