DISCLAIMER: Birds of Prey isn't mine.
I was browsing through the sadly limited amount of fanfiction on here and discussing the Hel/Babs ship with a friend. She doesn't ship it and likes them better as friends while I'm somewhere in the middle, so this just kind of sprang from that conversation.
It never fails to surprise me when people think I'm in love with Barbara. I suppose it's understandable; she knows me better than I know myself and it's the same way for me with her. She can calm me down before I've even realized I'm angry and I know what to say on the rare nights when Oracle can't seem to find an answer no matter how hard Delphi works. We've been through hell and back with nothing but each other standing in the way of our destruction, and no matter how fast or far I run, at the end of the day I always find myself by her side. Our conversations can be held without so much as a word passing between us. I know what every sign of her body means, from the way she takes off her glasses to that small smirk she always gets whenever I mouth off right before sweeps. Her face, every tiny feature, is more familiar to me than my own. I can just watch her for hours and it never bores me. I could find her voice in a crowd of thousands and smell her scent from miles away. Barbara Gordon is one of the few things in life I give a damn about, but I'm not in love with her.
My mother used to tell me that the purest kind of love was one that held no matter what happened to test it. I always rolled my eyes and passed it off, but now that I know the truth about her…about my father, I wonder if maybe she was right. Barbara and I have had our trials—dear God, have we ever—but never once has our bond threatened to break. Even when I was making myself sick with guilt over what I had allowed Quinnzel to do, she never once blamed me or held me responsible. After that night, I started sleeping in her bed again, the way I used to right after Joker tore both of our lives apart. There's no sound more comforting to me than Barbara's breathing, because it means that she's alive and safe. I've never told her this, but one of the reasons I hate that damn neural responder is because it lets her walk, and when she can walk, she's in danger. Barbara is something I have to protect at all costs, and it's a lot easier to do that when I'm out doing the dirty work and she's here. When Dinah and I were in the gladiatrix match and I thought I was going to die, I felt so relieved because I knew that even if I didn't make it home, Barbara would be okay.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I am in love with Barbara Gordon. She's my friend, my rock and the one person I trust with everything I am. She is the reason my heart keeps beating. I know I can't ever tell her any of this, but it doesn't matter. As long as I can be by her side, protect her and share my life with her, that's all I need.