Because it's New Year's today, Happy New Year 2016 to all of you! This is a little thingie I wrote for today, it's not neccessary but recommanded to read Kiss The Rain before this one :) Enjoy!
Eadlyn
New Year's eve was supposed to be a great party, as it has always been in the palace. But to be honest, neither Dad nor I felt in the mood to put anything up for it so it was mainly left to the staff and the advisers to send invitations, choose decors, drinks, food, and so on. Kaden and Osten... Well, I suppose they weren't feeling extremely well either.
Christmas had been... not exactly horrible, but not happy either, without Mum. It was like a dark shadow above everything we did and saw, the lights seemed less bright and the laughter less happy. I missed her, everyone and everything seemed to miss her.
The selection was a whole other point. It hadn't been supposed to last longer than three months, but it was nearly the end of the year now and the people were longing for at least some kind of decision which I refused to make. I had already been spared a lot of trouble because seven of the guys had dismissed themselves since, so technically I was almost with the elite, but it didn't feel like that. We had decided yesterday to narrow it down further in the week after New Year's, but I was still scared somehow scared to do it. Unbelievable, since I already knew who'd probably stay. Still there was a conversation I had to get through before eliminating anyone, and that was what scared me like nothing else about this whole thing.
All the preparations were done because the staff members had done an incredibly great job with this. And Kaden had added some ideas that really helped – inviting the families of the Selected for example. I quietly took my breakfast on the 31st. It really was impossible to imagine celebrating tonight because there's nothing to celebrate in my opinion, but that's my duty. There will be a million situations like this one in my life.
Although... "Is it possible for me to disappear before midnight? I'm feeling quite sick about all this", I whispered to Dad next to me. It was unfair, really, leaving him alone there, but I couldn't deal with it anymore. And it wasn't even a lie. I really was a wreck today, and that was nobody's business.
"It's your party after all", he murmured back, and added concerned: "But if you're getting sick I don't want you to stay up all night. Also there is a chance that people might actually react understandingly."
I gave a tight smile. They'd get their action from me next week.
At three pm, I knocked at the door of the man's palor, but entered without hearing permission.
"Princess Eadlyn...", some of them stuttered in surprise, and I had a hard time trying to urge back a snarky remark. It was rare that I showed up here after all. But what I was going to say would clearly be a bigger surprise to them.
"Hello guys", I greeted, "as you already know, we're hosting a little party at the palace for New Year's Eve tonight, to which we decided to invite some special guests. I expect everone of you to come with me to the entrance hall to greet your families!"
Some started to chat happily to the others, and even Fox seemed to looked forward to seeing them, no matter the diffcult relationship terms in his family.
I caught Kile's glance too, who was grinning at me, a question in his eyes.
"Yes, you too", I mouthed back and gave him a smile. Sure, this was for us to get to know the families and I knew Kile's mother and sister better than I had known him before the Selection, but he couldn't exclude himself right now.
In the entrance hall the party seemed to be already going on, with all the guys hugging their beloved ones. I stood there, frozen in the door, suddenly feeling like crying. How could they all just be so happy? Maybe their families weren't all perfect, but what about mine? Why couldn't we have a family reunion?
Keep a brave face, Eadlyn. You better get to know them and through this quickly.
Suddenly I spotted Jasmine, my personal maid, in a corner, hugging a beaming hispanic girl in a shining yellow dress. That had to be Alisia, her best friend and Raoul's sister. The guy wasn't too bad, but he'd eventually have to leave. It seemed to be a good place to satrt my round.
When I finished with talking to Kile's family, the last ones because obviously it was more important to speak with the families I didn't know yet first, I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was curl up under my blankets and cry, because seriously who could stand eleven families telling you they're "Oh so, so sorry about your mother" and "admire you for your strength". Sorry, but I ran out of that strength right now.
Miss Marlee was a true angel after that. "I heard you're not feeling good today", she said with a worried smile, "it's better you get your sleep and be left alone tonight." How true. And I knew that she had to look right through my "illness", because she was the kind of person who always kept fighting. She'd laugh outright at me if I was staying in bed because of some headache.
I exchanged a glance with Kile, and somehow I knew that he wasn't oblivious about my state either. Sometimes I was confused about how well he understood me.
