Dark Side of the Moon

I've known it all along. I've always had this thought deep in my heart, but it's always been melted away by the warmth of your presence. I never thought that I'd turn out to be like this, no longer the person that I was before, no longer cool, calm and collected. I'm just another boy, overridden by his emotion, drowning in his own sea of mistakes.

Am I really so weak?

Life is never fair. I've known that ever since I realize the kind of cursed being that I am, a tainted soul that does only harm to others. And thus, I am once again drowning in darkness. Had I always relied upon you so much that I can no longer breathe without you? To the point that my heart hurts so bad when you're no longer with me? This emotion, can I even define it as love, or is it all a misunderstanding on my side?

I'm not sure of anything anymore.

If I had perhaps, none of the memories of my past live, would that make a difference? Or will I always be the so-called best friend that killed the one you loved the most? I know you'll say it isn't my fault. You'll forgive me and take me in your arms and even smile for me.

But even your light can't erase this darkness.

I may not have held the sword that so mercilessly cut down your beloved but I am equivalent to it. I was the one that ordered Wolfram to go after your assassin. I overestimated his capabilities in my desire to protect you. I shouldn't have made such a mistake! I'm the Great Sage! No one but that bastard that tried to kill you should have died!

Or is that precisely it?

Through the millenias, all those people… Is it all my fault? Yes. Yes it is. It's my curse. To live while others die, to make mistakes of such enormity but always have it disregarded by everyone but myself simply because of some silly title I hold. Omnipotence and Immortality isn't all it's cracked up to be, I assure you. I don't deserve any of the admiration or respect people give me. I don't deserve Lady Celi's forgiveness, nor anyone's and most especially yours, Yuuri. I have had too much blood on my hands. Too many sins that I can never atone for.

But I still want to be with you. I'm so selfish.