1
Cyber Six leaned over Sheldon as he worked at his desk. Licking his ear, she thanked him. "You've given me what your enemies already have."
She managed to surprise him more than anyone he had ever met. "What do my enemies have that I did not?"
Sheldon spun in his chair. Cyber Six was no longer there. An elementary school aged girl stood in the middle of the common area to his apartment. She turned to the couch. "Mr. Gorn, only when you can earn the doctorates my father holds can you then sit in his spot."
The Gorn regarded her, wavered, then moved into Amy's spot on the couch. "Keep it moving.", she cajoled. The reptilian continued to the other end of the couch.
"Who are you?", Sheldon asked.
The girl glared blankly at him just like Amy would, scoffed to the side like he would then skipped half way across the apartment in a single step nearly like Cyber Six would.
"I sired offspring?", he stated in realization.
The girl pushed the straight black hair that fell over her eyes after her jump back to give him that smug look Amy always gave him to let him know she had out witted him without getting into the argument that vocalizing the fact would start. "That's right, Dr. Cooper.", the girl stated in the same tired tone of voice he always used to rub in his mental superiority.
"You don't call me 'dad'?", he asked.
The girl shrugged. "You always said that getting your doctorates cost you nearly a half a decade of your childhood while getting mom to realize your inherent qualities as a mate was inevitable."
"Yet you refer to Dr. Fowler as 'mom'."
"She always said that her doctorate was inevitable, but getting Sheldon Cooper to become sexually interested was the hardest job she ever successfully completed. Dr. Cooper, what does 'sexually' mean?"
Sheldon sputtered.
"I'm just yanking your chain, Dr. Cooper.", the girl stated in the same way Amy had of claiming to share a joke when she didn't agree with other people's assessment that she was being mean. "In your lucid dreams, the characters involved give you the insights."
Sheldon nodded. "I understand that. After all, Sigmund Freud postulated that we were everyone in our dreams as that was the only brain that had input on the experience.
"Hm. Amy is rubbing off on me more than I had realized."
"Mom's a vixen.", the girl agreed.
Sheldon shook off his cringe. "Please do not speak of your mother and I in a manner that calls attention to our romantic relationship."
"Now you know how I feel when you two do it...er, speak on the subject."
Sheldon's eyes narrowed. "Is this rambunctious back talk caused by what I suspect it is?"
"Aunt Penny says you can't spend 9 months in her womb without drinking the kool-aid."
"A simple 'yes' would suffice."
"Look, do you want your self-actualization or not?", the girl argued.
"Fine, I will accept whatever attempt at new information my brain could reconstitute while also presenting a facsimile of my offspring."
"A simple 'yes' would suffice.", the girl told him.
Sheldon glared at her.
"Quoting you is how I get out of most trouble."
Sheldon continued to glare.
"Fine.", she allowed. "Amy Farrah Fowler has been dedicated to forming a life long relationship with you. Your hesitations are based on your own insecurities, all based in your assessments of your own qualities. They are not based on your opinions of her.
"Or Cyber Six."
The girl picked him up from his chair, into her arms. She walked over to the outside windows. She jumped out to a street light's support and bounced up to the apartment's roof.
Cyber Six sat idly on the edge of the roof, her hat slanted back to stare at the stars, her cape extended in the wind, her hand stroking a pitch black panther.
"What have I told you about carrying your father around?"
"Only on weekends?", she called hopefully.
Cyber Six turned around. "Sheldon.", Amy called out. "Sheldon."
2
"Sheldon.", Amy called again.
Sheldon sat up straight, startled. "Don't sass your mother."
"Now that I'm dating, I don't have to anymore.", she replied-puzzled.
Now fully conscious, Sheldon could remember his surroundings with startling clarity. He settled himself into the front passenger seat of Amy's car. "I apologize."
"So you admit you were wrong to use me as human shield against Wolowitz of all people?"
Sheldon furrowed his brow. "Of course not. You're much more durable than I."