It was almost 10 pm when I finally got to flee from the great hall. Sure, we'd watch the fireworks outside but since we had gotten the coldest winter I had ever seen in Angeles, it was way too cold to stay in the gardens all night.
I'd been walking around, drinking champagne, making polite conversation with parents and officials, when I woman a bit younger than my parents greeted me.
"Hello you highness", she said happily, and I have to admit I was really so annoyed with all this that I only replied with a court "Hello."
"My name is Georgia Whitaker", she continued in the same cheerful tone, and I was suddenly awake. I was sure I had heard her name before, but where?
"I might have to explain, people tend to know my husband but not me. He's August Illéa. Your mother and I understood each other pretty well I guess." That made sense.
"Oh, nice to meet you", I replied more politely now, "I don't think I've ever seen you before."
She quickly caught on the unspoken question: "Yeah, I've always been on good terms with your parents personally, but I found that after the dissolving of the castes, there was still a lot to do in our country, and it's still not done yet. I take part in activist groups, maybe similar to-", she casted a quick look around, "the former northern rebels. We want to keep the monarchy intact, with your parents on the throne whom I've always supported. I got caught up in a lot of things, and there was kind of no point in accompagning August to the palace", she explained.
I didn't know, maybe there was more behind her words, but I didn't catch on, and maybe it wasn't that important after all.
"That's a pity", I allowed, "what brings you here now?"
"Well, to be honest I've come here for you in a way. I know you're probably quite stressed out as well, but this is important to me. We can't really make anything of you at the moment, other than your father when he was younger. I sometimes get the feeling that you don't feel exactly devoted to Illéa, to become queen, and I wanted to get an impression myself", she went on. Strange.
"Well, I don't know why it's that important for you to know", I started, "but I'm going to become queen. I'm not going to excuse myself from my duty towards Illéa and give the crown away, if that's what you mean."
"That's what I thought", she said with a slight curtsy and diminished into the crowd.
What had that been all about? She had I point, I knew that ever since. But what worried me was how she knew – was it that obvious to the public that I didn't think myself to be suitable for becoming queen? And this woman hadn't even met me once before. If it was, I had a problem. I had expectations to fulfill. What exactly did Georgia Whitaker want from me? What was her goal? What was her organization's goal?
It kept bothering me after I had told Dad that I was leaving and headed through the hallways towards my room. All in all, the party had been a success so far, I had kept a brave face and convincingly (so I hoped) covered Kile's absence, especially from his mother. He was apparently prefering a party with some friends from the palace staff to the official party. Which I could fully understand. Just recently he had told me that he'd always been close to some of them.
Speaking of staff members, I met Jasmine at my door.
"Oh, there you are", she exclaimed, "is everything okay?" She always knew more than I told her usually, so I decided for the truth.
"It's going okay. I just need a little time off, I'm going to wander around a bit or something. If someone asks, I'm sleeping in my bed with a terrible headache", I advised her, "everyone who might ask", and she nodded. She was my ally in this.
"I'm just heading back to our party downstairs. I'd ask you if you want to come as well, Kile's there too, but I guess that's not what you want to do anyway...", she shrugged.
I supposed she was right. It wasn't my position to go there anyway, not because I was the princess, but because I simply didn't belong with them. You were supposed to be with the people you were close to tonight.
"I'm all right. I just need... some time alone", I repeated, and she hugged me before disappearing through a hidded door next to my room.
"You're going to be all right, Eadlyn."
It was crazy how all my life I'd been looking down to the staff members, not even talking to them casually once, and now I was friends with my room maid, who you could've called my room mate at some times. And I wouldn't ever change that if I could.
I might have told her I'd just wander around, but I already knew perfectly well where my feet would be leading me: the roof. I quickly took the steps of the dark staircase on the fourth floor and pushed the door open. This time there was no wall of rain or fog, just the clear winter air, and for a moment I was frozen by the ice-cold air, but thanks to my coat and gloves it wouldn't get too cold.
Angeles looked so calm at night, even on New Year's. That was probably going to be destroyed when the huge number of registered fireworks would set off at midnight. I had seen the numbers: a huge one at the beach, little thingies in our gardens, as well as in 300 000 other households, but for now everything was quiet.
