The Aftermath of Mr. Yin
by: apple jacks jules
Note: I would like to point out that I do not condone suicide AT ALL. In fact, I disagree with it completely. But the bunnies and the monkeys and the muse...:p Let me know what you think O:).
Thanks to fyd818 for the read-through/semi-beta!! :) *hugs*
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Shawn Spencer stood at the edge of the clock tower roof and looked gingerly over the edge. In a way, he wondered how things had gotten to this point; but in truth, he could see every step that he had taken to bring himself to this point.
Everything that had happened with him and Abby and him and Jules had brought last night into being. He had invested himself so deeping into both girls, and had tried to have them both; and he had come this close to losing them both because of it. And in a way, he had.
Abigail had left. He'd almost expected it; their lack of communication while she'd been in Uganda had seemed to be sort of a breaking-off period; but he'd hoped against all odds that it wasn't so. In the end, however, it had all been in vain. She'd let him go.
He could hardly blame her for it; she was at risk when she was with him, and he really didn't want her to die because of him. And if one killer had latched onto that, then others could as well. She was safer this way, he knew that. It helped him deal with the pain of letting her go.
But in saving Abby, he was afraid that he'd also lost Juliet. She wouldn't be nearly so easy to distance himself from, just because of the nature of their jobs. But he didn't see how he could ever face her again. He had played along with Yin, and that was what had put her in danger in the first place. He'd managed to get almost relaxed and even cocky in the game that he had promised not to play, and he'd been so sure of himself that he hadn't seen it coming when Yin had kidnapped her. She'd been kidnapped, and tied up on this very roof ready to fall, and he'd gone to rescue Abigail. Everyone told him that he'd made the right choice,that he'd done what he should have. Heck, Juliet had told him to save her! But he'd needed to save Jules every bit as much; and the fact that he hadn't been the one to help her too...he felt like he'd abandoned her.
He couldn't live with that. He hadn't been able to bring himself to come up here while she was still here, while there were still all of those people up here. But now that everyone was gone, he could come and view firsthand the damage that he had caused.
There was not much evidence left; just a few scuff marks and bits of splintered wood and broken wire and frayed rope. But he could see in his mind all too clearly what had happened. He could see everything that had happened to the people that he loved because of Yin and Yang. The two waitresses---one of whom was dead---his mother, Abby, Jules, Mary's death...it was all too much. These crazy killlers were targeting everyone that he knew or cared about because they thought that it was fun to play games with his brain. Well, no more.
The last time he'd seen Gus was at Mary's funeral; and it was there that he'd made his decision. He'd gone home and written up two letters, and left one at the Psych office for his friend, and the other at his father's house. They would get them too late to stop him, but at least they would understand that it wasn't their fault. He had explained everything to them in the letters about why he was doing this, and that they shouldn't feel guilty because it was his choice and not theirs. The letter explained everything, how this was the only way that he could protect them from Yin and Yang.
He took a deep breath and swallowed hard as he peered over the edge again; it was a long way down, and it was going to hurt. Hopefully, he'd die before the pain registered.
I'm sorry, he thought, taking another deep breath and closing his eyes, preparing to let himself fall. All that was left was to take the step...
"Shawn!" The shout was so unexpected that he stumbled before he was ready and started to fall through space. Out of nowhere, two small, strong hands caught onto his arm and held tight, hauling him up firmly and back away from the edge to safety. He opened his eyes to see Juliet's pale, worried face leaning over him. His breath caught in his throat, and suddenly he felt like crying.
"Jules," he gasped.
"Shaw, what are you doing?" She demanded breathlessly, taking his shoulders and forcing him to look her in the eyes. "What were you thinking?"
"It's the only way," he gasped. "The only way to protect you.:
"What?" Her hands tightened on his shoulders. "Protect me?"
"Everyone! It's the only way to protect everyone from Yin and Yang."
"Shawn---"
"They're targeting me, Jules! They're trying to get at me through everyone I care about. If I'm gone---they'll leave you alone, because there will be no one left to play the game. I have to---I have to---"
"Shawn, listen to me!" Against his will, he closed his mouth and looked into her wide, frightened eyes. "This is not the way! If you kill yourself, what's to stop them from coming after all of us anyways because you're not there to stop them? Or what's to stop them from killing everyone you care about in revenge, because they've lost their favorite person to play with? Shawn, you've worked so many cases with us; you know that suicide is never the answer."
"But I can't---"
"We need you, Shawn! Once and for all, we need your help to beat them. Killing yourself isn't going to help anyone, Shawn. It's going to crush your father and your mother, and Gus, and Abby and the chief and even Lassiter...and me. You're going to destroy me, Shawn. Is that what you want?"
"No..." he stammered, balking still. "But I wasn't there for you! I'm a psychic, I should have known better. I should have known..."
"No one could have seen where this was going to end up, Shawn. But it's not your fault. No one blames you for what happened. You saved all of us."
"I saved Abby," he sniffed. "But I couldn't save that waitress or you or Mary..."
"There was nothing that you could have done to save them, Shawn. There was no way of knowing. And Mary was a mature adult, he made his own choice. But you did save me. You figured out where I was, and it was two of the people who you trusted most in the world who took your place coming for me when you saved Abigail, to make sure that no one else died. I wish you could have come, Shawn, but she needed you, and you saved her. And no one died. Yin lost. Are you going to let him win one more life, one more twisted victory by killing yourself?" Slowly, Shawn shook his head.
Juliet sighed in relief. "Good," she said, wrapping her arms tightly around him in a hug. "Because I need you. I love you, Shawn Spencer."
"Love..." The tears that Shawn had been fighting the whole time finally won, escaping his eyes when she hugged him to trail down his cheeks and soak her shoulder. "I love you, Shawn Spencer." He wanted to tell her the truth, he wanted to tell her how much he loved her too, how he had loved her from the very beginning. But the words stuck in his throat, and he couldn't force them out past his tears.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Juliet pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes again.
"What do you say we get off this tower, huh?" she asked a little shakily, her lips quivering with an involuntary smile. "We'll go and talk to your dad and Gus. They were both worried sick when they called me about your note. We should let them know you're okay."
"Yeah, okay..." Shawn nodded, feeling dazed and numb. The reality of what he had been about to do was finally starting to hit him, and he realized what he had been about to give up. If Juliet hadn't stopped him...
"Come on," Juliet stood up and held out her hand to him. Shaking, he took it and let her pull him to his feet. Once he was standing firmly, she wrapped an arm around his waist, and together, they descended the tower stairs towards home.
fin.
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Note: As I said, I don't support suicide at all; so Jules had to save him. This fic feels a little choppy still to me, but I was told that it was okay/probably how Shawn would be feeling in this situation, so...I'm gonna leave it. Let me know what you think, please? (and forgive any OOC-ness...*blush* When I'm stressed, my characters suffer :P)