Cold As Ice
I sat in my house, physically feeling comfortable despite – or perhaps because of – the sub-zero temperatures. Mentally, though, I was about as uncomfortable as anyone could get. Emotionally, I was a wreck. Or rather, I was nearly on the opposite end of the spectrum from being so; as far as I was concerned, that was the problem.
In retrospect, I realize I haven't felt a damn thing in weeks, if not months. I hadn't noticed until I was listening to one of the old hags who run our all-female community and felt… nothing. She had been talking about how dangerous men are, how none of them are ever to be trusted because they would surely kill us all. It normally annoys me deeply when any of them say such things; probably because I had a friend who spent most of her time outside of the Floating Island and had many male friends who had never even made a move to harm a single aqua-colored hair on her head. But this time, I just listened, not clenching my teeth against the impulse to defend my friend who I'd always felt was being indirectly criticized, not glaring at the old woman for spreading such propaganda when innocent children who weren't old enough to decide for themselves were listening even more intently than their mothers were. I just stood there and had no reaction at all. When I noticed what I was, or more to the point was not, doing, only then did I feel something: Fear.
For the first time in my adolescent life, I was afraid. I was going numb, my heart freezing like the environment in which I had always resided. I had always hated the indifference that the Elders had to every little aspect, always despised how utterly unfeeling they were. Now I saw those same qualities rising within myself.
A new emotion with the fear; yet another one I had not experienced before that point: self-loathing, I think it's called. Maybe self-disgust; I really wasn't sure, and at that point, it didn't really matter. Apparently when you mix the two, you get panic. I nearly broke down from the chaos happening in my mind, hearing my own voice scolding me harshly for allowing myself to become even remotely like them.
"How could you be so stupid?! … you might as well be dead! … what will she think the next time she comes back, seeing you like this!…" And then the loudest message, like my brain shouting at me the answer to my dilemma: "LEAVE, before you can't be what you were!!"
That jarred me from my panic; all that was left now was a feeling of urgency. With out a word, I got up from my bed, packed some fresh kimonos and the human novel my friend had gotten me as a gift the last time she'd returned, and walked out of my house for the last time.
As I left the Floating Island, I never regretted not looking back.
Yeah, it's really short, but I had to write it. I've been having much inspiration for one-shots lately, and I just finished watching the "Save Yukina" arc, as I've dubbed it. If you can even call a few episodes an arc, but you know what I'm talking about so that's all that really matters right now.
I don't really have a set character to go with this; she could be a friend of Yukina's, or a friend of an OC I have in an up-comming YYH fic that will be posted when I get off my lazy arse and actually write my thoughts onto paper and/or type them. Oh, and I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho! :3
Review please! Constructive criticisms welcome, but to quote a stamp I found on DeviantArt (which also does not belong to me) "I said, 'honest comments' not 'be a dick.'"