Amy tried to not grip the steering wheel with enough strength to bend it. "Is Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler?"
"Well, no but Cyber Six is.", Sheldon replied. Then realized. "Oh."
"Oh, indeed.", his dour, dumpy, not genetically engineered super weapon, girlfriend agreed.
"Well, speaking to the point at hand: I was apologizing for antagonizing you.", Sheldon informed. "Er...just now.
"I was actually attempting to chastise our daughter."
The car nearly jerked. Fortunately, someone's (not the merely human Amy) reflexes depended on synapses engineered to the speed of copper wiring rather than the 276 miles per hour everyone else' operate at, so the car recovered preemptively.
"You dreamed of having children with me?", Amy asked.
"Of course not. That would be icky enough to generate an entirely different reaction from me.", Sheldon informed. "I dreamed we had had a child. With an excess of spunk, I might add."
Amy focused on the road but a certain gleam in her eye. "Intentional pun or happy coincidence?"
"Oh, nothing was happy about it.", Sheldon disagreed. "On the one hand, she attempted to be unempathetically manipulative, lustful in the Medieval sense of the word, and pre-emptively know-it-all wrapped in sass. In the other, she was stubborn to the point of self defeat, arrogant like none other and acted as if the whole world should operate on her schedule. And the worst of it was that she had enough personal power to never be knocked down a notch.
"That coupled with Wolowitz' tribulations, I don't forsee ever wanting to procreate at any time in the future.
"Especially with you."
Amy's jaw dropped in anger while her eyes narrowed to keep the tears in.
"You know what, Sheldon?", Amy began.
"Probably. I'm really smart." He replied. "After all, I did apply uncertainty principle to Howard's father issue."
Amy pursed her lips. "Fine. Let's continue on with helping Howard tonight."
Sheldon opened his mouth to say something more. "And not talk about anything else.", she told him tersely.
Sheldon kept quiet. He really enjoyed the silent treatment.
3
Amy followed Penny into her apartment. Penny had snatched the bag out of Sheldon's hands and raced back to her place. Amy had been the only person able to keep up.
"What's the matter, bestie?", Amy asked concerned.
Penny spun and gaped at her. "Sheldon, sure. But you?"
Amy's brow furrowed. "What about me? Did you have a dog? And are ashamed about what I might feel is your abuse of it?
"I have a lot of experience with caged animals and experiments and simple neglect isn't going to faze me."
"It's not a chew toy!", Penny seethed at her.
Amy continued her frown. She walked up the bag and peered into its depths. "It looks like a chew toy."
Penny sighed. "Aii-mee! It's a marital aid."
"But you aren't married.", Amy reminded. "And with your continual refusals of Leonard's proposals, it doesn't seem to be helping. Is that why it was buried in the back of your closet?"
"It's a vibrator!", Penny attempted again.
Amy continued in her confusion. "What does it vibrate?"
Penny rolled her eyes. "You know..."
Amy shook her head.
"Me."
"Oh.", Amy said. Then knowingly "Oh!"
Then the neuroscientists eyes started flicking back and forth as if she could read a hundred memories at once.
"You use it to aid in masturbation? Because it's a specific tool specifically designed for the task."
Penny's anger backed off and allowed the embarrassment to flare again. "Yes. Yes, Amy."
"And it functions much better than an improvised, electric toothbrush."
"Yes again Ames..." Then Penny picked up on where this was probably going. "uh oh."
"So let me understand this. You know Sheldon, my boyfriend, has severe neuroses concerning physical contact of any kind including romantic. You also knew of technology specifically designed to help in exactly that circumstance. And you deliberately kept this technology secret from me.", Amy concluded.
Penny attempted damage control. "Sweetie, it's not something people talk about."
"You're supposed to be my friend.", Amy told her. "You're said you'd help me with Sheldon."
"Sweetie, I thought you knew.", Penny apologized.
