Found this one-shot hiding away in my computer. Deals with evidence of Somalia.
They had begun this relationship because they were tired of pretending. They didn't want to pretend they didn't love each other anymore.
And this relationship they had started, they were taking things slow. Not because they needed to get to know each other first, no they knew each other through in through, they were going slow because this was important to them. They didn't want to rush something that would hopefully last for a very long time. If they took their time it would work out in the end how they wanted it to. If they were careful they would work. It was that simple to them.
For the past few weeks Ziva had been coming over to his after work or he to hers, and they had shared a movie and dinner, having a casual evening together just the two of them. But when it got late the visitor would return home to their own bed and they would see each other again in the morning. But tonight, tonight was different.
They were sitting on the couch and a movie had just finished. He had his arm around her shoulder and she was cuddled into his side. And it was late, about the time where Ziva would normally head home. However he didn't want her to go, he wanted her to stay.
"Ziva" he whispered into the curls. Her head moved slowly until she looked up at him with those beautiful brown eyes.
"Yeah?" she mumbled. He could tell she had almost fallen asleep in the movie by the sound of her voice.
"It's late and you're tired. Tonight did you…did you just want to stay over?" he asked. Except for their undercover mission and Paris Tony and Ziva hadn't shared a bed. He watched as she woke up a bit more at his question. It was a small step to be taking together. She thought about it for a moment before smiling lightly at him.
"Ok" she stated and there was a small excitement to her voice and that smile on her face which made him happy.
He locked up his apartment and shutdown his entertainment system before finding his way down to his bedroom. When he walked in he couldn't help but smile at how comfortable they were with each other. She was in the process of going through his old shirt draw looking for something to sleep in. And he was absolutely comfortable with her doing that.
When he walked in she smiled at him. He didn't ask her why at first when she left the room and went to the bathroom to change, he just dressed down into a shirt of his own and his boxers and climbed into bed. When she returned she was in his shirt and nothing else. She walked to the other side of the bed and slipped under the covers when he held the sheets up for her.
She kept a bit of distance and looked at him for a moment before speaking.
"There's something I want to share with you Tony" she stated rather quietly. It must be something personal because he could see that look in her eyes where she was almost putting a wall up but didn't because she was trusting him on this.
"Ok I'm listening" he replied. He watched her nod, understanding she had his attention now.
"I feel like I should share it with you now, I do not want you to just find it and want me to explain when I'm not ready to explain it so I think I want to tell you now, when I am in the right mind to tell you" she explained and now he believed whatever she was going to say was highly important to her. She moved herself slightly closer to him.
"When Ray found them I freaked out a bit but he didn't ask so I didn't tell. He didn't know about what they would be from but you'll know. I do not like the reminder of them but they will not leave so I have no choice" she whispered. He had a feeling of what she was talking about and then when she rolled over onto her chest with her head facing away from him and instructed him to lift her shirt, he knew why.
He gently lifted her shirt up to just above her shoulder blades. What he saw proved him right, he should have gone in search for her earlier. Across her back there were a few different scars that marked her skin. Nothing that made her unattractive in his eyes but something that showed she was not just your usual woman, she was a victim. However she was a victim that lived through it all and had moved on, she was a survivor. He would always see her as a survivor.
The marks were faint but you could see them. There were two lines side by side that marked her left hip and went down underneath her panties. On her right hip there were four circle dots. He knew what those were, cigarette burns. To think that someone would be so low as to use her for their personal ash tray pissed him off. And as he looked at her scars he couldn't help but trace over them with his fingers as he went.
He knew she felt it by the way she got gooseflesh upon her back after he did it. A little above the burn marks was a small 'x' that was carved into her skin. On the other side of her back to that were two small lines about an inch long. He could see another scar that was on her left shoulder but it disappeared under the shirt. She felt his hand stop there but she didn't say anything, she just quietly removed her shirt altogether.
And he did notice she didn't wear a bra but tonight it wasn't about that, this wasn't sexual but it was intimate. She was letting him in, showing him who she was underneath everything. That scar on her left shoulder went up over the edge of her shoulder blade and stopped in the middle of her shoulder. And now that she had removed the shirt he could also see one more scar, on the top of her right shoulder which was horizontal across her shoulder but it was only a few inches long.
"He did all of this to you?" he found himself whispering to her. He unclenched his hands which had clamped shut into fists. Anger wouldn't help this, support and care would. Love would.
"Yes. Not just that though" she replied and he wondered what she meant by that.
"What else?" he asked in a soft tone. Tonight was the night she had decided to share herself with him and he may not get another chance like this in a while to ask, so he did.
"Are you sure you want me to show you?" she asked him. He could tell just by her voice what she meant.
"Roll over. Show me" he whispered gently. And she did. She watched him carefully look at her. She noticed how he didn't look right at her exposed chest, if it was any other moment he might, but not tonight. Tonight his eyes fell down to the first scar he saw. It was just below her right breast, it was two lines that had crossed and formed a sort of 'v' shape. His fingers ghosted over that scar first while his eyes found another.