I inhaled the cold air deeply, my lungs finally feeling refreshed from the sticky air inside. The white steams from my breath were the only clouds in the sky. I could even see a lot of stars, as I was far enough from the majority of the city lights up here.
It was magical, even though I sucked at astronomy and couldn't name a single star, but they all shined and sparkled. As a child, I'd been told a story: That a new star appeared in the sky at night for every soul we lost on earth, that our loved ones were watching us. My grandparents. Aunt Kenna. But Mom wasn't dead.
She was unconscious, lying in her bed in the hospital wing. Just drifted into nowhere, were none of us could follow her. But still alive. I didn't know if the hope in my chest was realistic, but it didn't matter. It was like a must, not a hope. She had to come back to us eventually. It was an impossibility to let her go.
There were footsteps on the staircase behind me, but I didn't turn around. Somehow I knew who it was, and I wasn't planning on sending him away.
"I knew you'd be up here", he remarked next to me after a while, "it's still wonderful."
I didn't know what to say, because this boy was so caring and kind and genuine that everything I could have possibly said suddenly seemed artificial, so I just leaned my head against his shoulder and took in his scent. How could I ever thank him for what he'd done for me? Or worse, send him away after all this. It was true what I'd had to admit long time ago: Not Miss Marlee was the problem in letting him go anymore, but I was now. There was still the thougth of the question nagging in my mind, the question I was scared to ask, I was scared of his answer. I knew it wasn't fair, keeping him trapped like that, but right now I needed him here with me. It wasn't something I'd admit out loud to anyone, but I did, and that scared me so much I sometimes struggled to act normal around him.
The last time we'd been up here hadn't left my mind. I'd been a wreck, more than right now even, and he still accepted me, cared for me. What would anyone else do if they found the real Eadlyn Schreave like that?
I also discovered missing him. First his smile, that crooked grin, and his kisses that could make me forget everything else. It was what I had known from him at first. Then I started wishing someone would be with me in meetings, on walks, on the roof, alone in my room after eating in the afternoon, because I was sick of it all, of being by myself all the time. And I realized it was him I wanted to be there. So how could I manage letting him go, study architecture, do what he really wanted to do? But how could I refuse to give him that? He'd never become happy in the palace.
Kile started stroking my hair absentmindedly to comfort me, I hadn't noticed until then that I had started crying again. And it helped, as if he sent warmth through my body despite the cold.
"Look", he whispered, pointing to the gardens. Right, everyone was coming outside now.
"It must be almost midnight", I replied quietly. In this moment I somehow took the courage to ask, because I needed him and I wasn't going to take this into the new year with me.
Kile
"I'm going to narrow it done to the elite next wednesday", she suddenly spoke up, leaving me startled. Where was this going?
"And it's either going to be four or five of you", she continued quickly, looking at her hands that had started fidgeting with her coat.
Four or five?, I thought when she fell silent, this is odd. She wasn't sure whether to through me out yet or not, it suddenly hit me. Maybe I'd been wrong about this us I'd been thinking about, maybe she just didn't know how to tell me it wasn't going to happen...
Eadlyn inhaled deeply as if preparing herself to say something important. "Do you want to leave?", she finally asked quietly, something off about her voice. Regret? Fear?
"Of course I'll release you now if you want to go and study and have the life you always wanted and leave the palace behind and meet new people-", she brabbled quickly when I didn't answer, "but the thing is, I... I wish you wouldn't... I wish you'd... stay, because... because I think I need you", she finished in barely a whisper.
I was speechless. She really needed me. As well as I noticed I wouldn't leave easily when eventually I had to, she wanted me to stay with her. I saw her getting nervous, because I still didn't speak, but the words wouldn't come. There was so much to say, but nothing came out of my mouth.
"I mean, don't feel guilty if you want to leave, I'll be alright, I don't want to stop you-", she went on when I kept staring.
"I'm staying", I finally manage to interrupt her in a hoarse voice. Her eyes finally turned to me again, suddenly wide.
"If you want me to, I will, because I think I need you too", I said because it was true and because she should know.
I took her into my arms and maybe for the first time we didn't only have hope, but something more. She stood on her toes and kissed me, her lips so cold but the feeling warm and finally calm, like a first kiss all over again. We could finally let it all go, lean into nothing but each other, as the fireworks exploded around us, into a new year.