"How?!", Amy threw back at her. "You know my childhood was more suited to a concentration camp biopic, complete with mad Nazi scientist, than any school yard gossips. You knew I spent most of my free life posing as a male for a secret identity. You know Sheldon has been my deepest romantic entanglement. You knew of my haphazard and apparently spotty knowledge that culminated in Gerard. Which of these seemed to suggest that I knew about what helped you through the mere weeks of not having a sexual relationship when and if those times occurred?"
Penny moved to hug her.
"No!", Amy bit out. Then she jumped the length of Penny's couch and reached for the door. Realizing what she had just done, Amy paused. After steadying herself, she was gentle enough to turn the door knob and let herself out without ripping it from its moorings.
4
Alex sat at Dr. Cooper's desk. Not in his spot mind you: the undiagnosed genius might have rigged any thing as simple as a subtly placed hair to as complex as a laser based gravity wave detector to tell if she had sat in his spot. Besides...
Cyber Six' scent was strongest there.
The entire office smelled like her. She told herself she was imagining it. What possible reason could the office have for smelling like the super soldier engineered around and operating in Meridiana, Argentina? But still, the scent remained. She could smell it on the telephone. She could smell it on the stapler. She could detect the scent all around the office, as if Cyber Six had personally sweated over and even licked everything just so the office' inhabitants could breathe it in subconsciously all day long.
Her mind must be playing a cruel trick on her.
"Hewwo, hewwo." The door slowly swung open. While it was late, it was not unusual for those involved with active research to nearly live in their offices.
"Hello, Dr. Kripke.", Alex politely greeted.
"Pwease, call me 'Bawwy'." Barry offered.
It was going to be one of those nights.
"Of course, Bawwy.", Alex, ahem, agreed.
"No.", Barry corrected. "It's Bawwy. You know, with an ow."
Alex nodded. "Oh. I apologize, Bowwy."
"Nevermind.", Kripke dismissed. "Where's the sex machine?"
"Excuse me!", Alex blurted out.
"Dr. Coopah.", Kripke explained, a bit puzzled about the outburst. "I came in to see if he crunched the turbulence numbers like he's been promising for the last month. I know he didn't forget because he actually can't."
"Calculations on the turbulence in the hydrogen and subsequent helium mixture inside the laser induced fusion reactor proposal you two are working on?", Alex questioned.
"Duh. Those would be the ones.", Kripke acknowledged.
Alex held up a stack of papers. "You mean these calculations."
Barry nearly snatched the papers. "That son of...Why is he having you do them? And foh that mattah, why awen't you doing them by Matwab?"
Alex rolled her eyes. "When you first gave him these, he actually set about them. Then, after his 2:40 Sheldon Time session, he raced back in here muttering about a window into Unified Field Theory. He told me to finish these computations by hand, as his girl friend had reinforced his belief that using extraneous lobes of the brain could help with comprehension. So now he's spent his days filling up that stack of white boards in the corner with God knows what while I'm cramping my hand writing more than when I'm teaching his lectures and grading his students assignments.
"But I will get these to you as soon as I can, Dr. Kripke.", she assured.
"Why do you wet that sex maniac push you around wike he does?, Barry asked.
"Well, he is actually brilliant.", Alex assured. "His initial task of cataloging his pre-college work isn't even done and I feel as if I learned more than I did in my entire undergrad. Plus, if can see whatever it is he saw when performing these turbulence calculations - whether it was from the photonic reexcitement of the newly fused helium or the interactions of the self-contrasting electromagnetic interactions between the post plasmic hydrogen and the prefused, then maybe I can be one of the great ones."
"Bah!", Barry dismissed with a wave of his hand. "I'ww wet the quantum gwavitationawists and stwing theorists bickah about aww that. Give me something physicah, that I can sink my teeth into, in the weaw wowwd. Wike say, the momentum of a given thwead in a fwag waving or anothah wawified atmospeh pawachute design. I'ww wet Weswie and Coopah awgue about who's the dumbass in the micwo-scawe univewse. At weast that's oveh afte she got instant tenuwe at some Washington think-tank."