Her front was not as bad as her back but it still killed him inside to think he could have got to her sooner. The next scar he saw was two burn marks on her left ribcage. He wished he could have put cigarettes out on Saleem like he had to Ziva. The next scar he almost missed it was only a tiny one, on her left collarbone was a small scar. He found one last scar after that and it was the one he hated the most, because of where Saleem had marked her, had touched her. On her left breast there was a small scar about an inch long.
"He liked to beat me more, I am lucky I do not have more scars" Ziva suddenly stated. Tony looked up to her where she was watching him.
"Ziva I'm sorry I should have-" he began but she cut him off.
"No Tony it was not your fault. It is in the past now, it is ok" she assured him.
"I wish…" he trailed off. She knew what he wished; she could read it in his eyes. He wished he could have killed Saleem himself, slowly and painfully. She didn't want him to wish such things though.
"Please do not think that. Tony you are much too peaceful for that. Do not let the thought of vengeance scar who you are. There are too many scars already" she whispered. And when he looked back into her eyes then he knew how much it meant to her that he not get upset about this. It was the past and inevitably that past made them who they were.
"I won't, I promise" he replied. He brought his hand up to the side of her cheek before weaving his hand into her hair.
"You know I still think you're beautiful though, right?" he replied. He had never actually called her beautiful before and her eyes were suddenly softer. She couldn't reply. Ray had not told her that after seeing her scars and when he didn't she figured no one would ever see her as beautiful again.
"I do Ziva, don't ever think your not" he added.
"Thank you" she whispered. He watched her smile gently at what he had told her. Something that small had meant so much to her. As she smiled up at him he felt himself lean down and kiss her feather lightly on the lips. After that he brought his lips to her collarbone and kissed the scar there, then the side of her breast, her ribcage. He kissed each scar lightly.
His hands went to her hips then and he gently rolled her over onto her chest. He leant down and began kissing each of her scars while he gently smoothed his hands across her back.
"Ziva you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me" he found himself whispering against the skin of her back. She shivered lightly at his warm breath on her bare back before she rolled over to face him. Surprisingly to her he wasn't staring down at her exposed chest, his eyes stayed locked on hers. She stared at him for a moment; the next thing she was going to tell him was something serious.
"After my time in Somalia it was hard when men touched me, I got scared from them but after going to my therapist and talking a lot I began to feel comfortable around people a lot more. It was hard when I was with Ray, the first time he kissed me I flinched back. I got used to it after a while but Ray never really knew why I acted as I did, when I would flinch away from him sometimes when we first began dating" she explained and he listened, so carefully.
"What happened… the first time you…?" Tony asked shyly. She smiled lightly at him.
"Ray and I, we never had sex. I slept with him but I just couldn't have sex with him, I do not think I trusted him enough to let him. Not with what happened in Somalia" she stated and he realized then that in actual fact she had been raped. He was sure she had, she was the only female in a fully male camp, so of course she would of. But she was beginning to confirm it now.
"So in Somalia they? He did that to you?" Tony asked, almost feeling sick to his stomach about it. Now that it has been proven he couldn't help but picture the gruesome event. And the fact they would have hurt Ziva was the worst thing. He didn't like the thought of someone treating and touching her like that, so harshly and without her willing participation.
"Yes. Only ever Saleem though, he never let his other men touch me. One time one of the guards tried and Saleem killed him" Ziva explained. It seemed easier for her to tell him then he thought it would be, but he did see that small look in her eye. A look of pain as she thought back.
"You talked to someone about it before me?" he asked. He could tell this wasn't the first time she had told someone. She nodded.
"Yes my therapist and I talked about it. I don't think I would have gotten mostly over my nightmares and things if I hadn't talked to her" she explained. Tony brought his hand up to her cheek and gently stroked his thumb across the skin there.
"You seem so peaceful now, do you ever think back or have nightmares?" he asked gently.
"No, not really. Sometimes I will remember what they did but only slightly, I have pushed most of it out of my mind. I have moved forward from my time in Somalia and I know they cannot get me anymore. I know I am safe" she replied and he smiled at her lightly. She was the strongest goddamn woman he knew and he was so glad she was tough, that she could stand tall against things like this.
"You know Ziva you are the bravest woman I know" he told her and it made her smile.
"I would not have made it if you had not rescued me" she replied.
"It wasn't just me Zi" he told her.
"Yes I know that Tony but Gibbs told me once that the mission, it was all your idea, you pushed for it to happen and you all thought I was dead" she stated. She brought her hand up to the side of his face where she played with his ear lightly.
"I never gave up on you Ziva, never" he whispered. He leant down and kissed her gently on the lips.
"I never will" he whispered against her lips.
Afterwards he picked up her shirt and slowly slipped it back over her head, covering her exposed chest. He didn't want to have that temptation right there when they weren't ready for that yet. She smiled up at him. She loved how he cared about her so much, how he knew how to look after her without really doing it much before in such an intimate situation.
That night she fell asleep in his arms for the first time that she knew was of many to come. And he held her close to his chest with his arms gently around her waist and it was the soft sound of his breathing on her neck that put her to sleep. She was comfortable in his arms like this, she felt protected. She felt loved.
Love to know what you thought.
Hundan