"You awe a good cookie, Awex.", Barry ended. "Don't wet the sex fiend get to you."
"That's the third time you've called him that.", Alex noted.
"That's because he is!", Kripke insisted.
"Dr. Cooper? Who has me throw individual tissues at him so I don't accidentally brush one of his fingers?", Alex continued.
"Oh, that's wight.", he realized. "Afteh you hit him with that sexuah hawwassment compwaint, he cwammed up.
"Coopah's work stawted to suffeh eveh since he got with Fowweh. They've been aww oveh each otheh so much, I'm supwised the entiwe office doesn't smell like them."
"That is way more than I needed to know.", Alex informed.
"Hey, you asked.", Barry reminded. "Catch you wateh."
At least she was rid of him, now that he was walking away. She could see why Dr. Cooper couldn't stand Barry: his wild speculations told of a thought pattern that had no place in scientific endeavors. And besides, she could tell empircly that he was wrong. The office didn't smell like Dr. Fowler, or anyone else for that matter. It positively reeked of Cyber Six.
Wait a minute.
Aw. :(
5
Cyber Six was racing across the rooftops of Meridiana. She saw the rocket propelled grenade's path leading right up to a a little girl minding her own business, buying something from one of the road side vendors. And the cyber wouldn't get there in time to save her. Even as Cyber Six lept through the air above the street, followed by flowing black cape and equally dark panther, she knew with all her vaunted strength and speed and reflexes that she would be too late.
Fortunately, the girl was not. Without even upsetting her hoodie's ability to cover her face, the girl snatched the shot out of the air by the stem and let it carreem off where it came from. Cyber Six landed...and then considered this event.
"Jeez, mom! You know I can handle myself.", the girl began. "I get why Dr. Cooper is overprotective, but you'd think the great Cyber Six would know better."
Then she turned to the street vendor. "Yo voy tener una mamosa, por favor."
"No, you're not!", Cyber Six countered. "Why would I let my drastically underage daughter buy alcohol in the middle of the street?"
"So, inside the bar would be okay?"
Cyber Six' visible eye narrowed dangerously.
"Fine. I keep forgetting that you know both Portuguese and Spanish better than I do, you just don't like using them because of the whole secret identi/"
Cyber Six snatched the girl by the arm and started walking her down the street. Just like her own perpetually in place hat, the girl's hoodie kept her face hidden despite the harsh yank.
"Next time I'll use Korean."
Cyber Six and Data Seven both stalked behind the girl. "Why would an eight year old want to drink anyway? The thrill of illicitness?"
"No, mom.", her daughter countered. "That's your fetish- sticking it to the police that never protected you as a child.
"I had a solid reason to go on a binger."
The woman glared at her. "And would would that be?"
"Dr. Cooper said he never wanted to conceive me!", she spat out. "How would you feel if your father didn't even wait until you were born until he said you were unwanted?"
Cyber Six looked away. Thinking about her times under the 'parentage' of Von Richter, she said, "There's something to be said for a father that isn't too wanting of you."
The girl scoffed exactly in the same manner Sheldon does. "Just because you and my father disagreed with your parents' world views doesn't mean I don't want not only a happy home, but dedicated parents."
Data Seven nodded in understanding.
"And how am I supposed to accomplish that?", the Cyber asked her. "If you haven't noticed, I can't exactly seduce Dr. Cooper."
"Of course you can.", the girl replied.
"Not physically. Which, I just don't understand. You didn't get him interested in you by parading your synthetic muscle in this skin tight, leather get up you cavort around in."
"Hey!", the woman reacted. "That's no way to talk to your mother."
"Dr. Fowler is my mother ma'am.", her daughter replied. "And she got Dr. Cooper caring for her when she vomited due to viral infection or drunken inebriation by being the perfect mental companion to him. If she's allowed to be herself, I'll be implanted in Aunt Penny's womb in no time. If you keep working up a sweat jumping over medium sized buildings in a bound or two and trying to take it out on Dr. Cooper, I'll never even be a gamete."